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Freya Mikaelson is Tired™ ([info]frelsi) wrote in [info]valarlogs,
@ 2019-05-07 15:22:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!complete, elijah mikaelson, freya mikaelson

Who: Elijah and Freya
What: Elijah has questions from the Dreams, the Dahlia Conversation (TM)
When: May 7th, around lunchtime
Where: UN Association of Orange County to a park
Warnings: Dahlia related warnings (abuse, suicide attempts)
Status: Thread | Complete


To say that Freya was getting to the point of severely overworked would be an understatement. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Lately it was the government that was causing most of the witch's headaches. The latest news about Trump wanting to radically change immigration quotas to let fewer people in? Well.... it made work with refugee resettlement all the more complicated. And it was complicated to begin with. Still, at least she was in Orange County instead of having to be down at the border for asylum cases. That was another mess entirely.

Freya had gone in early that morning and hadn't really taken a break since. There was too much to do. Especially as it looked like once again her work here and at Pimpernel Outreach was going to be overlapping. Specifically the less than legal work that was saved for when restraining orders and other legal methods for escaping abusers wasn't going to work. Thank goodness Percy was used to smuggling people across borders. At least in his Dreams. If he had experience with that here, well the man liked to keep some mystery about him. Not that it mattered. They were in agreement about what needed to be done, which meant she would have to talk to him about the cases she was coming up with that would require those particular skills and the underground network they had set up.

Even so, Freya was growing frustrated with the constant shitshow that was the Trump Administration and everything that came with it.

"Honestly, I really should just burn them all to the ground."

The comment was grumbled under her breath as Freya ran her fingers through her hair while reading a case file. It wasn't an uncommon thing for her to say. There were times, increasingly so at the moment, where she deeply considered the option before she remembered the reasons she couldn't do so. But oh was the desire strong at the moment.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-12 09:42 pm UTC (link)
Freya nodded some. It really wasn't that hard to piece together just what Elijah had been worried about once she realized what he had dreamt and why he had shown up in the middle of the day. Would she have preferred alcohol for this conversation? Of course. But it was lunch time and she had to get back to work so she would have to do this sober.

She did have to scoff at the question. Not that it wasn't valid, just that there had been so much Dahlia had done to her.

"I'd say be more specific but well, it all will come out in the end seeing at how strong the parallels are." So strong even that she couldn't even compartmentalize as she usually could. Even with Dahlia dead and gone now, with time removed both here and the Dreams, it would always be a complicated conversation.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-12 10:48 pm UTC (link)
Elijah was instantly on alert. “What did she do to you, Freya?” He questioned, voice deadly serious. “And did anyone know?” He wasn’t entirely surprised that she would have kept it from him, given her strong predilection for protecting her younger siblings.

“Or would it be better to have this conversation a different time?” He could tell this would be a difficult conversation for her to have.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-12 11:53 pm UTC (link)
Well, it wasn't the anger that Klaus' voice had been when he had questioned her about Dahlia after overhearing the confrontation between Dahlia and Freya when their aunt had shown up unannounced for the holidays. So that was something.

"At the time? Of course not."

As if anyone would know what Dahlia was up to when she had always been so careful to keep things hidden beneath the veneer of respectability. The question on if it was a conversation best left for a different time had Freya shrug. Her ideal would be never, but the can of worms was open and it was best to just get it over and done with.

"Now is fine." It meant she couldn't find excuses to put off the conversation. Especially now that Elijah knew something had happened and thus wasn't going to let it go even if they postponed the conversation.

"If I had to pinpoint when the manipulation started, it was probably from the beginning when I was five and had to go stay with her because I was sick and Klaus had just been born. You were three at the time so I don't know how much you remember from then." Shrugging, Freya leaned against the back of the bench they were on. She had done this conversation sober once before, she could do it again.

"Anyway, after that, you know how I was always doing errands for her. She'd slip in these comments that I never made much sense of, didn't think much on at the time," even as a kid Freya had always been busy with things, "But they seeped into my consciousness, chipped away at my self esteem and views of self worth. When I went to England for school, she convinced our parents that she should be the one to keep an eye on me."

Freya had wanted to get away from expectations and to finally be free to be herself but of course that hadn't been the case. How could it be with Dahlia there to ensure she maintained the perfect image so as 'not to bring shame' to the family.

"Well her version of keeping an eye on me meant that the only time I was every allowed out of where we were living was to go to class or to run errands for her," One of the first signs of abuse? Isolation. "She was very intent on finding me a proper husband and was really hoping Percy and I would end up together." The comment was made with an eye roll. She and Percy had been friends then and now but romantic interest? Hardly.

For the time being, her voice was mostly controlled. There was a strain to it but that was it. But the next part of what she had to say.... that was when the pain and fear would creep in. All these years later, even with Dahlia dead...

"Second year, I met Christina. She was amazing.... we began to see each other in secret. Or I thought so at any rate. Dahlia caught us and...it was bad. She ended up getting Christina kicked out of university. Told me that I was a disgrace to the family and if any of you knew, I'd be shunned but not to worry because she'd keep my dirty little secret and find a way for me to maintain the family name." Shaking her head bitterly, Freya took a breath, "And by that time, she had managed to isolate me so much, chip away at my sense of self that I believed her. I'm sure she was managing the phone calls back home, lying about messages to isolate me further.... Anyway. It got...worse... living with her and by the end of the year I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to kill myself."

Swallowing, Freya kept her gaze forward. She couldn't look at Elijah right then. While she had kept her gaze forward anyway, now it was especially important so that she didn't lose her self control - even as she was tense, body seemingly coiled and ready to bolt.

"She found me, and had yet another secret to hold over my head, another way to shame me. I was institutionalized for the summer and then it was back to living with her for my last year at university. Then I went to grad school and never stayed in any one place for longer than a year and a half to avoid her ever finding me and trying to control me as she had been doing."

Shrugging as if it were nothing, Freya finally took a drink of her coffee as if she hadn't just revealed all the trauma, abuse and manipulation as if it were just a story. Three times telling it and it still wasn't easy to get the words out.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-13 12:37 am UTC (link)
If he could kill his aunt he would have done so a thousand times over in the most painful manners he could devise. And with a thousand years of memories, Elijah could come up with quite the extensive repertoire. But he sensed that an outburst of anger would not do anything to help his sister.

During Freya’s long tale, Elijah’s free hand had clenched so tightly his nails imbedded themselves in his palm. She shrugged it off as though it were nothing and yet he knew that even telling the tale was taking its toll on her.

“Damn her,” he commented, voice soft but full of a tense condemnation. “Damn this whole dysfunctional family.” He longed for nothing more than to offer her whatever comfort he could and yet he struggled to find the appropriate manner to do so.

A moment longer and he settled for stretching out a hand to rest over hers, squeezing it more gently than he had realized possible given how tense his entire body was at the moment.

“I am so sorry you went through so much pain, Freya. And I know that there is nothing that will change the past but I do hope you know that you needn’t bear this particular cross by yourself. Whatever happened, however isolated you were...you are not any longer. You have only to call and I will do anything you need me to.”

Pained eyes looked to her. “I was not there to help you then but I am now. And know this. Whatever you do, whatever choices you make, whatever happened in the past, I will never feel anything but pride and utter love where you are concerned.”

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-13 01:02 am UTC (link)
Unfortunately for Elijah, Dahlia was already dead three times over. Klaus killing her, then Freya having to kill her all over again when the dead came back and then of course in the Dreams. Yet even so, the ghost of Dahlia's deeds would linger for a long time. Freya was moving forward with her life, not letting the comments and everything hold her back anymore. But it would be a lie to say that they didn't still come up. That she didn't recognize certain habits or thoughts as being brought on by what she had gone through at Dahlia's hands and her supposed 'care'.

"That's an understatement."

The Mikaelson family was indeed dysfunctional. From parents to the siblings and how they interacted with one another. Oh, they loved one another. There was always and forever. But it was hardly a healthy dynamic with all the personalities at play. Yet it was also why most of the time it seemed the Mikaelson siblings could only rely on one another despite that.

As Elijah placed his hand over hers, Freya finally turned her attention back to her brother instead of straight forward as had been necessary for the telling of the tale.

"I know." All of it. She knew that she wasn't alone now, and she knew that she wouldn't lose Elijah's love. Of course there was the issue of him being compelled to no longer have the bonds or memories of always and forever, something she worried about crossing over. But for all of this, everything that Dahlia had chipped away at her.... that she knew she wouldn't lose Elijah over.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-13 06:29 pm UTC (link)
He studied her a moment, looking for any signs that she was being less than forthright with him. But there was nothing to see. The sentiment she expressed was entirely true.

A short nod, Elijah squeezing her hand once more.
He'd hoped it went without saying and apparently it did. But he was entirely devoted to her.

Leaning in, one arm wound around her, pulling her in for a hug, his head ducking to brush a kiss to the top of her head. "Good," he murmured, releasing her and straightening once more. "Because I should hate to have to give instruction to my elder sister." He was trying to lighten the mood a bit, however flat it fell.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-13 11:06 pm UTC (link)
It remained a conversation she hated having, but at least it was done with. Now barring Rebekah showing up and wanting answers, Finn was the only sibling left she had to talk about all of this with as Kol wasn't around for most of the issues with Dahlia and so he was less likely to ask. So perhaps once she got around to telling Finn, she'd be able to put it behind her. At least in regards to not having to worry about talking about it. It certainly didn't help the parallels with the Dreams and how they compounded the issues.

Instead she just laughed some at the comment on not wanting to give her instruction.

"I mean you could try." But they both knew it would undoubtedly be pointless. "But what about you?Outside of the latest Dreams and learning about Dahlia, is everything going okay for you?"

Because she did worry even when buried in her work.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-14 01:31 am UTC (link)
“It is,” Elijah nodded. “My business is expanding so rapidly I believe I shall have to look into hiring an associate. There are worse problems to have.” He offered a smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I am keeping busy, Sister. That is all that I can do. Stay occupied both with work and my private life. Which you are undoubtedly pleased with.” It was said teasingly, knowing how many times his siblings had pushed him to find a girl. At last he had one.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-14 01:39 am UTC (link)
"That's good to hear." And it was. With what had happened with the Red Door, there was concern. Not to mention that Elijah was as bad as Freya was. So if she had needed to get a personal life and not just focus on work and family, then the same could be said about Elijah. "But yes, there are worse problems to have."

Look at the people she worked with.

Still, she did notice that the smile didn't meet Elijah's eyes but there wasn't much that she could do about that. Not right now. Elijah had to work through what he'd been through and all she could do was be there for him.

"But yes, it is good to know you have a private life on top of your work life. I'm told that balance is important."

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-14 11:07 am UTC (link)
"I have heard much the same," Elijah allowed, smile widening a hair more. "Though I've never quite understood how any one person manages to include everything in balance. Work, Personal, Health...there are only so many hours in a day. And, though my new state means that I have no great need of sleep any longer, it is difficult in a global economy."

Eyes flitted to hers, perhaps a bit amused. "Perhaps I should have chosen non-profit work..." He was teasing.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-14 06:59 pm UTC (link)
"That, dear brother, is a mystery I have yet to figure out." The fact Freya managed at her current pace was a miracle all of itself. Somehow people were supposed to maintain some sort of balance between all aspects of life. And still somehow sleep. That was missing in Freya's life but was it really so bad given the Dreams? "It really is though."

As Elijah teased her about her non-profit work, the witch rolled her eyes.

"Oh yes, it's quite easier with having to rely on the whims of governments and certainly no people in need of help. It's a breeze."

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-15 11:46 am UTC (link)
"You do have several siblings more than able to...shall we say entice private donors?' His face was the picture of innocence.

Truly Elijah would never condone forcing most actions. But for the truly rich who could share their wealth and wasted it on frivolities without any thought to those with less... It irked him, speaking to a selfishness in humanity. In the dream world it had been one of the motivations that led to the creation of the Strix. All of humanities faults and shortcomings that he had hoped to help improve.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-15 07:08 pm UTC (link)
The comment on siblings able to entice donors was met with a look.

"Well one, not all crises can be fixed with money, even if it helps. Then theres my whole thing about people having a say and choice in their actions." Which always had been a thing with Freya, though her experiences with Dahlia certainly added to it.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-16 11:57 am UTC (link)
"Only those deserving of such actions." Though even as he said it Elijah knew that Freya certainly wouldn't approve, nor was he entirely sure his own moral code would allow it.

"Fear not, sister. I won't take any action other than perhaps increasing my own charitable donations. If business continues as it has been, I shan't have an issue doing so."

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-16 12:42 pm UTC (link)
"Well, then there are those times." Mostly if someone was refusing to adhere a restraining order or the like. Then Freya would bend on the whole issue. It was just a thing with her. Especially when it came to money. But for the safety of others, or if it was a life and death situation or to keep someone from drowning in their grief? Those were times she could at least make an exception for.

"We certainly would be grateful." After all. Even if a lot of the crises they were dealing with came from constant fluxes in government and the administration's latest laws, money would help keep things running and have them less reliant on government funding (though that was also still necessary as well).

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-17 12:10 pm UTC (link)
"Then I shall do just that," he promised. "And whatever else you need, Freya, know that I am here. And if you cannot ask, at least do not hide anything away." He couldn't bear the thought that she'd been in pain for so long and he had been entirely unaware.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-17 02:34 pm UTC (link)
"Thank you." Because at the end of the day, funding would always be important. Especially as they had more people come to them after the closing of shelters from earlier in the year. Percy had figured out the issues with places and getting more staff outside of volunteers, but money would help with that and programs offered. Even with the whims of government and all the stress that came with that.

"I know that, and I will try." It was hard to not hide things away when she was the older sister, meant to fix everything. It wasn't supposed to be the other way around but it was indeed something Freya could work on.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-20 12:21 pm UTC (link)
"Don't worry," he lightly teased. "I don't expect you to turn a new leaf overnight. You wish to protect us all. I understand that. But if it is causing you so much pain, all I ask is that you find someone you can share it with and who can help you. Be that me or someone else. As long as I know you are okay."

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-20 12:52 pm UTC (link)
That was a complicated matter. All things considered? Freya was fine now. Or at least she lived her life and gave no real thought to Dahlia. At least until she came up. Or back when she realized that she was holding back with Evie because of Dahlia and it had just taken the Dreams to make her realize it.

"Well that's a relief. But you can rest assured that I am okay. All of that is in the past and rarely is a concern these days."

Because there would always be some days that were harder than others. But for the most part? Freya had her life and focused on that. On not letting Dahlia win and control her life even now.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-21 11:49 am UTC (link)
Elijah shifted slightly, arm resting against Freya's giving them some comfort of nearness without an actual hug.

"Good," he murmured. He would choose to believe her. "Then I hope you may enjoy the rest of your lunch without painful memories."

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-21 12:44 pm UTC (link)
The comfort was appreciated and she gave a small nod. Without painful memories was a bit easier said than done. However, with as much time passed and all, it wasn't as hard to go back to ignoring it and living her life. Especially since there weren't Dreams to bring up all the pain like there had been before.

"I can definitely do that."

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-22 12:09 pm UTC (link)
A nod of approval. "And the next time we share a meal I shall endeavor to ensure it is both planned in advance and delicious." As well as avoiding certain difficult topics.

"Perhaps we should have something of a family gathering one weekend? Dinner in the warm evening air sounds relaxing and would help us both attain our goal of more balance in our lives." Even if they both knew it would not last.

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-22 12:48 pm UTC (link)
"That sounds lovely."

Planned, no risk of bringing up painful conversations of the past? That was definitely something Freya could get behind. Sibling time was important after all. Even when her work tried to consume her.

It really wouldn't help with the goal of balance but that didn't make it worthless.

"I think that would be a great idea."

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-22 01:28 pm UTC (link)
"I will send something out," he promised. "And I shall let you return to your work as I must return to mine, Freya. Thank you, for taking time out of your busy day for me."

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-22 02:18 pm UTC (link)
With Elijah declaring he would do the planning, the witch nodded. But yes, they did need to both get back to work.

"Of course. Thank you for lunch, Elijah."

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-22 02:33 pm UTC (link)
"You're very welcome," he smiled, leaning in to hug her good-bye and press his cheek to hers in a gesture that seemed vaguely European in nature.

"Take care of yourself. I will see you soon."

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-22 10:02 pm UTC (link)
The Mikaelsons did seem vaguely European in their behavior as it was. Especially Elijah and Freya, so she just returned the gesture.

"You as well. But yes, I will see you soon." And with a smile and wave, it was back to work to deal with whatever crisis hit while she had been at lunch.

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[info]agentleman
2019-05-23 08:08 pm UTC (link)
((OOC: Seems like a good place to end to me?))

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[info]frelsi
2019-05-23 08:10 pm UTC (link)
((Yep! I have it tagged as complete and edited the info to note it as complete ♡))

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