Isabela would probably tap that (lootthebodies) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-08-22 20:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, isabela, joe hardy |
Who: Bela and Joe
What: Getting Lunch, Discussing friendship and trust stuff.
When: Sometime before the yacht blew up.
Where: A diner somewhere in the OC.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13? R? IDK It's Bela.
Status: Complete!
It had been an amazing spring day in Orange County, one that Bela had spent on the back of a Motorcycle with her arms wrapped tightly around a very nice, gorgeous man. The only thing that could make the day better was some amazing food, and when it got to lunch time she spotted a place to eat and motioned towards it.
It was a cute little restaurant with big, open windows and a friendly atmosphere that served delicious diner style food. Bela rubbed her hands together as they took their seats. The smells coming out of the kitchen were already good enough that her stomach was rumbling. “Gods but that smells amazing. You’re going to have some serious competition in the ‘making me drool’ department. I think I’m going to have to order something completely sinful. Maybe we can figure out how we’ll burn all those calories later.”
She winked at him, then grabbed a menu.
Joe smirked back at her. “I can think of a couple of things we can do,” he said, “and a few places to do them after we’ve had the chance to fully enjoy our meals.” For now, though, he was starving and looking forward to eating something, especially if it smelled as good as whatever was currently being made in the kitchen. He glanced over the menu. “I don’t think I can compete with a loaded Texas burger and a slice of homemade pecan pie,” he admitted, having already made up his mind what he wanted to order.
Once the waitress had come and taken their orders and promised to bring them their drinks quickly, Joe set aside the menu and turned his attention to Bela. A morning riding his motorcycle with her pressed against his back and arms around his middle was a fantastic way of spending the morning, but the noise of the engine hadn’t exactly made talking easy. He smiled at her. “We haven’t really gotten a chance to hang out since Easter,” he said. “And even then we were spending more time getting those damn peeps off your ship. How you been?”
"Do you know that I was still getting those peeps off of my ship here and there after you left? I think I'm done with ever eating those things ever again." The marshmallow treats weren't exactly her favorite to begin with, but Isabela had been curious as to what all the fuss was about. Part of her wished she'd never tried to find out, but she and Joe had had fun at least.
She darted her eyes off to the side and added, "I've been quite busy. Lots of... charters, lately. Me and my yacht have been all up and down the coast line this past month or so. 'Course that's what I love about living on a ship! Makes the get up and go a lot more convenient."
Of course it also made it a lot easier for people to paint a target on your back, so Isabela tried very hard lately to be as careful as possible.
There was something about the way Bela paused between “lots of” and “charters” that made the detective in Joe arch a brow. If he didn’t know any better he’d say she was being just slightly evasive, but that didn’t make any sense. He’d been on her boat several times by this point. And he’d slept in her bed. Why would she be evasive? What would she possibly want to hide from him?
A small frown pulled at the corners of Joe’s mouth and he mentally chastised himself for being paranoid. Despite what his Dreams portrayed, not every encounter was the set up for a case. Not everyone was hiding something nefarious.
Joe shook his head slightly and chuckled softly. “Yeah, I bet it is,” he answered. “You know some time when I’m not up to my eyeballs in work I’d like to go with you. Be an extra hand or something.”
Oh this wasn't going to be good at all. Bela realised how much she valued Joe's opinion by the way her feelings tugged around in her stomach when he offered up that extra hand. The truth was, on the charters she was taking, him being an extra hand would be dangerous for them both. She was going to have to put on her best poker face and lie to him, but Bela didn't want to lie.
She remembered what that felt like, guilt. It was awful. "Well, maybe sometime. I have to sleep in a different cabin sometimes depending on what else is going on, so you might not like it as much as you think. Less space to spread out."
Bela winked at him, then added, "But if you wanted to take in a cruise just to see what it's like to be on The Varuna when she's actually at cruising speed, we could definitely arrange that too."
Joe had been around the block enough times to know when he was being rejected. It probably was a bit rude of him to want to intrude on Bela’s business like that. Even if he did just want to help, it wasn’t as though he had any experience. He probably wouldn’t have liked it either if their places were switched. It still kind of hurt though.
He gave her an easy and well used smile. “I get it, don’t worry,” he said with a light chuckle. “I’d be in the way. But, hey, I’ll still jump at the chance to go out on the open water, even if it’s just a pleasure cruise or something. The Varuna is awesome, I’d love to see what she can do.”
Joe was a nerd for vehicles. Cars, boats, bikes, four-wheelers, dune buggies… If it had a motor or an engine, he was fascinated. The Varuna was no exception. Plus, he really enjoyed the time he and Bela got to hang out together, regardless if it was some fun sexy time, taking a cruise on his bike, or trying to stop an invasion of peeps.
It was a very easy smile, a nice and low-key reaction to her rejection of his offer, but Bela still couldn't help but feel guilty over it. It felt just slightly like her insides were going to rupture.
"We can plot a course up the seaboard, just the two of us. I'll even let you go down to the engine room unescorted to take in all the wizardry that goes on when the ship's in motion. I know you'll love that. It's just better at the moment if I don't go mixing business with pleasure. And it's sort of awful because I'm beginning to understand what it is people miss out on when they do that. Keeping people at arm’s length, I mean."
Not an easy thing to admit. She recalled the things she'd seen said, friends of hers opening up more to others and sharing larger secrets or stories about themselves. That level of involvement had happened rarely enough in either of her lives. "There's a lot about me you don't know, sweet thing. And a way I am when I have to be in charge that I'm not sure you'd respect. Maybe I'm scared of losing a friendship over it."
The offer to let him go into the engine room by himself more than made up for the rejection of letting him come along on one of her cruises. Not to mention the two of them going up the coast together. God knew Joe could use a break.
The look on his face tempered considerably when she went on to say that there was a lot about her he didn’t know. They were friends -- at least Joe liked to think that they were -- and while he didn’t need (or want) to know every intimate detail about her life, it hurt knowing she was purposefully keeping her distance from him. Not that he was much better in that department. There was a lot he kept to himself. Things he didn’t talk to others about. Not even his own brother.
He gave Isabela a rueful smile. “We all got sides to us we don’t want others to see,” he said. He hesitated a moment, subconsciously drawing back against the booth he was in. “I was in a dark place once.” He admitted slowly, the smile falling from his face. “And I purposefully kept others away from me because I didn’t want them to see me like that. In hindsight I ended up doing more damage than good, but…” he looked up at her and gave her that rueful smile again. “I’m not saying that’s what’s best for you, but, I’m here if you need me. You can trust me.”
Isabela's eyebrows rose a bit, surprised that he'd admit something so personal and somewhat touched. Of course, she wasn't good at these emotional things, she'd readily admit that, but she liked to think she was trying. She let out a long breath, trying to order her thoughts. "Do you want to talk about it? I mean... I suppose you maybe don't, actually, especially if it was so long ago. And there's no need to go dragging up the past, but... yes. Actually, that's... kind of what I've been realising."
She picked up her fork and started fiddling with it, wishing there was something else to do with her hands during times like these. "It was easier for a long time - and the dreams didn't help, I have to say. That Isabela had even worse reasons than I do for playing keep away. But here I am. I've got a yacht, and some business, and any number of good friends who'll come and entertain me for an evening, and it's sort of empty sometimes. I never thought I'd admit that. But I'd like to trust you with more than just my bed and my engine room. You know. Like friends are supposed to, I suppose."
“It wasn’t that long ago,” Joe said. “Actually, I was still kind of dealing with it when I moved out here a couple of years ago. And to be fair, I’m still kind of dealing with it. Some days are better than others, but.” He shrugged. “That’s kind of the way life is.”
He watched Isabela fidget with her fork. He hadn’t wanted to make her feel uncomfortable, but that sort of feeling came part and parcel with these kinds of conversations. He sighed and shook his head, leaning forward again to rest his arms on the table. “The Dreams never seem to help,” he said. “At least they didn’t for me…”
He watched her play with her fork another moment, her words about emptiness resonating a little more than he thought they would. For all his flirting and how easy and routinely he shared a bed with someone else, he experienced that same sort of emptiness. The kind that he didn’t think would ever go away. He didn’t want Bela feeling the same way. “I’d like for you to trust me too,” he said.
It was bound to be a little uncomfortable, that was certain. For people like her - or even people like them, if Joe was as similarly minded as she thought - vulnerability of any sort was always hard to handle. But the words were out and she liked that he was willing to share, even just a little bit.
Bela put her fork down and folded her hands together, then nodded. "Good. That's good. But you're right, they don't. IN my dreams, I'm a bit... well, squirrely doesn't begin to describe it. And it goes with the territory, some. I'm a Raider, you see. I suppose you'd call that a Pirate, though we're not all about the pillaging and such. I've got a whole crew under my command and I can't trust any of them further than I can throw 'em.”
She pursed her lips for a moment, then added. “The second you start opening up they think they can second guess your orders or worse, you've got a mutiny on your hands. And I know - you know, that's there, and this is here. It's odd though how our dream selves are so like us in various ways. Mine kept things away from her lover, even, and it was a mess."
The worst part was that she didn't know that, even knowing what she did now about how horrible guilt really felt, she'd have done it any differently. "So there's trust issues aplenty, and more from the past here. But yes. I'd like that. Mutual trust and all."
Joe had met all sorts since signing on to the network – his own business partner and good friend was a vampire – so hearing Isabela was a pirate in her dreams didn’t faze him much. But he understood how difficult it could be to come to terms with the type of life you may lead in these alternate universes, especially when the similarities were all too close and you were forced to see yourself in a less than favorable light. He appreciated that Bela had opened up to him about hers, even if it was just a little. It wasn’t easy to jump into the Trust Pool head first. You had to test the water and make sure it was alright.
“That may be there and this is here,” Joe said, “but it doesn’t change the fact that you have lived that life. Objects aren’t the only things that can carry over, the experiences do too, whether we like them or not.” His hands closed around his glass. “I can’t blame you for being hesitant to trust when you’ve got a ruthless crew you have to keep in line. This world isn’t exactly the easiest place to live either. I used to be a detective when I lived in New York. I know there are a lot of terrible people out there who do terrible things.” A dark look came over his blue eyes as they slid towards the window, as if he could see those terrible people standing out in the parking lot and he hated every single one of them. He took a breath and looked back at Bela across from him, the darkness in his expression fading. “Because this can be such a shitty world to live in, we all need at least one person we can trust, someone we can confide in. And we -- ” he gestured between the two of them “—especially need them when the Dreams start adding their own baggage on top of it.”
He noticed the waitress starting to make her way towards their table carrying their plates of food. He slid his glass to the side to make room. He gave Isabela a wan smile, “we can work on it together.”