ᴀʟʟ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅs ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ᴄʀᴜᴇʟ (twili) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-07-03 13:37:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, midna, revy |
Who: Midna & Revy
What: Girl bonding, with Revy riding shadow beast spidery Midna followed by a pit stop to deal with a rift (and grab icee's)
When: Today!
Where: Shady gas station by the porn studio Revy works at
Rating/Warnings: Medium for ReDead and Shadow Vermin nasties, grenades, also language
Status: Complete
Tiny little green assholes all around the sacred fuckery known as Orange County? No problem. Not when you were armed head to toe with ammo, dual modified berettas strapped to the sides and a M79 grenade launcher (the Arwen-37 didn’t have enough firepower for shit like this) tacked onto the back. And not when the main method of transport was a princess turned into gargantuan beast form, reminiscent of a an arachnid that could eat about five or six Godzillas for lunch and still have enough room for dessert. On the outside looking in, the Twilight Princess probably looked like something that was crapped out of one of these rifts but the human on top of her? Probably negated that theory. Revy’s view from this height was awesome - in the distance they could see the shudders of green energy crackling in the distance, and they made it their priority to hop around and mercilessly obliterate every threatening shithead in their vicinity. Demon Control is what she unofficially called their two lady team, just here to pick off any bugger they could find until Max waddled his happy ass over and close them. “Man,” she sighed, but grinned like a wild woman and patted the Midna’s helmety head. “Don’t know about you, princess widow, but I need a cigarette and a piss break.” Welcome to reality, where bladders weren’t infinite wells meant to hold urine. This was an area she was familiar with and to the left, a gas station without life - and demon-spewing portal that swirled above but didn’t seem…active? “C’mon, you wanna take a stop there? Their icee machine better be working.” Revy would probably end up stocking up on cigarettes for the rest of her life from there. Payment for her services. Just call them DemonBusters - like the lady Ghostbusters but obviously better (and with more legs). Midna, when she first shifted into her shadow beast form involuntarily, hadn’t any clue in hell how to actually maintain any semblance of self while masquerading as a giant spider - but with more practice (and being a superhero!!!! Protecting Orange County was pretty awesome practice), she had a better grasp on this particular ability. It was just hard to get in some time to go for a spider romp without breaking anything before - now, with the latest crisis, perfect opportunity to hone the skills. Thanks so much for that, demons. So she could hear Revy, she could hear everything - the hundreds of hairs on this pretty, pretty princess form were actually hundreds of ears. Her eyesight wasn’t so great, despite having eight peepers, but that was okay - the sizzle and pop of weird-ass green portal-looking things could be picked up on well enough, and Revy would navigate her anyway. To the gas station it was, and she only squashed a few parked cars in her haste - along with a Best Buy construction site, sorry - before leaping the rest of the way, coming to a stop in the empty lot and sinking down so that Revy could hop off of her. Her own talents were kind of verdant too, mixed with an otherworldly glow, her ginormous form bathed in light as she called upon the magic of her people - in conjunction with the power she bore on her hand, and the Fused Shadow helmet - to become smaller and smaller. “I could use an icee,” she said out loud, human for the time being, also naked - and blue skinned, still wearing her helmet. But she had a grasp on shapeshifting, and quickly shimmered a snazzy leather catsuit into existence to cover her, for the time being. “Cherry, I hope?” Those combat boots helped cushion the hop off her friend of many legs, and she did a quick investigative pat down of herself to make sure all things were secured. Revy almost looked a little weighed down but she could manage, considering most of the firing had been happening while her half-Asian ass was sitting on Midna’s royal spider It wasn’t the best part of town to ever be in, but it was where her porn studio worked from and the fuel pumps weren’t far from it. Hell, she was surprised at how quiet it all seemed - she knew that there were periods of pause between demonic waves, but there was usually evidence of something monstrous attacking. Either damage or those fuckers themselves, but this area didn’t have a single soul other than theirs, and the owners of the gas station had jumped ship. “I fucking hope so,” she narrowed her eyes at the dimensional cloud of fucking evil above them. It was bright, but dormant? Hell, who cared, if it did burst like the rest of them they’d be ready - but she hoped it’d be after her long whizz in the stall. “But watch it just be that stupid coke flavor.” Coke-flavored things that weren’t coke was something Revy just didn’t fucking get, but whatever. Judging from how open the doors were, they could smartly assume someone had been here. To loot, maybe? Nothing inside was neat or even close to organized with some shelves toppled over, twinkies all over the place, but the electricity still hummed through the small building even if the lights weren’t on. A little eerie, shadows all around. “Maybe we should stock up with snacks while we’re here? If you want to do that because fuuuuuck.” A little dance while she covered her own twat. “I need to pee. Yell if that fucking thing acts up.” Looting a gas station, yep, that was pretty hardcore. But Midna guessed that was what happened, given the very shit, let’s grab and go, five finger discount feel to the place. She strolled inside after Revy, who was doing a bunny-hop dance, and waved her lady friend off in the direction of the very likely questionable bathroom - toilet seat covers (and cleanliness in general) were probably not going to be a thing. “Go, use the facilities,” she insisted, and really, Midna wasn’t too worried. “I’ll let you know if the damn thing starts Exorcist-spewing everywhere.” But alright, may as well do a little shopping in the meantime! A paper sack from behind the counter was grabbed, and the Twilight Princess decided to help herself. Ho-ho’s tossed in, Ding Dongs, Twizzlers, beer for Impa, white cheddar popcorn for herself. It was a veritable shopping spree, and she even went to examine where the hot foods were, meant to be baking under bright lights. “Burritos - no,” she decided. “Pizza? Maybe.” One slice, tested first. Casually, she picked it up and began chewing, leaning against the counter while she waited. All quiet on the western front so far. Revy’s senses were usually accurately battle toned that attention to detail was flawless - she’d been molded into an efficient killing machine with a keen eye but sometimes, sometimes all that training was pushed to the side when basic functions needed to be meant. There was nothing more fucking vengeful than your bladder ready to burst and she paid no attention, none, to nothing else, when she burst into the bathroom stalls and did her fucking business. Except five seconds later there was a scream that could have woken up the fucking dead, something shrill that translated to bloody fucking murder when from the darkest corner, hidden by open stall doors, emerged a skeletal figure with dried skin and black pits for eyes. The ex-con burst out of the bathroom, frantically trying to zip her pants and as if on cue with the sound of distress, the rift outside burst with light. “WHY THE FUCK CAN’T SOMEONE PISS IN THIS GODDAMN PLACE IN PEACE?!!” Well, shit. Midna tossed the cardboard pizza slice into the air, in complete surprise, and now that the rift was glowing like it was a piece of the green cheese moon, that meant shit had hit the fan. “Not those things!” she groaned, noticing the way they shuffled slowly, tall and imposing and literal skin and bones; some carried swords wrapped in rotting bandages, obviously of the Knight variety and she remembered them from her adventures in the dungeons with Link, traveling all over creation. They were slow-moving, but that scream. She covered her ears just in time as another let one rip - damn near shattered the grimy windows of this gas station too. “Don’t let them get their arms around you, they’ll squeeze,” she warned, attempting to shake herself free from the paralyzing effect - the sound of their wail made her bones feel heavy, like they were filled with lead instead of marrow. Fuckers! Needless to say, she snapped out of it and attacked with her hair, orange-red spears flying in two directions, impaling one creature, and then another. But there were more. Revy didn’t scare easily but fuck. What the fuck. It was zombie-apocalyptic, with the faint smell of decay and wails that were physically capable of stunning - it’s what stopped her from reaching for her guns when she gathered her goddamn wits. “You know what these things are??” she seethed, adrenaline beginning to get a kickstart right through her veins. Whatever hypnotic death siren that kept her bones eerily still waned, but one of them did exactly what Midna had warned. Wrap around from behind, squeeze and - uh. Gyrate on her? Climb on her? Man, this was officially the worst visit to a goddamn bathroom, ever. These things were probably shat out before they arrived and were waiting for someone to spook, or hump, or whatever their purpose was. For corpses of nothing but bone and flakey hide they had some strength, but Revy’s force behind brutality was rage-filled and stronger, and she was able to grip its narrow arms and flip it over. Her boot went to pin it on its throat on the floor, the other hand reaching for one of the jolly rogers and - bam, bam, BAM. Three bullets to the fucking head. “That noise thing is going to fuck us over if we don’t get rid of them quick,” she snarled, occupying her other hand with her gun’s sibling - time to dual wield her babies, and the empty shells of the bullets she shot hit the ground. “What the hell is it with the humping?” Eeeeeeew. Honestly, Midna forgot how much these things sucked - two bites from wolfy Link often killed them though, and long-range attacks worked best. Rarely did they have the chance to play leapfrog with her and her companion, but seeing it now? “I guess that’s how they express themselves??” She was trying not to laugh, really. But it was kind of amusing seeing wailing zombies be taken out, in one of those ‘what is my liiiiife?’ moments. “They’re called the ReDead,” she explained, hopping atop the counter to put some distance between her and the nasty shits shuffling and moaning about. “We found a lot in a couple dungeons in the Gerudo Desert, while looking for mirror shards and shit.” Her fists sparked with Twili magic, creating a massive ball of energy, which she then began firing off - blasts of it, acting as bullets in their own right, pew pew pew, a whole display for the 4th of July in this damn gas station. Given the sheer firepower behind their attacks, it was doubtful the place would be left standing but - hey, it was empty anyway? Save the Twinkies! Or don’t save the Twinkies, since those plastic wrapped cream-filled pastries were all over the scraped linoleum floor, and Revy was stomping them under her feet as she took steps back (and soon her shoes would be frosted with dessert, yumyum), bullets from each beretta piercing the air; a wildfire of firepowered steel and shadows to eliminate those creepy fuckers. It wasn’t quiet by any means and once each shot burned through a moaning corpse, they’d hit whatever it was behind them. Glass refrigerators, all the fizzy cokes and even tubs of ice cream, who caaaaaaaared, kill all those hip-thrusting freaks extra dead. Outside, however, there weren’t anymore of those ReDeads. Different beasts instead that were made of darkness, tendrils from their heads and markings - very similar to Midna’s tattoos, Revy mentally noted - lit red like blood. “Uh.” Two Hands pointed the mouth of a gun at one of them. “Hey. What are those?” Daaaaaaaaamn, that was some hot-ass shit. Midna at least opened the bag of white cheddar popcorn, stuffing a handful into her mouth - chompchompchomp - while she took a break and observed Revy raining bullets down on the ReDead. Seriously, bullets were ricocheting everywhere, pinging off every spare surface and she whipped her head around, noticing that one bullet even went through the icee machine. It must have tripped something, because cherry-red slush began gushing forth like frozen liquid ambrosia. She found a cup and managed to salvage some of that too. “You know,” after swallowing, and hopping down from the counter to crunch on the littered floor, “Seeing you do that is so much different from this vantage point, like, when you’re not riding me. Still cool though.” But anyway, she went to make note of what the commotion was outside - and promptly groaned again. Really, this was not their day. The ugly zombies were gone, but now? “Looks like Shadow Vermin,” she said. “They’ll flail at you and attack, and they’re fast. We found them in the sewers connected to Hyrule Castle. I kind of think you should save your bullets ‘cause they’d be a bitch to shoot, and we should just blow this place up and go.” Yes/No? Good plan? Awesome plan in Revy’s book - the fuck did she have to lose? Midna swiped some icee goodness, and she grabbed a couple cartons of marlboro cigarettes to overstuff her jean pockets with (it was an expensive habit, fuck you), but overall she was ready to go. “Your monsters are weird looking,” she commented, though, and the combination of those animated corpses plus these things that looked like they were scraped out of the bowels of the devil’s asshole? It made her kinda glad her dreams didn’t have that mystical element. Blood and guts, sweat and guns, those were the things she knew best. Twin firearms slipped back into their holsters, Revy pulled the over-the-shoulder grenade launcher from its straps - it was a fairly compact one and its grenades in the shape of fat bullets, the few it could hold already loaded. “If you wanna portal our asses into a safe distance, I’ll give you the honors of letting you shoot this baby. I did promise I’d let you use it one day, and it’s the day of fuckin’ reckoning.” “Oh yeeeeees,” Midna made a noise of sheer rapture, crimson eyes practically rolling back into her skull. The idea of using a grenade launcher really made up for the unfortunate encounters with monsters from her dreamworld. “Ugh, but they are way gross though - like demonic squids or some shit, no thanks.” Basically the equivalent to shadow rats - their name, vermin, really suited what they were. They didn’t make those high-pitched wailing sounds that the ReDead did, but sure enough, they leapt and clung - flying into the dilapidated building, which was good, Midna and Revy would lure them in toward their eventual fiery demise. Because rather than sticking around, she extended her hand which began to glow, upon summoning the power held in her piece of the Triforce - the portal opened and swallowed them whole, warping them elsewhere as the sounds of splatsplatsplat could be heard, an official takeover of slimy creatures. Outside, far enough from the gas pumps but still within decent shooting range of the building, she was ready. “Alright, teach, show me what to do.” “Gladly,” she wolfishly grinned, after she got her bearings straight from that little inter-dimensional method of transportation. The M79 resembled a sawed-off shotgun, meaning it could be used similar as one - aim the muzzle, lock onto the target, pull the trigger and let the fireworks commence. “Expect a heavy recoil, and keep a steady hand - you can use the leaf sight to line up your shot.” Revy stood behind her, guiding the princess’ hands for proper positioning - the butt of it would be pressed against her shoulder, one hand clutching the bottom of the barrell and the other by the trigger. “It’s loud, so try not to get startled, but those gas station pumps? Aim for those. Gasoline’s going to amplify the explosion and knock those fuckers out.” When she was ready, the ex-con took a step back to watch her grenade-launching student. Heavy recoil, steady hand, aim for the pumps. Got it. Midna had never handled a grenade launcher before, but hell, there was a first time for everything. She followed the instructions carefully, holding fast to the bottom of the barrell and bracing herself for what would be the recoil, while the weapon still rested on her shoulder. She thought she had the aim locked in where she wanted it, squinting, and then let it rip. Her finger twitched on the trigger, pulling it, and ohgoddessess. Revy wasn’t kidding about the recoil - Midna caught herself before being blown back on her ass, correcting her stance in time, and the grenade made contact with the collection of pumps. It took a few seconds that felt endless and then... Grenade blast detonated, gasoline and fire mixed in a deadly cocktail, KA-BOOM. Like something from a Die Hard movie; Midna whooped it up. “Damn, that was awesome! They’re probably all cooked calamari in there!” Well, what was left of the building - it had basically been blown into the stratosphere by now. RIP, shady porn studio gas station. From Midna’s explosion spread a wave of heat, smoke and the scent of fire and gas - it didn’t make the goddamn portal of monsters fuck off elsewhere but it handled everything that leaked out of there for now. Max would have to make it out here to work his magic, but hopefully they stalled the incoming wave of demon activity for the time being. Revy used a hand to shield her eyes from the initial flash of fiery brightness, mouth circled to let out a low whistle. Impressive, princess. “Now I know what to get you for Christmas,” she smirked, observing the bonfire that successfully cooked those shadow tentacles. “Officially the best day I’ve had in a long time, because this is what I call girl time.” Who needed to braid hair and watch some show like Teen Mom when they had chances like this come around? Might be a shit situation overall, but she didn’t mind the thrall of a battle. Even if those fuckers first scared the literal piss outta her. Fuuuuuuck you, ReDeads. “Oh, hell yeah, stuff this in my stocking,” Midna joked, giving Revy her smoking grenade launcher back - but dude, she was totally serious. Stuff her stocking for realsies (just not in the dirty way). “I definitely prefer our version of girl bonding too. Yep.” Sitting around lounging on pillows, eating pizza and painting each other’s toenails was cool and all, but maybe for ladies a little less hardcore than Two Hands and the Twilight Princess. Midna had her own girly moments, sure, but they were mostly reserved for Zelda. Like, when she had to put on a fancy dress and do her hair or some shit, for some function. Now that their work here was done (for the most part, since they’d need Max to close the rift)? “You wanna hop back on and do another round?” she asked hopefully. Revy gave it a minute for the thumper to cool before she finagled it back to where she had it - strapped and tightly put against her back. “Uh, no shit. I peed, I’ve been relieved, I’m ready to hop around and go at it again.” There were still more out there that needed to be slaughtered and she was pumped, and Midna had been wise enough to tell her to save the bullets for the rest of ‘em. They’d go until they were ready to conk out, and do it all over again the next day if these gateways were still wreaking mayhem all around - she said she’d help the asshole whose dreams this came from, and she was keeping her word. Shooting shit and non-sexually riding her friend into battle was just a plus. |