InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Worship the Sacred Yak or else"

Married life wasn’t all that different from living together life, and aside from the simple plain platinum band around his ring finger, nothing had really changed aside from the fact that they were resolutely in the ‘honeymoon’ stage of things and it was awesome. He did feel a little bad that Tony missed out on planning whatever party it was he’d wanted to plan, purely because he and Kate were impatient and just wanted to get things done so that it was done, but he was sure Tony’d think of something.

Which was why he was hanging out, burgers and beers provided, in Tony’s workshop as was where they tended to end up, while Clint continued his tradition of making sure Tony remembered humans needed food. Which just brought Clint around to the exceptionally burning question he’d had since his eyes were recovering and Tony not so subtly alluded to not dating Pepper, despite that fact that Pepper was dragged unceremoniously along to his and Kate’s quickie wedding.

“So,” and Clint was never accused of being subtle, he was more of a sledgehammer with those things, “what’s going on with you and Pepper?”

Tony was having a pretty good December so far. He hadn’t put his foot in his mouth once around Pepper. Snow was fun. Watching Kate and Clint get married? That was pretty amazing, too. He couldn’t complain. Now Clint was visiting him and they were drinking a very expensive scotch. This was one of those strange, few moments where Tony Stark wasn’t actively working on a project. He was leaning back in his chair, enjoying time with his friend, and tasting the floral notes in this fine drink.

“What, now that you’re an old, married woman you have to find things to gossip about?” Tony asked, smirking.

Clint was aware that Tony was dodging the question there, but it didn’t stop him from smirking all the same, “You’re easy to get gossip about, I just need to sit with your staff for five minutes and I’ve got mountains of it.” Which okay, maybe not entirely true, but funny all the same.

“Besides, I was a gossip before I got married.” Still a little weird to say, but not in a bad way at all. He rolled the scotch around the glass, eyebrow raised in Tony’s direction to wait for another answer, unless Tony really told him to drop it he would nag for an answer.

Actually, it was probably pretty true. Employees at Stark were almost always talking about the boss man and his latest crazy. Right now it was the show he and Pepper put on over the holidays. The “on-again/off-again” “will they won’t they” crap that they were notorious for. Rushing Pepper out in the middle of the day to go to Clint’s wedding certainly turned some eyebrows. That was neither here nor there.

“All right, all right, don’t get your knickers in a twist,” Tony said, sighing. He shook his head. “There’s not much to tell when it comes to Pepper and me.” Unfortunately.

Clint frowned a little, because he was still remembering Tony’s indignation at the thought of Pepper not being with him in Clint’s fantastical dream world. Primarily because he’d been pulling out his teenage drama queen giddiness for their date. So the non-information about their non-starter relationship, despite Pepper being Tony’s second witness for his and Kate’s wedding…

“Um… dream stuff? Or just you’re impossible to live with? Or is she OCD with the planning? Because Pepper is a force to be reckoned with, I will give her that.” This is why Clint was eternally grateful that his and Kate’s relationship basically drove itself.

“I…” Tony sighed. He didn’t know how to explain it to his friend. How was he supposed to admit that he was absolutely terrified of making things worse or getting it wrong? And the Dreams. How were they supposed to reconcile those to what was happening in the Real World. “I haven’t… pushed the issue.” He said, then buried his face in his glass.

Okay, that was… Okay, that was kind of weird actually, and Clint frowned a bit while staring at Tony. Because… “Seriously? Okay, dude, your crippling insecurity about your worth and ability in relationships aside,” was that too harsh? Maybe, whatever, driving on, “You do realise that you might need to, right? Otherwise you’re gonna sit there and not move forwards. I mean, sure, you can be a bit much sometimes with your planning and the parties -but you are way better here than I thought you’d be, gotta admit that much, but really, you’re a catch. And that’s not mentioning the rich and very high profile -which I think Pepper could undoubtedly handle well without actually focusing on it, she doesn’t seem that kind of a gal. You’re smart, and pretty funny, and a fairly attractive man,” and what the hell was Clint’s point?

He wasn’t entirely sure he had one, not really, he started with one and it got derailed somewhere, “The point is,” there was no point, Clint had no point, it was gone… was that… “Why do you have mistletoe in your place if you’re not smooching Pep?”

Tony blinked over at Clint, then broke into a one-sided smile. The corner of his lip turning up as if of its own accord. He raised a playful eyebrow. “Jeez, Clint. Think you married the wrong person?” The flattery was pretty amazing, though, for Tony’s ego. (Not that his ego really needed much by the way of inflating, but…)

Then there was a distraction. Tony hadn’t put mistletoe up, and he didn’t remember the assistant putting it up, either. His eyes followed Clint’s to the little sprig, and the smirk turned into a frown. “I… don’t have mistletoe in my place.” He was setting his glass down, then, and walking toward the mistletoe almost as if hypnotized. Had someone snuck it in here? Buried a mic in some harmless-looking Christmas decoration and tried to pass it off?

“Hey, you’re great, but Kate’s prettier than you.” But the fact that Tony didn’t hang the mistletoe, well, that was probably weird. “Someone else trying to get you under some smooching weeds?” Clint followed, not because he could do anything really, just for something to do, actually.

Besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t dreamt through some pretty insane plots from some pretty insane people. Harmless looking or not, he had Tony’s back. Even if it was just his secretary or something trying to live out a silly little office crush. “You been wooing more ladies, Iron Man?”

“No.” Tony was a little more perturbed by this mistletoe business than Clint was. His office and his lab were supposed to be Fort Knox. How had someone snuck in here to hang this without his knowing? Of course, he had a couple people in the building with access, but why would Pepper or Merlin want to hang this in here without him knowing about it? He moved to the mistletoe and was caught underneath it, frowning up at the little red ribbon wrapped around the stem.

Then he was frozen in place as Clint caught up with him. Tony’s heart sped up a little bit, not because of the other man’s proximity, but because he realized what was coming. And he realized he was powerless to stop it.

Okay, so it would’ve probably made more sense to not crowd under the mistletoe and stare at it, but Clint wasn’t sure why he’d opted to follow along and then it wasn’t actually like he could go anywhere, which was strange in and of itself, because why? Why were they just …

“Oh…” The light-bulb to last year came screaming back and Clint would’ve smacked himself if there was actually enough space since he was almost on Tony’s toes. “Orange County is fucking pervy man.” But he figured there really wasn’t much other option.

“My wife will hear of this,” and he didn’t think Kate would do much else but laugh actually, “So you better not take advantage of me.” Was it really that bad a hardship after all?

Oh, Jesus. Fucking Orange County. It was obvious that Tony wasn’t really into it. Clint was a good guy, man, but Tony was all about the ladies. And being forced to kiss someone who was probably the closest thing Tony had to a best friend? Talk about Awkward.

But this was obviously what Orange County wanted. There was no getting around it now. “Seriously pervy.” The words sounded very strange coming from Tony Stark. Anything that wasn’t science mumbo jumbo sounded a little weird. “You’d better tell Kate about this.” Tony said, leaning in. He had no idea where to put his hands. He left them by his sides. “I want her jealous of what a fantastic kisser I am.”

“Well, at least you’re not egotistical.” It was a light jab, but it wasn’t like Clint meant much by it. The situation was a little weird and it seemed like an okay way to defuse things a bit. Clint wasn’t overly concerned about anything really; kissing Tony wasn’t a big deal, they were friends and they both knew it, Clint wasn’t worried about Kate because she’d understand Orange County and it’s fuckery and he knew that Tony likely wouldn’t let things be too weird for too long.

Clint was just very laid back about everything in general.

So lip locking with Tony Stark? Why not. He was sort of surprised he hadn’t actually done it in dream land, with the number of parties Tony used to throw and the amount of alcohol they all used to consume before alcoholism stopped being an appropriate coping method for them all. It wasn’t like it was overly drawn out, Clint had to end up using his hands on Tony’s hips for a little balance, but all in all, the largely chaste press of lips wasn’t going to woo him away from his wife.

Tony’s mind was all over the place when Clint moved in closer and took hold of Tony’s hips. He was thinking about how he was going to have to scrub the security footage. How he’d much rather be with Pepper than Clint right now. How he was glad that Jarvis didn’t have a sense of humor, because he’d surely have a field day with this one.

They kissed. It was chaste, and quick, and Tony was all smirks afterward.

“Was it good for you?”

At least it didn’t seem to shake Tony’s ego at all, and Clint managed a shake of his head, smirking back as he took a step back, raising his eyebrow at Stark, “You’ve ruined me, Stark. What am I gonna tell my wife now.” It was all in jest, of course, but the mistletoe seemed appeased and Clint could go with the flow.

It wasn’t like it shattered either of their worlds.

This was one of those times when Tony actually kinda loved Orange County. It was so fucked up. One of those things that would never have happened. But here they were, awash in the afterglow. It was amusing, even if it was a little awkward and humiliating. But making jokes was the best way to go about these things.

Tony took a step back and folded his arms across his chest, still smirking. “Don’t worry. She’ll forgive you for leaving her for me. After all, I am Tony Stark.”

“Hey, at least I’d never need to work again,” Clint just smirked back, shaking his head before calling it quits on standing around awkwardly and going back to flop in his chair. Fuck it, not like it would change anything at all, not like either of them really cared. “Be a kept man, make sure you remember what human needs are, jump off buildings. That seems like a pretty sweet life.” Drive him mad within a month. Even dream Clint couldn’t do retirement, and he was a damn disaster.

“At least now I know not to go the fuck outside right now.” Attacked by mistletoe? Yeah, Clint was avoiding that bullshit for real.

“You’d be bored in a week.” Tony said, as if reading Clint’s mind. He smirked as he moved back over to pour them each a little more scotch. After that, they needed it. “No, I think we should avoid the out-of-doors for as long as possible. Call Kate and have her come pick you up, even. I’ve got a bed here, I’m good.”

Tony passed one glass over to his friend. “To the best kisser I know.”