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Tweak says, "Tracy made me do it!!"

Enjolras isn't a statue, really (solo_patria) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2013-01-07 23:46:00

Entry tags:

enjolras, grantaire

Who: Enjolras and Grantaire
When: Monday
Where: Irvine General Plague Central!
What: Enj gets a visit. I'll update with more specifics
Rating: Open for now. Will update!

Enjolras had woken up to oxygen and IV's a while ago now, and had been completely miserable throughout most of this hospital process, which didn't help with the fact that he was still having insane amounts of trouble breathing. The therapy for that was the worst, so undignified that it made him feel just helpless and stupid and everything else.

He also didn't like the fact that he was sort of stuck here for the moment, because when he wasn't sleeping, which you could only do too much of, he was bored. Extremely bored. He'd told his parents to go home a few hours ago after his mom had started doing that weird...thing she'd been doing at him since he'd been arrested. He'd tried to be nice about it but...he hadn't wanted flailing so much.

Now though? Well, he had the copy of Rousseau he'd been reading at the time, but he wasn't much for focusing on it just now, and sighed, flipping through the television with varying degrees of mild annoyance. This wasn't working at all, clearly. Bored wasn't something he did well, and he was mentally formulating escape plans that his friends would probably foil if he didn't act soon.

Right now, for instance...could he make it to the door if he really tried it? He was debating making that break for it, certainly...

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solo_patria
2013-01-22 03:20 am UTC (link)

"Fair enough." Enjolras paused. "I didn't really think this arguing thing through just now." Because he couldn't very well launch into passionate defenses when he wasn't breathing, that was true. "We'll save it for a special meeting." Pause. "I appreciate you reading it anyway, even as repugnant as it is to you."

He hoped he would be fine. It was still what he was hoping would come out of this. Any of the other, worse reports, he put behind him just now. There were other things to think about.

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grand_r
2013-01-22 06:22 am UTC (link)

Grantaire flipped another page forward and then back with a little more force than was strictly necessary. Turning an intense look to Enjolras, he began, "I do not find it repugnant. It is merely words on a page. I find it pointless dr--" but he bit his lip and stopped himself, shaking his head. If Grand R was going to keep Enjolras from getting worked up while in a delicate condition, Grantaire was going to have to restrain himself. Having their fearless leader all too himself for once would have been a great opportunity. There was no way for Grantaire's opinions to be ignored or shouted down, but in this place and in this way was not how he wanted it to happen.

"It's fine." He cleared his throat. "If this is all I can do to help you... Shall I continue?"

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solo_patria
2013-01-22 06:08 pm UTC (link)

"Okay, so pointless isn't quite as bad somehow." Enjolras decided. "And it sounds more...like you, I suppose." That was always Grantaire's thing, pointing out the problems in most wide eyed idealism. It was fine though, annoying as it could be. Enjolras would never say it to his face, but having someone shoot holes in his dearly held beliefs and the things that he was passionate about was probably good for all of them in the long run.

"Either way...I do appreciate this." he said, giving Grantaire a nod. "If you would." He'd owe him a favor someday, he decided. Which was a strange, strange thought, and slightly annoying because the circumstances he imagined doing this favor in were ones he wasn't accustomed to. Not that he thought Grantaire would ask but somehow honor or something like it demanded he do that. He'd keep it to himself for now though, anyway.

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grand_r
2013-01-26 06:13 am UTC (link)

"Think nothing more of it. Of course, I will do this for you." One nice thing about the inside of Grantaire's mind was his ability to turn it off when he needed. 'It sounds more like you' had the potential to spark a series of emotional and philosophical thoughts as to the meaning, nature, and implication of the comment to which Grantaire did not allow his mind to attach.

Instead, at Enjolras' instance, he started reading again... still unable to keep the derision out of his voice after only a few more pages. It was obvious he was trying.

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solo_patria
2013-01-27 09:50 pm UTC (link)

He WAS trying. And that was enough for Enjolras, who again, almost let himself smile there. He wanted to, was the thing, but something in him wouldn't let that slip out just now. It was, all the same, a definite chink in the mental armor he was used to shielding himself with.

Sounding more like Grantaire was more of a...well, Grantaire WOULD approach this from the perspective of finding it pointless, rather than finding it somehow insulting or anything that would be worse. Not that Enjolras supposed that it would matter so much if Grantaire found it repugnant as such, but it still felt...better that he simply didn't believe in it.

There were ways to make a believer, he told himself, and even though it had yet to happen, maybe there was that bit of him that hoped for the chance, that something would do it. He didn't let himself believe in that chance much, speaking of believing but it existed anyway. Maybe not with Rousseau as such, but...the words were comforting anyway, and brought him back to, strangely, the dream he'd had when he'd first started feeling sick.

"I..." he started, about to tell Grantaire of the dream at least a little, then stopped himself, because how did you account for all of this, to a skeptic of all people? "Well, no, never mind. It's going to sound...crazy. This thing is sapping my sanity I swear. "

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grand_r
2013-01-29 07:19 am UTC (link)

Grantaire had developed a knack for reading while keeping his attention focused on Enjolras. It particularly came in handy during meetings when he pretended to ignore them all until it came time for the drunk's interjection into the conversation. For now, he watched Enjolras' mind go... somewhere... while he was reading. The skeptic hardly paid attention to the words he spoke (even though he read accurately) out of wondering what Enjolras was thinking so hard about. Breathing, no doubt, but it looked like something else, too. Grantaire wouldn't dare ask. Whatever it was would probably show up in one of Enjolras' articles or blogs sooner rather than later, and then everyone would know his mind.

Pausing the reading when Enjolras started to speak, Grantaire looked up. "Even if it is crazy, perhaps it's best to speak it just get it out of your mind? If you can manage to speak much at all, that is."

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solo_patria
2013-01-29 09:55 pm UTC (link)

Oh, there was something forming for the blog in there, yes. Enjolras had been working something along those lines out, and just needed the right...impetuous to post there. Something big enough that he could connect The Social Contract to at least.

"If I'm careful..." He said, pausing as he tried to get in more air, and even though the effort of that made his lungs burn, it meant they were working, right? Working lungs were a good sign.

"The reason this..." he nodded at the book. "Got interesting again is actually..." Grantaire of all people was really going to think he was insane here. Actually come to think of of it, offhand, the person he thought might not think it was insane or just a dream, probably the only one was Jehan. That said, he'd started this after all.

"I had a dream." He started. "About Jean Jacques. Courf..." he broke into a fit of coughing that lasted longer than the others had, and made him wonder what he was even trying to do with this. "...And Marius and I were talking about him." He didn't add the year or place since that wasn't the major point of it. "He said something insulting and I was..." There was another rattled breath there. "Almost insulted on his behalf. I had to re-read when I woke up. Just to see what that was about. If it would help with...any of our thing. "

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grand_r
2013-01-31 08:56 am UTC (link)

While every man Grantaire knew was off dreaming of carnal pleasures, of course Enjolras was dreaming about Jean Jacques Rousseau-- Grantaire's internal mocking of Enjolras' reverence for the man was interrupted by the coughing fit. His expression was instantly concerned, and he glanced wildly around for anything he could do to help. There was nothing Grantaite could do but wait until it subsided, and the story continued.

Enjolras was correct about one thing. Grantaire thought he was insane. Did he have a fever? because it must have gone to his brain. Clearly the sickness was loosening Enjolras' grip on reality.

"So all this," Grantaire wiggled the book in his hand, "is to settle an argument that began in a dream?" He glanced between Rousseau and Enjolras with a concerned expression.

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solo_patria
2013-02-01 05:32 am UTC (link)

Enjolras's brain worked in really strange ways sometimes, that much was true. Despite that, he sort of thought that the dream he'd had was a little bit more than that. More of a...He'd gone into the reading beyond the basic ideas with some idea that, based on the dream, this could help them change the world, the way they'd talked about.

"Not exactly to settle an argument." Enjolras answered, thinking about it, and okay, he snickered at the idea of that. "Even I'm not so stubborn as that." He probably was, if he really got the chance to be, and his friends would probably swear to that but he didn't see it so much now. "No, this is more a...I woke up from the dream thinking Rousseau could help...with what we're trying to do in the world. I believed in him so much there. It felt like it was more than just a dream. Which probably was the first indication all of this was happening, but..."

He trailed off, not sure how to finish that. 'But it feels like more' wasn't the right thing to say here. 'But I really think he's onto something' was another kind of thing you didn't really share with Grantaire, even when you were talking about the dreams.

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grand_r
2013-02-08 09:02 pm UTC (link)

'Not so stubborn.' Yeah, right. Grantaire gave Enjolras a look that said without question that he didn't believe that. Enjolras was notoriously stubborn when he really put his mind to it. But he was sick, so Grantaire would let the commentary slide this time. In the interest of remaining pleasant and not getting kicked out of the hospital room ~~yet~~, there was a lot on which Grantaire wasn't planning on commenting.

It was best that Enjolras hadn't finished that thought aloud. The skeptic was already in high spirits about the topic after 'suffering' through his surface reading. Grantaire's bedside matter, at times, left something to be desired.

"Yes, it sounds like the fever talking. Whereas I can see the relevance that something contemporary to this," he motioned with the book in his hand again, "might hold to a modern audience, I fail to see how it might be useful for 'what you're trying to do in the world' and why you would put so much faith in something that a hallucination suggested. It defies logic, Enjolras."

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solo_patria
2013-02-09 07:12 pm UTC (link)

Enjolras supposed that that look was fair really, considering what he was like when he got something in mind that he couldn't let go of. And his tendency to cling to it no matter what. At least it was just the look this time, right? And no one else was around to snicker at him, the way they might have if this had been with the group. Not so much at his ideas, but the idea that HE wasn't being stubborn about something. It was, actually, pretty laughable.

From Grantaire, he had known to expect the skeptical response and wasn't surprised by it entirely, especially when he had prefaced it by talking about the fever and framing it the way he had. If he'd wanted to be believed wholeheartedly on this thing? He would have picked someone else to bring this up to, but even his attempts at explaining weren't getting him far.

"That's the thing." Enjolras nodded at the contemporary part. "I'd like to work a little more with what's out there, periodwise. See if there are any ideas that might still apply. Some of them are naturally going to be...well, too idealistic to work in any setting, but some others, I don't know, I can't help but feel like they're worth considering as something to strive towards if not actually make happen."

For a moment there, there was a blaze in his eyes that seemed to go beyond the room that they were in, and Grantaire, and everything else, but only for the moment, when his breath hitched again and the effect was ruined. This time, he waited it out, and at least didn't end up hacking again, which was a start.

"As for the hallucination..." That was as good a word for it as any, Enjolras supposed. He didn't like that Grantaire phrased it that way, and that he annoyingly was right on that point. "It just felt so real. I suppose I'm clinging to it based on that. I don't know that I'd say it's faith exactly. Just...the idea that I might find this interesting. It's The Social Contract itself that's got my faith sparked. Does it matter so much where I found it?"

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grand_r
2013-02-17 03:52 pm UTC (link)

For any other man, the blaze in Enjolras' eyes when he spoke would have been contagious. Grantaire simply(?) found it beautiful. This was one of the reasons that Grantaire continued to hang around his friends as often as he did. When Enjolras got worked up over something, especially during meetings, the others would follow soon after. Their enthusiasm fed into one another. Although Grantaire was not one to be swept up in the frenzy (it was not in his nature), he lived solely through their energy... and Enjolras' most of all. Grantaire believed that Enjolras truly believed in his missions and his writing. He was intense, even now. It was a little awe-inspiring.

But instead, Grantaire gave Enjolras a side-long skeptical look, worried about the continuous hitches in his breath and the fanatical dreams that the fever was no doubt fueling. Grantaire scrunched his nose at the word 'faith.' He'd said it first himself, and that made the sound of the word all the more distasteful to him.

"I think you should approach the topics Rousseau writes about with a little more criticism and not let the suggestions of your subconscious direct your interests too strongly." Grantaire frowned and finally set the book aside. "I'm distracting you from your rest. What's important is that you start feeling well again."

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(Shit, I never saw this! <3)

solo_patria
2013-02-26 01:44 am UTC (link)

Enjolras did believe in those things, yes. And being sick was no reason not to be intense. Well, for him at least. Of course, it was entirely possible that the high fever was contribution to the burst of intensity that seemed to be...a little further out there than usual. But yes, generally his beliefs were pretty much one of those things that were ingrained no matter what.

The word faith itself wasn't so much the problem, if you found something that you really, really could put it in. Enjolras didn't tend to have it, religiously speaking, and what faith he had, he had placed in all the others, but having his friends share it wasn't too terrible, was it, if it was for something in the direction of their goals?

"A little more criticism..." Enjolras frowned, but it was thoughtful, there, "And I suppose a look at modern society and whether or not a Social Contract is even a valid idea now." It seemed to be a good source for getting started but, "You're right about the approach I think. I've scratched the surface but need to go further before I run around in the streets screaming these things." As if he'd ever scream them though.

"I feel all right, I think." He tried to tell Grantaire, ruining it as he had to stop again, this time for a longer pause while he willed himself to catch his breath and not to start coughing again. "Aside from this. I...it's all been on my mind. I can't let go, I think."

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