InsaneJournal

Who: Riza and Ed
When: September
Where: Their home
What: Late night musings
Rating/Warnings: Low/None
Status: Complete



Ed was supposed to be sleeping hours ago, and yet his mind was still working. He gave up on the attempt to do so when 1am hit. There were just too many things on his mind that kept going around in circles. So he got out of bed and wandered downstairs into the kitchen instead. Al was still asleep, his light was still off when Ed passed by his room so he attempted to be quiet.

Flicking on the light in said kitchen he decided to try to draw again. He reached over to a nearby desk where he knew there would be a paper and pencil. He’d been going through Hoenheim’s journal earlier that night and one particular formula stuck in his head. He wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, and that irritated him. Standing in frustration he decided to try to make tea again, this time he wasn’t feeling dizzy so it ought to go better than the last attempt-he hoped anyway. The one part he didn’t account for was just how loud the whistle blowing would be when the tea pot was ready to be poured. “Shh, shut up!” He hissed at it and removed it from the heat as he quickly poured it into said waiting tea leaves.

Riza had woken up suddenly though she wasn’t sure why, just as she was trying to get back to sleep she heard the tea kettle whistle and realised that one of the kids must have been up which could be why she woke up.

Getting out of bed she padded down the stairs, “Ed? Is something wrong?” she asked pushing her hair out of her face.

It wasn’t entirely out of place for Ed to be awake late night hours, but it had been happening less since he’d gotten more comfortable at Riza’s. His first few weeks there he barely slept at all through the night, but these days he normally did. He heard a voice behind him busted.

“Er, yeah Sorry. I forgot how loud this thing was.” He glared at it as if expecting it o respond back with sass or something “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

It had been a while since Riza had caught Edward up late, and she was automatically worried.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. You can wake me if you ever need me” she offered, “Things on your mind? It’s not too hot tonight is it?”

“No, not hot.” In fact he was actually comfortable for once which is partially why waking up like this was kind of annoying even for him just then. The fevers had drastically lessened since the air conditioner was put in. He wasn’t sure how dream him survived out in the desert on the hot days when traveling half the time.

“Just couldn’t sleep. Brain won’t shut up.” He motioned toward the tea “Tea?” since she was already up anyway. It was a hard subject to just talk about; the thing that plagued his mind.

“Good I’m glad for that” she said reassured, she had hoped the air conditioning would help and even she had to admit it was nice to have a cool house to come home to.

“Damn brain” she smiled before nodding, “Yes please. So what is the brain saying?” she asked, moving closer to help with the tea if he wanted her help.

He didn’t need help getting her the tea, he managed to get it on his own. But that question made him pause, hesitating on the teapot as he leaned to pour it. “I...don’t know how to say it.” He admitted, continuing a moment later and attempting to just pour it normally. Finally he handed it over and sat back in front of his own cup.

She knew Ed well enough by now not to interfere unless she thought he was going to hurt himself but with tea he was pretty confident and she didn’t need to do anything to help him.

“Okay, well I can’t read your mind” she told him with a smile, “Would it help to close your eyes and say it? Or write it down?” she asked, wondering what could be so difficult.

Before he moved to Riza he pretty much did everything on his own since his mother was too ill to do things most of the time. The only thing he didn’t have to do was cook so he never bothered to learn. It was a type of science though so he’d probably be decent at it if he attempted.

“Writing it will take too long.” He made a face as he peered downward at the notes. “I’m thinking about trying to find dad.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to see the likely disappointed look on Riza’s face at that statement. “....I don’t want to live with him or anything, I just wanna know why the hell he ditched me. What I did to…” He trailed off not knowing how to finish that sentence and toyed with the edge of the teacup.

Ed was independent almost to a fault but they’d learnt how to make it work and he sometimes let her help him. Sometimes.

“Oh” there was surprise on Riza’s face but not disappointment, it was after all not unusual. She couldn’t deny she was relieved to hear there were no plans to move though. “It’s okay to want your questions answered” she promised, reaching out to lay a hand over his own.

He’d expected anger, or fear, or..something. He wasn’t sure why, but he figured that was what was going to happen-not so much that soft touch. That was new. Not unappreciated, but it caused him to look up in confusion. “You’re not mad?” Ed wanted to show the creep what he’d left behind when he chose to ditch them, he had a lot to prove.

“Of course I’m not mad. I won’t deny I’m worried, I don’t want him upsetting you but at the end of the day this is your decision Edward” Riza told him, even if everything in her was telling her to protect him she knew it wasn’t her choice to make.

He looked up at her and nodded, seeming to understand what both her and Neal said now. “I think I need to know.” It was just a feeling he couldn’t shake.
“Just remember I’m here, whatever you need okay?” Riza said, moving around to give him a little hug.

For once he didn’t flinch or shy away from the hug-it seemed like he was becoming a bit more open to touch over time. Even smiled a little. “I know. You always have been. I.I see that now.” He understood Riza wasn’t there to decide things for him or take anything away-she was a lot like a parent he never knew in some ways. At least what he thought a parent should be.

“I’m glad. I love you, you know. And your mom would be really proud of you” she said softly with an almost wistful smile for a moment.

I love you They were such simple words, and yet caused Ed to look back at her a little surprised. He wasn’t used to hearing the phrase very much. He wasn’t overly affectionate himself when it came to things like that so it was probably partially his own fault but it mae him stop and give her a little smile rather than pain for once at her mention. It’d nearly been two years this winter now since he lost her. The first year was the hardest, but it finally seemed like he was moving forward. A slightly shaky tone as the words were a bit foreign on his lips, but he responded quietly “Love you too.” And fidgeted awkwardly with his tea cup and looked out the window at the darkness. Moving forward was finally happening. He felt like he could breathe a little better.