I've got an arse! It's enough that it keeps my trousers from falling down when I don't have a belt on, I'll have you know. And that's only acceptable if the train tracks are abandoned ones. And I get to wear a top hat. But I agree, no moustache, as I'd look utterly ridiculous with that clinging to my upper lip.
I've said Petal before but mostly to girls that I was being sarcastic at. With you, it seems to suit you, and that's sans sarcasm.
As for those benefits? Showering you with praise and adoration. Your boss will also endeavor not to be an absolute bastard 90% of the time (10% reserved for righteous indignation at wrongdoers who deserve it)...as well as frequent jam tasting outings, drinks whenever you so desire, and taking you out periodically, to eat strange but delightful things. Possibly sweets, though I don't know if you'd bounce off the walls (which is fine as long as I can bounce off them with you) and they'd probably have to be organically fruit based, wouldn't they?
And I fully encourage you to ask if the meat died happy, without any quips. That's part of the job requirement, because I want to see the looks on the waiter or waitress' faces when you ask. So I plan to smirk quite a bit while I watch them try to answer that question.