InsaneJournal

Who: Kitty Pryde and Tarot
What: dating (ermagerd!)
When: 4/3
Where: a restaurant
Rating: PG, just to be safe
Status: complete

Alicia pulled up in front of Kitty’s house in her mom’s car. It was an older sedan, but in good condition. She was wearing dress pants and a nice blouse, along with nice flat shoes. She didn’t need to be any taller than Kitty than she already was.

She knocked on the door, hoping Kitty hadn’t changed her mind.

Kitty didn’t mind the height difference. Until Xi’an, all of her lovers had been quite a bit taller than her. She darted outside before she could be grilled. She wasn’t trying to hide things she just...didn’t know how to explain it, yet. It needed more research.

She was wearing a skirt and matching top, and even had earrings on. She’d just put the finishing touches on her makeup.

Alicia didn’t mind. She wasn’t sure what she’d say to Kitty’s roommates or kids, anyway. “You look beautiful. Sorry about earlier, it turned out to be no big deal.” Alicia giggled a little.

"Yeah? It's okay." She slipped into the car and buckled up. No kiss, yet. "You look sexy."

Alicia got into the driver’s seat and started down the road. “I was thinking about steak, unless you have objections?”

“Like I’d turn down steak. Any longer than twenty minutes with you and I need the protein just to keep up.” Kitty smiled shyly, tucking some hair behind her ear and looking a lot younger than she was, just then.

Alicia smiled softly. “We can go slower if you want. I can be patient.” She stroked Kitty’s face at a red light.

Kitty groaned, turning her face into the caresses. The last time she's been in Alicia's shoes. Wanting to move fast while Xi'an wanted to take it slow. She'd been horribly impatient. "That depends on...what this is."

Alicia nodded. “I don’t know what I want this to be. I really like you Kitty. You’re an incredible woman, one I’d love to get to know inside and out. I know you have a lot of baggage, though, and with my mom needing someone to watch over her I don’t know how much attention I can give a relationship.”

"I'm sorry." Kitty sighed, closing her eyes and sinking into her seat. She hated her baggage. She hated that it affected her, and she hated how it seemed to get in the way of any budding relationship she remotely thought she'd ....something. What was she thinking? She looked over Alicia. "Relationship?"

Alicia blushed a little. “I- I’m not a schoolgirl anymore. I’m an adult woman with experience in love and sex. But when I think about you, all that goes away and my stomach kind of turns to goo. I feel like writing you a note before homeroom asking if you want to skip math to go make out.”

“Would you believe I skipped that whole..phase? I mean I was utterly helpless around guys, and I buried my nose in a book. I was out of college by eighteen. I didn’t even do an experimentation phase. I’m pretty sure my rebelling started when I went to London after college and lost my virginity to a cop in his car.” Kitty laughed.

Alicia laughed. “I hope you got out of the ticket.” She winked at Kitty. “I had a couple big crushes in high school, but after that I didn’t really do as much dating. I just went out to find someone who looked fun and if they wanted me we’d fool around and go our separate ways.”

“I was involved in a bar brawl. Some guy was hitting on some girl, so I punched him, and then it went from there. It wasn’t my fault, I swears it on my precious!” She put her hand over her heart. “We almost got married, but I chickened out. My second boyfriend was a Russian exchange student. He was..uh..ginormous.”

Kitty giggled and blushed a little bit. “After that I didn’t see anyone for a few years, until Xi’an.”

Alicia listened with interest, and giggled at Kitty’s stories. “I could see you marrying a cop, but I think you’d get bored if you didn’t have an equal impressive and dangerous job.”

“Yeah. I had cold feet. It all worked out in the end.” She looked out the window. “Except for him being a rat bastard in the end.” It was a long, complicated story.

“Wouldn’t that make it better, though? Normally you shouldn’t marry people if a few years down the line you’re going to call them a bastard.” It was a personal policy that had served Alicia well.

“Well..that’s what I mean. Basically, he used me as a cover story to get to someone else later.” Kitty punched her fist into her palm. “Even faked dreaming. We’re talking a long, long deep cover.”

“Wow. That’s pretty crappy.” Alicia couldn’t imagine finding something like that out. “I’m sorry that happened. Some people are unbelievable.”

“No kidding.” She shrugged a shoulder. “First time in my dreams was a lot more pleasant. Didn’t end well either but I can honestly say that one was my fault for not being ready for that serious a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever ready.”

“I don’t know if anyone’s ever really ready for some things.” Alicia noted. “It’s hard to tell when doubts are nerves and when they’re our brain’s way of telling us something is wrong. I never really do relationships, and I’ve lost out on some good people because of it. I’ve also had some wonderful experiences, so it’s hard to say what’s right, when. But I believe we’re guided by the universe toward what we need when we need it.”

She nodded her head, accepting that. Alicia didn’t do relationships...so she could deal with that, even if there was a growing part of her that...didn’t like that idea. It wasn’t like that sudden emotional and physical attraction to Gaz. Well, not the emotional part. And even then that might be a lie. The emotions had started to build, a little more slowly. It scared the hell out of Kitty, who had no idea if she was ready for that or not. “Sort of like fate?”

“I don’t know.” Alicia said, a little sheepish. “It’s kind of a scary idea, either way. We’re either alone in it all, making our choices on our own, or we’re being herded toward something and nothing we do matters. It’s- I try not to think about it. If I’m being herded I’d rather not know, so I behave like I’m not.” She pulled into the parking lot of their destination. “I don’t know what to do, sometimes, and that’s when I get contemplative. Not everything has a right or wrong answer, I think.”

“I already know my fate,” Kitty said. She kissed Alicia on the cheek, and got out of the car without saying what exactly her fate is meant to be. She sounded resigned.

Alicia frowned and got out as well. “Why, because of your dreams?” She wasn’t going to let the issue rest.

“I tried to ignore it, for so long. I got through the anger and the bitterness in the dreams, I got through the fear. I thought, finally, I could have the kind of life I’d always wanted. But I couldn’t have it both ways, and that life got destroyed. Just like it always did in the dreams.” Kitty folded her arms over herself as she walked. “I’m not meant to have a normal life. I certainly don’t have a normal family. I think I know how Logan feels now.”

Alicia shook her head. “You’re not destined to be alone, Kitty. Nobody is. You can chose it, and maybe it would be better, but there’s someone out there for everyone.” She held the door to the restaurant for Kitty.

Kitty’s smile was tired. “Yeah I know there is. It’s just...complicated.” Xi’an was dead. Rachel was out of reach. Illyana was with someone else. Even the guys she might be interested in weren’t an option. Half the reason she was balking at anything more with Alicia is that she didn’t want her to be the ‘settle’ choice. It wasn’t...fair.

Alicia wouldn’t argue that. Things were often complicated. They were led to a table, and Alicia took her seat before answering. “Well, luckily you have time to figure things out. You still have a lot of your life ahead of you, Kitty, you’ll find what you’re looking for eventually.” She smiled softly. “Until you do, I’ll be happy to distract you now and then.”

“If you’re okay with that,” Kitty said, looking at her and chewing her lip. She wondered what it meant that she’d gotten so damn jealous that Alicia had so many lovers, including ones while she was sleeping with Kitty. She couldn’t tell her no, but it still made her feel jealous.

And it made her feel like she couldn’t measure up.

“What do you want me to say? That I can’t deal with it and must have you as my lover? I really like you Kitty. You know I think you’re amazing. I couldn’t truly call myself your friend if I let your need for space and time get in the way of being there for you. Like I said, I don’t normally get into relationships, so if you’d rather keep things the way they are, I can deal with that.” Truthfully, she would rather move slowly with Kitty, anyway. Clearly Kitty had a lot of internal things she had to make right with herself before she could really commit to anyone.

“What? I mean if you’re okay with distracting me, I’m okay with you distracting me. It’s really fun, and hot, and I might be a little addicted..” She tucked some hair behind her ears. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to lead you on, and I know that...you probably can’t be led on, so that’s good right?”

“It’s okay.” Alicia said with a smile. “You’ll be fine, it’s just going to take time.” She patted Kitty’s hand softly. “And until you figure out what you want and need, I’ll be happy to sleep with you and take you out for dinner.”

Alicia’s touch made Kitty blurt, “I really like you, Alicia.”

“I really like you too, Kitty. I think we have a lot of fun together, and it makes me sad that you’re having so much trouble right now.” She didn’t want to come on too strong, Kitty needed to make decisions about things herself. Especially since Alicia wasn’t sure herself if she wanted to date or not. “But I know it’ll get better for you.”

Kitty just needed to know that there was some kind of option, there. A future beyond sex and dinners. If she thought that Alicia wanted that at all, she could come to terms with herself a little easier. Although with her luck, Alicia would meet someone tomorrow and fall instantly in love. “Thanks. I know it has to, just doesn’t always feel like it.”

Alicia reached across, cupping Kitty’s face softly. “I would make it better if I could. You deserve a good life, full of good people and good times.”

“I kind of want...” Kitty trailed off, nuzzling Alicia’s hands and then kissing her palms.

“What?” Alicia asked, softly. “What do you want, Kitty?” The million dollar question.

“You. But I can’t make you wait around, and I know you don’t even want that sort of thing. I just... I knew this would...” She pulled away, rubbing at her face. “I got attached.”

Alicia frowned. “You only know that I don’t do relationships very often. You don’t know why, and you don’t know whether I want one with you or not. I don’t want to push you Kitty, but I do want to date you. If you can’t handle that now, or ever, that’s fine. But don’t assume you know what I want without asking.”

She blinked. “You want to date me?” Kitty leaned forward, raising her eyebrows and chewing on her lower lip. “What does dating mean to you?”

“It means we see each other exclusively and do our best to see if we work well together romantically.” She shrugged. “I don’t want to push you, I’m not going to be the female equivalent of the guy friend who bitches when you hook up with someone else because I’ve done all this stuff for you and why aren’t you paying attention to meeeeeeee. But yes, I would like to see if we have anything together.”

She blinked again. Swallowing. She took Alicia’s hand and lifted it to her lips. She blinked away tears and nodded her head. “I’d...really like that. You have no idea how much. I never realized...” That she was such the jealous type.

Alicia smiled, stroking her face softly. “Then I’m all yours, Kitty.” She wasn’t sure it was wise, or that either of them were ready, but she was going to go for it. She slid out of her seat and kissed Kitty softly.

Whimpering, Kitty slid her hand along the side of Alicia’s face and kissed her back. She wanted to be in her lap, snuggle and hold her and kiss her. Maybe later. Right now, though, she didn’t want to break into tears.

The kiss was long enough that their waitress was waiting awkwardly with glasses of water when it finished. Alicia giggled and got back into her seat. “Oh, we should figure out what we want to eat.”

“Sorry.” She took a seat and smiled at the waitress. “Just bring me whatever the special is, please?” She didn’t want to keep the waitress waiting any longer than necessary, and she wanted to play some footsie.

“I’ll take that, too.” Alicia said with a giggle. “Everything here is fantastic.” She grinned at the waitress, reaching across to hold Kitty’s hand. This was so strange, but she was giddy with anticipation about this new phase of her life.

Kitty poked Alicia with her toe, and gazed at her. “Are you really rather sure of this?”

“I’m certain that I want to be with you, that I want to help you find happiness again. I’m certain that nobody else is as interesting to me as you, or as hot as you, and I’m certain that we could be good for each other. I’m not one hundred percent sure about anything, but the risk of not being with you is a bigger risk to me than the risk of being with you.” It wasn’t the most romantic way to say that, but it was honest.

“In case you weren’t aware,” Kitty said. “I’m resisting the urge to leap across the table and snog you.” She grinned at her, looking less vulnerable and more like her usual self right now. It was... kind of nice being around someone where she could be weaker on occasion.

Alicia laughed. “I’m resisting the urge to take you home and make dinner there. But we’ve already ordered, so we should stick around.” She sipped her water. “But we could always get it to go, instead.”

“No. I want to do this right.” Kitty leaned back again. “Besides, if we really need it we can always sneak off to the ladies room.” She said that like she’d done that before, and the little smirk in her lips only emphasized that.

Alicia giggled. “We’ll have to be pretty maneuverable, the stalls are tiny here.” Probably on purpose. “Besides, I- Oh, my mom’s home this evening. And you have kids.” She paused for a minute. “Do we have anywhere we can go for privacy?”

“Uhm....” Kitty thought about that, chewing her lip. “I...no not there.” She wasn’t ready to take Alicia to the waterfall yet. “Shit...” She laughed. “I can phase us up to any high place you can think of?”

“We could sneak into Mr. Dresden’s office. My desk is clean, he’s off for the night, and we’d get some privacy.”

........ Kitty stared at her, then a massive grin crossed her face. “You kinky little.... I love that idea!” She generally loved any sort of idea that involved dangerous sex.

Alicia laughed. "Good! We'll have to figure something else out for the long term, but that'll do for tonight." She smiled brightly at Kitty. "It'll be fun sneaking around a little."

“Motel too cheesy?” Kitty asked, raising an eyebrow. She supposed that would get expensive quickly, but she didn’t have any other ideas. Sneaking around with Alicia would be fun, and a huge turn on.

“Too expensive.” Alicia noted. “And kind of cheesy. We’ll just have to find places to sneak away. It’ll be fun.” Alicia chuckled.

“I’ve always wanted an illicit affair,” Kitty replied, rubbing her toe up Alicia’s shin. She really wanted to just rip her clothing off again. But they should eat first. There’d be plenty of time to defile Alicia’s office....

The rubbing and the statement made Alicia giggle madly. “You know, I think dating you is going to be a lot of fun, Ms. Pryde.” She winked at Kitty over her water glass before taking a drink. She wasn’t expecting things to turn out this way, but she was glad they had. No matter how it ended, this was going to be a fun ride.