Hanna Marin knows what Hanna Marin means (numbtothedanger) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-01-31 05:50:00 |
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Well it had only been a matter of time. Given Emily and Toby had started dreaming, Hanna knew that eventually Spencer would as well and god she wished she hadn’t. She wished none of them had started these stupid dreams. But it couldn’t be helped and Hanna had known the second it happened, if she was asked to drop what she was doing to somehow help with the strange feelings and bleedover and everything that came with Rosewood, she would. After all, she’d gone through the dreams for over a year now….
And of course her last dream involved Spencer being shot so maybe she was a bit more worried about the brunette than usual. Though Hanna worried in general about anything dream related thanks to the insanity of them. To think Ali’s funeral and the Jenna Thing were so simple in comparison.
So here she was with coffee for her and Spencer, waiting. She had no idea how the conversation would go but she’d give the same offer she gave Emily, she could either try to answer everything (which would be a feat unto itself) or avoid spoilers and just try to offer reassurances or whatever without specifics. Whatever Spencer wanted.
Spencer probably had more coffee than blood running through her veins. She was addicted. So most of the cafes within a fifteen minute drive of her parents’ house knew her by name. When Hanna mentioned the shop, Spencer knew exactly where it was. She came in through the door to the lobby and nodded to the barista. When she spotted Hanna, and motioned to her blonde friend to let the barista know she was already taken care of.
“Hey,” Spencer said softly as she approached. This place was the perfect choice for a crazy conversation. It was practically empty. They would have a lot of privacy. Spencer slipped into the chair opposite Hanna’s. “Thanks for the coffee.”
Having stayed in the area meant that Hanna knew which places were more likely to be busy or empty at any given time of day. Given the nature of the conversation that was about to take place, Hanna knew that empty was the best way to go. And because she knew Spencer’s coffee order, it wasn’t all that hard to get her order before she even showed up.
“Hey.”
And coffee given to Spencer as she nodded.
“Yeah, of course.”
Given the insanity of the dreams, it was only right. Of course, she didn’t know just what Spencer wanted to talk about, where she wanted to start. There had been the dream as well as the A message. So Hanna had done her best to be prepared. She had brought some of the things she’d received from the dreams, the variety of A messages that remained on her phone, as well as the non-text related messages.
“How’re you doing?” Since the dreams were intense it seemed as good a start as any.
Coffee was a gift from heaven. Spencer took the cup and gave her friend a warm, tentative smile. “I’m okay. I’m still… trying to figure all this out.” It was hard to imagine that poor Hanna had been going through this on her own for a year. And though Spencer could understand her friend trying to protect her from these Dreams, she still wished she could have done more to help.
Because it seems the Dreams came no matter what.
Spencer pulled her phone out of her pocket, unlocked the screen to display the text messages from “A”, and slid it across the table to Hanna. “Is this familiar to you?”
It had been difficult because even though Caleb shared the same dreamworld, it wasn’t until later that he really got more involved with understanding what was happening. Yet at the same time, in the end it was only the girls who would understand it all. And Hanna was the type who would try to protect her friends no matter what. It was why she had turned herself over to A.D., to try and get whoever the freak was to stop tormenting her friends.
Now there was no way to protect Emily or Spencer though, they were on the network, they were dreaming, so now all she could do was offer support and answer questions.
“Yeah, I definitely get that. It can be easy to brush them off when they first start. It’s once things like the messages show up or injuries that it becomes a lot harder to.” And for someone like Spencer who relied on logic and facts, this had to be all the more complicated.
Looking at the text messages Spencer had gotten, Hanna nodded.
“Yeah. Some of these I have,” The group text messages. “Others not so much but given the whole point was to mess with us as a whole and individually with secrets….” Yeah. That came with the territory.
“I’m really sorry if I condescended to you when I first found out about all this mess. I didn’t mean to. But I don’t think anyone can really understand them until they’ve been through them.” Spencer admitted. She felt awful for not believing all this stuff earlier. But how could she? It was absolutely insane, wasn’t it? She sighed, and leaned back in her chair, finally lifting the coffee to take a gulp. It was amazing. Spencer was suddenly filled with warmth and gratitude for her good friend who knew exactly how she liked her coffee.
“I don’t want to have secrets from you in this world. I think that’s what’s getting us into this mess.” Spencer said, taking the phone back. She clicked the screen off and pocketed it once more.
“Hey, I get it.” And she did. Had it been upsetting? Sure, but that also had ties into Hanna’s self view of herself and how it was like she was never taken seriously just because she didn’t have the focus for school and got things confused. But she also understood how insane it all sounded which was part of why she hadn’t said anything before when Emily and Spencer had been away at college when it was going on. How do you explain it without experiencing it? And when the experiences were horrible (both Em and Spencer were so far behind. She missed the days when it was more simple, or as simple as an anonymous stalker could be). Which was why she was able to let it go.
“I wholeheartedly agree.” While there weren’t as many high stakes involved, it was the fact that they kept secrets thinking it was the right thing to do, or feeling like they had to to keep someone else safe…. Whatever their reasoning, the secrets always came back and made everything complicated. “Things are complicated enough with the dreams and the weird things that happen. Anything to uncomplicate them is a win in my book.” Not like Hanna liked keeping secrets anyway. There were some things that were hard to find the words for, but that would fall more into the letting Emily and Spencer take things at their rate, especially with the whole six years ahead in terms of the dreams thing. How to explain the latest complications when they were all the way back before Mona had revealed herself.
Spencer only had one secret. She wasn’t about to tell it, but she wasn’t going to keep it, either. If it ever became a problem--like all those secrets in the Dreams?--Spencer would blab away. As it was, so far, her secret wasn’t hurting anyone. Just herself. The real reason she came down from Stanford. She didn’t like thinking about it or talking about it, so she let it lie.
“I would much prefer for things to become un-complicated,” Spencer agreed with a nod. She lifted the coffee cup to sip again, then tried to force her shoulders to relax. “Let’s change the subject. Think about something happy. How are things with Caleb?”
There was a difference between the dangerous secrets that could be used against them and the secrets a person keeps in general. Though usually the ones that hurt the person themselves shouldn’t be kept but Hanna wasn’t exactly one to talk on that front. All she could do was be there if needed.
“Orange County tends to say otherwise but the least we can do is not make it unnecessarily complicated for ourselves.” There was a certain hardness one got when it came to the Orange County shenanigans and Hanna sometimes found herself just annoyed by it all, ignoring that danger. Between the dreams and Orange County in general, it was almost like another day. But changing the topic was good, and Hanna smiled into her coffee at the question.
“Things are going well with us. How about you, anyone special?”
Spencer shook her head a little at the question. There was Joe… but he and Spencer didn’t have anything special. It was great, but not the kind of special Hanna meant. And then there was Toby. Spencer had these weird feelings for that guy.
“No one special. I’m glad for it, too--sometimes I feel like I’d just make a mess of everything. There are a few things I’m really good at, and the romance department is definitely not one of them.” Spencer sighed. “It’s okay, though. I’m too focused on my schooling right now, anyway.”
“I know that one.” Even with Caleb, Hanna always had that concern she’d somehow mess it up. She was getting through it, realizing this wasn’t like her exes from high school where those had all been really bad relationships because she’d been seeking validation and let them walk all over her and it wasn’t like that with Caleb. But she still worried.
“But you’re amazing, Spence and one day you’ll find someone who sees it when you’re ready. Just don’t let something slip you by because of concerns or using school as an excuse.”
Sometimes Hanna could be wise. She just had her own way of showing it.
Spencer gave Hanna a warm smile. It was nice to hear. And Hanna always told it like it was, so Spencer could believe her. Spencer may have been pretty book smart, but Hanna was very wise. It was something that Spencer really needed to hear. “Thanks, Han.”
Returning the smile, Hanna just nodded, “Anytime.” And then took a sip of coffee. They were there after all and despite the initial reasoning behind this particular meet up, it wasn’t like they had to focus solely on the creep factor of A. No. They had their lives here that were far more important.