claire redfield (claireredfield) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-10-31 23:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, claire redfield, dean winchester |
Who: Dean and Claire
What: Ultrasound visit
When: Early October
Where: Hospital
Rating/Warnings: Low/Cuteness, although there are some thoughts about Dean's dreams but it's nothing bad.
Status: Complete
It was hard to believe that things were progressing as quickly as they were, but mostly it was just how quickly time was flying by with her pregnancy. She was sure she'd feel differently the bigger she got, but right now? She was just enjoying every new little thing. She could feel the baby starting to move, although it wasn't noticeable outside of her stomach yet.
Claire couldn't wait for the day to come when Dean could place his hand on her belly and feel their little peanut moving around.
Not that the baby was the size of a peanut any more, but she just liked that little nickname.
Her last visit had gone well, but they'd scheduled an ultrasound for the next week to make sure that the baby was progressing well and to see if there were any issues. Claire was, admittedly nervous as she sat in the waiting room. This is where they'd find out if their little bundle was perfect or not.
Reaching over, she found Dean's hand with hers and laced her fingers through his.
Smiling she glanced over at him, "We're still not finding out the sex of the baby right? She'll ask once we get back there, I figured we should be on the same page." Not that they were on different pages that often, but Claire wanted to make sure that they were on this.
~*~
Sweaty hands were the worst turn-off in the world to Dean which was why he was grateful he'd never been the guy who'd gotten them. Even when he'd sold his soul to Hell, even when he'd been in Hell, even when he'd gotten back from Hell, Dean Winchester's hands had been warm, dry, and ready to do damage where necessary. He was glad he could count on his body not betraying his nerves with a gross grip as Claire found his hand with hers.
They were going to get more answers today. This visit was important. For all Dean knew, this could be the most important doctor visit of his life. No one was promised a perfect child. No one was promised a perfect pregnancy. Babies were so fragile. Dean worried he'd even know how to hold their child when it came time to be a real father. It was possible he wouldn't have to worry about that though. It was possible this ultrasound would tell them they weren't going to have a baby at all or their baby was too sick or not developing right or---
"I think everything's going to be fine."
Dean realized he hadn't answered Claire's question as soon as the mumbled words formed in his head, moments after they'd already left his lips. He shook his head to clear it and squeezed her hand with his. They could handle a doctor visit. They could handle any news they were going to get. They were going to be able to see their baby today -for better or worse- they were going to get to lay eyes on the life growing inside Claire and that was what Dean needed to focus on.
"No," he confirmed, "We don't want want to know. Our baby is our baby. We want to know if everything is cooking on schedule in there. If she's---or he's not okay? That's what we want to know and what we want to focus on. The gender shouldn't matter. I keep telling myself this. Think it'll eventually stick inside my thick head if I say it enough?"
~*~
A light smile tugged up the corners of Claire's lips. Leave it to Dean to make her feel better about a question she hadn't even asked, but had been thinking about. She rubbed her thumb over the side of his hand her way of saying she understood, and that no matter what the ultrasound revealed that she was okay with it.
They would make it, regardless of anything that popped up on the screen.
She gave a nod, chuckling softly. She just wanted to make sure that they were on the same page in regards to that, and so they could let the tech know their preference. "Maybe," she nudged him with her shoulder, "even if it doesn't? We still have time to find out if we really want to." Claire wasn't really concerned about the gender of the baby either, all she wanted was a healthy baby and that's what they were going to find out today. At least, they were going to find out what they could today.
"Everything will be fine though." She leaned over to press a soft kiss to his cheek, "We've got this." Claire was trying to stay as positive as she could even though she knew that a lot of different things could be wrong with their baby, with the pregnancy and a million other things could happen. Her dreams had thankfully slowed down quite a bit, and while she worried that they could get worse she hoped that they didn't.
~*~
"I want a disk. Pictures are great and I know they print those so we're taking them, too, but this way better than picture day. We can ask for a disk to take home to watch our miracle moving. Breathing. Living."
They weren't guaranteed tomorrow. Hell, Dean Winchester knew he wasn't even guaranteed to make it through the damn day. Today? Their baby was alive and kicking -literally- and they were getting proof of life before they left. He wanted to watch their baby all day. Sometimes when he was touching Claire, Dean wished demons would show up to grant him x-ray vision so he could watch the life inside her, see it was really safe, protected.
He felt so helpless being the guy wholly on the outside.
"You're doing all the work here so I know I don't have a lot of room to make demands. If you don't want to watch it or anything, you don't have to, but I want it for me. I want it because I want to be able to say I was there not just for the---the start but for the whole thing. The whole time I was there even if I'm just the guy on the sidelines."
~*~
"We'll let them know once we go in there." A smile was still on her lips as she spoke, and she was oh so thankful that she had Dean in her life. Many women out there weren't as lucky as she was when it came to finding and having a partner. That's exactly what they were too, partners.
"You're welcome to make any demands that you want. This is part of you too." She reached down, rubbing a hand over the swell of her stomach. "And I know you're here for the whole shebang, and that you always will be." Claire knew that their child would know nothing but love from the two of them, and she believed that Dean would be an amazing father.
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze again, "You are an important part in all of this. Without you I'd go insane, which we both know wouldn't be a good thing." The Scarab device had been enough for her to deal with and she never wanted to go through anything like that again. "So even if you think you're just a guy on the sidelines? You're not. You're so much more than that, Dean."
~*~
Every time Claire touched her stomach, Dean felt his own clench. There was a fragile life in there. Anything could hurt the tiny being growing inside her. He'd read about babies having broken bones, dying from injuries sustained from something as simple as a fall, suffocating from their cord wrapping around their tiny throats, and so many more horrible tragedies which could happen inside Claire---none of them Dean could do a damned thing about.
He reached over with his free hand even as he tightened his grip on hers with the other. It was so early still. Sometimes Dean could feel signs of life inside Claire. Sometimes all he could feel was the tautness of her flesh as her body distended to make room for their child. This would possibly scar her flesh. Claire could wind up with permanent signs of her ordeal from having her child---their child.
"I keep wanting to say I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry I can't do more than sit here. Hold your hand. I'm sorry this is going to be hard on you. I'm sorry I wasn't more careful. I keep wanting to say sorry to you, but every time I think about her," Dean took a breath, leaning over to speak more quietly to Claire as he felt eyes on them in the waiting room, "Or him, I think I'm not sorry at all. I'm happy. We're having a family of our own. How can I not be happy?"
Claire made Dean feel as if he was a part of it. Her words were important to him. Dean wasn't a guy who had a lot of chick-flick moments while Claire could reduce him to a guy who wanted to talk and talk and talk until he managed to say something she could hear as the truth. He'd spent so much of his other life lying it was a wonder he could recognize the truth. They had the truth right there between them didn't they? With their hands on her belly where their baby grew?
That was truth enough for them both, surely.
~*~
"And happy you should be. I'm happy too." She replied, her voice low and quiet in the stillness of the waiting area. "Besides, it takes two to tango and I don't remember saying no or be careful." She teased him playfully with a smile on her lips. There was more she wanted to say to him, more that she wanted to assure him of when she heard the tech call her name.
Giving his hand one more squeeze, Claire stood and followed behind the tech. She asked how she'd been doing and Claire replied that everything was fine. The morning sickness had passed quickly and she'd been one of the lucky ones that didn't have many issues.
Certain smells still set her on edge, but overall? She was fine. They were led back to the ultrasound room and Claire moved to sit on the table.
"Can we have a recording of this one? And we still don't want to know what the sex of the baby is." She glanced quickly over at Dean with a smile, and the tech nodded.
"Of course, we can do that for you."
Claire settled back onto the table, lowering her pants and pulling up her shirt.
~*~
Doctors set Dean's teeth on edge. The only time his family had ever sought medical treatment had been because of something terrible. He tried to focus on the politeness of the tech of their reassuring smile. This was different. People didn't come here because they were bleeding out from injuries inflicted by monsters who were supposed to be confined to nightmares. People came here for their fairy tales to come true.
This was a place of beginnings, not endings.
"Thanks for the disk. I want it. I'll probably drive you crazy and ask for one every time. I don't care what it costs. I just---want to keep this."
'I don't have a lot of moments in my life I want to relive. Cut me some slack,' Dean wanted to say yet kept the thought to himself. He was good at that: keeping things in which meant something to him. He ran his mouth for show mostly. People appreciated it about him. Some people stayed friends with him as a result of the expectation he'd always be good for a raunchy joke or a quick quip.
Dean Winchester was a man who was deeper than the grunt image he projected out into the world.
"Anyway, you're lucky you're giving me what I consider an adequate trade-off for getting to touch my girl's belly. I'm pretty possessive. Real caveman type. Isn't that right, Claire?"
He waggled his brows even as his hand sought Claire's on the other side of the table where the tech couldn't see.
~*~
The tech laughed as she moved to put a disk into the machine. "Don't worry, you're not the first dad that wants a recording of every one." Once the disk was into the machine she went to turn the light off.
"Mhm, total caveman over here, but I gotta admit I like it an awful lot." Claire's hand found Dean's in the darkness, giving it a gentle squeeze as she lolled her head to the side to look over at the screen.
"From the looks of things you liked it an awful lot." The tech teased with a giggle, "And I promise, I'll leave your girl here unharmed. Now, this is going to be cold." She slipped on a pair of gloves, and then put the gel onto Claire's stomach.
Claire jerked slightly at the cold gel on her stomach, but it was gone quickly enough as the tech placed the probe onto her stomach.
"Let's get a look in here and see how things are going." She moved it around, and Claire smiled as they saw their little one on the screen.
~*~
"Damn straight she did. We are people who know how to have a good time together. This? It's like a bonus reward for winning five hands in a row in a poker tournament."
Dean grinned wide as the tech managed to make it all seem so normal. He'd played normal all his life. All his lives. Sammy had used to say it was his favorite game: Playing Normal. They'd grown up in a mess not of their own making. Dean was going to do better for his baby. His baby would have a mom and a dad. Claire was going to be great and Dean would do the best he could to keep up.
The screen lit up before he could bark at the woman for the lack of warning at cold gel on his baby bump; Dean couldn't do anything except stare at what was unmistakably a tiny person on the monitor. Head, body, arms and legs all intact from what Dean could tell. There was a pulse estimation at the top and all kinds of measurements were being digitally mapped on the screen. It was how he imagined people felt when they watched him running the diagnostics on their car when they weren't car people.
Lost.
"Is the head supposed to be that big? It could be the camera angle, right? Or are we having like a super-genius? I'm fine with it if it's normal or healthy. I just didn't expect it to have such a big head. That's gotta fit---I mean, it's coming out eventually so it should be smaller. I think. There's no way it's fitting if it's life size on that screen."
~*~
The tech laughed at Dean's words and Claire shook her head.
"Hey," Claire started, "I'm perfectly content with all the fun we have together and the end result of that." She looked at the screen, unconcerned about anything else at the moment except the little one on the screen.
"The head always looks oversized, until they're born and you'd be surprised what the female body can go through while giving birth." The tech offered them both a smile and Claire looked over at Dean.
"I'm sure our child will be smart, so I don't think you have to worry about that." Claire on the other hand was slightly concerned about natural childbirth. There were a lot of different things that could happen, and god she just didn't want to tear. Her OBGYN had been great at explaining things though, so she wasn't as concerned as she once had been.
The tech went through a few more measurements, and finally pulled the probe off of Claire before flipping the towel up so she could wipe her stomach off.
"Everything I saw looks normal, your baby looks to be on track so I wouldn't worry. The doctor will give you a call if they happen to see anything out of the ordinary." She reached down pulling the disk out of the drive and put it back into its case. "And here you go dad to be."
Claire removed her hand from Dean's so she could clean the excess gel off her belly. She'd definitely need to take a shower once they were home since the stuff left a residue on her skin. "Thank you for everything." She offered the tech a smile as she shifted to sit up and place the towel behind her.
"Ready?" Claire asked as she glanced over at Dean.
~*~
Holding the disk in his hand as if he'd been given a million dollar bill, Dean couldn't think to answer. Their baby was normal. Claire was healthy. Their baby was healthy. Claire was going to be able to have their baby without problems. Their baby didn't have any problems. All the thoughts in his head spun from their baby to Claire back to their baby and he finally had it: proof of life right there in his hand.
It was a miracle.
"Thank you," Dean managed, offering his hand for a manly handshake as he then moved to help Claire off the table, "I really appreciate the disk and everything being normal and thank you. How about ice cream or pickles or an American cheeseburger? Anything you want, you name it, we'll get it on the way home, okay?"
Dean could do this part. He could do this part where all he had to do was take care of Claire and hold onto the disk in his hand which proved his fears were all wrong. They were going to be parents. It was all happening in slow-motion and fast-forward at the same time. This was going to be okay. It was all going to be okay.
How many times had Dean said that to people in his Dreams? How many times had he said it while knowing he was lying?
Too many to count.
As he walked Claire out of the clinic with his proof of life in hand, Dean hoped this time, just this one time, he was telling the truth to himself.