Nasir (noturlittleman) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-12-17 22:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, maxwell trevelyan (the inquisitor), nasir |
Who: Nasir and Max
What: A respite from nightmares; Nasir wakes up way too early
Where: Their house
When: Backdated to start of plot
Warnings: Description of sexual slavery, memory alteration due to magic
Status: Complete when posted
Well. This morning was weird. Nasir had woken up in a cold sweat in the wee hours, from a nightmare that felt extremely real. Almost like a memory. He was younger, and was trapped in a room, on his knees with his hands bound, but he was happy about it - which was crazy because Nasir hated being restrained or held down in any way. He’d gone absolutely apeshit on the first couple of guys at the gym that had gotten him pinned, and while he was much better about it now (still panicked, but he knew how to handle it and get out of the pin, or if he really couldn’t, he wasn’t quite as bad about tapping out as he used to be), he was pretty sure there was still an unofficial rule at the gym about pinning him. But in the dream, he’d been perfectly calm, almost serene, and had felt safe. The room he’d been in was lavish, and the carpet was soft, and he remembered thinking that it was because he was a good boy and he deserved nice things, and he was so very lucky to have such a nice Dominus who was so nice to him. He’d been kneeling there for hours, and he was getting a little antsy, because Dominus had said that he’d be back in just a few minutes, but good boys didn’t disobey Dominus, they listened and they were good and they were used as examples for that bad slaves. And then Dominus had come back and had been so proud of him, had told him he was so good and that he was sorry he was gone for such a long time, but there had been business, and he was here now and he was going to take of his little Tiberius. And then he’d opened his pants and -
Well. Nasir had woken up then, but he had a good idea of what would have happened if he hadn’t. It seemed like one of his Dreams - an earlier one, before Spartacus showed up with his grand speeches and his contagious thirst for justice and freedom - but the setting was wrong. Despite the title of Dominus he’d called the man, the room was not only not in the villa but was entirely modern, with electric lamps and a digital clock on the table. He had no explanation for it, and that bothered him enough that he couldn’t go back to sleep, so he finally gave up trying and got out of bed. Four in the morning was a time he very rarely experienced and was a little early to start the day, especially considering he’d gone to bed at around one, but the dream had left him feeling anxious for a reason he couldn’t really explain and lying there puzzling it out wasn’t helping. He was pretty sure it would wake Max up, and he felt rather bad about that, but he was also sure his restless tossing and turning would have done the job either way, and he’d had plenty of nightmares before that woke Max up -
Nightmares just like this, about that same man, and that same house, and often that same room. Nightmares that left him even more out of sorts than he was right now, left him in a panic. But he wasn’t panicked now - more concerned, because who the fuck dreams about something like that? Someone with something wrong with them, clearly, and maybe he should talk to his therapist about it at their appointment next week.
Actually, come to think of it, did he really need to go see her? Barring the weird nightmares, things were going pretty good. His finals were finished and he wasn’t particularly worried about any of his grades, his relationship was going fantastically, and he felt...light, like a weight was off his shoulders. Besides, it was almost the holidays and she could use some time off. He’d call her at a decent hour and cancel the appointment.
There, decision made, and he also decided to push the dream to the back of his mind. Some people just got weird and completely random nightmares - his mom had recurring dreams about tornadoes chasing her, despite never having seen a tornado in her life. Looked like Nasir got his own weird dreams too. He felt a little more settled and considered going to lie on the couch and try to get a few more hours of sleep, but decided against it in case the dream decided to continue. Instead, he set about making coffee. If he was going to get three hours of sleep, he’d need some help to deal with the rest of the day.
Nasir went to sleep at one, and Max had gone to sleep around ten - his usual time for shuteye, when he had a morning and afternoon chock-full of therapy sessions, or other things he needed to take care of around Skyhold. He’d cut back on his practice a lot, for the time being, because there just weren’t enough hours in the day to fit in a full-time therapist career and running a medieval getaway destination; he liked to think that he could learn balance with it all, because renovating Skyhold was important to him. Leliana’s wedding had been beautiful though, ice carriages used as transportation to shuffle guests up and down the mountain path, and once he got the gondola lift in place officially then the last leg of renovations would be done.
It was kind of exciting, but it left him exhausted some nights. And he slept like a rock, generally, though Nasir rocking the boat with his tossing and turning? Max was pretty attuned to that by now.
He was up soon after, checking the time and nearly setting the bedside table clock on fire. Instead he just shoved it aside and shuffled like a zombie downstairs, a jaw-breaking yawn heralding his arrival.
“Please tell me you didn’t get up just for something like soft tacos,” he greeted, leaning against the kitchen doorway. A slump of his body, and wasn’t that bed hair adorable and impressive? The prosthetic arm was still upstairs - he always took it off for sleep, so his long-sleeved shirt wasn’t exactly filled out on the left side entirely. “Did you have a nightmare?”
Nasir glanced over his shoulder as he heard Max come in, giving him a small, apologetic smile before going to his side, settling in against him. He was still sleep-warm, and looked just so delightful all rumpled and mussed. “Taco Bell does start doing breakfast soon, how could I resist?” He chuckled and wrapped his arms around Max’s neck, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Yeah, I had a nightmare. Sorry I woke you, you look like you’re about to fall over. You can go back to bed if you want.” He paused for a second and then shook his head. “Or, since I know you’re going to tell me that you’re fine, you can go sit on the couch and I’ll finish making coffee and come sit with you until you fall asleep again so you can go be an actual human later. Okay?”
“I’m fine,” a knee-jerk response but with a lazy grin; Max was indeed predictable, yes, but he really didn’t mind being woken up - especially if Nasir had a nightmare. He gave his boyfriend a one-armed hug and buried his face in that luxurious hair no one else was allowed to touch (lest they risk being bitten) before pulling back to head into the living room. “Coffee sounds good though. I have to be up in a couple hours anyway. Are you alright?”
He knew that sometimes after a nightmare, Nasir wasn’t really in the best place - bad dreams took him back to a particularly horrific brand of darkness, and that was just inevitable given what he’d been through. It wasn’t something anyone could just forget very easily. But it was odd - maybe Max in his sleepy state was just imagining things, but he seemed...calmer, somehow? Like the nightmare hadn’t even affected him at all.
Nasir rolled his eyes but accepted the hug, wrapping Max up in one of his own. That was all he needed to dispel the lingering weirdness he was feeling, it seemed, because he pulled away smiling and cupped Max’s face to give him the soppiest face ever. “I’m fine. Honest,” he said, because he knew that he wasn’t always in the past, and he didn’t want Max to think he was trying to hide it. “Now go sit down before you fall over and hit your head or something, I’m not driving your ass to the hospital. I’ll bring you coffee.”
As he was making up their cups, he had to wonder why he wasn’t more upset about this dream. He felt like he should be, for some reason. And it was a weird dream, and it did make him kind of uncomfortable to think about. But he wasn’t completely overwhelmed. And that bothered him more than the dream itself. He carried out their mugs and settled in next to Max, still a little lost in thought.
In the living room, Max was sprawled on the sofa and lying sideways. But he sat up when Nasir came in, and took one of the mugs to breathe in the steam and scent of roasted beans. Since he’d be required to give up his Pacific northwesterner card otherwise, he had good coffee at the house (which meant it wasn’t Starbucks, and also wasn’t anything sacrilegious like instant anywhere in the vicinity), nothing less. From Anchorhead Coffee Company in Seattle, actually - he’d made sure to pick up plenty when he and Nasir had visited Lucille. They had quaffles at the infamous place too, croissant dough turned into a cinnamon roll-shape, then smashed on a waffle iron and served with syrup. He could go for one now, come to think of it.
“What did you have a nightmare about?” he asked cautiously, because yes, this was strange. Was something going on? Something had to be going on. He liked to think he knew Nasir well enough to pick up on a sharp change in reactions from him.
Nasir settled between Max’s legs, since if he was going to sit with a space for him there then Nasir was gonna take it, particularly since Max served as a pretty decent space heater. He pulled a blanket around the both of them - all of this snow was making things pretty chilly.
He sipped his coffee and considered the question. Should he lie and say something weird? It would make Max worry less, but then he’d just worry more if he found out the truth. But Nasir didn’t have an answer for what was going on. “The usual,” he said, making his decision, but saying it with what he hoped was a little bit of brevity. “But I’m okay. It’s just a dream.”
There was always space for Nasir between Max’s legs. It was one of his favorite places to have his other half, actually, and Trevelyan closed them around him like they were alligator jaws - chomp, chomp. The lyrium-infused arm was also upstairs, but wearing it regularly had given him a boost to his magic that he’d needed since losing a limb, thanks to the dreams. With a flick of his fingers, he lit a fire at the hearth, letting it crackle and gradually add some warmth to the room.
“Right, of course. I won’t ask for details,” he said, though his brow was furrowed and...what? It was odd, whatever was happening. But he wasn’t about to dig up old bones that were, for the moment, apparently buried.
He’d seen people, clients and otherwise, come back from circumstances that seemed nothing less than dire. But Nasir had been a victim of abuse in many forms - physical, sexual, emotional - and needless to say, had experienced the darker side of humanity for a period of years. The statistics all made sense - victims of sexual abuse were more likely to be depressed, more likely to commit suicide. The fact that he was here now, in college, at an MMA gym, in a relationship, not afraid of intimacy - it was pretty admirable. Max did admire him, in a lot of ways. And on Trevelyan’s end, there were some challenges - he found that he was faced with this overwhelming desire to make things right, after hearing what happened to Nasir. But there was no opportunity for revenge, no opportunity for forgiveness (as if he could ever forgive scum of the earth) and he had to live with that. The more he thought about it, the more he understood his partner’s wish to not tell his parents what really went on for those missing years.
He was trained as a therapist, but this was personal, and sometimes he had those moments where a thirst for vengeance and anger over society’s willful ignorance about survivors of abuse became overridden by this strong feeling of wanting his loved one to just stop hurting. It was a lot.
“I love you,” he murmured drowsily, attempting to use leg strength to draw Nasir closer. Outside, the bog unicorn neeeeighed and snuffed, shuffling back into his warm stable after some time in the adjacent paddock. Boggy came and went as he pleased, he was trained enough to not run off - though he’d have to break through the fence anyway, and he wouldn’t.
It was very convenient that Nasir loved being between Max’s legs - in as many contexts as he could think of. And the fire, casting gentle shadows around the room and chasing away the darker shadows still lingering at the back of his mind, the world muffled with the snow - it was everything he needed to dispel the lingering distress in the back of his mind, and .
He didn’t need much encouragement to snuggle in closer to Max, nestling under his chin - probably making it hard to drink his coffee, whoops, but oh well. “Love you too,” he said, leaning up for a kiss. The whinnying of Boggy made him pull back a little. “Think he’s okay out there? I mean, I know he’s technically a zombie and all, but is he gonna get cold?”
Getting in a cuddle trumped coffee, in Max’s opinion. The half-drunk mug went on a coaster, and he would snuggle in the best way he knew how even with one arm and nosing at Nasir with a face that clearly needed a shave - all that prickly five o’clock (well, judging by his beard, it was a bit past five o’clock) shadow. “He’ll be okay,” Trevelyan said about the bog unicorn, fingers twisting a bit of Nasir’s hair around them, the backs of those fingers brushing over his cheek.
“The stable’s pretty heated, but I was actually considering moving him to Skyhold now that things are more set up there - it was originally where he lived, and the place is ready for an animal caretaker, I think.” The transportation up the mountain was about to be completed too, so Skyhold would transitioning from something strictly scenic to an actual getaway destination - he was ordained now, to be able to marry couples who wanted something special for their nuptials. Max was actually pretty excited about that. “Know anyone who loves animals and needs a job?”
Nasir was always down for more touching, even if it was slightly prickly and their stubble scraping against each other was a little uncomfortable. “Mm. You sure?” He made a mental note to go out and give Boggy the apple he’d hidden for him in a cabinet, especially once he heard that the ridiculous hellbeast would soon be leaving them. The news made him a little sad. He was still pretty afraid of Boggy, as he was sure was healthy and normal, thank you very much (he could be healthy and normal in at least one respect...and wasn’t that a weird thought for him to have. He pushed it to the back of his mind to wonder at later), but, well, Boggy was weirdly affectionate and loving and it was hard not to get a little attached. “I haven’t been to Skyhold in a while, now that I think about it. Maybe when we take him up we can stay for the night? It must look amazing in the snow.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I’ll keep my ears open for someone, I’m sure there’s got to be someone in the OC who wants to go live in the mountains with a dead horse that can stab you with his face. This is the only place in the world where someone with that description lives.”
Aw, Nasir would miss the zombie horse with a sword through its head. And was worried about him out in the cold. “I’m sure,” Max chuckled, playfully tweaking his boyfriend’s nose. “There’s heat lamps in there. And he has blankets.” As soon as it started snowing, Trevelyan made sure that the small barn on his property was equipped to be able to keep the bog unicorn nice and cozy. Though he supposed he didn’t have to move the mount to Skyhold. Not if Nasir would apparently be inconsolable without him around.
Maybe not inconsolable, but it was still a funny thought. This wielder of spears who punched spiders in the face was such a softie.
“Would you rather he stick around?” Max asked. “Because I mean, we did add the barn for the yard. May as well use it.” It wasn’t the largest place for a horse, but it worked for the size of the Dutch colonial house and the space they had to work with. Lots of DIY browsing to figure out the logistics (maybe some Pinterest too). “But we can definitely go to Skyhold and stay the night anyway. In my Inquisitor’s quarters.” It was very opulent, the view from the balcony incredible - once he’d cleaned out the room, that is, and gotten rid of all the rubble and debris from when the Inquisition first took up residence in Skyhold.
Nasir was not a softie, thank you very much, but he could tell that Max was thinking it. He nipped at Max’s fingers as he drew them away - there, that’s what you get for thinking such things about him! But then he kissed those fingers in apology, because, okay. Sometimes, for some people (and maybe a ridiculous zombie horse), he could be a little soft.
“I think he’s happy in the yard,” he was quick to say. Maybe Boggy would be happier at Skyhold with more room to roam around, but who would give him apples? That was what Nasir told himself anyway. A slow smile spread across his face and he shifted in Max’s arms so that they were facing each other, all shreds of the nightmare that had woken him gone. “I happen to really like your quarters, have I mentioned that?”
“Then he’ll stay in the yard,” Max decided - he tried to exercise the bog unicorn when he could as well, and Hazel also seemed to like doing it for some reason. He certainly wasn’t going to stop her. Likely an animal caretaker would still be hired for what was necessary at Skyhold, along with other maintenance crews and hospitality workers - but as for Boggy, it was home sweet home for that undead horse.
When Nasir shifted, Max stretched his back on the armrest of the sofa - something cracked too, aah, now he was a loose and limber pile of limbs - and he watched through half-lidded eyes, a bit of a smile on his face. If he looked sleepy he probably was, but overall he felt sloshy and contented. “You haven’t mentioned it, but I’m glad you do. Think of it as our quarters now.”
Revy had once referred to Skyhold as Max’s baby, and that was probably true to an extent - the castle was something he cared for, wanted to flourish, and he also wanted to share it with Nasir. Make new memories there, with him. There would always be the spirit of the Inquisition present in those spaces, especially Dorian, but that was another life. A whole other time and place.
“What time do you have to be up?” he wanted to know, fully willing to sleep on the sofa for the next hour or so, until his alarm would have gone off anyway.
Boggy’s fate decided, Nasir relaxed against Max, letting the other man take most of his weight - despite being pretty solidly muscle, he was pretty small, and Max was strong himself. He could totally take it - and settling in. He smiled at the distinct pop of something before Max melted under him. He wasn’t tired, thanks to the coffee, but he wouldn’t mind trying to doze off for a little while. “Our quarters,” he repeated. “So what does that make me? The Inquisitor’s concubine? The Inquisitress?” He chuckled, nudging himself up under Max’s chin and settling in.
“Don’t have to be up for a while, since I’m off school. I’m pretending to keep a schedule.” He probably wouldn’t stick to it, probably just enjoy the chance to rest for a while. Maybe take the time to look for a job that he could work with his school schedule. See if the gym needed anyone. “But you should sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up, I really didn’t mean to.” He pressed an apology kiss to Max’s lips, a little slack with drowsiness, and stroked his cheek. He was so lucky. It hit him sometimes just how lucky he was, and seeing Max, hair a mess, eyes unfocused, sleep warm and content beneath him? He wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve this but he wasn’t going to question it. The dream still niggled at the back of his mind but it was easy to push away and ignore for now. “Want me to get you up at the usual time or let you sleep in?”
The Inquisitress. What a charming description - was that even a word? It made Max laugh, the vibration rumbling in his chest as he held his rather handsome concubine against him. “I think ‘lover’ is the general term,” he said. “It fits all the circumstances. But alright, maybe we can both sleep here.”
Max would definitely doze, and Nasir needed sleep even if he was merely pretending to keep to a schedule. In the back of his mind, Trevelyan wondered why things seemed to be so different with nightmare aftermath - but it didn’t appear to be harmful, in fact it added lightness to what was usually a dark situation, so he wouldn’t knock it. However, he wasn’t naive enough to think it would last. They could enjoy it while it did?
“I have a few early sessions so I need to be up usual time,” he yawned again, dropping a kiss into Nasir’s hair. “If I snore though, just poke me.”
“You mean I don’t get a cool title? That’s shitty. ‘Inquisitor’s Personal Spider Killer,’ how about that?” Nasir grinned and finally settled down. “And personal alarm clock it seems. I’ll take care of you, don’t worry, just go to sleep.” He stroked Max’s arm in what he hoped was a soothing manner, trying to lull him to sleep. The morning wouldn’t be fun but that’s why they kept coffee in the house, and he would make it up to Max when he got home that evening. With a wicked grin, Nasir whiled away the hours plotting the best way to make sure that the only thing Max wouldn’t want to use the bed for tonight was sleeping.