ᴍɪsᴛᴇʀ ᴡɪsᴅᴏᴍ (wisdoms) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-05-12 21:27:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, lina inverse, pete wisdom |
Who: Pete & Lina Wisdom
What: They try to have a date, but it gets interrupted by a giant demon beetle
When: Tonight
Where: Out in the middle of nowhere
Rating/Warnings: High for groping & innuendo, wacky tobaccy, violence, a demon beetle, things like that
Status: Complete
It had been a whirlwind of adjustment after coming back from London - getting Harold in, all comfortable, convincing him that even though Trumpty Dumpty was the orange twathole-in-chief that it was still a smart move to simply join the rest of the family across the pond. Then, of course, the trials and tribulations of taking care of a tiny half-mutant with growing teeth that didn’t rely on milk so much, and soon the little crapper was going to be stomping around the house with those bitty baby feet. Top that with the third rodeo of dreams hitting the sorceress where everything under the sun was trying to kill her (hence waking up with a choked neck that one time, but she was glad that’d been the extent of it - for now), and events that would eventually lead up to a third debut of the Lord of Nightmares? Let’s say the she and her surly husband needed some time alone. If teleportation had been a skill under her belt, she would have opted a night at Death Valley where the view of the Milky Way wasn’t tarnished by urban light pollution but hey, this was nice - far enough from civilization, surrounded by blooming nature, stars and moon aglow above. More importantly it was just them, sitting on the trunk of one of their vehicles, being romantic. And by romantic, it was passing a doobie (it was stuffed with some good shit called White Widow) between the two and getting irrevocably high. “Waaaaay better than cigarettes,” Lina piped, voice strained from holding in all the smoke for all of five seconds before she exhaled and whoo, Puff the Magic Dragon. They were like teenagers sneaking off into the wilderness to fuck and do drugs but hey, that sounded like a damn good time in her book. As long as the drugs were of the herbal variety. “I threatened my old dealer and got it for free.” Fucking and doing drugs was a rather fine idea of a date, in Wisdom’s opinion. He knew that Lina hated when he smoked cigarettes, and he’d quit, really - for about two years he hadn’t smoked until he had one, and she smelled it on him like a bloodhound. But he hadn’t indulged after that and he didn’t intend to - actually, this was satisfying the craving rather well. Marijuana, sex, doing other things with his hands, substituting an activity for the thrill of sculpting fine, hazy, perfect rings exhaled to the ceiling and being comforted by the sound of incinerating and crackling seemed to work for him. Yes, this. This was good. Particles of smoke danced on the breeze in the open air, out in the middle of nowhere, that cloying taste and scent of pot layering on his tongue. “For free, hmm?” he smirked. He took the rather substantial joint and inhaled - everything responded to the smoke, and he felt like his insides were being wrapped up in a warm blanket, before letting it all out on an exhale. “That’s sexy. What’d you threaten him with?” No, he wouldn’t be doing anything harder when it came to recreational substances, or anything synthetic - Wisdom usually preferred to keep his wits about him anyway. Cocaine or heroin that had previously been smuggled into the country in a plastic bag up some dealer’s bumhole was not appealing. “With a stomach ache so bad that if he didn’t hand over the goods he’d shit his pants,” said the sorceress in complete and utter nonchalance - it was one of her more subtle skills, though she was always anything but. The dealer was a little snot, anyway, the kind that needed his mother to step him, bend him on her knee and deliver a righteous spanking to set him straight. Her usual methods of threatening (by fist or the force of destructive magic) would just be a wee bit much. And naturally so, people were terrified of literally crapping their pants out in the open. Once the joint was passed to her she took and another huff, puff, whoosh of smoke from her lips, and then she decided to get so comfy on her husband’s lap. A swift motion of wiggle and straddle, elbows on his shoulders and her mouth twisted cheekily into a grin. Lina’s hair was down and wild, and her clothes were leggings (yes, Pete, they were better than pants) with a plaid tunic. “Y’know, I don’t think we’ve ever done the do outside and high - does weed dick work like whiskey dick?” From talk of shitting the pants to this, well, Wisdom wasn’t complaining. He gladly shifted Lina into his lap when she moved - she was compact enough to fit in his lap basically anytime, anywhere - and naturally he cursed the existence of leggings once more (as he often did because, let’s face it, skirts were so much more accessible if you were going to engage in public shagging). However, the weed just made everything so much more copacetic. Good for an oftentimes grumpy fucker like he tended to be. “Doubtful, because my dick’s raring to go,” he shared, and he’d had plenty of sex while drunk too - perhaps being a functional alcoholic at one point just negated all of those pesky effects. Pete had cut back a lot on the booze though - gave up cigarettes entirely, cut back on booze, cooked more at home rather than relying on Chinese takeaway. For her, but also for himself - or rather, Lina said she needed him around and he wanted to be around for her. Funny how that worked. He watched her for a moment with the bluest eyes to ever blue, pulling her close, smoke wafting into the air as strong arms held her in place. “More than you know,” he grinned lazily and kissed her, that anti-gravity feeling sort of blooming in his stomach right then. Mmm, she loved those eyes, loved that accent too - didn’t matter if she heard it every waking day of their lives, it could still make butterflies flutter at the pit of her stomach and reduce her to charmed goop. “I think I feel it,” Lina teased, stifling a giggle against his lips with a kiss. Those delicate but spell-chucking fingers started toying with his buttons, that impatient writhing on his lap having already started because she was greedy and tonight, particularly needy because it was just the two of them, doing - Beneath them, the ground quaked. Not significantly, but enough to rattle the car they were on. For a second there, the sorceress slowed her roll. “Did you feel that?” And by ‘slowing her roll’ it meant that when she reached for his pants, she ceased in undoing them for the moment - but then that barely lasted. More kisses, then, because why the fuck stop when it was California and they were plagued with earthquakes the way the south was pummeled with hurricanes. He was actually feeling a number of things right then, so Red would have to narrow it down. But Pete mainly focused on the clever seduction ploys of his wife - meaning, she went right for the trousers with full intent to stick her spell-casting hands down them (he hoped). “I feel your bloody leggings, which need to come off,” he grumbled in between dizzying kisses, his own hands wandering - if hers were going down his trousers, his were going up her shirt. Pinching nipples right away, that was rude and amateurish (who wanted to fuck a lobster?) - but for all the flak she took about her breasts, he’d always liked them, and fondling was on his agenda. Appreciation was on his agenda. Oh, but did Lina mean the ground shaking? Who fucking cared. That was basically a hiccup when it came to tremors - he wasn’t too concerned. Except when it happened again, and that actually gave him pause. So help him, Orange County, if you killed both his high and his erection, there was going to be hell to pay. No, no, back to the hands and fooling around, back to that. Lina let out something of a whine, nipping his mouth in feisty retaliation. “It’s probably nothing,” she lied and it wasn’t all that convincing but if it was strange shit, could they get off before the strange shit ruined their night? Fuckin’ please? “Something to do with - something, I don’t know, can we just -” And right when his belt was loosened, zipper undone, hand about to snake down and reach the sought out treasure known as her husband’s cock came another tremble, earth itself practically snarling in their ears and all of a sudden the flat terrain they’d been parked on shifted into an abrupt slope downward. Enough to startle her out of the haze of lust and clutch onto him tight, crimson eyes rounded wide. Thankfully for the Wisdoms, their car hadn’t been rolling down - but not far from them at all, the ground had collapsed into itself. A sinkhole, stone and dirt sifting like a whirlpool of mud. “This isn’t the weed doing this to us, right? I mean, we’re high, but we’re both seeing this, right? Right?” Either something was about to go very, very wrong - or the goods the dealer gave them were laced with something. This ‘wacky tobaccy’ would have to be laced with something, alright, and Wisdom didn’t exactly know much about the nuances of rolling joints - could you put LSD into pot, or what? But either way, what was happening sliced through any fog of desire and euphoric high - their romantic interlude would have to be filed under ‘to be continued’ and it was a bucketful of freezing cold water, seeing that sinkhole. Nothing good ever came from sinkholes. He held onto Lina protectively though, his mutation instinctual - he was always absorbing heat; ambient heat around them, from say, something like hot coffee cups. And solar energy, from that blazing ball in the sky itself. The heat shield was instinctual too, flaring outward, a slightly shimmery enclosure that would have disintegrated anything that might have attempted to breach the defence. “I think we’re both seeing it, love,” he said, bracing himself, still holding onto Lina - but he managed to take a breath and calm enough to ward off any more knee-jerk reactions. “Last time this happened, a dragon popped out.” Bloody hell, where was Hawke when you needed him? Dragons wouldn’t be an issue. There was a reason why the notorious title of Dragon Spooker was tacked on top of her ridiculous reputation along with all the other unflattering titles - but there was something that coiled in her gut, instinct screaming caution. Before this, crickets filled the air with their song. The sounds of nature had surrounded them, and now? An unsettling silence. Lina didn’t breathe a word, fingers curling into his shirt for that extra clutch in case the soil swallowed them up and they needed to escape by air. Yet nothing immediately happened either. For the moment everything was still. And it had her highly suspicious. “I’ve got the worst feeling,” she groaned. It was their fate, wasn’t it, to have most of their dates end up in some kind of fuckery, and completely resigned to the fact she reached for the rolled joint, re-lit the singed end with a finger and yes, she was going to take a nice, deep hit. “Alright, let’s go investigate what the hell just ruined our sexy time because we’re going to kill it, and kill it hard.” Did she have to uncoil from him? Wah. “Having ‘the worst feeling’ is rather typical for this hellhole,” Wisdom groused - oh, yes, please share the last bit of this joint, darling. He took the doobie (blunt? Whatever, Yanks had such odd terminology for things) and allowed himself one final go at it. A deliberately long drag, paper burning and turning to ash which curled back from that ember. He’d rather enjoy it, feeling like his whole body was buzzing from the inside, but apparently there was something nasty to kill. He patted Lina’s bum before she extricated herself from him, however. “Later, love,” Pete promised. “I might even just fuck you on the hood of the car after this thing is dead. Whatever it is.” Yes, even with a slayed carcass nearby - he didn’t care. Approaching cautiously, that heat shield expanded again - another bit of protection, a precautionary measure. Right as his fingers seemed to elongate, knives burning from the ends and glowing dangerously, hot as the surface of the sun. Yeah, yeah. Later. Let something try and ruin their night permanently, she dared it, but as they approached the sinkhole - encased in the shielding, which was a damn good call, hubby - they were greeted with a pit of empty blackness. It wasn’t a crater; that would have a visible bottom. This went down deep, very deep, and Lina crouched down near the edge for a view. “Those tunnels Hawke and Bela like to screw around in don’t expand this far, I don’t think,” she murmured, drumming nude-colored fingernails over her kneecaps in thought. Couldn’t be that, then. That option seemed harmless and her gut insisted otherwise. “I’m kinda getting the feeling of deja vu here, though?” Aw, fuck. Her blood-colored eyes tightened. “But why -” That question was answered before it was even fully asked - because a shockwave from down below pierced from the depths straight into the cloudless night sky and with it came a sound so merciless it could shatter windows, make ears bleed, disturb every still critter in their immediate radius that the trees were abandoned by every shrieking bird, every furry critter that could run ran. It wasn’t a visible manifestation of glowing power but the ripples in the air, like the fabric of reality itself got ruffled, were visible. Not that Lina paid much attention to that, anyway, with her hands clamped over her ears and eyes screwed shut because ow, ow, OW. It came up not long after that, the thing responsible - draconic in size but the shape was rounded, beetle-like but with eight legs pointed like blades, sinewy wings, horns that almost served as antennas - surfaced and plopped across from them effortlessly. And then there was the hide. No scales, no skin. More like someone melted black jewels and poured it all over the creature - which then cooled and hardened like an iridescent shield. Valuable, rare, and deadly. Especially deadly, because one she blinked her eyes open she knew what it was, what it had done to her once (as in, almost killed her by severely burning her entire lower half with electrical currents and then she just lost conscience after that, if memory served right), and what it had once been summoned for. “Babe,” she swallowed thickly. “I know what this is. And it’s not good.” In case he had any doubts. Right then. Pete pretty much picked up on the fact that this fell under the category of ‘not good,’ because not only did this thing look like a bloody fucking nightmare it sounded like one too. Did that screech or whatever the hell it was just break the sound barrier? Probably send shockwaves up into space, exploding satellites. He didn’t believe in any sort of God, but he would thank something he wasn’t deaf right now. “Got that, love, thanks,” he replied to his wifey, the shield expanded just a bit more to cover more ground - everything felt dry, like the desert air, a warm sunbaked sensation while they were wrapped up in the outpouring of ambient heat. “How do we kill it? Has it got a weak spot?” Wisdom would probably just start by firing knives at it anyway, aiming for places that were squishy and not protected by what looked like a shell casing of onyx. Welp, that was a good question. It wasn’t like she’d been responsible for killing the damn thing - her options had been to limited with it having been summoned in a well-populated kingdom (meaning she had to watch her spells, otherwise innocents would die) but the last thing she recalled was its head being seamlessly lobbed off by the Sword of Light. Decapitation seemed like a good strategy. Here, out in the open, it was fair game. Civilian casualties weren’t a concern. Lina prepared herself by pulling her fingers until the joints cracked. “We’re going to have to split,” she admitted a little unhappily. “If this thing’s programmed the way it was when I first saw it, it’ll go for me. Let’s try to keep it confused by attacking it from different directions - and aim for the neck. Neck area. Whatever.” Its horns weren’t the stiff pillars they seemed to be, and they bent to meet in the middle - friction was created and white sparks crackled. That thing was about to get the show on the road, but she wasn’t about to pull from his side without a kiss first - she had to tug him down to her level a bit, due to her problem of the height variety. “Avoid what it throws at all costs,” warned the sorceress. “One hit’s enough to cripple anyone.” Pete kissed her in return, parting was such sweet sorrow - because he very well might fucking die conquering this thing, but alright then. He’d go down fighting, as he always did - and needless to say, Wisdom believed he’d faced worse. An army controlled by the actual Dracula, nasty aliens, and mutant-hunting robot Sentinels the size of redwood trees were up there with ‘bad shit.’ And Lina seemed to have advice for how to wipe it from existence, which was good. Of course this cunting thing came from her dreamworld though - that seemed to be happened a lot lately. Pete tried to be supportive but truth be told, he couldn’t say he was entirely comfortable with the best friend-slash-love interest crashing into their lives - so a gigantic demonic beetle? Highly unwelcomed. At least he’d get to take out some frustration, helping to kill it and kill it dead. They split up as she indicated, and he came in from behind - his attacks were at the back, then shifting to the side while simultaneously dodging demon beetle projectiles. Heat shields helped, because whatever was tossed tended to either disintegrate or ripple away after being dispersed; his knives were long-range too, he was able to toss them or use them as claws. Tossing in this case, a whole series of them, rapid fire. They were sizzling, and scorching - they opened wounds that felt like a whole pot of molten lava had been poured in, so he made sure to set them on ‘kill’ mode rather than simply ‘stun.’ “Fuck me, this gobshite is getting on my nerves,” he grumbled - Pete should have that printed on a bumper stick, really. “You’re alright, love?” To let the magical guns loose, well - it’d been a long, long time so while there was a chunk of her all huffy-puffy about this (why was everything and everyone always trying to kill her in every lifetime, it was feeling kinda personal now), her inner danger-junkie didn’t mind the rush of adrenaline that shot through. And to do this with Pete too, was it totally out of the left-field to consider this as some kind foreplay? No? Well, awesome! Assuming they came out of this mostly intact because she knew well - from personal experience - that this grotesque monstrosity that’d once been considered a myth in her dreams didn’t fuckin’ play. Not with the blasts it was letting out, waves of piercing vibrations and charges of electricity that flat-out burned. Lina hadn’t been caught by it directly, but even as she evaded the attacks - quick like a little pixie hopping with dainty feet, with the help of a levitation spell - she could feel the aftershocks, and it made her bones ache and teeth hurt. “I’m good - this thing’s just fucking fast!” Its wings were too small for actual flight but it could still leap impressively, and she routed to go airborne, chaos words hurriedly chanted under her breath to allow the emergence of a lasso, black as black could get, summoned from none other than the demonlord of beasts. Its extension was almost limitless with the way she practically zipped around its head, ‘round and ‘round, the ribbon of magic winding about it so tight and on the last loop, the redhead landed on its back. Kinda triumphantly, but mostly on accident, and she pulled to start choking. The bitch was leashed - for now - and had at least stopped shooting to allow a window of a relentless onslaught. “Give it all you’ve got while you can because this is not going to last!” Tapping into Greater Beast’s well of power, that was something she hadn’t a chance to do in this world but gods, let it not fail her now. Wisdom’s tastes were, ah, interesting enough in that he considered taking out a nasty beetle from the depths of hell to be some kind of foreplay too - what could he say, he’d always enjoyed a walk or two on the wild side. “You’ve never been more attractive to me, Red,” he complimented - because zipping around a gigantic ugly thing and putting a magical leash on it, well, wasn’t that impressive? Giving it all he got though, now that he could do. Pete had a lot of pent-up aggression, and there wasn’t really a chance to let it all out either, not lately. Until now. Even he could feel the heat from the knives tossed as projectiles - ticked up a few notches from ‘hot as the the surface of the sun,’ temperatures skyrocketing, and now with the beetle’s neck sort of exposed (in a choke hold) that gave him a moment to blast it to hell. With a long knife, more like a katana blade, aimed right for the jugular - it pierced its squishy spot, and right now the goal was to melt this big bug into a pile of mush. Holy fuck was that hot. Literally and metaphorically - and at the moment, very literally because even if she wasn’t Pete’s target, she was damn close to feel the scorching temperature and soon, the lasso of darkness didn’t have a stable hold on anything solid. The beast tried to shriek, it really did, but it was losing it so its last close-to-death attempt to fight was the rubbing of horns; a desperate attempt for one last attack. Zelas Brid, the name of the spell she’d used, vanished into nothingness. Fire was summoned next - a trusty, literal explosive ball of it, growing and swirling swirling into a contained inferno between her hands before she let it free and boom, bitch. That right into the top of its head and the smooshed jugular, and now the beetle’s stance was falling to its side. Though now it meant it wasn’t a stable platform to particularly stand on, so with that and the aftershock of her spell - Lina fell off, her short scream quelled by the quick action of another airborne spell that cushioned a potentially rough landing. And now, filling the air, was the very distinct smell of sulphur. A rotten stench that came out like toxic smoke from its dissolving throat and its drastically wounded head was dangling off the rest of the body by almost a thread of obsidian demon hide. “I’d hit on you back but roll call - are you okay?!” “Roll call?” Pete chuckled hoarsely - there were only two of them, so at least it would be a relatively quick roll call. “I’m here and accounted for, love. Mostly alright.” He coughed, once, twice, a third time - but the smoke and ash were clearing, even if the area smelled godawful. Like Satan’s toxic waste dump. No doubt some bumps and bruises had been sustained on the human mutant though and, honestly, expelling all the heat he absorbed from ambient sources, and all the solar energy, meant that he would need to re-charge before letting a blast like that rip again. He wasn’t too exhausted to go and help Lina up, pulling her to him out of relief. That thing looked bigger and deadlier when it was on the ground. “How about you? I presume the buzz is killed, but everything else is intact?” Staticy hair, tingly skin - she could almost still hear a buzzzzzzz humming in her areas and that other noise? That rumbling, growling, that seemed to radiate from the depths of the blackhole stomach she possessed? Despite wretched stank of death, it was indeed the sound of hunger. “No,” she huffed and puffed, circling her arms around his waist but fucking glad neither of them got in the way of its attacks because no, that would have killed the mood. “Pete, I’m still too stoned for this. I’m dying.” So dramatic, especially with the way her face and electrically charged hair - strands sticking up hysterically - nuzzled into him. “I’m dying because we should have gotten waffles by now, and, uh…” Well, about that dead thing over there. Lina’s nose wiggled. Eh, no way in hell they’d be cleaning up that mess tonight. Too lazy. Her productivity quota had been filled for the evening, but maybe she’d come back for some salvageable parts. Its hide, maybe? Shrug. Weirder things had been made into armor, for one thing. “Yep, still dying. I’m hungry.” Yes, the cleanup? What about that? Come to think of it though, Wisdom didn’t really care. This seemed like a job for one of their super-powered friends who had the particular skillset of opening portals or magically poofing things away. Preferably to another dimension. But if Lina wanted to salvage something, fair enough - maybe they could make a nice blanket from its hide. That made him laugh more than necessary - ah, good to know the buzz hadn’t been killed entirely. “Then let’s go get waffles, love,” he encouraged, giving her an affectionate squeeze. “Followed by commencing the interrupted shagging, I hope.” Yes. Food would help make up for the night - but the action wasn’t awful, considering they were fairly unscathed. Living here really did help hone the skill set of appropriately ‘fucking shit up’ when things like this popped up. “Obviously,” snorted the sorceress, almost offended that he had to re-confirm that. Their car seemed intact aside from cracked windows and she pulled him along, by the shirt, fingernails like claws that were about to shred his clothes into bits. “I like seeing you in action, Mr. Wisdom. Gets me all hot and bothered and I could work up more of an appetite before we hit our usual spot.” Let’s just say she was hungry in more than one way, and let’s just say the car would do. It was a date after all - and when did they not involve fire and sex? |