InsaneJournal

Roy Harper is No One's Sidekick (imnosidekick) wrote in valarnet, @ 2012-12-14 12:37:00

Current mood:

confused

Today, I started therapy.

It was the first time I've been to see a shrink about shrink related issues since I was eleven, and the first time I willingly stepped inside. I don't know how long it's going to take us to get to King Oedipus or anything like that, but she listens. She gets it.

Of course, I can't tell her half of what's gone down with me, since she's not part of this network and the dream thing...isn't the kind of thing you can explain to someone outside of here, is it? I mean, it's the kind of thing that gets you put under a hold in the mental ward. She DOES however, know who I am from all that drama a couple months ago.

That alone makes her think I have a lot of things wrong in my head that I need to sort out, and while some of it isn't my fault? A lot actually IS. It's weird having somebody I'm paying for, well, okay, that OLLIE is paying for, tell me that I'm the one with the problem, and I'm the one that needs to find a way to fix it. She's RIGHT but it's still weird.

She tossed around the possibility of a couple different labels for what might be going on inside my head, and shit that might have developed, and...it's weird but I can see where the labels MIGHT make sense. Only...not so much as a part of the life I have here.

She's thinking Borderline or some non classic example of an attachment issue. I'm thinking nothing here would've really caused that to develop, but being abandoned for days at a time as a few months old clone (sorry Ollie, really. We didn't KNOW I wasn't sixteen)with dubious and creepy "handlers". Yeah, that situation could've created it I guess.

Soo...I'm confused and stuff like that. And kinda already hate lying to the shrink, but what else are you gonna do?