...ladyboners? That's one I haven't heard before so you'll pardon my arse while it's throughly laughed off. Because you are entirely correct about the train tracks and such. Entirely too much bwahaha. I'm going to keep that moustache in the realm of the imaginary and not reality, just for you.
I am all about your jam, Petal.
And you? Are a goddess incarnate. You've gone the extra mile. I'm hiring you on, as the sarnie artiste.