I had a goatee once before and it wasn't so terribly bad, really. I thought I looked rather dangerous and dashing. And there was an eyepatch to help me get girls, but it didn't work quite as intended.
I will never, ever grow a handlebar moustache, Navi. You don't have to worry over that, as I don't want any blockades to prevent me from getting to the jam. I'd have to be mentally deficient to purposefully do that to myself.
I'm not about to go round eating mayonnaise sarnies, since that would be disgusting. As for being pretty terrific? I aim to please, Miss. Extra happy cow and overly salty pig, but avoid the turkey and chicken, if you'd be so kind?