Montgomery Scott is a miracle worker (warp_speed) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-03-17 02:12:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, gaila, hikaru sulu, isabela, james kirk, leonard mccoy, montgomery scott, varric tethras |
"Seriously, Bones, marry me."
Who: Kirk, Varric, McCoy, Scotty, Gaila/Cass, Isabela, Sulu
What: When impromptu St Patty's parties go wrong! Payperview porn! Too much liquor! Vaguely drunk ferret! Girls gone wild!
When: Last night!
Where: Sulu's apartment.
Rating: PG-13+, language, some girl on girl action.
Status: Complete
Kirk sent out some text messages. Primarly to Bela, Scotty, McCoy and Varric. 'Party at Sulu's! BYOB!' Then he added 'Gave Ferret Caffiene. Hilarious'
Pavel was running in circles, up the wall, and across shelves. Kirk thought it was awesome. That could be the painkillers talking.
Scotty stared at his phone with a blank face, blinking profusely. "Aye, sae Sulu's gonnae kill Kirk."
McCoy texted back to get directions, but there was no doubt in his mind he was going. Well, as soon as he got out of the blood covered clothes. No one wanted him showing up in that.
Sulu was out at the store, getting extra groceries and things for his friend who he thought was bunkered down on his couch and in pain. He was so very wrong.
"Guess I'd better gae get more scotch," says Scotty, because this might be the ONE TIME, they get to all drink, and not have wee people show up. And faces get bleedy.
So Scotty? Also texted back for directions!
Plus, they looked completely idiotic. No one wore the stuff he wore to work to actual parties. And while he was at it, given the date, he might as well swing by the 7-11 and grab some guinness for the party. He wasn't gonna go so far as dyng it green, but still. He cares, man.
Kirk was pretty bunkered down and in pain. He was fighting it the only way he knew how - Fun!
Scotty cares too, because he's even leaving the keys to the garage with Cass, and he's running to see how much rumpled money he has, for the great buying of booze for...that holiday that isn't Scottish but it should be, because the Irish stole it from them. Doo dee doo!
McCoy also grabbed a script pad. He was going to just write Jim up a refill for pain meds, but he wasn't giving it to him until he knew he wasn't gonna mix meds and booze though.
Money? Money? Money! Scotty cheered, grabbed a jacket and his phone before running out of the shop for the nearest booze merchant and public transportation!
Isabela was already on her way there. She'd snuck out of her apartment as Arishok was sleeping, with her naughtiest green clothing on. Instead of playing doctor or nurse she was going to play naughty, naughty leprechaun. A cooler filled with flavored vodkas was already in her car!
She's the best lass, ever, that Indian lass, is. And that is what he will say, when he sees her cooler. Even if it's vodka. That's still liquor, just not as good as whisky drinks. Scotty went directly to the pub, for that counts as a liquor store, and made sure to tap Varric on the shoulder, because he has booze and public transportation. :D
YES
Varric had already packed up a cooler with some beer and whiskey that he'd already taken out of inventory and pretended were lost. Shhh, "Where's Cassie? Its an Irish Holy Day after all."
"Working? Programming. Said it was her holiday. I told her they'd stolen it from the Scots, an' called her a tart. Maybe I should see if she wants tae gooooo." And here is where Scotty eyedarted. "She started it though, she said I was a dick. Really! Me. Shite thing tae say."
And he's already texting her with a Would you like to go celebrate your holiday properly y/n? but he expects to get a pic of her middle finger.
See? He said 'your' so that's called making up! :D
Have fun, I'll modify the robot for a girl's night in :D
McCoy's already humming songs under his breath as he makes his way over. Let it be said that for all of his qualities, and actually being able to claim some ancestry in Ireland, enough that there's a record and all, he didn’t exactly inherit any gifts of song here.
Shrugging one shoulder, Varric hauled the booze into his car, "Well the booze carriage is about to leave."
Kirk could hear what sounded like a banshee being strangled.
"Aww, she's being all grawrr," Scotty said like that was a party pooper thing to do, but she might just want her own time to herself, which was fine too. He texted back fine if you change your mind just text! and was in the booze carriage in an instant!
And the booze carriage? Made record time!
Pavel greeted McCoy at the door, vibrating in place like the squirrel at the end of Over the Hedge.
The little ferret dooked excitedly and dashed to jump on Kirk, who let out a loud oof!
Oh hey. Weasel thing. "Uh..." McCoy eyed him speculatively. "You have somewhere you live? I don't know if you want to be underfoot when everything's all crazy drunklike."
Pavel scurried over Kirk's face and jumped onto McCoy, circling his shoulder then leapig through the air and landing on his cage, making little sounds that sound like 'dook dook dook'.
"Are we there yet?" asked Scotty, who was staring more at his phone than the road. "I'll carry the things in, since ye loaded them up." Because that's what bromances are for.
McCoy blinked as that happened, because uh...weird. "Did you just like..." Pause. "I'm awed and creeped out by how much of that you got." Little headshake there.
"Sexting? How naughty, whatever will we tell Playboy?" Varric elbowed Scotty good naturedly, before pulling in front of Sulu's and turning the engine off, "Maverick is going to kill him."
Kirk gave McCoy a thumbs up, "That's Pavel. He's an excitable little guy, could probably power this building all by himself."
"Don't go letting Scotty hear that." McCoy joked, "He'd get ideas." Then, he came over closer to Kirk. "How you holding up, kid?"
"Waiting on my sexy nurse, now that my sexy doctor is here," Kirk replied, grinning broadly.
"I'm not sexting! Ugh, bunch of bloody perverts," he was objecting, like that was uncalled for. "This is where Sulu lives? Poor, poor Sulu. It's gaen tae get fuckered. I wonder where Kirk's former love interest is, because if we're lucky, she might throw more shite out at him!"
And he so could rig up ferret powered batteries, if he had to. Scotty could.
"Well, well." McCoy gave him a little wink. "Sounds like you're doing just fine. I wrote you something up in case you need it, but didn't want to bring anything over right now. I assume you're participating in the fun so..." Grin. And then he ruffled Kirk's hair.
"Seriously, Bones, marry me."
Scotty got out of the car and is hauling the booze on up to Sulu's! Holiday times, ahoy! If he walked in on that though, he's going to give them both a strange look.
Kirk. Secure in his masculinity.
If the door is closed, however, he's going to be kick-knocking upon it. Sorry for the boot scuffs, Sulu!
"I'll see what I can do about arranging it. You got any favorite honeymoon locations?" McCoy went to set down the booze he'd brought now.
The door? Was still open!
Oh good. Because he probably had heard all that and was afraid to go in alone. Scotty was just waiting for Varric, before he crashed the love in.
He did clear his throat a few times, cough cough, to, ya know, announce other people were around.
Hey, at least they weren't cuddling and watching Lifetime movies or some shit. That's for far far down the line in the relationship. "Oh hey." McCoy gave Scotty a little wave. "Soo. Where's the host of this..." Then he snickered. "Oh God it's one of THOSE parties."
"I'm guessing we didn't invite Sulu?" Varric shuffled in, setting another cooler down. Two, in fact, filled to bursting with all manner of adult refreshment, "All we need is someone to bring porn."
"He's gonnae shite himself when he sees us, probably, if he's not here," Scotty was saying as he leaned in and took a look around, then invited himself in finally. Maybe it would be okay. "Very nice. Clean, even. Not for LONG, but...very nice!"
"Already ordered pay per view," Jim assured him, having gotten up and leaned on the countertop.
"What sorta payperview we talking?" McCoy wondered, curious. "Hilariously bad, just plain what the hell is going on here, or 'oh my fucking god how'd he fit that in THERE?' payperview?"
"All. Of. The. Above. With an eye for comedy!"
"I'd like option three, but...yay all of the above. Yaaay. Ye sure ye should be up and around, there?" asked Scotty, setting the booze~ravaganza down on the counter close by where Kirk was leaning. "How's the hip? An' ye did this because ye were bored, I'd bet."
"Oh please, the only good porn is the 'Ooo, naughty nurses doing naughty things to eachother while we watch' kind of porn, you all aught to know that by now." Isabela declared, from the doorway.
"Ahh, India lass," Scotty said with a smile and a wave of one hand. "She's right up ye alley, Kirk! Or other things. What have ye."
Kirk threw his arms up over his head, and nearly toppled over.
"I have a name, you know. India lass isn't quite it, though I suppose it's better than 'the whore'." Isabela held up her cooler, "I have chilled alcoholic beverages, where's the fridge?"
"Well, the whore's more colorful, but it isnae very nice, is it?" Scotty asked, unthinkingly.
"Besides." McCoy added. "Much as anybody'd want to sleep with you, I get the idea that you'd rather choose yourself than go with people who offered to pay." McCoy added. "So thats not really being a whore so much as liking sex. In which case, hell, lots of us are guilty."
"It IS a very colorful word, though I think I prefer 'Lady of the Night' more, and ... yes, there is that," she replied, cheerfully, then headed into the apartment and set her cooler down on Sulu's counter.
Scotty smiled at her like she was brilliant and he liked her answer, as well as, at some point, he was going to have to remember his name. Because it was an arse thing to do.
"I'll always be partial to "Sal"" Varric assured her, dragging coolers around to form a sort of bar in the living room, where he could watch Lesbian porn and sling drinks for his friend.
Kirk grinned, "I? Am such a whore."
"Lass of the night, aye, got it, an' I can remember that she can be Sal an' Kirk can be a whore," he amended, then had to ask, as he was already looking for glasses in cupboards. "Did anyone think tae inform Sulu of tonight's wee venture?"
"I love sex. Sex is wonderful, and I look forward to having plenty of it before I die, maybe even some with you!" Isabela pointed at McCoy and plopped down somewhere.
"Lucky lad," Scotty said with a wink and a smile at McCoy.
"Why so I am." McCoy smiled back at both of them. "That could be good." Well, if other potential avenues he's thinking of exploring don't work out.
Over at the grocery store, Sulu was picking up some booze - he was pretty sure Kirk was still getting drunk to fight the pain in his hip. He picked up some stuff to make dinner with, too, still completely oblivious of what was going on in his apartment.
If Faiza were there, she would be hiding in her hijab.
Kirk did have a smattering of guilt, so flipped out his phone and txted Sulu 'Impromptu party. Bring chips. Lots of chips. Will pay back!'
"It would be amazing, I can assure you." she winked at McCoy.
Behind Isabela, Kirk was engaged in a series of contortions and mouthing to explain just HOW AMAZING IT WAS.
Scotty was doing the smile and try not to nod (failing at the not nodding, by the way). Failing more when he gave Kirk a thumbs up!
"Quite amazing I'm getting the feeling." McCoy smiles at her. "I'd like that, really."
Sulu's butt vibrated. He wondered for a moment why that was before he remembered that... duh... his phone was in his back pocket. He checked his text messages and then squinted at his phone. "I'm going to kill that man."
As if reading his mind, Kirk txted, Live in the now!
Live in the NOT MY APARTMENT, Sulu txted back. While heading to the chip aisle, because this - just like every time before - was not an argument he'd win, and he knew it.
"Are ye texting ye bee-eff-eff Sulu?" Scotty asked, pouring himself the biggest glass of scotch, ever. Someone? Is going to get shite-faced.
"Anytime you want, you sweet thing you," Bela winked, then streeeeeeetched out on the couch a bit, before tilting her head sideways at the television. One of the porn videos had just started, and she was giving it a funny look.
"Tellin' him not to kill us?" McCoy asked, before noticing Isabela's look and glancing at the screen himself. ...Okay.... Well...
The porn seemed to be a porno version of House of Flying Daggers.
"Yep." Kirk put his phone away, "Also, chips!" He plopped down next to Isabela and kicked his feet onto the coffee table.
"Oh this is brilliant!" declared Scotty, pointing at the tv. "At least it...fine, right, this dunnae have a story tae it, but at least it looks interesting." And he has just taken a photo of the screen, with his phone. And he's typing with one thumb and text sent. Trollface.
Wire-fu sex, was totally happening. Cass tilted her head and stared at her phone. Wow.
Phone? Meet pocket. Scotch? Meet Scotty's mouth.
"Whats your poison, ladies and gents?" Varric started opening bottles!
"Got mine but gimmee a moment tae..." He downed all of the scotch in one go, and just brought his glass over, with himself, holding it at arm's length. "...refill, if ye'd please."
And Varric refilled! With vigor!
And Scotty is drinking with vigor! Yay, holidays! He even did the cheer arms...one-armed version. Woo!
Pavel started sniffing around the makeshift cooler bar.
Meanwhile, Cass was texting back gay porn.
"Get you anything special?" McCoy asked Isabela.
"Ladies man." Kirk gave the man a grin.
He'll check his phone in a moment and...nevermind, Scotty checked his phone in mid-drink and just about choked.
"I want something really, really strong and exotic. Do we have juice? You can't have proper mixed drinks without juice. We need orange and cranberry and lime at least..." Isabela loved her mixed drinks, obviously.
She just won that round of trollface contest. He simply put the phone away and recovered by...drinking his whisky drink! Woo.
Varric nodded at Scotty, "Tinker, check the fridge, I'm sure Mav has fruity things."
"Well, the guy's into plants so I'm assuming...what Varric said." McCoy nods.
"Right." And there he went, throwing open the fridge, while drinking, and checking things out. Whatever looked remotely fruit flavored is being thrown out onto the countertops, by an expert fridge raider. He's somehow managed not to smack Pavel with anything in the process, too.
Sulu had a fully stocked fridge of juice, because juice was a part of a complete breakfast, damn it. But there wasn't any grenadine or lime juice, or lemon. There was cranberry and orange and apple, and probably apples, oranges and mangos in the fruit tray.
If Sulu has yogurt in there, Scotty will never let him live it down.
There was probably yogurt in there, too. Yoplait. The greek kind.
Dude, Pavel was having the time of his life, dodging the deadly rain of fruity beverages. It was like ferret christmas and birthday all rolled into one.
"Ugh...ugh, Sulu's got yogurt, phlegm in a cup, that's fucking disgusting," so says Scotty, as he threw out every piece of fruit, onto the countertop too.
"Hippie." McCoy commented, amused.
"Only girls eat yogurt, or act like they dae, that's as bad as tofu," complained Scotty, turning so he could butt bump the door closed, while drinking.
"Yogurt is disgusting," Kirk was forced to agree, while simultaneously trying to drink and grope Isabela's leg.
"Now wait just a minute here, I'm a girl and I most certainly don't eat yogurt." Isabela gave Scotty a look, "Where's the fruity drinks?"
"Working on it." McCoy assures her. Okay now. How many parts to what and all again?
"She's a keeper, but probably willnae settle down," which was the only point where Scotty paused while drinking, because that needed said about Isabela's non-yogurt policy.
"She's more likely to run screaming at the words 'lets go steady' than I am," Kirk assured him, slapping the scotsman on the back.
"But here you are proposing." McCoy smirks at him and sets about getting Isabela a drink.
"Pity, ye seem like a custom fit for eachother," joked Scotty as he was backslapped, and he was already holding the glass out, but this time, as it was empty, he decided to go into dangerous territory. "There any vodka, Varric? I think I'd like a vodka drink."
He will be tanked, before Sulu ever makes it there with foods. Which is good, because that way he won't know what happens when Sulu kills them all! Scotty = smart! :D
"I love how you all ignore the hot, hot porn and talk about me like I'm not sitting on this couch in a hot, hot green dress." Isabela snorted.
Varric filled what looked like a tankard with vodka and handed it to Scotty, but only after he downed his own drink. The goings on were amusing!
"Well, thats because you're sitting there in a hot green dress, "He pointed out. "Their tiny minds can't accept that."
"Well, darlin' " McCoy steps out to hand over her drink. "Can we help it if we want to talk about you, you're so stunning?"
Varric eyed McCoy, thinking the doctor really ought to run a charm school.
"Oh, I noticed the dress but I was seriously watchin' the porno, tae," and the filter from brain to mouth is so broken, already. Yet there Scotty goes, already starting in on that tankard. He noticed the dress because it was green and very weekend holiday appropriate! That's all. >.> Drink!
McCoy grabs his own drink, some of the scotch, and takes a long pull of it.
Isabela flashed McCoy a winning smile, and took the drink from his hand with, honestly, a quick caress that she probably didn't even know about. She took a sip and raised her eyebrows, "Oh that's good."
"Glad you like it. Don't remember exactly what I did but..." He settles on the couch arm. "Good to know anyway."
Captain Obvious with the vodka tankard looked directly at Kirk over the rim of it, raised one hand, and kept drinking while giving a big ol L fingers gesture to the forehead right at poor Jimmy. Just sayin'. With sign language.
Kirk waved his hand. He was enjoying watching McCoy work.
Scotty would've pointed out that's because they had a drunken marriage pact, Kirk and McCoy but he can't be bothered to stop making out with his lips to the booze. Sweet sweet lovely liquor.
Eventually Sulu found himself parking in front of his apartment, filled with a serious amount of regret. His back seat was fille with chips and snacks - he'd gotten a little bit of everything because he'd never done this before - and he kind of just wanted to not go up there and see what was going on.
Pavel was standing in the window, trying to claw his way out.
He was imagining the worst case scenarios you see on tv, things like footprints on the ceiling and wrecked carpeting and furniture or something. Or you know, his ferret clawing at the window.
The carpetting and furniture was thus far unharmed! Except the coffee table, but Kirk's feet were bare and he'd had a sort of shower earlier, so they were clean.
Honestly!
So far, so good. Scotty had stuck to the edge of the kitchen and was leaning out to see the tv. He's still hitting the liquor but...was there a ferret scratching at the window? He has locked in on it, one hand held out in a clawed fingered gesture, and he moved in, and SNATCH! Has grabbed him a ferret.
Down goes the tankard, and Scotty gave the wee critter a maniacal smile. Before he razzed the hell out of it and made woogie woogie woogie noises and set it down to watch it scurry like serious whoa. He hoped.
Pavel squawked! Then squirmed, seemingly as though saying 'playplayplay' over and over again. PlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlay playplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplay playPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplay PlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlay playplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplay playPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplay PlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlayplayplayPlay playplayPlayplayplay!
Scotty jumped up and down like PLAYPLAYPLAYPLAY! SIC 'EM FERRET! Somehow, he managed not to jump ON it.
Isabela watched the ferret and scotty play with an amused smile on her face.
Sulu, somehow, managed to find the ability to get out of his car and grab his groceries.
The ferret squawked again, pouncing his feet, leaping back, and running down the hall...then looking back checking to see if he was being chased.
Give Scotty a few more drinks and he will not be so coordinated. Oh, did it want...IT WAS ON! There goes Scotty barreling after it, sloshing a bit of vodka out of the tankard as he ran!
Pavel let out a war dook and barreled down the hall, skidding while his little feet scurried on the tile and darted into Sulu's bedroom, where he crouched, laying in wait.
"So.." McCoy grinned at Isabela. "Three kisses says the ferret wins this."
"Something tells me Scotty got started before he got here," Kirk remarked.
If he knew better, he'd apologize for skidding also and leaving a big blotch of vodka on Sulu's wall, but he's a WEE bit fuzzy around the edges, and skidded INTO the wall. And there goes Scotty, right into Sulu's bedroom. And up on the bed. And he's on his knees, bouncing on it, and trying to drink at the same time. Luckily, by then, there was maybe only a wee inch of vodka in there. And it's clear! Yaaaaaaaaaaay....?
Isabela grinned, "5 kisses says the Scotsman kills the ferret and Sulu kicks us all out."
McCoy grinned back. "You're on for that one then."
Vodka being clear meant less stains if there were party fouls. Only thing Russians ever did right! So thinks Scotty, as he went leaning over the edge of the bed, trying to catch-a-ferret with a very grabby hand. His voice has gone up into the stratosphere. "C'meeeeeeere yeeeeee weeeeeeeeee bugger....!"
Pavel had skirted around the edge of the bed and was climbing up like a celtic warrior going into battle against the romans. With a ferret war-dook, he jumped onto Scotty's butt!
Well, there went that last half an inch of vodka, directly onto Sulu's bed. And there goes Scotty, rolling over the edge of the bed, with a ferret attached to his arse. Laughing.
Hopefully he does not land ON the ferret, or else Sulu would kill everyone. Especially him. And Scotty did not want to be Jackie Chan'd, so he was reaching back to make sure to pet the ferret on his arse and see if it was smushed or not.
Pavel's tongue attacked Scotty's finger, licking up stray vodka with abandon!
Sulu headed through his door. There was a short guy with a makeshift bar, and the doctor guy and a green indian woman on her couch, and porn on his television. At least his ferret wasn't in the window anymore.
"Aww, ye like vodka...here, ye can have some, I'll share!" and he's holding the tankard out so the ferret can crawl in and lick what's left! See? He's being helpful. It's thirsty.
Varric waved at Sulu, "Got your favorite already poured!"
He dropped the bags of groceries on the floor and stared at Varric, "Oh thank God."
Isabela turned her head to look at Sulu and winked, "Hey there, nice party. Nice apartment!"
"Save the chips!" Kirk dived off the couch and into the kitchen!
"CHIPS?!" and that came from Sulu's bedroom. Yes, he should maybe be worried, because he's running out of there after thumping around, with a tankard that has a ferret's arse sticking out of it. "Where?"
When he saw they were CRISPS, he said, "Aww, those arenae chips, those're crisps."
"Pavel!?"
"He got thirsty!" Scotty said, proudly, holding the tankard out. Like he helped!
Pavel popped his head out and dooked helpfully.
Double the help, even! See? Scotty is grinning like he could generate enough power to light a major city!
"You gave him ALCOHOL!?"
Pavel? Hicced!
"He likes it! It's nae real alcohol. It's just a wee bit o' vodka," explained Scotty, mildly protesting, because vodka was like water.
Sulu's left eye started twitching, and he pointed at the tankard with his ferret in it, like right THERE, in the TANKARD, Alchohol!?
"This' nothing, nae problem," Scotty said, wrinkling his nose up and shaking his head like it was NOTHING.
Kirk lay on the floor, grimacing because he probably pulled out stitches, but he had BBQ potato chips and was hugging the bag like it was his baby.
Cass had finally decided to come up from her programming. She'd stopped at home, changing into a green t-shirt shirt that said 'F*** Me, I'm Irish'. a leprechaun hat, green come-fuck-me-boots and the shortest green skirt she had. And green underwear too. She'd even put on green lipstick, blush and eyeshadow. And she'd painted a 4-leaf clover on her left cheek. She loved green. She took the bus to Sulu's and made her wayt inside, knocking on the still open door, "'lo?"
"Oh Jim." McCoy shakes his head at him sadly. "You poor hot mess."
"He almost DIED when he ate a PLANT and you gave him ALCOHOL!?" there the eye went, twitch twitch twitch. Sulu looked like he was about to have a heart attack.
Pavel scrambled to get out of the tankard, then lept onto Sulu, excitedly, trying to tell him ALL ABOUT THE AWESOME DAY HE'S HAD.
There was a crunching sound. Kirk had gotten the bag open and nommed on a chip. He stared at them, then chewed slowly. While staring.
Scotty looked ready to do the same thing and in fact, he just hug glomped onto Sulu, and gave him a great big holiday smooch on the cheek before letting him go, and going to get more water...vodka....vodka-water.
Painkillers? Still obviously in system.
Cass came in all the way and peered around a corner, cautiously. Just a shock of red hair with green makeup and the leprechaun hat.
"Hellooooooooo," Scotty called out too because he swore he heard...ok, no, now he's just laughing at her. Sorry, girl, but you? Are getting laughed at. Hard.
"That's horrrrrrrible," Scotty said, before cracking up again and pounding the tankard on the counter a little bit.
Sulu pointed at Cass, "HE GAVE PAVEL ALCOHOL."
"I did!" And he was proud of it, Scotty was.
"Of course he did! Scotty, what the hell you don't give animals vodka!" The woman glowered at him. Fine, he doesn't get any of her whiskey! Instead, she headed into the living room and plopped down next to Isabela. Safety in numbers. Sulu should join them.
"What'd I dae neeeew," Scotty said, giving her a dirty look. "Pain in the arse! He barely did more than just licked me finner an' then the inside o' an empty...this." He held upt the tankard and then held it out to Varric so that maybe he could, you know, get some more liquor in it, so it can be vaguely tasting of damp ferret fur.
Varric shrugged, pouring a particularly strong and nasty ale to mask the taste and smell of ferret.
"By the way, Sulu, sorry about the bed," Scotty added, because he was still just sober enough (only not really too much at all) to be mindful of where he spilled things.
Isabela got up and finished her drink, actually, then went over to Jim and got him into a sitting up position so he could eat his chips without choking on them. Then, she sat Sulu on the couch in her place.
And there Scotty goes, drinking again. Oh it was kind of nasty but good at the same time. "Oh this' nice, Varric. Well done!"
"Figured it was appropriate!" Varric toasted, and down half a tankard in one go!
"So..when you gonna start kissin' her." Kirk fired his best grin at Isabela.
And Scotty was keeping up with him. Time for some brofist. Oh yeah. Fist bump.
Tankard bump!
Well there went Scotty's fist meeting Varric's tankard. Close enough.
Over where Kirk had his chips, he pulled Isabela down next to him, careful to avoid her landing on his bullet wound. He patted the ground on the other side of him, waggling his eyebrows at McCoy.
Sulu whimpered a bit and took a drink and ... tried really hard to ignore the porn.
Bwoom chicka bow wow!
The porn had moved on to "Harry Prober and the Prisoner of Asskaban."
McCoy shrugged and plopped himself down by Kirk, then raised an eyebrow at the title. "Long as Dumbledore keeps everythng in his pants, I'm fine."
"Oh, I havenae seen this," so says Scotty, grabbing a bag of crisps and bounding out to plop down on the floor and watch it.
"Its a good one," Cass said cheerfully, opening her whiskey and drinking from the bottle. "The lead woman is really into it. You can tell!"
Kirk lifted his hands and clapped for Cass, then nudged Isabela and snickered.
Isabela made herself more comfy on Kirk's lap and ruffled her hand through McCoy's hair, "This one's good, I saw it once before."
"Brilliant!" Cheering arms from Scotty, so that a few crisp crumbs rained down like powder dyed confetti, and he nearly spilled the contents of his tankard. Again.
"I'm in heaven." Kirk grinned.
McCoy leaned back against the couch, purring a little at Isabela, his own head drifting somewhere near her lap, then landing there.
Leave it to Sal to be involved in a man sandwhich.
Sulu, meanwhile, hugged his ferret and drank his alcohol and tried not to be interested when harry potter and lucius met up in the showers.
"Are they gaen tae have wand duels in this?" asked Scotty. "Because then they'd be being very fair tae every one out there's preferences."
Cass? CHEERED at the shower scene!
Scotty wrinkled his nose up a bit and laughed but sat through it, nonetheless.
There was in fact, an epic wand duel between Draco and Harry, after the former intervened to save his father.
McCoy started cracking up about then.
"EJACULATUS!" Was about the point that Kirk lost his shit, howling with laughter.
"Did they just add sparkles tae...." Scotty pointed at the screen like he wasn't sure about the money shots, there. He is squinting. Lots.
Sulu tilted his head to the side, "Oh Myyy."
Isabela spent most of the movie running her fingers through McCoy's hair and laughing and eating Kirk's crisps.
Varric waited patiently for the bondage scene between Hermione and Bellatrix. He wasn't disappointed.
Now, Scotty was watching with raised eyebrows. Hello there.
Isabela cheered for that scene. "I'm trying to remember if I've tried that one."
Cass thought that looked a great deal more fun than what she'd tried in the freezer that one time.
"The vibrawand is a nice touch." Varric nodded his head, passing out more booze.
"Oh, aye, I could probably make one of those," Scotty said dismissively, and started drinking again.
"Seems to be working well in the chamber of secrets." McCoy nodded at Varric.
Cass looked at Scotty, "Really?"
Varric burst out laughing and toasted McCoy.
Scotty was nodding like SURE I COULD and rolling his eyes. McCoy? He got a thumbs up.
Isabela looked down at McCoy, "Nice one, there..." She sounded incredibly impressed.
"Why thank you." McCoy looked back up at her, his head tilted a little.
Kirk wondered if he should be jealous. So he reached around and ruffled McCoy's hair too.
"Aww Jimmy." McCoy reached a hand around to lightly rub Kirk's leg where he could reach it. "You're still special too."
"Don't forget it."
Sulu concentrated on getting really, really drunk. He didn't want to know anymore.
Cass swiveled around, and plopped her feet in Sulu's lap.
He'd have to catch up to Scotty, because he was already trying to get back to the kitchen for more liquor.
Pavel disappeared up Cass's skirt, causing the woman to squeal, spill some whiskey on her shirt, and flail off the couch!
"Careful!" Kirk called out, "Ferrets like to burrow in tunnels!"
Well that stopped Scotty, and he had enough sense to glare at Kirk a bit. "Ye all right?!" Volume issues. He's having them.
"I'm going to....strangle the rodant!" Cass held up Pavel and glowered at him. Then quickly melted and hugged the ferret. Because he was too cute. And now trying to weasel his way down her shirt. Because ferrets really love to do that, for reals
"Wait huh no! No strangle ferret!" Sulu blinked his eyes in Cass's direction like he just realised what was going on.
"Dunnae dae that, he's a wee bit wankered," Scotty was explaining, still too loudly. "Maybe he's cold, sae just let him burrow in there an' problem solved. I like tae solve problems!" And he's pouring some of whatever that was, liquor, onto the counter and into the tankard.
Cass relented and let the ferret nap in her t-shirt.
Yay! A win for the ferret was...well it wasn't a win for Scotty, but it's the thought that counts. \o/ He'd just be mindful not to smush his face there, later!
McCoy could smush his face in someone else's if that's okay with her.
The porn changed again, this time to a horrid attempt at a Big Bang Theory porno.
Isabela was all about smushing things, whether that was man faces smushed on her breasts or man faces smushed against hers. She'd been about to kiss McCoy before he'd turned a bit to pat Kirk's leg.
"I wonder if they'll end up dressed up in superhero costumes like the justice league, an'...aye, there's wonder woman," noted Scotty as he sat back down with a kerTHUD.
And since there was only one wonderwoman, they were going to have a fine geek porn debate about who got to do her first before they all simply agreed to jump in and save the universe, so to speak.
Scotty just nodded like 'ohhhh yeah, totally remembered that costume contest episode.'
Kirk wondered if there would be a gangbang. He didn't like those - you didn't really get a chance to pleasure a woman.
Gangbang ahoy! And what was more? They were doing it to win the costume contest, because none of the other justice leagues had a real girl wonder woman. So you can guess where that leaves the other justice leagues. Oh yeah.
Giggity.
Goo.
Literally.
Kirk couldn't watch!
Sulu just stared at the tv screen trying to make out what, exactly, was happening on it.
Scotty had drunk past the point of being phased by it anymore. He's more or less just noticing that two supermans are ganged up on a aquaman, wonder woman was somewhere in a mess of batmans, and he was running out of crisps.
The crisp situation was the most serious. Fortunately Kirk was to the rescue, throwing him a bag of cheetohs!
"Fucking hells, if's nae one thing, s'another," says Scotty, having to use a wall to pull himself up and get more from the kitchen. "Just sat doon, tae."
And they hit him right in the face, and down he goes.
"Oh, cheers," he said, laying flat on his back and opening the bag. He figured he'd just stay like that, and use his lips to crawl back to the tankard after he'd had some cheesy-toes.
It was one of the odder parties Cass had been to. She had a ferret snoozing in her bra, there was porn on the tv, Kirk had a woman in his lap and the woman had a man in HER lap, there was a very short, dwarflike man slinging booze, and she was positive Sulu's eyes had zero'd in on Dracos' wand.
And there was no loud music. Unless you counted the porn.
Scotty was kind of thinking it was an odd party, also, but he's pretty much got a mouthful of cheetos so that means he can't make that observation either. Cheetos. They act as a filter for drunk people.
Isabela was kind of daydreaming about a man candy sandwich. She thought Sulu was gay and didn't even understand why it was he was staring at Draco's wand, which was a shame because it could have been some kind of 4 way orgy or something instead.
She also thought that Cass would make an excellent addition to the sandwich ... hell, all this porn was actually making her think of a re-enactment in Sulu's bedroom with all of them.
The question was, how many of them were drunk enough for that?
Well, it would be a total lie if it hadn't crossed Scotty's mind, but he appeared to be utterly distracted by cheetos at the moment too. He was probably too drunk for that.
Given that where he fell? He hadn't moved from.
Varric wasn't drunk enough. Kirk probably was! Cass was thinking about it. Heavily!
Isabela didn't need to be drunk enough, and Sulu'd had so much to drink he probably wouldn't remember it in the morning.
Which is precisely the amount of drink Varric needed.
Scotty didn't consider himself fodder for orgies, anyway. It would take an epic amount of liquor to even get him to say okay. And he both wouldn't remember it, AND probably would have alcohol poisoning by then.
McCoy figures if people are wlliing to invite him to their orgies, he can only be flattered and pleased to take them up on it.
"Finally!" Cass exclaimed, suddenly. Superman and Batman were getting it on.
"...finally?" Scotty turned his head enough to see the tv, and started to chuckle. And didn't stop.
"Uh oh, our scottish friend's gona all hysterical." Isabela observed, like that guy about the cave troll in those walking movies.
"Flash..is totally..flash," Kirk muttered.
Nope, he's still chuckling, like it was drunkenly, insanely funny. "He is," Scotty managed to say, "an' that batman's utility belt's better than the other batmans." Snerkle.
"Always figured Green Arrow had a thing for guys." Is McCoy's comment on what's going down. "It's the beard."
"Oh aye, has tae be!"
Green Arrow appeared to be what's going down.
"You have to have a beard to be gay? Is that the new thing?" Sulu mused, absently. He was still staring at the screen.
"Depends on the beard," Cass said, unable to tear her eyes from the screen.
"That's naet a real beard, laddie," Scotty was saying, "it's tae neet."
"Nah, more like it's a stereotype thing..." McCoy shrugged. "All the curl to it and stuff..."
"It's been fussed on," Scotty insisted, and he was pointing toward the television. "Look there, then, see? Fussed."
"None of them have a proper pelt," Varric mused. He'd situated himself on a comfy lazyboy, all but disappearing into it.
"Fussed, huh..." he trailed off, then tilted his head to the other side.
"Aye...s'fussed," Scotty mumbled, and reached his hand out toward his tankard, still laying there, like maybe if he used the force, it would shoot over into his hand, kind of like Luke stuck in that ice cave, with his lightsaber. Which, in his mind, they really need to make Star Wars porn.
They'd missed that. Star Wars: Twincest Strikes Back.
If he knew, Scotty would have been bitterly disappointed. So it's better he never finds out about that. Ever.
"It's like... a stereotype, you know? Gay men have perfect hair and things." Isabela offered, helpfully.
"Aye, I knew a lad in university, very neat an' tidy sort," so says mister drunken reminiscing. "I s'pose thoo, it really is just a stereotype....there has tae be some real lazy arses who're gay as guppies, oot there."
And having said that, Scotty gave 'em a big thumbs up, wherever they are. Because more power to 'em!
Then something clicked in her head and she added, "I think Mr. Frodo might be gay."
"I dunnae know him, but with a name like that...maybe!"
"What makes you think so?" Kirk swivled his head right into Bela's breast. Then promptly nipped.
Cass slid off the couch and stumbled towards..wherever Scott was. And sat on him, upending what was left of her bottle into his mouth.
Isabela purrred, "He's got perfect hair and blushes whenever anyone touches him inappropriately who's female, and doesn't even drive his own car."
Scotty was happily opening his mouth and gurgle drinking. Sweet, sweet lass. Here take a...pat wherever his hand lands, because he's not paying attention!
Jim laughed, tickling her waist, "That just means he likes you."
Pavel scrambled out of Cass's shirt and ran up Scotty's!
Squirm! Squirm! Laugh, drink, choke! Scotty flailed a little, but then as soon as the scampering stopped, went happily back to getting massively tanked, thanks to the very incredibly helpful green-clad lass.
"Cass has a..leprechaun on her panties." Kirk pointed! He had a great view!
Thumbs up, from the Scotsman! Well, not at Kirk noticing, just that Cassie had fun knickers.
Cass threw another bag of chips at Kirk!
"Mine are green and sequined," Isabela smirked a bit. It was like it was some kind of contest.
Cass got to her feet and pointed, unsteadily, "Prove it!"
Scotty? Gave Isabela a big thumbs up for her green disco panties.
And his head unglued from the floor, enough he could raise his head and see what the hell's going on with these girls and their underthings. He's tanked, but he's not so tanked, he can't watch a challenge being thrown down. Mmhm!
"Well I could, kitten, but there's a man's head on my lap." Isabela winked up at Cass.
That's okay, Cass had already dropped her skirt, in challenge!
Scotty's eyes went O.O
Lebrechaun panties, go!
Kirk lifted his arms. \o/
Scotty was going O.O but even so, both arms went up over his head while he was laying there, in the yaaaaaaay pose of \o/ also.
McCoy leaned back a little, watching. "Well now."he commented, his own arms flying up cause hell, why not at this point?
Varric, always one to note a trend, joined them!
Now that her lap was free, Isabela got up off Kirk's lap and pulled her very skin tight dress up to show off her green sequined skimpy panties!
Kirk's arms somehow went up higher.
Scotty's eyes were wider, glassier due to the shiny, and his arms shifted upward as he laid there, oh yes, they did.
Cass squinted, then tugged her shirt over her head to reveal a green bra! For once, she matches.
Now Scotty just laid there looking like he was the victim of a hold up, his hands are held up really high over his head...or laid up really high...over....fuck it, he's got nothing to complain about, here.
Sulu, on the other hand, was totally ignoring all of this. He'd gotten up off the couch and stumbled to his bathroom to check his hair in the mirror.
Cass planted her hands on her hips.
From where he was, on the floor, Scotty made a small, faint whimpering noise. The whimper wasn't of fear, it was being confronted with sheer win smacking his eyeballs.
There might be a wee tattoo peeking out on one buttcheek.
Not to be outdone, Isabela pulled off her entire dress to show off the lacy green sequined bra that went with the panties.
A high pitched whimper escaped Kirk's throat. Best. Party Ever. He raised a finger as if to say 'excuse me' "Why don't you two wrestle it out?"
"...green gelatin," so said Scotty, like they were missing that. HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT, KIRK?
"Green what??" Kirk was too busy, with his eyes snapping back and forth. "OH! JELLO!"
Varric went to check the fridge.
"Gelatin...jell...oh fuck it, dae whatever, I'm gude," Scotty was saying with a twitch of one hand like he meant to shoo motion but just couldn't do it because of too much drinkies.
"We need a kiddie pool," Varric was saying. "Some hoses and a camera."
Like he'd done this before.
Sulu poked his head out his bathroom door, "... why, what? I don't have Jello and ... I don't have a hose, this is an apartment why are you guys always doing these crazy things!?"
"I dinnae start it," Scotty was saying, looking innocent. That coming from the man who's girlfriend was in her undies, and had a ferret up his shirt.
A ferret that was really comfy and nodding off again.
Scotty was not going to disturb the ferret, even if it was missing this ultra win moment.
Isabela laughed, "We probably don't need to wrestle in Jello, but I can think of some wrestling we COULD do."
Cass reached up to unhook her bra, eyes narrowed at Isabela. Kirk managed to bite his tongue before he blurted something like 'uh oh, slut fight!' Because he didn't want to get slapped. Cass's hand stopped and she stared at Isabela like 'wait, what?' Kirk? Was glad he'd kept his yap shut.
Eyebrows? Raised up. So raised up. Scotty just whimpered again like 'okay?' Then his eyeballs just about popped out of his head and he was doing that high-pitched whisper hiss, "Whatchae daen?"
It is probably going to be ignored. And he's maybe kind of drunkenly okay with that. Because he's drunk.
"... what?" Sulu kind of stared into his living room, "There's half naked girls in my apartment."
"Isn't it great?" McCoy asked him, and meant it.
Scotty said something, but it was like he'd degenerated into some variant of Scottish accent that had ceased to make sense to anyone outside of that region or clan.
"It's FANTASTIC!" Kirk made the \o/ arms again!
Kirk desperately hoped there'd be girls touching girls, here. It reminded him of Mardi Gras.
"It's... okay?" Sulu blinked a few times, then went back into his bathroom.
He nudged Isabela's butt his his foot, in Cass's general direction. Helpfully! \o/
Cass squinted at Kirk blearly like 'I'm onto you, I'm watching you.'
Isabela looked down at him like she was also, totally onto him.
Kirk gave her a charming grin.
Then elbowed McCoy. Backup! Back me up bro!
Cass was still pondering the removal of her bra.
McCoy glanced at Kirk at the elbowing. He'd been drawn into sort of a pleasant lull there for a bit, probably brought on by the thought of the half naked girls. He blinked up at Isabela and tried to look innocent here, but obviously completely failed.
"....nnngh," Scotty was saying with a half-wince, half-smile. He reached in and took the drowsy ferret out of his shirt, and draped it over his closed eyes like a blindfold or a scarf or something.
After all, he knew if Cass had it in mind, she was going to just go ahead and do it anyway! He might peek, though.
Isabela saw the look from McCoy and turned back in Cass's direction. She decided to raise the bar a bit, nodded her head and marched over to Cass. Then she reached her own arms around Cass's back, undid the bra for her, and kissed her. She figured if the fiery irish red head didn't want it, she'd kick her ass.
The red head wasn't entirely sure if she DID want it, but she wasn't about to back down, entirely too stubborn for her own good. She was vaguely aware of cheering.
Ok, so Scotty peeked. By raising the rear half of the ferret up. So one eye was very wide and blinky, and then down went the ferret again after he said a little tiny 'yaaay' kinda sorta. He wanted to facepalm, but smushed ferret against face would probably result in biting. Of the bad sort. Indeed, Scotty was thinking to himself, that she was quite a stubborn arse unannounced girlfriend thing.
Sulu was in the bathroom trying not to vomit. Also, he didn't want to know why there was cheering in the living room.
McCoy's not all that rude, even though he's been through a lot of refills on his drink tonight, but he IS clapping.
Kirk took a picture. Because pictures are forever.
Isabela inserted tongue, because tongue is awesome.
Tongue..was awesome....! This was way better than the freezer! Cass might even have started to let her hands wander at this point, while demonstrating she's quite talented at kissing.
Kirk was taking VIDEO now.
If Scotty finds out, you might need more painkillers, Kirk. It's okay though, because they know doctors! :D
Isabela hoped he posted it on YouTube. She'd link a video to her roommate and maybe he'd stop considering himself her boyfriend.
Kirk would be happy to oblige, if they ever finished!
If they were finishing, Isabela was going to start dragging Cass down the hallway to the bedroom, because she'd need more room than a couch.
Scotty had peeked again and though things were fuzzy around the edges, he managed to focus enough to see what was going on, and sure, hot, but he's also making a noise that is like 'OH FUUUUUuuuuuu NAE.'
Isabela's bra landed on Scotty's head as Cass pushed her against the wall, nearly knocking loose some picture frames!
Kirk cheered again!
"....ang tha's noof ah thaaw ah fwink!" and we think that's some sort of mangled something or other putting up a protest to this, but Scotty's english is not so clear and simple...if it ever was, before. Getting that bra off his head, he looks about ready to hurl a ferret.
Party's over!
Cass could translate drunk Irish, but not Drunken Scots.
"GET AFF 'ER WOOD YE?!"
What in the hell was happening in his apartment now? Sulu crawled across his floor to poke his head out the doorway again, and blinked at Scotty trying to throw the ferret. "FERRET."
"Yeah, they're giving me wood too," Kirk replied.
Isabela couldn't hear drunk scottish man, she was too busy trying to get her hand into Cass's panties.
Oh, right, ferret. Scotty put the ferret down and gave it a pet, then took out his phone and hurled it in the general direction of well...down the hallway. Or the wall next to the hallway, nowhere NEAR them, which is good, he had sense to aim and throw and not hit anyone in the process. Of course the word 'sense' is only loosely used in any context.
Bam! goes the phone. And Scotty purses his lips, squints, and says under his breath, "Swooee Sulu." Which one supposes is an apology for the wall dent.
Cass was thinking they should stop, but it was really, really too much fun, and Isabela really knew what she was doing and did you know breasts were really squishy and nice?
Scottish eyetwitch.
She decided to see what it was like inside Isabela's panties. There was more cheering from the peanut gallery.
Someone? Not cheering so much. Mt. Scott's about to explode with a cascade of wtf-woman-wtf. Sure there's probably not volcanos in Scotland. But no matter what, it's probably not going to be pretty.
Sulu's home phone took that moment to start ringing off the hook. Meanwhile, Isabela had a leg around Cass and was moaning, and not bothering to be quiet. This is why getting really smashed with a bunch of people you don't know is a lapse in judgement, but who cares? Isabela certainly didn't.
Scotty's phone wouldn't be ringing for a while. So yay for Sulu phone!Isabela was like honey badger, she don't give a shit
Cass wanted to get horizontal. Fast.Scotty can tell! Look who else doesn't give a shite!
Sulu crawled out of his bathroom, picked up his ferret, and picked up his phone. He grunted into the phone a few times, then mumbled, "Yeah, sorry ... we'll stop cavorting like cattle .... not sure what the loud banging was... yeah... okay..."
"Weeeel, cae theenk oof at leest a fowking BWILLION offer playses Aw'd raather bee wight naew," so says Scotty, like this maybe would've been hot in a different setting and situation but...yeah, looks like someone's getting farther with someone else and when it was a 'supposed to mutually exclusive' situation, it's not looking too future friendly. No. Moo.
"Nnnmm..." Cass moved her lips down Isabela's jaw, still trying to find buried treasure in her panties. She was starting to come out of a haze and realizing that cheering wasn't the television.Note to Character: No Scotty, wishing everyone a Happy Drunk Irish Whore Day probably is not appropriate.
Sulu hung the phone up and stared at his living room, "... okay cavorting ... stop the cavorting please."
"But Hikaru...." Kirk looked at him with big, puppy eyes.
"Ahm nae mooven," said Scotty in a very low tone of voice. Nope, he's certainly not. He's just glaring.
"He's gonna kick me out guys..." He stared at Isabela and Cass, and blinked a few times, "There's girls kissing in my living room."
"Yay, thaaw's coos eets hoppy droonk Irish whoore day!" Too late, it was in his brain as a mental note and it flew out of his mouth. And he's giving it TWO thumbs up. And squint-smiling like OUCH.Mun: Well, I tried.
"They're practically finding treasure in each others' chambers of secrets," Varric said, then blinked at Scotty.
Isabela's fingers had FOUND buried treasure, aye, she had definitely started with the plundering of the treasure.
Scotty looked ready to throw the ferret again. Ferret hurling. Good thing the ferret is no longer near him. Thumbs up for Sulu and sense of foresight and ferret savingness!
Something managed to get through to Cass, and she gaspmoaned, "Nnnngng?" Was that Scotty? That was Scotty. Oh shit. Freeze!
Mmmhm, it was. Failboat? He's not sailing on it, but she sure is. Have fun on that trip!
"Sae, look at th'tiiiiiiiime. Gaet a looot o' work tae dae in the mowernering. Cheeeeers fae th'porno!" And he's getting up, and finding Sulu, and giving him a big hug with a pat on the back. "Swoooeee abowt ye bed."
He mouthed the words 'I think I spilled on it' which is better than him trying to talk right now.
Cass found herself trying to extricate matters from Isabela without being rude about it.
Noting the freezing up, Isabela stopped her hand where it was, and pulled away a bit to look at her, then slowly nodded her head and pulled her hand out.
Oh no, she's getting a hand waved at her like she can keep going, have at it, fun times, you go miss thang. "Wewl, foon teems, g'bye!" And out the door he's going. Where he's going, am not sure, but hopefully there's no midgets involved.
Sulu, meanwhile, was hugging Scotty and trying not to squeeze his ferret, "Are you leaving? ... please don't leave..."
Too late!
Cass gave Isabela an apologetic look before grabbing her shirt to pull back on and rushing after Scotty
Unless, of course, Sulu was still hugging ONTO Scotty, which means he's getting drunken dragged toward the door with him. It might save Sulu too, so that's a good thing, right? Right!
Sulu is totally getting dragged out the door, but now he's realising it and the motion is also making him nauseus, so he's about to throw up on Scotty.
Kirk would go wu wu at that right now. Instead he toddled to his feet, past McCoy who appears to have slouched over, and wrapped his arms around Bela.
Cass grabbed onto Scotty's arm, "Wai..waith..Wait."
It'd be okay, he'd understand. Everyone knew Sulu couldn't hold his liquor. He relented a little bit, because he had to stop due to having dead Sulu weight and a...oh right, drunk irish...bad thinking that, don't say it, don't say it, don't....
"Oh, heewo Irish whoor!" Too late, again. Damn you lack of brain-to-mouth filter. "Joost tryin' tae gwet th'dwoor," he explained and rhymed!, and it'd be so helpful if he had, like...more arms. Like a Hindu god.
Cass stopped in her tracks, working her jaw and trying not to hyperventilate.
Damn door. He squinted at it, and then at Cass, still locked in a Sulu hug. Then he raised one hand up, pinched his index finger and thumb together, and said in a whisper, "Weeee bwit tae fwar, aye? Jus' a weeeee bit."
Isabela watched this whole thing and gods, what was that, guilt!? Why did the guilt keep happening?
And he smushed his face up and said something that sounded like 'itty bitty' but it's too highpitched and he's too drunk to make it sound like anything other than a cross between a whistle and a cat-generated asthma attack.
"M'sorry," Cass managed.
He shrugged like it simply proved something right, and he was going to save himself...and Sulu...or something. So he was back to solving the great riddle of door opening. Finally, he got it! "....yaaaay."
Sulu, meanwhile, slid down Scotty's legs and puked on his shoes. Way to go, Sulu, that's totally #winning.
Scotty just kind of stared down at puking win Sulu. Like HUH, that figured.
Kirk would go \o/ but then he' have to let go of half-naked woman.
"Aws a gude laaaad, ye gwet it awl oot o' ye," Scotty was saying with a helpful nudge of one foot. Then he tucked Pavel into his shirt, kicked the puke off his boots, and grabbed Sulu by the arms. Drag drag out the door they go.
He is TOTALLY saving Sulu from this fresh hell, like, right now.
"....ngh.... where going...?" Sulu mumbled.
"...awaaaaaiiieee." Drag drag drag.
"Scotty!" Cass's voice was probably a little too high pitched for anyone drunk or hungover right now.
Sulu winced.
"Meend th' steeps," said Scotty, and bumpa bumpa goes Sulu, dragged down the steps.
Sulu winced MORE.
"Ye gaen tae puke 'gaen," so 'says' Scotty, who is making a concerted effort to IGNORE SOMEONE'S ASS right now, lest he blows up, and he's not her boss so she can do what she damn well pleases, oh yes she can. He's just trying to fix the craziness by doing the 'lets get out of here fellow reasonable person' thing
Of course, though, once they reach anything resembling a sidewalk, he is going to pat Sulu down for keys to the car. So they can lock themselves in it and pass out.
It would be better than driving. Which is not what Cass is going to do. No, Cass was going to get dressed and make a beeline for the bus-stop!
Isabela meanwhile dragged Kirk to the bedroom to get rid of her guilt the best way she knew how. She'd toss a blanket over McCoy who was passed out on the floor on the way.
"Oof, Ah hoop ye haveh ye keeeee," so says Scotty, and sorry about the frisk job. Because, yes, passing out sounded very good.
Sulu definitely thought passing out was a great idea.
Kirk was perfectly happy desecrating Sulu's bed!
Great! Then he doesn't mind the man handling he's getting with hands shoved into pockets. No? Because...look, keys! Scotty held them up, triumphantly. Then he unlocked the car, stuffed Sulu into it, put Pavel on top of Sulu's head, closed the door, staggered around, got in, closed THAT door, and locked them in. Along with a toss of the keys into the back of the car. "...fuuuuu...."
Of course, that's as far as Scotty could think, because ZONK, he was out like a light. YAY. \o/ We think.
Varric found himself alone, except for a passed out McCoy. He shrugged, poured himself a bourban and sat down to watch another porno.
Sulu was just glad he passed out so that he didn't have to puke anymore.