InsaneJournal

"Too rich for my blood, you win again Porthos."
Who: Gaila, Varric, Scotty
What: The return of Varric! Playing poker with beagles. Scotty continues his bromances with height challenged peoples!
When: After getting kicked out of Vegas, later that day.
Where: da O.C.! Mad Monty's.
Rating: PG(13), language reasons only if there's even a 13 rating involved.
Status: Complete!



When Gaila and Scotty got home, they found the door unlocked, and a man sitting in the rocket engine playing poker with Porthos. He was short, and had a magnificent chest of red hair. Varric waved at them, "I love what you two did with the bar!"

Gaila dropped her luggage on Scotty's feet, squeed, and bolted up the rocket casing to hug him!

First of all, playing poker with the dog was odd, even if the dog was weird anyway. Second of all, he hadn't done anything with the bar, that was all Gaila. Third, Scotty hadn't expected to see Varric again, especially not sitting on top of a nacelle like that, playing poker with a beagle.

He threw the suitcases down and gave one of them a kick, while glaring. Because he expected some word from his former fellow convention circuit comrade, instead of leaving without any word at all.

So it was with some measure of relief in his expression, that Scotty laid into Varric with a quasi-vengeance, "Arse! What'd ye do that for! I mightae been worried, I'll have ye know! Ye cannae simply gae wandering aff and not give any of us any word! Yer a short, hairy wee bastard!"

Varric laughed, dealing Gaila in. It wasn't just him and Porthos, Bianca was being dealt cards as well. Because of reasons, "Care to join us, Tinker?"

He held up the cards, so that he might deal Scotty in too, "I left a note. I had to go find myself. I found myself, so here I am."

"No, I dinnae want tae play. I've had me fill of card games lately," he grouched, because he was a bit disgruntled and would cling onto his mini grudge for just a few minutes longer. "That was a very vague note and then I didnae hear anything afterward. So I thought ye tripped and fell over a tall cliff ontae some sharp rocks. Whatever. Care for a wee dram?"

While he waited for an answer, Scotty trudged every suitcase - all five of them - up the staircase. And all five of them were very heavy. So it was more than one trip.

"Sure, a dram would be nice." He mock saluted Scotty, then continued the card game. Porthos was cleaning up, but Bianca was doing pretty good, herself. For a crossbow. Varric swung his legs, "I was in places without internet access. I've got a slew of ideas."

"I hope none of them involve smut, but knowing ye, they just might," Scotty said, and he shoved the suitcases into the bedroom. He only hoped they would not explode into clothes everywhere again, which was why he didn't dare mess with them for the time being. Instead, he went into the tiny kitchen area and grabbed some very pink coffee mugs and the whisky, before making his way back down the stairs. "I didnae think ye were coming back, that's all."

"Oh, there's some smut, but the stories I'm working on only have them in small doses. I remember your advice." As much as he loved a good romance. Varric shook his head, "I wasn't sure myself, and then something seemed to call to me. I met the most interesting woman on the plane from Boston."

Gaila watched him, "What were you doing in Boston?"

"A little of this and that. Anyway, this woman - very pretty, I might add. Like a ray of sunshine and pretty well endowed, she was a fan of my books. So I told her a story."

"If ye remembered what I told ye, it wouldnae be a smutty story," Scotty said, sitting down on top of the engine and pouring them each a drink. 'Which story was it, then? Or was it a whole new one?"

"Whole new one." He flashed a grin at Scotty, "A sequel to that underwater suspense novel, and an entirely new one. Think Post-apocalyptic, fuel being scarce, the whole bit."

"Sounds brilliant, except for the fuel being scarce. That sounds like shite. I'd utterly hate that." Scotty handed them each one of the cups after he'd poured, and toasted Varric with his own. "I'm sure they'll be very successful, laddie!"

"Thanks, Tinker!" He toasted Scotty, "I'm fond of the main character, but I can't tell you too much, it would spoil the plot twist." Varric knocked the drink back, then folded, "Too rich for my blood, you win again Porthos."

"How the hell..." Gaila looked at her hand, then folded as well, "That dog scares the crap out of me." He licked her foot. At least their truce was still holding!

"Include diagrams tae machinery and I'll read it," Scotty said, after taking a generous drink of whisky, and eyeing the dog like he can't figure out how it would even win. Or make bets with Gaila. Or...be anything other than a dog. Though beaming it around probably didn't help much either, and there was no telling what that dog knew, if it even remembered anything after he transferred it into data and shot it into space.

Porthos remembered everything. Unlike Gaila's computer, he simply had no way to tell, or share. He couldn't even log into the computer to type with his little beagle paws. Varric waved a hand, "I'll have someone draw something. Fair enough?"

He did it for the steampunk novels, after all.

"Aye, sounds fair, then. Anyway, I'm happy ye came back. What are ye goin' tae do now, with no pub or anything, though?" The minute that anyone was done with their cups, he was pouring a single splash of whisky into it, to give to Porthos. After all, he had a ton of making up to do, after putting the dog through that.

"I never really needed the bar. I like the new look, even without all the dirt." He winked at Gaila, and took another swig of his mug. Porthos happily dug into the whiskey and sneezed. It was the 'omg so good' type of sneeze. Varric pointed at Porthos, "I like this dog better than Clitty."

"That wasnae his name. His name was Pissy McGee, not that other thing. That was her fault," he said, pointing at Gaila. Because she's a pervert. He turned his attention to Porthos, and being the incredibly smart future dog that he was, spoke to it like it would understand, "Ye want a drink? Go fetch a cup and I'll give ye a wee bit."

"His name is Clitty, and he's with my mom now," Gaila replied, through clenched teeth.

Porthos hopped down from the rocket and disappeared upstairs. He came back with the only non-pink cup in the entirety of the building.

Varric laughed good naturedly, "Irish. Clitty is a terrible name for a pooch."

She waved a hand dismissively, and he put one on her knee, "But Green Maid is a wonderful name for a bar. You did good. I'm proud."

She beamed at him.

Where the dog found that cup, Scotty hadn't the faintest clue. He did try to make sure it was clean before he poured a splash of the good stuff in there, and gave Varric's hand an eyeing like it had best not linger there for too long.

Varric's hand lingered only as long as necessary, before he was working his mug again, "Damn I missed the good stuff. So how's the spaceship coming?"

"Engine's ready, so's the assembly tae supply the power. Just need the life support and instrumentation, then she's good tae go."

"Excellent! Did the land come in handy at all, or you haven't gotten to that stage yet?" He slid down the rocket to inspect the submarine, "Playboy found this?"

"Havenae used it yet. Still figuring out the correct fuel mix," he said, being quiet about what that was, precisely. He watched Varric, with the sort of gaze that was like he was watching chess pieces on a board and was trying to figure out his next move. Not because he didn't trust Varric, but because he knew he had to be careful what he told people, for a lessened chance of information leaks or timeline fail. "He did. Rather nice, isnae it? I'm sure this'll be a roaring success. Eventually."

"I hope I get a ride someday," Varric peered into the sub, and shuddered. He hated cramped spaces, like being underground.

"On second thought, maybe not. I'll just watch from a safe distance."

"Have you had any strange dreams? I mean other than the ones you told us about?" Gaila slid down after him.

Varric shook his head, "Just the same ones ad nauseum. And Bianca and my ring, of course." He picked up Bianca, smooching her.

Scotty sat very still, and was watching Gaila and Varric both, hoping that the conversation remained conversational, and not spilling beans left and right. He took another drink of scotch and shrugged like those dreams were silly things. In fact, he even grumbled something about "Mass hysteria" into his cup, so that both of them could hear him and maybe Gaila would take the hint to tread with caution.

"Oh. I've had a lot more. Space ships! Zoom!" Gaila grinned.

Varric laughed, "No spaceships. Magic, monsters." And a very special name.

Scotty was quietly drinking but his brows were knit together, like he was thinking of covert ways to let Gaila know not to give away too much (fat luck there) and listening to what Varric said too.

Varric was in fact wearing the family ring. He knew what it was. A family ring. His family had never had one before, but apparently it existed. He glanced at Scotty, "I don't envy you the space ships. Too cramped."

"Probably takes some getting used to," he said, like he was going to have to get used to them too. Even if he wasn't. Scotty raised his cup and toasted Varric, before drinking all the rest of the whisky down, in one go.

Varric shot Scotty a suspicious look. As though he suspected more than the other two were letting on, but he wasn't going to press, "Oh. No. I'm sure. I'll never get used to it."

Scotty simply sat upon the nacelle and grinned. Like everything was normal. And he was doing a good job with the normal, too! He was being a tough nut to crack!

"Ye never know until you try, short an' hairy," Scotty did say, finally, sliding down off the engine.

Varric laughed, "Not happening. It's too much like being underground." He was a dwarf in his dreams and still hated being underground!

"Chicken." Gaila folded her arms, "You'd love it and you know it."

"Seaship? Yes, sure. Spaceship? No thanks!"

"Could take ye up, for a ride. It wouldnae hurt." He liked seeing his short friend squirm!

Varric indeed was squirming, "This is punishment for taking off, isn't it. Couldn't we just go with the whips and chains?"

Gaila snerked.

"Aye, it is, and no, I'm not into that kinky stuff. Ye pervert!"

Varric looked at Gaila, who shook her head.

He shrugged, "Damn."

"Next time yer goin' tae think before ye leave!"

Varric punched Scotty in the shoulder, "Oh shut your mouth, Tinker!"

"Och! Dinnae hit me, yer so abusive!" Scotty rubbed a hand over his shoulder, and then gave Varric a big hug, even going so far as to try to pick him up.

"Are you two going to kiss? I can get a camera."

Varric laughed, "You haven't changed a bit."

"Nope, she hasnae, really." He gave Varric a friendly smooch on the forehead. "Neither have you. I'm pretty well pleased with that, I think."

He kissed Scotty on the cheek, "The sexy three of us, together again!"

"We are sexy, aren't we?" Gaila giggled.

"Maybe the two of ye are, so that's good enough for me." He patted Varric on top of his dwarvish head, not even realizing that the dwarvish part was pretty correct.

"Oh shut it, Tinker." Varric pinched his butt.

Scotty snickered and it almost sounded like a man giggle.

"That was a..you giggles!" Gaila pointed at him, and even Porthos started dog snickering.

"No I didnae!" he protested, still with one hand on top of Varric's noggin', giving him a manly hair rubbing. "Stop bothering us an' leave us alone tae our man love!"

"Not without a picture!" Gaila held up her camera again, "I have to post it to the slash communities!"

"Did you know there's a healthy slash fandom for my steampunk books?" Varric grinned.

"Give me a kiss, and I'll ruin all yer chances with the lassies, the world over," Scotty said, making puckered up duck lips at Varric.

"Close your eyes and you have a deal."

Scotty shook his head and said in his most disturbing voice he could ever muster up, "Nope, I want tae see the heavenly look on yer face, when our lips meet."

And he was also pretty sure that Varric would try to grab Porthos for puppy face licking. Eww. Dog breath.

Scotty must had read Varric's mind. He laughed and backed away, "You've got my number Tinker. I wouldn't put Porthos through that anyway."

"I'd figured as much. That doggie's tae smart. He'd probably piss on ye before he'd let himself be abused in such a way." See? Scotty has some tactical knowledge, after all.

Varric offered up a fist bump instead.

Fist bump! Scotty grinned down at him. Then he asked, "Ye stayin' back at yer old place or have ye moved up in the world?"

"I still have my place. You've never been there." He grinned. It was actually really, really nice condo.

"Oh, well? That's good then. I wouldnae want tae soil it with me presence," joked the Scotsman. "It still will be a wee bit odd, you not bein' at the pub all of the time, like ye used tae be. Telling bawdy tales an' the likes."

But it gave Gaila a chance to get away from him, so maybe she needed that. He wasn't saying it though, only thinking it.

Varric smiled, "Oh, I'll be around. I found a couple of other bars as well, but The Green Maid will always be my favorite."

"That's good tae know, I suppose. It's not the same, but it's good tae know."

"When was the last time you actually went out?" Varric challenged.

"We just got back from Las Vegas," Scotty said, with one raised eyebrow. "What's that got tae do with anything?"

"Oh, well then." He brushed on his shoulder, "That's good! You're too much a shut in." Behind him, Gaila was mouthing 'told you so.'

Scotty made a face at them both, like he couldn't believe this level of betrayal. He simply wasn't outdoorsy and kept himself busy, was all! And, in fact, he said that outloud without knowing it until it was too late.

"...and...aye, that, what I'd just said. I have things tae do, and a schedule tae keep, and that dunnae mean that I'm oot running around with my arms all like this..." He raised both arms over his head and waved his hands around like an over-exaggerated Kermit the Frog arm flaily. "...like a stark raving bampot, drinkin' overpriced coffee an' tweeting on me phone while walking into oncoming traffic."

He added as well, "I dinnae like goin' on holidays. They never turn out right, as intended." And that's that.

Varric and Gaila looked at each other, then both started laughing so hard they had to prop each other up! It was Kermit the Frog that did it!

"What's so funny? Dumb arses. I'm tired, I'm goin' tae bed." He grumbled as he gathered up all the cups, making sure they were empty, and took them upstairs so he could wash them out and put them away. Because it's not like he was going to count on Gaila to do that! She couldn't even keep the closet from exploding everywhere, so he was always tripping over a pile of bras and shorts and shoes and stuff!

Gaila wiped at her eyes, then started laughing all over again, falling to the floor. Porthos trotted over and started to lick her, which made her laugh harder. Varric clung to the submarine so keep standing!

And Scotty, from upstairs, in mid mug scrub, yelled at them to "KNOCK IT AFF!"

Which probably had the opposite effect, anyway.

Cranky normal. Yay!

Varric clapped a hand on his knee, "It's really, really good to be back."

Indeed, Scotty was relieved too, even if he was grumbling. Happily. Which kind of contradicted the whole grumbling part. He looked at ease though, even as he poked his head out of the doorway upstairs and looked down at the pair, patting a hand on his own leg to get the dog to come upstairs.

"Say, Varric? Ye didnae see a wee lass with oogly brown eyes and wavey brown hair around here, did ye? She was supposed tae be taking care of Porthos."

"She let me in. Well she let me in after threatening to force-feed me my spleen, until I was able to prove I was allowed in." Varric laughed, "She did have oogly eyes, didn't she. Very expressive."

"Aye, she's lovely, that's for certain. But ye arenae goin' tae get anywhere with her. She's spoken for," Scotty said, even if he was pretty sure that Varric probably tried and was turned down, immediately. "I figured that she was rather reliable, so it's good tae know that I owe her one." He'd have to message her and arrange a time to tweak her motorcycle.

"Lots of water and food for the dog. Did you know that dog eats sandwiches?" Bread, and everything.

"Aye, he learned it from me," Scotty said, with a note of pride. "And a wee splash of whisky. Scotch. Good stuff. He only likes the good stuff. Not enough tae do him any harm, just a taste every so often, then he can go back tae his water."

Varric wasn't sure how to break this to him, "She was cleaning up a mess when I got here. Seems he got into some whiskey."

"Och! Porthos! Bad doggie! Ye know better, yer goin' tae destroy yer wee doggie liver!" Scotty scolded the dog, even if the dog had finally drawn near enough that he could pick it up like it was a baby and give it a protective mad scientist puppy surrogate papa huggle. He even lowered his voice to ask the dog, soothingly, "Why would ye do that? That's terrible. Ye should be ashamed of yerself."

If, by picking it up like a baby, one meant he was holding the dog against his chest with it's front paws on his shoulder, and hugging onto it like that.

Porthos doggy grinned and licked him. He was proud of himself!

Nooo, that's terrible! Scotty tried to tilt and turn his face away from the licking, like he's trying not to encourage that sort of behavior. "Bad doggie. Yer goin' tae have tae sleep in the bed with me, because I missed yeeeeeeeew."

Okay, then he turned his face toward the dog and pressed his lips together into a thin, thin line, holding his breath so the dog could go hog wild with the welcome back doggie kisses!

And go wild the dog did! Gaila gagged.

Scotty did not because it was just puppy kisses and he maybe kind of sorta missed the dog.

But all good things must come to an end, so he finally turned his face away again, and went 'blech' out loud, like dog + whisky breath was not a very good combo. He made sure to ask Varric, "Are ye goin' tae be busy then, with yer books and things? Or will ye be stopping by more often? I've sort of quit the con circuit. Tae busy for it, not enough time tae keep up."

Gaila wasn't going to kiss him for a week. Blech!

"I'll be stopping by more often. Without having to worry about the bar I can enjoy the finer things in life. Like drinking."

"Well as long as I'm nae working on things, I can indulge now and then. If I am though, I willnae be drinking that much." It was the same way he was, when he was working on ships. If there was a deadline there, much like if there was one in this timeline, he would refrain. And after he was finished with a task? Then he'd indulge as much as he could. Also? Gaila? It is not like he was tonguing the dog! He kept his mouth shut the whole time, and he was going to jump in the shower anyway before bed. "That's good tae know though! I'm sure ye got a lot tae write about now, from the sounds of it."

"If you guys want to pub crawl, go ahead. Maybe you could poach business my way." Gaila leaned on a workbench and fluttered her eyelashes at them.

Scotty smiled fondly at her and nodded, but he was certain to add, "I could do but I'd feel like an absolute traitor, goin' tae another pub. I'd rather not, if I can help it. No offense, but I know where me loyalties are."

Gaila stared at him, "Come on, I want more business! You'll be a spy!"

"I'm not a good spy. Never been much for dishonesty," he said, pleasantly enough. "Tae blunt, anyway. I prefer the more upfront an' practical applications, approach."

Scotty put the dog down after giving it a ear rub to let it know all was forgiven for the whisky theft. Then he wiped his face off with his hands, and swore he was going to brush that dog's teeth really soon. Oh yes, he was.

Varric nodded his head, "Scotty isn't up to it, but I'm more than willing. I've found a lot of nice bars, all over the world!"

"Sorry, lass. Ye know I'm guaranteed tae plant me bum doon on a barstool and help drink whatever ye stocked up on, during aff hours?"

He gave Gaila a huge grin and a thumbs up, to show solidarity!

Gaila turned up her nose. Hmph!

"What'd I do?" he asked, then stuck his tongue out at her. "Whatever! Simply because I'm a shite spy becuase I'm tae bloody loyal, dunnae mean I should be hmph'd at! Now, I'm goin' tae bed."

He blew a kiss....at Varric.

Gaila looked shocked. Varric caught the kiss and backed away, "I should get going. Also, congrats on the engagement." He gestured at Gaila's ring, and then skedaddled out the door!

"Cheers!" Scotty said, very cheerfully. He was very happy that someone had noticed he'd taken that plunge, even if it had looked to be disastrous. He even went downstairs and locked the door, after leaning out and saying, "Yer invited tae the wedding! In five years! Byeeee!"

Place? Locked up, lights being turned off, and he finally turned to Gaila, to ask her, "Are ye comin' up tae bed?"

Shower. Bed. Good.

"I need to check on the Maid, then I'll be up." She grinned at him "Don't bother with PJs.

"Yaaaaaaay," Scotty said in a light and airy comedic voice, clapping his hands together like a five year old on christmas morning. He blew her a kiss because he knew NO WAY was he going to get away with kissing her after Porthos had a lick fest all over his face, and ran upstairs to hop in the shower and then dive into bed afterward. Sans pj's!

She leaned against the door, then went to check on the bar. She had to shut up nagging voices in her head, before she pounced her man.