We are seriously fighting a fucking losing battle in Fillory. If it's not one thing it's another. Not only is Loria advancing, but magic keeps going out because of fucking Ember. One of our advisors suggests Royal Combat between Eliot and Prince Ess's father; only problem is Eliot has never even held a fucking sword and sword fighting spells take years to master. Years that we don't have. Luckily, Fen actually does something useful and brings Eliot a sword made for a king with a sword fighting spell, also made for a king. So as long as the Well Spring holds out, Eliot might have a chance of winning this thing.
Before the battle started I asked our advisors if there was a way to fix the Well Spring and they suggested petitioning the fairies for help. So I did. Of course I fucking would, because I want the easy way out. So I have my secret meeting with the fairy ambassador and what do the fairies want in return for fixing the Well Spring? A royal baby. Eliot's royal baby. And yes, I'm that fucking heartless that I agree. Without telling Eliot or Fen.
I need a fucking drink before trying to go back to sleep.