Ruby Rose | Team RWBY (eyesofsilver) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-11-13 17:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, blake belladonna, ruby rose |
Who: Blake and Ruby
What: Birthday Reading Picnic and serious talks
When: 1 October 2017
Where: Park
Warnings: References to abuse
Status: Log | Complete
Even if they weren’t at Beacon and this wasn’t Remnant, Ruby still worried about her team. They may be different here, have their own lives but they were still her team. More than that though? They were her friends. And given the past week and how it seemed all of them were going through things and they were stressed and upset? Ruby just wanted to do the best she could to help however possible. True, she was also tired given her sister had sent her a text and the following conversation but that didn’t matter because she was used to working on little sleep at times.
So Blake asking for a reading picnic? That was something Ruby could easily help with. Plus it was Blake’s birthday, so her first stop was to get Blake’s favorite flavor cupcake, a candle and tea. She had her books in her bag and then it was off to where they usually would meet for these sorts of things.
Setting up, Ruby put the candle in the cupcake and lit it as she saw Blake, standing up with a smile.
“Happy birthday! I mean I know you’re stressed so it’s not so happy. But… here.” She had remembered Blake had mentioned the cupcake flavor before and that was why she had chosen it. It wasn’t much but it was still the thought that counted.
It had been a very terrible week. Blake’s anxiety had been through the roof after Yang’s confession. As much as Blake tried to not think about it, she couldn’t help but to think about it. And it would just result in anxiety attacks and flashbacks to her ex-boyfriend. She’d barely come out of her room, let alone the apartment since that admission. But she felt that she could at least take being around Ruby for a little while. And it would probably get Logan off her case about getting out for a little bit.
The fact that it was also her birthday kind of pushed her to go out for a little bit. Blake never really did anything for her birthday, it hadn’t been a day for celebration since before her parents had left Scientology, so she had no expectations. However, when Ruby held out the cupcake with the candle, Blake was taken a bit off-guard by it. After all, someone doing something for her had never crossed her mind.
“I...thank you, Ruby,” she said, uncertain how to react. She took the cupcake and blew out the candle. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” The comment was said with a smile because to Ruby that was all it was. She had wanted to do something for Blake. Not only because it was her birthday but because she was clearly upset by what was going on and had gone on the previous week. Maybe it wouldn’t fix anything, but even a small gesture was something she could do. They were friends after all.
Rocking on her heels briefly, Ruby pushed her own thoughts and confusion to the side (like the random 230 text message from Yang) and moved to where the blanket was all set up for the reading picnic, tea in its travel mug to pour into cups for both of them. Sometimes they just talked, sometimes they just read, sometimes it was a combination of the both. Ruby was willing to see what Blake wanted to do and would follow her lead.
“I appreciate it, Ruby.” There was a little crack of a smile on Blake’s face. This was definitely something good that she needed. It at least got her mind off of certain other things she didn’t like to think about. She moved over to the blanket and sat down, taking a bite out of her cupcake.
“How are you doing? The last week couldn’t have been easy for you either.” Blake hadn’t really paid attention to the network, for obvious reasons, for most of the week, but just knowing that there were mercenaries out there and a bunch of weird things happening, she had to wonder if Ruby got caught up in any of it. And knowing Ruby, she definitely would have been out there fighting to keep people safe at the very least.
Seeing Blake crack even a small smile caused Ruby to grin brightly. That was a good sign! Even if it was small it was still something and so it counted. Sometimes just that small thing could help because it could ground or just be a reminder that not everything was bad.
“I’m okay.” Shrugging, Ruby sat down and crossed her legs. “Crescent Rose randomly was shooting out rose petals the one day which wasn’t great but then back to normal. Then there was the confusing day but it all worked out!”
All things considered, Ruby didn’t really know what to make about the day in the room with her mother and being told she had failed before being back near campus and Weiss finding her. And because she didn’t know what to make of it and how upset it had left her, Ruby did what she always did and ignored it and focused on other things.
“What about you? I mean… besides the ears.”
“Wait, Crescent Rose shot rose petals? And I missed it?” That would’ve been an amusing sight. Though in the middle of the whole fighting mercenaries, that probably wasn’t the best thing to have happened.
“Yang and I were out fighting the mercs one of the days. I was caught in the weird weather on another. Let me tell you, cats and ice do not go together.” Blake had forgotten why she’d gone out that day in the first place with the PTSD issues that had resulted from what Yang had said to her. Blake lifted a hand, scratching at the base of one of her cat ears.
“The ears just capped off the week. I’d really like a do-over.” A do-over that involved Yang not telling her a certain thing.
“You did.” For Ruby it had been horrible in that she had been super worried about Crescent Rose being forever broken and not knowing what to do. She would have figured it out, but given they’d been fighting mercenaries? There hadn’t exactly been time.
“Is that why she wants to make up with you?” All things considered, Ruby was really confused about that part of the conversation. Okay, most of it since the time she’d gotten the texts that morning and the wanting to have them all move in together.
“But that makes sense. It was a lot, sometimes do overs would be really nice.”
“I’m sorry. But Crescent Rose is back to normal now, right?” Because really they all needed their weapons to remain functional since invasions seemed to happen very frequently around here. Weapons tended to need to be used more often than not.
“No, not for that.” Blake closed her eyes and drew in a slow breath to try and keep herself calm. Her anxiety had been through the roof, and she was trying to remember the techniques her therapist taught her to use. “She told me she was in love with me, and it was awkward and it’s set off my PTSD really bad. I don’t remember if I told you, but my ex was abusive.” Some days, Blake wondered how she was still functional after everything she’d been through. The abuse, the brainwashing, the victim-blaming. “She doesn’t know the PTSD thing. And I’d prefer it stay that way until I can get a handle on my anxiety so I can talk to her.”
Which could be a while considering what had happened, but Blake wasn’t going to just run off. Even if all of her instincts were screaming at her to do just that. The only reason she was probably even still there was because of her therapist. Blake knew she needed help and if she left, she certainly didn’t have the money to get the therapy she desperately needed. And she wanted to get better, to heal and move on with her life. She just had an intense uphill battle to get to that point.
“Yep, after the day was done Crescent Rose was back to normal.” And thank goodness for that. One never knew what would happen in Orange County and now that she knew she was a Huntress (in training) and able to help, there was no way that Ruby wasn’t going to help. It just wasn’t who she was.
Still what Blake said caught Ruby off guard. Admittedly part of that just had to do with the fact that the girl had no grasp of romantic relationships or feelings like that, but also because of all the things she had thought it might be, awkward love confession was not part of it. Nor had she known that Blake had been abused. She knew that she was in therapy because of bad things that had happened to her and she was working on that but she hadn’t known and Ruby felt an anger she normally didn’t feel.
Why would someone hurt someone they claimed to love?
Of course the PTSD being triggered did mean that what Ruby had said to Yang would probably be a bit more complicated. She still had faith that the two would make up and be friends again, and it was clear that Blake wanted to talk to her, just when she was less anxious, but it was probably going to take more time.
“No, you hadn’t told me about your ex. I’m sorry someone hurt you like that, it’s not right.” And just as Ruby had said at the picnic lunch when she learned she’d been hurt, that she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Blake now that they were friends? That resolve was still there and stronger than ever.
“I think it’s okay to need to figure that out. I don’t know anything about PTSD or romance or… anything,” she was machine smart, not people smart really as she always saw the best in people and it was why Yang and Qrow worried so much, “But if you need that time then you should take it. And I won’t tell her about the PTSD. It’s your secret to tell, not mine.” Just as she had kept Penny’s secret. She might be a motor mouth and she might ramble but she could keep someone’s secret when it wasn’t hers to tell.
“Good,” Blake said with a nod. Really, the rate things went here, weapons tended to be needed more often than not to fight monsters and the like.
Blake had only told three people, aside from Harley, what she’d been through, but given the state she’d been in the past couple days, she hadn’t remembered what exactly she’d told Ruby. But she kept with the slow, even breathing for a minute before she felt herself relax a little again.
“Turns out I don’t know anything about romance either. I tended to equate it with violence because I didn’t know anything else.” It had been so hard being so closed off and alone those last few years in Scientology. Taking the blame that she was the reason her parents had faltered on their path and turned their backs on the religion. Then taking the abuse her boyfriend had given her. She’d had nowhere to turn, no place to find help. She hadn’t even known getting help was an option.
She’d seen a friend of hers go through a similar situation, only she reported the abuse. Or tried to. Her friend had ended up being the one blamed for what had happened. It had not ended well, so Blake had learned to keep her mouth shut.
“Thank you. PTSD is something I’m just learning about. In Scientology, they teach us that psychology is evil and isn’t an actual thing, but my therapist is helping me learn more about it, about myself. It can be triggered in many ways, as I’ve found. It’s just how I am. I hate it and I don’t want to be like this, but it’s my reality. I can get better, but the trauma and the effects will be with me for the rest of my life.” She didn’t like accepting that, but it was what she had to do in order to help move through it all.
Even if Ruby sometimes got anxious and felt the need to move, she could also be patient when the time called for it. And this was definitely one of those times. Right now all she wanted to do was focus on her friend and be there for her. Admittedly it was awkward because she also supported her sister but it seemed more a miscommunication and bad timing and not a massive horrible thing that couldn’t be overcome.
Still, even with what little Ruby knew about relationships, she knew that violence wasn’t part of it. It did make sense why Yang’s confession would upset Blake though, even if they both knew Yang would never hurt her, it didn’t mean that it would do much to say that. Not when Blake was trying to work through what had happened.
“Learning about yourself is really important and I think that will help. Sure, the PTSD and its effects will always be with you, but by knowing yourself and finding yourself, they won’t control you. You just… have to figure that part out. Which doesn’t sound easy but you have support and that’s super important. Even if your brain tells you that you don’t. Sometimes your brain can be wrong.”
In her rational mind, Blake knew that Yang would never hurt her. There was plenty of evidence of that from both her dreams and her interactions with Yang here. Of course, rationality went out the window when triggers were hit on. Blake recognized some of her triggers, but working on them wasn’t going to be quick or easy to do. She hated being so skittish, but she supposed that was also part of the whole cat faunus that she was.
“Yeah, I’m trying to learn who I am without anyone telling me who I should be.” Scientology had wanted her to be one thing, her ex had wanted her to be another. It would be difficult to break that belief that everyone had expectations on who she should be. “It’s slow-going, but I have a job and friends. I have a good start.” Which she did. Blake was lucky in that respect, and she wouldn’t take it for granted.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re wise beyond your years? Because you are.” Sometimes Blake forgot that Ruby was younger than her by a couple years. Ruby was very mature and wise for her age, which not everyone had.
“That’s good! And yes, friends and a job are good starts!” Ruby sometimes didn’t know who she was. Or well, she knew who she was but the dreams could be confusing on that front though for the most part the teen was more or less how she was in the dreams. A bit more mellow, but at the core she was the same. Innocent, believing the best in people, wanting to help others.
A small and simple soul.
Though she did blink at the comment about her being wise for her age. Most people seemed to think she was childish and naive. She just had her own way of looking at things. Still, she shook her head.
“Nope.” She also didn’t feel like she was wise. She just said things how she saw them, which unlike most people who said that, were good things and having faith in people.
Some days it was hard to handle the jobs and friends, especially when her anxiety was getting the best of her. But she was learning to be a functional person in the real world. Which she was still discovering to a degree. Scientology was seriously screwed up, as Blake was becoming more acutely aware of.
“Well you are. You’re easy to talk to and be around, which is something I really appreciate.” Blake wasn’t one who always talked, but it was important to her to feel comfortable around the people she called friends. This life came with a lot more problems in it than her dream life, but it was what it was.
“You know, it’s been years since I last celebrated my birthday.” The last time had been with her parents before her life had been turned upside down. Her ex had never given her anything special for her birthday, so she’d stopped celebrating it.
Feeling comfortable around friends seemed to be an important aspect of friendship. Okay so Ruby (when she actually put herself out there) could feel comfortable around most people and trust them. But she knew not everyone was like that and that was fine. Each person was special and differences didn’t matter in the long run so long as they weren’t hurting people. “Well I’m glad I can be comfortable for you.”
And she was. She stumbled over words, got over excited, ran from anything that was upsetting, but Ruby did want to be there for those she cared about and really anyone who needed help.
“Really? Well it’s even better I brought the cupcake then!” Smiling brightly, Ruby took a sip of her tea. “So yes. Happy birthday!”