Stahma Tarr is no one's fool (noonesfool) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-01-31 16:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, stahma tarr |
Who: Stahma
What: Reflecting on her dreams and waking life
When: Recently
Where: Her home
Warnings: Mentions of underworld ties to weapons trafficking
Status: Complete, narrative
The dreams had reached a conclusion. Of course, life would go on, but Stahma had woken up with the feeling that the dreams were done with her. As she sat in her kitchen with some hot tea, she had to think over the dreams. They had come with many lessons, and she had seen herself change. She wasn't certain that she deserved to be alive when many others were not, but Amanda had saved her life at the last second. There were others in that truck with her that would have been harvested by the Omec had Amanda not saved them, despite her being seriously wounded. But even leading up to that, when Kindzi had begun the Dread Harvest and set upon Defiance, Stahma had tried to warn Alak, but he still wanted nothing to do with her. Then upon realizing that by being there, she'd put him and Luke in danger, she'd left. Only it had been too late.
Kindzi had found her and driven her back into the house where she'd proceeded to attack them. Stahma offered herself in her grandson's place, pleading for her take her instead of Luke. However, Kindzi seemed keen on killing them all, but Stahma had stalled her enough for Datak to come in and help get them out of there. Which was perhaps the beginning of hope for the rift between parents and son to one day be healed, but that would take a lot more work. By the end of the dreams, it seemed that hope was very much alive when peace had returned to Defiance. It did make her wonder if there was hope for such mending in her waking life, but she knew better than that.
While in the dreams Stahma had turned over a new leaf at the end and tried to be better, she had little desire of that here. She'd been distant from Alak and Kenya, knowing eventually they'd at the very least resent her for what she did to them in the dreams. The distance hurt, but she was never the best at showing how she felt. Except with Natasha. She and Natasha spoke the same language, able to read between the lines, read body language to understand how they felt. And that was comforting, and frightening all at the same time. Sometimes it was more than Stahma felt she deserved, but she wasn't going to fight it, not when Natasha didn't mind the darker parts of her past, the underworld connections, the things she'd done to cripple Datak's power and force him to give her the divorce she'd wanted.
Which did bode well for them considering she was making moves to get back into the business under her own name. The entire time that she'd been in America to forge alliances and trade between Datak's bratva and the mafia, she'd kept options open for herself. Which she was beginning to capitalize on now that Datak's power was broken. Her next move was to open negotiations with the cartel. Specifically the Gulf Cartel. Once Valentine's Day had come and gone, she'd be making a trip to Mexico to meet with them. There'd been some phone calls and negotiations happening already, but now it was time to meet face to face. A dangerous proposition, and one that Stahma would go to prepared for. She thought of asking Natasha to go with her if she wasn't busy. Otherwise, she had the names of some who could be canon fodder if things took a turn for the worse.
Sipping her tea, she smirked a little bit. While Stahma had been changing here, finding freedoms she'd never had in Russia, and enjoying them, she couldn't quite be the good woman, not completely. She wasn't the mother that Alak deserved, she never had been, and that was a failure she carried silently. So instead of becoming something she knew she could never be, Stahma took a more middle ground. She was free and happy, she could be nicer than she had been, but she would still maintain her underworld dealings. Perhaps she'd even make herself an empire. At any rate, she would see where things went. Though perhaps in this world she would need a good cover for the money that she'd be taking in from the arms dealings she'd be doing. Which was why she'd been turning to the business world. Business could be every bit as cutthroat as weapons smuggling, just in a different way. Stahma had a good head for business, it was simply finding the right business model to use.
Taking her tea, Stahma moved to her office and got right to work. She had a lot to tell Natasha about when she got back, and she had a lot to think about. But at least her dreams had brought her closure and peace.