A tall ship and a star to steer her by (starwreck) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-05-08 02:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, christine chapel, gaila, hikaru sulu, james kirk, janice rand, leonard mccoy, montgomery scott |
pack the ferret
Who: Kirk, McCoy, Janice, Sulu, Scotty, Gaila, Pavel, Christine, Pavel (the ferret)
What: Vegas Road Trip. The grand adventure begins!
When: Today!
Where: Various places and then the highway!
Rating: PG-13 for taking a minor across state lines
Status: Complete!
Kirk screeched to a halt in front of McCoy's place, and got out of his car. He jogged up to the door and knocked, "Bones! Pack a bag! We're driving to Vegas!" His tone was authorative.
"We're what?" McCoy called through the door, even as he got up and started somehow cramming things into a bag on sheer instinct. "Why the hell are we going to Vegas, out of curiosity?" Not that he was oppossed. He even opened the door so Jim could explain the rest of the insane idea.
"Whores and gambling, what other reason would we go to Vegas?" Jim gave him a grin, "You should see the nightclub scene out there."
"I don't know." McCoy admitted, moving to cram a few more things into his bag. "Figured you were eloping or some shit." He grinned back. "Otherwise? Sounds awesome."
"They don't do gay marriage there yet. Can you believe it? You'd think that would be number one on the agenda." Jim jerked his thumb towards the car, "Scotty was out with a friend and Spock wasn't interested, so its just us."
"Yeah really." McCoy tossed his bag in the car and made sure he wasn't going to have to hit up an ATM right away on the way out. He did kind of wonder what it was going to be like being the responsible adult in a situation where Jim Kirk was involved. In Vegas of all places, but hell with it. He enjoyed the idea.
Responsibility? Kirk was about to spend 4 days in the wilderness with a bunch of soccer moms. He wanted a day or two of complete and utter wild times, before he was forced to babysit. And he wasn't going to invite Janice because he was afraid they'd end up accidentally hitched.
Oh to hell with it, "Want to swing by and pick up a lady friend I know?"
"Sounds good, sure." Meant McCoy probably wouldn't be the only one who was sort of an adult here. Which meant he wouldn't have to be on HIS best behavior either. Win/Win!
"Get in!" And once McCoy was in, Kirk sped off!
Jim peeled into Janice's driveway, and honked his horn, "Janice! Pack a bag, we're going to Vegas!" Honk honk!
Which is also about what he did to Bones. Only that involved knocking on the door until he was let in.
What what in the what now? Janice hung up her phone as she walked out the door, one hand on her hip and the other holding the phone out to him like she will shove that thing up his nose, sideways, if he doesn't explain himself. "Captai--...Jim, you know I have a schedule. You can't simply drive up here, and say we're going to Vegas. I'm going to have to rearrange and...is that Doctor McCoy?"
Which McCoy somehow had found himself agreeing too, like an idiot. He waved at the woman at the door apologetically like "I'm just getting dragged into it too" . Did he just hear her saying Captain on the other end of the line? What?
"Pack a bag. Bones, meet Janice, Janice meet Bones. Now Janice, get your pretty ass in here. We're going to Vegas."
"You did not just say for me to get my pretty ass in your car. Sir." Her mouth turned into a thin red-stained line of opposition to this...crazed....profoundly Jim Kirk plan. She also knew resistance was pretty much futile, which was why she asked, "For how long?"
"Afraid he did." McCoy shook his head. "Hi. Leo McCoy. Nice to meet you even if we have a crazy friend."
Jim looked thoughtful, "TOnight and maybe tomorrow night. No longer, I have a survival class this weekend. Which you're invited on Janice, if you want."
"Nice to meet you too," Janice said, giving him a strange staring at, because he didn't seem to remember her either. Odd. She sort of gave Kirk a stare like the survival class might be interesting. Seeing Janice in the woods though, might be a bit scary. "I'll pack a bag and alert my messaging service. Let me do that real quick and lock up." She turned and went inside and got started! Efficiently. No dilly dallying around for Janice, noooope.
Jim looked at McCoy, "Huh, maybe she will go to that survival class with me." He grinned at him, "She'd be hot out there."
A hot mess, is what he means. A hot mess.
Indeed!
Janice was not thinking of that, instead she was throwing three bags down the staircase directly at Kirk. And one bag? Was for shoes.
"You think?" Mccoy asked him, shaking his head and grinning. "Might be ready to kill you out there."
"Did you bring a swimsuit?" He got out of the car to get her bags, "Sexy underwear? Leave your iPad. No work."
"I've brought sexy everything. And my ipad. In case you get into trouble." She ignored any protest, like she knows better, and was setting the alarm and locking the door. Then down the steps she went with a smile.
In hindsight, it was a good thing Scotty was out - they might end up needing bail. Jim shrugged, "Well if you come with me into the woods, none of that will work there." Smug! He tossed her luggage into the trunk. He and McCoy only had like one bag each!
Somewhere, where Sulu lives, his high alert senses were tingling.
"We should get Christine in on this." McCoy observed, going for his phone.
"I've got battery power. I can at least load some apps," Janice tried to explain. Emphasis on tried, because Kirk was giving her an eyetwitch. She went nowhere without that thing. Nowhere! Even out in space!
Christine? Was at home. With her face in a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and watching Lifetime's Battered Woman of the Week miniseries movie marathon. Meaning it was all lumped into one long cheaply made show full of weeping and men being battery and McMeanPants.
Any lesbians?
No, no lesbians. Only battered wives. Christine had kleenex. If her phone rings, she's going to sound like she has a cold. A sniffly cold. It's not true, she's crying at the tv.
Lifetime's the channel for women. If they get beat up. Lots.
Bucky apparently has a thing for it too. Not that that's any here or there, but just sayin'. Anyway, McCoy dialed and waited for her to pick up. "Christine! We're going to Vegas. Wanna come?"
Jim pulled out of the Janice's home. He handed his phone over to Janice, "Can you call Gaila and see if Scotty is back yet?"
"...Vegas?" she squeaked a little bit, and then coughed lightly to get her voice back in check. "Uhh, sure, you know what? I could really use some debauchery right now, Leo. When?"
Janice felt like a total sexretary all over again. Back in her element she nodded and got her phone out of her purse, dialing Gaila's number.
"Hello?" Gaila answered the phone on the second ring, "You haven't left yet have you?"
"Right now! Well in about five minutes." McCoy sounded excited now that this was under way. Then again, given his life, could you blame him?
"No," said Janice, "sorry, this isn't Jim. It's Janice. He wanted to know if Scotty was back yet. Did you still want to go?"
"Of course we do!"
Jim wasn't sure there was enough room in this car, "Does anyone have a bigger car?"
"Okay then," she nodded to Kirk like they did want to go, yep. "And I might suggest a rental. Something larger to accomidate everyone." And their luggage.
"Five minutes? I have to find my curling iron. And that blue dress....ok, five minutes! Stop by!" Oh this would be FUN. She hung up after a hasty goodbye to Leonard and called in to work to say she? Was not going to be in for a few days, cough cough, omg flu so terrible...flu shot did nothing. Bai. Packing now!
"Good idea, I knew there was a reason I liked you! Let her know we're getting a minivan and then we'll pick them up." A mini-van. Of Awesome, "We want to bring anyone else? Sulu! And that whizkid! We can pretend he's 21!"
Gaila hung up and went to make sure the dog got to do his thing before they left, and then to pack. Like 4 bags.
Pavel was in the garage pretending that he wasn't blowing things up and was instead making candy. Sure.
Janice didn't want to say that she didn't think that Kirk could drive it, without wanting to go off-roading in it or something.
Scotty just packed one bag because he's not dumb. He did, however, fill his pockets with tools.
Sulu? Was at home, spaying some of his more delicate plants with a misting bottle. With a ferret scampering back and forth over the back of the couch.
Jim drove to a car rental and went to talk to the man at the counter, "Okay. We need something for..like 9 people. That is made of awesome."
Sulu hoped someone would call him so he could facepalm at Kirk's current plan.
And Christine was trying on dresses at lightspeed. And trying to remember her hairspray.
She's from Texas. That's where hairspray and big hair lives.
Gaila rang up Sulu, "Hikaru? Pack a bag, we'll be by to pick you up for a trip to Vegas." Then she hung up, before he could respond. She did learn from Kirk!
Sulu just stared at his phone, followed by the sound of a palm meeting a face that probably reverberated all throughout Orange County. No choice! His plants! His ferret! His teaching...oh wait, that was part time anyway and he didn't need to do that until next week. Resigned to his fate, Sulu simply called the neighbor to take care of Pavel again, and drug his feet back into his bedroom to pack.
He did, however, say 'son of a bitch' under his breath, just once.
Kirk took out his phone, and txt'd 'pack the ferret.'
Sulu got the alert for a text, looked at his phone, looked at an expectant Pavel, then let out a long suffering sigh. "I better get your carrier."
Janice just nudged her way against Jim to talk to the rental person. "Do you have anything that's camper sized, or even bus sized, because I have the feeling if women are involved, there will be space issues."
She knows. You don't come between a girl and her luggage.
The man at the counter nodded his head, "We have a couple larger vans with enough seats. How many people?"
"About nine," Janice said, and was certain to add, "plus all their luggage."
The man nodded, "I have just the thing." He gave her the keys to a large van designed for 10 people plus luggage.
"Thank you. Where should he sign?" Because, hey, the Captain's idea? He's paying for it. She nudged him lightly and handed him a pen.
Jim laughed, and signed, "I've got no problem with paying."
Christine was currently planting her butt down on her second suitcase and trying to get it to zip shut. The first one zipped just fine! If by 'zipped just fine' one means 'is going to burst and have all sorts of girl stuff fly everywhere at any second.'
"Good, so let's make sure nothing goes wrong," Janice said with a wry smirk.
Look, McCoy! You can has help babysitting!
Jim moved the luggage from the Chevy to the van, then climbed in, "Everyone in!"
Excellent! Another Den Parent on the boyscout trip from Hell!
Janice nodded to McCoy like she knew from experience they were in for it, and hopped in!
At least McCoy wouldn't have to deal with wild animals this time. And cell phones would work.
It was really only the other kind of cougar they should be concerned about...
Jim was hoping Janice had claws.
She took a nailfile out and started filing them, like she was sitting behind a desk in an office and waiting for the next phonecall to come in. Did someone mention calling some kid? She can field that.
A short while later, van pulled up in front of Mad Monty's, piled in a Scotty and a Gaila, and then drove on!
Scotty looked relieved just to sit down after getting his arse rubbed by a large biker woman in a donut shop with his new bisexual-more-lesbian buddy. And having to carry Gaila's four suitcases downstairs and load them in. He swore she packed the kitchen sink. "By the by, McCoy? Yer a cheating bastard. I wept over what ye did, visiting Kirk in jail. How could you." Trollface.
Now their love was never meant to be. Woe.
Jim looked back at him, "wait, how did you know about that?"
Janice, meanwhile, had tracked down the poor unfortunate Pavel Chekov's valar net information with the precision of a fed agent with a vendetta, and had phoned up his MOTHER.
"Aww honey, it was...Wait, what?"
Gaila crawled into Scotty's lap!
Janice was explaining that the woman's son was the sudden winner of a science fair in Vegas and he needed to pack up and be ready to leave in five minutes, or he might miss his booking at the hotel. Ha, take that. Yes, she's a responsible adult.
Jim looked over at Janice like 'I think I might love you maybe."
Then he'd pulled up in front of Sulu's!
"Some large biker man who ended up bein' a woman gave me an arse rub in the donut shop, aye? Ends up, she knew Kirk, because of jail bail, which ends up, she noticed ye too, McCoy. She said ye had nice hands. Then I pretended tae cry into her bulky bod about ye cheating on me, though I was laughing me arse aff. Cheers!"
See that? Was impressive tracking right there. And the cover story? Pretty awesome. Yeah, he was getting hustled out of the garage pretty quickly. "No but. the..." there was a tiny explosion before anything got explained but he was going to Vegas.
Janice simply scrawled out a post it note that said "Glad to be of service, Captain" and stuck it directly onto his forehead, with the palm of her hand. She hung up her phone. "Chekov will be ready to go, but you might want to pick up nurse Chapel first."
"Oh THAT." McCoy remembered now. "Yeah, That was a little while ago. Bubba's kind of awesome."
Jim nodded his head, "Soon as Sulu gets in, we'll grab Christine and Chekov."
"Anyway, it was midgets or something so totally not his fault. He gets a pass this time."
Sulu, meanwhile, was trudging out of his apartment with one very neatly packed suitcase, and a carrier with a spastic ferret ready for exciting times, running circles around in it. He opened the van door and said very simply, "Hey guys." Then he slid his suitcase in the back past Scotty's head, got in, sat down, and looked lost already, while hugging the pet carrier to himself. "What'd I miss? Who's Bubba? It's not another midget, is it?"
"Bloody wee people. Hullo, Sulu."
Sulu wasn't sure he wanted to say anything.
"Bubba gives out ass rubs in the donut shop and apparently hits on Jim in jail." McCoy gave Sulu a little nod like 'welcome to my madness'.
Spock was right, these people were trouble. Why didn't he say he was busy? When midgets attack was going to happen all over again. He bets it will. He just nodded back at McCoy and groaned a little like that? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Normalcy is highly overrated Janice scribbled neatly on a post it note and slapped that over the one on Jim Kirk's forehead. Like it was an update.
"Hey Sulu." Jim smiled at him, waited for him to buckle up and then it was whirlwind driving to pick up the remainder of their crazy gang!
Christine was waiting with two suitcases of overstuffed doom, outside of her apartment. She was also not winking at Juan, the landscape guy. Except she was, so it's a good thing when they pull up and save her from that fresh hell. She climbed in with a hello, ruffled Leo's hair up a little and sat her butt down, ready to go! "Howdy y'all. Wow, you look a lil green, hon. You feel okay?" She was, of course, talking to Gaila. "I've got some anti nausea meds in my purse. You want some?"
And the reason she has those is because she gets car sick. Enjoy your road trip!
"I'm fine," Gaila replied. "Its my natural state!"
Jim shook his head, using Janice's directions to find Pavel's place!
And Pavel was waiting out front, hoping his family didn't come out and EMBARASS him or anything.
The van pulled up! Gaila opened the door and gestured for him to quickly get in!
Yay, brilliant lad! Scotty waved and all but pressed his face against the window like he had been given too much sugar and caffiene that day. Well, he does have donuts too.
"REMEMBER TO CHANGE YOUR SOCKS AND UNDERWEAR AND HAVE FUN HONEY!" came out, just as Pavel was scrambling in.
"Oh, he's young...and..." Christine SNERKED. Loudly.
"Wow, that's embarrasing," Sulu said with a smile.
"On that note...Hi...." Pavel shook his head as they pulled away.
"Hi," Sulu said. "Don't worry. My mom says that all the time."
"I'm glad my mom is just a bitch!" Jim turned a corner, and made his way to the freeway! Meanwhile, the ferret managed to escape.
"So. No science fair?" Pavel smirked. "What are we really doing then?" Because he's pretty sure not all of these people have been kidnapped by a madman.
"Me mum doesnae, because we just yell at one another over the phone that red pudding willnae survive bein' flown here and that it's tae expensive, and that's that," Scotty added helpfully as well. "No science fair, laddie. Vegas fun!"
Janice turned enough to eye Pavel like she was sizing him up. She didn't remember him, but smiled a little, nonetheless. "We'll have to see about getting you a faked out of state i.d. card." Because she's...helpful, like that.
Janice got started on that, like she's done this before.
"We'll get you some kind of fake ID." Jim nodded at Janice, "Yes, that."
"Isn't someone glad that I bought my ipad?" she asked no one in particular.
"That? Is incredibly awesome." Pavel smirked.
"My lips are sealed," Christine promised, making a locking them and tossing away the key motion with one hand.
Gaila nodded her head, "I had soo many fake IDs when I was your age!" Then she squealed as the ferret tried to burrow into her shirt.
Sulu wasn't sure how that happened, but he went trying...not to dive for the wily critter. "Sorry about that. Pavel, get out of there...c'mon..."
That got a snort. "Oh god the ferret's Pavel too? Well, at least we know I do not crawl into shirts?"
Scotty just reached one hand around Gaila and grabbed the ferret and smushed it against his cheek like it was his wee buddy and he'd probably give it a drop or two of something alcoholic yet again, and it's getting cooed at while squirming happily in ferret glee.
Gaila patted Pavel's head. The non-ferret, "A little older and I'd want you to."
"Oh, yeah, that's a pretty weird cooincidence," Sulu was saying, and...again he's not sure he wants to go there and get the ferret back quite yet. His eyes went a bit wide at Chekov like...maybe you do not want? He looked traumatized. Because he remembered porn night.
McCoy looked vaguely traumatized too. "Scotty are you even allowed near the ferret after last time?"
"Aye, sure I am! Why not?" He was already bouncing on his butt in the seat a little bit and razzing the ferret so it was in a fine spazz attack.
"Uhh...he has a point, I better take him back now..." Sulu reached back, grabbed the ferret and...with a grin, held it out to Chekov like maybe they could just..don't get hyper together. Don't be like Scotty. There, that's the only rule. Because Scotty was not good with pets. At all.
Scotty just frowned and stared straight forward. Boo.
The ferret was in super spastic mode! Squirming and making dooking sounds! Jim laughed, "Just like old times! Only with less porn."
Pavel laughed and took the ferrett carefully. "Well, hi." He said, trying to keep ahold of the squirmy thing. "It's good to meet you." And aww cute.
"I'm glad you paid for that," Sulu was saying, relaxing finally, like maybe if they all kept that in mind, it wouldn't happen again. He did smile at that because, yeah, maybe Chekov could keep up with that. He sometimes wasn't sure if he was the right owner for a ferret but....he was attached and couldn't give him up.
"He's really cute," Christine was saying, and it wasn't obvious if she meant the ferret, or Sulu.
Sulu wasn't so relaxed anymore.
Gaila eyed Christine and mouthed 'gay' at her.
"Very." Pavel agreed, and it might have been hard to tell WHAT he was agreeing to there,
... 'oh no! really?' Christine mouthed back, and then...oh well, she just rolled her eyes so she was looking off to one side and made a face at Leo like 'whoops' maybe his gaydar could tell what's going on THERE.
Sulu eyedarted and one could probably hear him saying 'ooohhh myyyy' under his breath.
McCoy was so amused right now. So very very amused.
So was Jim. He patted Janice on the leg like 'you did good!' "Okay, book us some rooms. Don't go too crazy."
"Nothing expensive."
"Would you like something themed or a regular room, sir. Because otherwise, we will all be staying at a budget inn or a motel six. You have to be specific."
"Just a regular room, Janice, close to the Strip."
"Clean sheets, without stains! Or bedbugs!" Thanks Scotty, so helpful. We don't want to know where he's stayed in.
"Or dead hookers under the matress!" McCoy put in his vote.
Christine facepalmed. And laughed. "That's true, we don't want dead hookers, because that's not an urban legend. That's true."
"King beds."
Jim grinned at Janice. GRIN.
"And near the strip it is." Janice named off some hotel where she'd booked their rooms, all on the same floor. And got a budget deal on it too. "We'll have to share, two to a room, if that's all right and...they're two fullsized beds with a nightstand between. If you want a huge huge bed, you'll have to rearrange the furniture, sir. During a body check."
"Aww," said Scotty, from the backseat.
Sulu just shrugged like he? Was okay with that. Not a problem!
Nope. Not a problem with Pavel either!
Gaila held up a hand, "I call Scotty!"
Janice, being ever so helpful, looked around to start pairing up. "If you have volunteers for...you two in the back are obvious. Anyway. Anyone want to pick a partner or should we resort to drawing straws?"
Jim grinned at Janice, "I'll take you."
Scotty went \o/ yay like they were obvious!
"Drawing straws it is," Janice said, just to be a bit of a smart ass.
"Uhh, Leo and I have shared space off and on so I think we'll be okay," Christine offered, giving McCoy a pat on the arm like she thinks they can manage.
"We can do that." McCoy agreed, grinning. "This way, nothing insane goes down."
Jim nodded, " I think Sulu and Pavel could room."
"That...would be fine with me yes."
"Sounds good." Sulu nodded like that? Was fine. The kid seemed nice and normal.
He'll probably be cleaning puke off the floor at some point, but that's okay. Sulu's used to it after that last flash party.
"And it looks like you'll get to stare across the nightstand at me," Janice said to Kirk, quite happily.
Jim chuckled, "I suppose that will have to do." More cockblocking, yay!
She somehow thinks maybe he can overcome the threat of the nightstand blockade. Where there's a will, there's a way.
And Kirk had one hell of a will.
Gaila took out her ipod, and a radio tuner, "Turn the radio to 89.5?" Jim did so, and road trip songs started playing!This will be glorious!