Raven loves waffles more than life itself (ofevilsfire) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2020-03-08 11:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, dick grayson (nightwing), rachel roth (raven) |
Who: Dick Grayson, Raven and NPC!Ruby
What: Love and loss
When: [backdated] 20 February 2020
Where: New York City
Warnings: NPC!Character death
Status: Log | Complete
Honestly, things were going normally enough. Dick was at work and Ruby was out heading back to their apartment in order to start dinner. First she just needed to pick up some things from C-Town. Nothing major, just a few ingredients for dinner that night. With a smile and a wave to the cashier, the brunette was out the door and on her way home.
Passing the alley between buildings, she suddenly tensed and looked around only to notice two guys in masks coming towards her.
“Seriously?”
She was prepared to fight back, to hold her own when she felt something hit the back of her head - hard - and then heard the sound of a gunshot and felt heat blossom in her chest, knocking her to the ground. Dazed she trembled to press her hand against the wound to stop it as she noticed the gun aimed at her head before darkness.
As for Raven? She’d been in her room, levitating and reading when she was suddenly very aware that one of her people was in danger. She didn’t think, didn’t try to specify. She had felt this panic before and so instead she just reacted.
Arriving in the alley next to Dick and Ruby’s building, she looked around in confusion and yes, a bit of fear, before she saw Ruby on the ground and bleeding.
“No!”
Eyes flashing red, the demon half of her becoming visible, her Soul Self reached out and into the two, melting their organs before she even realized it. No, Raven’s focus was on Ruby, who she ran over to.
“C’mon c’mon…”
Panicking, her Soul Self wrapped wings around the two and brought them inside, inadvertently bringing the two assailants to the outside hallway, as Raven focused all of her energy on trying to save Ruby, not paying attention that her mind was in chaos and panic and fear, the mental barrier gone for the time being. She just had to save Ruby. It wasn’t possible that she had been too late. She couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible that the bullet was specialty, that it was aimed just so….
“Please please please…”
---
On the flipside, Dick’s day had been completely dull. Save for one important purchase, which he was just wrapping up. A man in a suit, handed him a small fancy velvet box that he tucked away in his own coat pocket after the purchase was complete. “Pleasure doing business with you Mr. Grayson.” Dick gave the pocket a little pat of his hand and the man a nod. “Here’s hoping anyway.” As he got to the door and shut it behind him, he felt something touch the tip of his mind.
Nah..
Life had been so mundane for them since leaving Orange County behind, it had to be nothing. Panic. It didn’t feel like his panic, these were no ordinary engagement ring purchasing jitters though, they kept tugging at his mind even as he got to his motorcycle and began to head back to the station.
Raven was meant to come over that day, maybe she’d found the moldy beyond expired, unidentifiable green fuzz living in the fridge? That had to be it.
His mind wouldn’t settle, and instead of heading back to the station he took a sharp right turn and headed for home. That wasn’t any ordinary mystery substance panic he felt. That was something else. Faster and faster he went. Breaking so many speeding laws, but who was going to tell on him. He was the authorities. The black bike with it’s subtle blue detailing pulled to a screeching stop in front of their building and he hurriedly began to climb flights of stairs until he reached their apartment and yanked open the door. He said nothing at first, surveillance always, then words.
---
There had been a call from a neighbor about a gunshot to the police, but Raven had left the bodies of the ones who did it behind, she hadn’t cared that she had melted their vital organs (admittedly she hadn’t realized it in her panic and desperation to save Ruby), so there was some confusion on that front.
Instead she was just crouched on the ground of Dick and Ruby’s living room, purple energy around the two as she kept pushing herself, kept trying to do the impossible. If it meant killing herself in the process, she’d save Ruby.
But it also said something to the fact that she didn’t even notice Dick’s presence for how much she was pushing herself, how singularly focused she was.
“Please wake up...please….”
Why wasn’t she waking up!?
Raven’s body was about to give in on itself, her blood was humming and she could feel tears in her eyes, blood, tears, she didn’t know. She just had to fix this.
---
He’d stepped over bodies in the hallway, he saw bodies on the regular, bodies didn’t bother or phase him anymore. Bodies could be looked at with a clinical detective’s eye, and they would be-later. Now what bothered him was the distress coming from his home. That’s what he was focused on. The young girl surrounded in purple energy and the figure in the center.
Ruby. Ruby’s blood on Raven’s hands, dead bodies in the hallway. She wouldn’t kill Ruby would she?...No, when he focused on it that energy wasn’t murderous, it was healing. It was almost draining, thanks to their connection he felt a wave of dizzyness wash over him. She was pushing too far.
“Raven” He stepped into the purple, a hand reaching out for her. “Stop.” Eyes looking straight on at that body, Ruby’s body. “Enough.” Not just a request, a demand. He wouldn’t lose both of them in one day. He could see by the way she lie there, she was gone. He pulled Raven into his arms, fighting or not and just held her. “Please just stop.” He had to force himself to talk, keep moving. Raven was there but all he wanted to do was let her fix this. He knew there were limits to her, even if she didn’t.
---
It wasn’t until Dick had stepped into the barrier, through the energy to where she was that the twenty one year old even realized he was there.
“I can fix this, I can fix this….”
The comment was weak but so help her, she would fix this. She had to save Ruby. She had saved Dick before after all. It was what she kept telling herself even if logically she knew that the circumstances had been different. Timing. Injury. So much had been different but she wasn’t wanting to listen to logic.
Never let it be said Raven didn’t feel. Oh no. She felt so much, she just had to control it. But no matter what, she had always wanted to help people. Save them.
There were also very few people that could get away with physically pulling her away from what she was doing, who could touch her without warning. Dick was essentially the only person who could really. Mental bond was part of it. It was why her Soul Self didn’t lash out at him. Why it let him pull her away where Raven’s stubborn need to save Ruby wouldn’t let her stop.
She still tried to fight him, weak as it was from the energy she had already expended. It was the please that seemed to break through. Oh, he was her leader and she should listen but she couldn’t just stop. But the asking seemed to break through some of the haze, to click enough that something was wrong with her.
“I can fix this...why can’t I fix this?! I’m sorry, I tried...why isn’t it…”
She was still scattered though, grief and pain and desperation clouding the very usually calm and collected mind of one Raven. But this was a desperate matter and Azar she couldn’t just give up.
---
“Because nobody can.” He had half a mind to knock her out if she didn’t stop-but for now he’d try this approach. He waded through that energy like it was purple water with little trouble, little hesitation except when he got closer to Raven and Ruby. When he got closer to Ruby, his foot moved back just a slightest bit to align more with Raven.
His arms were tightly around her, his eyes on Ruby. “Stop.” He told her again, a more firm command. Unwavering. This was some kind of nightmare, but he didn’t have time for emotions yet. One person was still alive in that room and he intended to make sure she remained that way. No, he didn’t count himself in that equation. Part of himself had died with Ruby.
“I know you did.” He’d switched off his emotional brain, let his detective brain take over. It was the only thing keeping him from completely panicking. Compartmentalizing with the best of them. “The cops will be here soon...We probably shouldn’t be when they get here.” He would make sure Raven wasn’t connected to this crime. She hadn’t committed murder. “Safehouse, now.” His voice was stern, but his actions gentle as he gave her hair a stroke. He wanted to tell her soft words of encouragement that everything would be fine, but he couldn’t The orders ought to be enough proof of that, rarey did he ever order her to do anything. This was one of those unmovable times where he left her no room for argument. “Go on, I’ll be behind you.” She could portal, he could take care of the scene.
---
Arms around her seemed to ground Raven, even as she returned the hug. Not just for her, but they were connected and she knew somewhere that he needed it just as much as she did. He wouldn't admit it, but they both were bad about asking for help or comfort.
Hadn't she killed someone though? Even if she had been too late, the two who had attacked Ruby were dead. She had lost control, had just needed to get to the woman who had become an older sister, they'd had a gun pointed at her head just to make sure…
But she couldn't handle that. Not now. Right now she was aware of what Dick was saying. Police. Safehouse.
Shivering, be it the cold of New York, the shock of the situation or the fact she had been pushing herself to where she would have died to try and save Ruby, Raven just gave a small nod.
"Right."
Her voice felt far away, and she felt as young as she actually was. But she knew there would be too many questions and this was New York. Orange County explanations wouldn't fly. Which meant she had to leave the apartment.
Giving him a look that meant he better keep his word on coming after her, the empathy found the energy required to portal to the safehouse to wait.
---
Nightwing had pushed Police brain out of his head. He was registering the crime scene, but not as one that he belong to. He gave instructions to the young girl in his arms, but he didn’t act like a rational human being. Vigilante justice had taken over, and yet there was no one there to blame anymore. There were two bodies in the hallway that said as much. Thumb brushed away some of the tears he saw in Raven’s eyes. His own were unreadable. Someone was responsible, and he was guessing it was more than the two dead goons in the hallway. Someone had managed to kill Ruby, knew about silver bullets and he was going to find out who exactly was responsible. Those people were going to pay, and probably lived their lives blissfully unaware of the sheer disaster they’d just brought upon themselves that night.
“Go.” Was the last thing he managed to say to her, trying not to sound as cold as he felt inside. It took Dick only minutes to wipe away any evidence Raven had been involved beyond her usual involvement in his life. He knew a scary amount about rigging a crime scene, don’t ask.
When the deed was done, he returned to the apartment. He approached her body to make sure she really was unsavable one last time, and fingers brushed across her forehead gently. “I’m sorry.” He’d loved her, and now she was dead. It seemed to be a pattern in his life. Love them and lose them. Dick left that apartment behind him and everything in it. He wouldn’t be returning.
The drive to the safe house was slow, but eventually he did make it. Eventually he opened the door, which was weird enough to begin with-he didn’t just swing through the window like normal. He took the long way, he couldn’t wrap his mind around any of this.
---
Once at the safehouse, Raven still couldn’t get warm. But she knew she needed to get a control on her emotions. Nothing good came when she wasn’t in control of her emotions. So she just went to stand under a hot shower to try and warm up. To wash the guilt and blood away. All that got washed away was the blood - until she started to cough some up.
“Oh.”
That explained why Dick had stopped her. He had seen what Raven had refused to see. It didn’t wash away the guilt though, even as she knew Ruby must have died either right before she got there or just as she got to her whereas she had saved Dick just as he’d been about to. That millisecond was all it took to make a difference.
Eventually she got out of the shower and found a pair of spare pajama pants and an oversized sweater. Still cold. But she curled up on the couch, all pretenses of being older than her years and sure of herself gone. But she was trying to make sense of what had happened herself. Perhaps it was Dick having gone detective to vigilante mode that helped focus her mind, perhaps not. But there were questions.
Someone who knew about the werewolf thing? No. This wasn’t Orange County. That was unlikely.
One of the abusive exes Ruby had been with? Timing was off, she and Dick had been together for over four years by this point. Why now? Unless it was the one who had put her in the hospital and ended up in jail and he’d just got out. But why send others to do it?
An organized gang unit. Each had their own signature, was there one that used silver as part of their thing? It was the most likely and it wasn’t like Dick (or really Ruby for that matter) didn’t make enemies.
Her mind was going through possibilities, but Raven had enough presence of mind now to know when Dick was arriving and got up, went to the fridge and found two juice boxes and put them on the table before going back to curling up on the couch. It was their thing after all.
---
Emotions hadn’t yet clicked for Dick. He was making sure Raven didn’t kill herself too, making sure neither of them got tied to a murder they didn’t commit. Well not without reason in Raven’s case anyway. He honestly couldn’t say he wouldn’t have snapped their necks if he’d been the one to find them. Probably better he hadn’t, his hands would have been all over the corpses. Easier to pin on them.
Nope, he was just going forward through the motions. He hadn’t even really gotten to say a proper goodbye, but with cops on the way he knew he shouldn’t be there when they arrived. Every step toward that apartment felt like he was weighed down with the world itself. He still had Raven to contend with, but he struggled to remain a functioning human.
He shut the door behind himself and locked every single deadbolt in it. Yes there was more than one. When he turned to look at Raven finally he didn’t know how to react. “Think there’s a pizza in the freezer. Don’t think there’s meat on it...didn’t stock this place for anything..” Like the death of the person he’d planned to marry?..He gave her a strained sort of creepy smile. “I’ll make it.” What was that stupid song? Just keep swimming?...Yeah he’d adapted that in his head to just don’t drown.
---
When Dick finally got in, it didn’t take an empath or mental link to know that he was struggling. It was a natural reaction to what had happened and Azar, all over again she wanted to go back and try and fix it. But she had at least enough presence of mind to know it was a suicide mission and one she’d fail at. She knew that technically she should have put herself into a healing coma by this point given the damage she had taken onto herself in the mad attempt to save Ruby, but she couldn’t. Part of it was guilt and a means to punish herself, another part was just...she needed to make sure Dick was okay in the same way he felt he needed to make sure she was okay.
So despite seeing spots and feeling weak, she just shrugged.
“It’s okay if there isn’t.” It wasn’t like she had much of an appetite, though sometimes all that was needed was going through the motions. Still, she picked up the two juice boxes from the table she’d brought out and followed after him to the kitchen and handed one to him.
She’d need to let Ahsoka know not to check on her (assuming the alien wasn’t already worrying given the Force and picking up on Raven’s distress) as well as letting Natasha she wasn’t going to be back to Orange County for a few days - family emergency after all. But that required a bit more focus than she had at the moment.
---
“No it isn’t.” Maybe he was overreacting about the food, but it was something else to focus on. When she came to hand him the juice box he automatically took it though he didn’t want much himself either. “I’ll make something work.” Anything. He had to be successful at least at one damn thing that night or he might snap and it wasn’t a thing he was allowing himself to do. “Soon.” For the moment he put the juice box down near the fridge and continued to go through it.
“You should go rest. I got this.. I can at least make dinner.” Or whatever time of day meal it was, he lost track, but he didn’t want to say so. He was focusing every single ounce of energy on the lack of food in their fridge. “This is a joke.” In his anger he hadn’t realized in shutting that door the handle had ripped off until it was in his hand. “Perfect. That’s just perfect.” He threw the metal handle right down at the marble floor where it loudly landed and went to dig in the freezer, pizza was all they had. He turned on the stove and watched as the numbers began to rise on the bake setting in silence. Trying to calm down. Trying to feel sane again.
He hadn’t been there.
---
Raven usually would point out that Dick was overreacting, but she didn’t blame him. And she knew Ruby would have as well, then again Ruby would have known better how to help him. Though if Ruby were there they wouldn’t be in this situation at all. They’d just be having a normal dinner like she usually came in for. There would be happiness and laughter and not this.
Why hadn’t she been strong enough?
The throwing of the metal handle caused Raven to jolt and tense even more than she’d been and while normally she’d at least try to use the mental link to project calm to help, she wasn’t feeling it herself. So while Dick stared at the numbers on the stove, Raven quietly got the handle off the floor in some desperate need to feel a semblance of useful after her failure.
Why was it still so cold? Still, crowding Dick wasn’t a good thing and it wasn’t like she wouldn’t be able to get to him if he needed her so once she was certain there was nothing for him to trip on or hurt himself with, she went back to the living room to curl up on the couch, head on her knees as she focused her breathing to not start coughing again,
---
This hadn’t been the plan. None of this had been the plan. This was all the direct opposite of anything resembling the plan he’d had in mind. Now instead of a wedding he’d have to plan a funeral. If he was even able. He had his hands rested on the oven while he watched it glow steadily. Okay, so anger had hit. “...Sorry.” He commented as she left the kitchen. None of it was directed at her, it was all inward. He was to blame, he should have been there, it shouldn’t have fallen on Raven to save her. They were his, and he’d let them all down.
He needed that space to be able to breathe, but even then it felt like bricks were stacked up on his chest disabling him. None of this was Raven’s fault. He slid down to the kitchen floor and just sat on it. A hand reaching into his pocket to pull out the small velvet box that was likely just barely in Raven’s line of sight, he opened it and looked down at the ring. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.
---
If there was something Raven understood, it was anger directed inward at oneself. But she knew that no matter what, she was going to be there for Dick. To help with the funeral - she had a feeling her grandfather would offer once he learned what had happened, go surprise family members who were also a rabbi? But also with whatever sort of vigilante justice he wanted. They had one another’s back. And she couldn’t let him get himself killed in the process.
Looking over to where Dick was sitting, she saw it - barely - and felt her heart clench as more guilt washed over her for failing. It also brought forth what she had seen and felt that she hadn’t noticed in her desperation earlier. The love. Because of course Ruby would focus on that in the end. Coughing, she wiped at her eyes to get rid of the blood before she got up and walked back to the kitchen and then just slid down and sat in the doorway, back against the doorframe. Close to be support but not in space.
“....she would have said yes.”
---
Dick wanted to do so many things, none of which included sitting there on that kitchen floor looking pathetic. He’d been numb up until now, that numbness had faded and he longed for it back. Now all he felt toward everything was anger, resentment, self loathing. He should have been there. Maybe he could have prevented everything from happening. There had been no lead up to this, no nothing. He couldn’t have predicted this. Yet his mind kept replaying every single thing as if he somehow missed the signals.
He tried not to let the emotion he felt show on his face, but it was probably failing. His entire world had just crumbled again. Like a dementor had come and sucked away every ounce of happiness.
He was trying to be there for Raven, trying to be present but he didn’t want to be. It was a struggle to maintain the mask he wore but he managed. Barely. He wasn’t one to cry in front of others, hell he wasn’t even sure he’d reached crying yet. Anger yes, so much anger it was all consuming. He barely even heard Raven. He only responded “...yeah.” because he saw her lips move, and he gave her a strained smile.
---
And so they were in a holding pattern. Each trying to be brave for the other, to hold it together. Raven didn’t know what had been going on since moving back to Orange County. She came every weekend but there was so much that she missed in that time.
So instead she fell silent. What was there to say? Well, there was a lot to say. There were plans that needed to be made. Answers that needed to be found but even as Dick was drowning in anger and Raven was just focusing on appearing together because she couldn’t let Dick down… she already had failed once tonight, she wasn’t going to fail in that as well.
For now though, it wasn’t like there was much else to be said. That would come within the next few hours.
---