Private
I do it, too. It's hard to separate. The noise gets through the filters and you can't distinguish.
I know it's not normal. None of it is normal. I've dreamed of him cutting open my stomach twice now, and sending someone after me twice, and having my head sawed open by him and I still run back. It's beyond messed up. What we are and who are and what we dream. Accepting it is better than trying to deny it.