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Atlas ([info]true_name) wrote in [info]valarlogs,
@ 2020-04-23 19:14:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!complete, john murphy, nathaniel (john mandrake)

WHO: John and John Nathaniel
WHAT: Mexican food
WHERE: El Farolito
WHEN: Dated Friday, lunch time
RATING: TBD, but likely low



Oh, it wasn't as if Nathaniel had never been flirted with before, but the troubled lied in identifying if he was being flirted with. Girls thought he was 'cute' at best, but enjoyed putting their fingers in his hair, but then say he was sweet and a good friend. Men were different, more forward about it. As he grew into a young man, there were a few encounters with the same sex and a few less with the opposite, mostly due to Nathaniel's own fault, he would wager.

No one could really blame him. Things like dating and sex were always slightly elusive for him as a young scientist. Certainly, it happened, but eventually, if he did like someone, they would grow impatient with his obsessions or think he was mad and it would end not with a bang but a shockingly boring puff. Yes, a puff. Like a puff of air, as Nathaniel liked to think of it.

This current situation had taken some more critical thinking. Nathaniel, who was terrible at anything social, and even worse when it came to flirting, had to open about thirty tabs to find out from queer forums if he was, indeed, being flirted with. The answer? Inconclusive. That was alright. He liked the theatre and he wanted to learn some ASL and there was Mexican food involved, something he so rarely indulged in. And so Nathaniel didn't prepare for a date. He chose the first white button down linen shirt he pulled from his wardrobe and tucked it into a plain pair of charcoal trousers. Being someone who was famously concerned with his appearance, everything was ironed and expensive, his shoes a high shine of black, his watch a Concord Swiss. It felt like a crime to pin a tiny pin with the Ghostbusters symbol on it, but he'd stupidly promised that he'd be wearing it. After putting on his glasses and combing his fingers through his hair, Nathaniel left his small apartment with a bag slung over his bony shoulder and went to the restaurant, arriving directly on time.


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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-24 12:05 am UTC (link)
John wasn't sure if lunch with Nathaniel was a date or not, honestly. It felt like maybe it was. He was operating under the assumption that it was. He wore his favorite blue shirt and black chinos to go with it. He took care with his hair, which was something he didn't generally do when he wasn't performing. Of course when he was performing, someone else was usually doing his hair. He found the act of styling it himself to be tedious and rarely worth the hassle, but he wanted to present a good first image with his new friend.

He arrived with moments to spare, his gaze seeking out anyone wearing a white shirt, then looking to the collar for the Ghostbusters pin he knew to look for. "I forgot to tell you I really love that movie," John said by way of greeting when he located Nathaniel. His voice had a slight lilt, his vowels were a tad off because of the fact he didn't hear perfectly. His hands moved at lightning speed as he spoke, as he was accustomed to signing even when he used his voice.

His eyes were bright, his smile sincere. He didn't really know Nathaniel yet, but what he did know of him? He liked. He hoped they hit it off in person as well as they had hit it off over text.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-24 12:21 am UTC (link)
Oh, dear.

Here it went, whatever it was.

It hadn't really occurred to Nathaniel that John would be able to speak just fine and he scolded himself for thinking so. Was that considered ableist? Ignorant at best, that much was a logical certainty. Embarrassed by his own regressive thinking, Nathaniel's cheeks flared when the man came up, his fingers flying in a language Nathaniel didn't understand. Did he offer his own hand to shake?

Instead, Nathaniel nervously thumbed at the pin. He started to lower his chin before speaking, but realized John probably wouldn't be able to read his lips that way, if he read lips. If he could, would Nathaniel's accent make it more difficult? Oh, it was all just getting worse.

Nathaniel took a deep breath. "Me, too," he said dumbly. "If I'd known that, I would have invited you to mine and we would have Door Dashed it."

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-24 12:32 am UTC (link)
John wouldn't have considered it abliest or ignorant. How could he have known details John hadn't shared with him. He was able to speak, and he most certainly did read lips. He could hear sounds, but words tended to be a jumbled mess, and especially in a public place with other conversations going on around him it was difficult to focus on the words directed at him. Reading lips was natural for him, though, and he did it without even thinking about it.

"Next time," he said in response to the thought of going to Nathaniel's place and getting food delivered. He found he actually liked that idea, and wouldn't mind doing it. "But this time we're here, and that's good too."

He wondered if he should tell Nathaniel to make sure he had John's attention before trying to speak to him. If he wasn't looking directly at him, he could easily miss the cue. This wasn't the first time John had hung out with a hearing person, and honestly even when there was a misunderstanding, it wasn't generally too bad. John was pretty good at recovering from a misstep, whether his own or someone else's.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-24 12:40 am UTC (link)
Next time?

Well, they would just have to see how today went. People didn't usually stick around for long, but John could be different. And oh, right, they were in a restaurant.

"I guess we should sit," he suggested. Nervous energy wanted him to stand, but that would look quite silly, although better for digestion. Nathaniel didn't know the rules here. Was he supposed to pull out a chair for John? His hand went between doing that and not, but settled on not and he had a seat in his own chair as a server came round with menus and proceeded to tell them the specials. Nathaniel laughed softly and didn't stop the server's spiel, but he gestured for John to order first.

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-24 12:50 am UTC (link)
John didn't expect Nathaniel to pull out a chair for him. He would have thought it swee if he had, but it certainly wasn't necessary. He sat, and turned his attention to the server, reading his lips while he gave the spiel. At the conclusion, John gave the menu a cursory glance. He ordered a chicken burrito without lettuce. Hot, wilted lettuce was one of the nastiest things in John's opinion, that could be served in a restaurant.

After Nathaniel gave his order and the menus were taken away, John smiled at his companion. He was definitely hoping for a next time. For all Nathaniel's inner monologue concerns, John wasn't thinking about any of that. He wasn't worried about the rules, or the social expectations.

This was two friends having lunch. And maybe they'd be more than friends, John didn't really know, but wouldn't be opposed, probably. It was a little too early to say, for sure. But he was getting a good feeling about things. He wanted to get to know Nathaniel better.

"Where are you from?" he asked, figuring that was a decent ice breaker question.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-24 11:29 am UTC (link)
For himself, Nathaniel ordered cheese enchiladas and a queso puff and a water. Usually the dinner came with a beef burrito, but Nathaniel despised beef so he asked for a third enchilada instead, although making it through just one would be difficult and now he had to decide if he was going to try to bring the rest home with him or not. Minor things could consume Nathaniel's thinking.

Once the menus were out of the way, it was easier to think more clearly and not obsess too much over having to waste styrofoam later.

No, he'd just focus on John. He forcefully ceased his tapping on the table and his bouncing leg. Had John seen his accent? Possibly. Was he really interested in where he came from? Did it matter?

"Uhm," the young doctor started intelligently. "It's a small community in Northern England called Wiltshire. I'm from a village there." Was he to return the question? Yes. Yes, that was polite. "Are you from here, John? Not the restaurant, but California." Smooth.

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-24 04:28 pm UTC (link)
John had no idea just how intense Nathaniel's thoughts could be. He might think it was a bit obsessive, the way he considered every single detail, but he would mind. Not really. Everyone was different, everyone had their quirks, everyone had the things that helped them get through the day. Quirks, or whatever. John was no exception, and he wasn't one to judge.

"I'm from Atlanta originally," John said. "Moved to California when I was 13. Been here ever since." He'd hated California when he first relocated. He'd been angry and sullen and hateful toward his parents over it. Being a teenager was hard enough in a new environment. being a deaf teenager in a new environment was a nightmare. But he'd survived, and maybe he'd emerged from his teen years a little stronger for all that he'd gone through.

"My parents are still here. My sisters live elsewhere now." He paused, giving Nathaniel the opportunity to ask another question in case there was anything he wanted to know. So far, John didn't need to prompt him to look at John when he spoke. He seemed to realise that was a necessity for John to understand him. John loathed conversations when he had to keep asking someone to repeat things.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-24 09:53 pm UTC (link)
As John spoke, Nathaniel's brain went through charts and maps to where Atlanta was. Georgia, in the South, a red state. John didn't strike Nathaniel as conservative, but one could never tell.

Their drinks and chips were brought to the table. Nathaniel thanked the server and took a swallow from his water. He could feel himself starting to relax, the tension in his shoulders easing.

"Did you come here to act?" he asked. Was that a rude question?

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-25 02:59 pm UTC (link)
John shook his head. He didn't think the question was rude. It was a getting to know you sort of question. He had no issue with that. That's exactly what they were doing here. Sharing a meal and conversation, and so far John felt comfortable with Nathaniel. Sure, he seemed a little high strung, but really, who wasn't high strung these days? John didn't get the feeling Nathaniel was looking for a window to rob him blind, so he felt comfortable with him.

"No. I never thought about acting. Didn't think it was for me," he said, his hands moving rapidly. American Sign Language was its own unique language, the signs didn't always match word for word with what was being spoken. "It was a couple years later, in high school, I was accidentally placed in a theatre class. Turns out I loved it."

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[info]true_name
2020-04-25 05:36 pm UTC (link)
Getting to know other people had never been high on Nathaniel's list of priorities. For the most part, he kept away unless forced to deal with the living, so asking questions that were appropriate felt like small talk when, really, he craved more than that.

Connecting with another living person was difficult for Nathaniel. He stared at John's hands, listening only halfway to the tidbit he'd remember anyway. He wanted to touch John's hands, but that had a very slight probability of working, and besides, it would be like John covering Nathaniel's mouth.

"This?" he asked, making an attempt to sign theatre. "Does it mean theatre?"

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-26 06:44 pm UTC (link)
"Like this," John told him, demonstrating the sign a little slower, so he could see the mechanics of it. "You make an A with you hands, and move them opposite each other like pedaling backward,' he explained. He appreciated that Nathaniel was trying to learn, to pick up on signs as John spoke to him. In John's mind, that showed that he was interested and invested in the conversation, as well as John as a person since the signing was his primary language.

He wasn't at all concerned about the connection they were making. It seemed to be going well. John usually found it easy to connect with people. He was out going and laid back, sounds being his only real draw back, but he had ways to over come that. He thought he and Nathaniel were connecting quite nicely, actually, and if he was staring at the other's mouth, it was only because he had to in order to read his lips, not because he was thinking about kissing him.

He could be bold, certainly. But he wasn't sure a kiss would be appreciated. Especially in public. And he'd rather have an actual friend than a failed attempt to kiss someone he barely knew, so he restrained himself.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-26 07:23 pm UTC (link)
Oh! Nathaniel beamed with realization. That made sense! This time, his attempt was much better.

He combined his newfound word with a few other easy ones he already knew to tell John I like theatre. That felt good. It felt like he'd just communicated better and it only made him want to learn more and so he decided he would do exactly that when he got home and he'd know more when he did go see John perform.

If John had kissed him just then, what else could Nathaniel do but return it? He was awkward, but not shy. "Tell me more about you," he said, bordering on excited as their food was placed in front of them. "Do you have brothers and sisters?"

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-26 07:40 pm UTC (link)
"Two," John held up the fingers. "Sisters," he clarified. "Both older," he added. He fell silent then, and took a bite of his burrito. He couldn't eat and talk at the same time. Or at least, he wouldn't. He could eat a meal without saying a word, obviously. He could go for days without uttering a word, but he wouldn't be rude. He chewed and swallowed before elaborating.

"One's overseas, the other is a big shot lawyer in Chicago," he explained. "Both hearing, I was never close to either of them." Which didn't mean they were at odds. They were just both girls, both older than him, and he wasn't privy to their private conversations since he couldn't exactly eaves drop on them. They were family, but as adults they were just people who had once shared the same address.

"What about you?"

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[info]true_name
2020-04-26 07:54 pm UTC (link)
They had the same manners, or at least similar. Nathaniel ate and enjoyed his bite of queso puff, humming to himself in appreciation of it, but made no attempt to speak and also didn't apologize for the pause or indicate that there would be one when it was his turn.

He noted the way John indicated the number two, like a European instead of the usual American way that made most look like they were flicking a backwards V.

Nathaniel chased his bite with water and shook his head, pausing to respond. "I'm an only child," he answered, unsure if he was supposed to be sorry or not that they weren't close, although he suspected it wasn't exactly easy not to have family there.

"Some people can hear fine, but don't listen worth a shit," he added before he took another bite, not realizing that might have been offensive.

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-27 02:10 pm UTC (link)
John had occasionally wondered how different his life would have been if he'd been an only child. It wasn't some perverse desire to have his sisters out of the picture. It was natural wonder and curiosity. He didn't now precisely what it was to be an only child because he'd never been one. He was the youngest of three, and even when the other two left the house and left California entirely, they were still part of the original family unit.

He didn't find the statement offensive at all. He rather agreed with it. Hearing people took their ability to hear for granted, picking and choosing what they wanted to hear and not hear, at times. John didn't consider his deafness a handicap, though it was definitely a challenge that presented itself daily. He couldn't accidentally overhear something, couldn't pick up on hushed whispers in a crowd, couldn't catch a tidbit of conversation here and there, and didn't always realise someone was trying to talk to him if he didn't happen to be looking at them. Yet he listened, and he heard far more than words could ever convey, because his hearing loss would be a debilitating handicap if he didn't.

He didn't resent hearing people because of their ability to hear. He had, at times, wondered why him, what had he done to deserve this flaw, but he didn't even do that so much anymore. He embraced his challenges, and he strived to over come his hearing loss as much as he possibly could. And, admittedly, it did piss him off when hearing people took their hearing for granted. Why shouldn't it? Especially when two hearing people talked among themselves about him, as if he wasn't right there in front of them, the way his sisters used to do.

"You are absolutely right about that," he said. "I've been guilty myself, of pretending I didn't know what someone was saying to me because I didn't like what they said."

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[info]true_name
2020-04-27 02:29 pm UTC (link)
"Better to pretend you didn't hear them than engage with their stupidity," Nathaniel concluded after swallowing and rinsing down another bite. To make a point, he picked up a forkful of cheese enchilada.

"If you don't like the taste of something, you don't have to eat it." Just an example, but the same concept. In the same vein, everyone blocked out things they didn't like or even denied them, even when they were for their own good. Truths were often hurtful because reflecting on one's self was the most difficult thing to do. That was a different conversation, though.

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-27 02:35 pm UTC (link)
"True," John agreed with a nod and a quick sign. He had little more to offer on the subject, and instead focused on eating a bit of his food. The burrito had been a good choice, stuffed full of ingredients and flavor. He wasn't even sure he'd eat the entire thing, but also wasn't sure he wanted to deal with taking left overs home.

Was he even going to go right home after? He kind of hoped not. He'd like to spend a bit more time with Nathaniel, away from the venue of a restaurant. He shot off a series of signs, before his brain kicked in and he remembered Nathaniel didn't know the language, and he needed to use his voice too. As much as it made him feel stupid it was also a sign that he was entirely comfortable with Nathaniel, and had let his guard down a bit.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" he asked, repeating the signs to accompany his speech.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-27 02:45 pm UTC (link)
When it came to different languages, Nathaniel knew a few. Strangely, he didn't know Spanish or French. He preferred Japanese, Portuguese, and Russian as his non English languages and just hadn't bothered much with the others beyond a few phrases.

ASL was so uncommon that it hadn't been on his radar other than the very few deaf students who'd been in his classes at University. He'd picked up a few things from watching interpreters and could suss out what John was asking before he spoke and shook his head, nothing, and pinched his fingers together to sign it as well before John opened his mouth.

"Well, that's a lie," he said aloud. "I do have some work I need to get done. I have a case in Anaheim I'm looking at, but...but that's not until this evening and you can come with me if you want to, if we're still...I mean, that is..."

Nathaniel didn't know how to do this and looked to John. Maybe signing it would be easier. He tried his best, but asking John to hang out with him the rest of the day came out as Do you mind walking with me and the cake?

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[info]thefleimkepa
2020-04-27 02:53 pm UTC (link)
Despite the ridiculousness of what Nathaniel had signed, John understood the message. He grinned in response, and signed I would love to walk and eat cake with you today back to him. It seemed Nathaniel knew more sign than John had realised. John felt a little thrill at that realization, and felt again like he wanted to kiss the other man.

"I have no plans," he said. "Or at least, I had no plans. Now I think I do." He hoped he did. He hoped the offer was sincere, and he hoped it was because Nathaniel wanted to spend time with him, too. John was generally pretty good at reading people, and he definitely felt like he and Nathaniel were hitting it off.

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[info]true_name
2020-04-27 03:03 pm UTC (link)
Was this what it was like? To feel a little flap of butterflies? Nathaniel hadn't really ever felt it before beyond the sensation a girl gave him when she blew into his ear, but it was still different. That John was a man wasn't even something that was weighing on him. For Nathaniel, sexuality and attraction existed in many forms that were far more colourful than black or white.

So then their afternoon would continue past lunch. That felt right. Nathaniel hadn't met with many people beyond lunch or the awkward scientific conversation. This, this was just for the pure pleasure of John's company and Nathaniel was suddenly glad he hadn't ordered very much.

"To plans," he suggested, raising his already half gone glass of water.

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