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Athelstan Wilder (whereareyoulord) wrote in valarnet, @ 2014-03-08 21:38:00

Locked from Eli, Logan and Velma
I have had a plan for myself since I was a child. At first, I wanted to become a priest. That plan changed over time; I became disenchanted with the structure of the Church and the misguidedness it occasionally foists upon its followers. However, my faith in God is still strong, and I still want to spend my life serving Him in some way.

My dreams have been so strange, though, by comparison. I dream that I am a Christian amongst Vikings, a favored slave of the village jarl. Recently, I dreamt of being taken to a temple and fed mushrooms, and tempted by a beautiful young woman. I was asked to deny Christ, and I did it - but then they found the cross around my wrist. They were going to sacrifice me, but upon finding my continued faith in another God besides their own, they decided against it.

I'm confused. Am I meant to serve God? Are my dreams a story of a believer finding his faith strengthened in the face of adversity? Or are they a story of a coward? What does it mean that I love a woman, that I've thought about spending eternity with her? Where does it all fit?

I'm starting not to know who I am anymore, and I suppose, well, that frightens me.