Entry tags:

!complete, cindy cendrillon (cinderella), midna, zelda

Who: Princesses Cinderella, Zelda and Midna
What: Catching up over half-vegan barbecuing, with a little bit of canon puncturing
When: Tonight
Where: The Vakarian Home
Rating/Warnings: Relatively tame with some language
Status: Complete!

By now, Cindy was pretty adept at vegetarian campfire cooking - pretty much anything you could cook indoors, you could cook outdoors as well. There was space in front of her firepit to resemble the warmth of a hearth, but most of the the food was placed on a grill over the wood - burgers, actually, ones that were made of cow and ones that were of the black bean variety. She also had seasoned, herbed vegetables roasting on the lower portion of her makeshift grill, near where the ‘hearth’ was, and baked potatoes wrapped in aluminum - which she’d check occasionally, turning over with long tongs so as to avoid burning herself.

The whole point of this rustic concept was to utilize the firepit in her and Garrus’ backyard, since she tended to enjoy doing that for parties - this was a small one, she’d only invited Zelda and her shadowy other half to come over and revel in princess talk. In addition to catching up, there was that too - but they’d gone to London to get those infamous surveillance tapes and it forged something of a connection; now that the trial was over, Zelda had moved into a new corporate HQ, and both Midna and Cindy had new jobs, maybe some chatting about life was in order.

Paper lanterns were hung with care, providing light for them at night - besides the twinkling stars, which were visible on a clear evening. She’d set up blankets on the grass, a casual affair, with biodegradable paper plates and utensils - drinks, she still had to make those. Most important.

“Our daiquiri machine works pretty well if you want to try it,” she enticed the others, busy flipping burgers - the sizzle or smell of meat didn’t bother her. She was married to a carnivore, after all.

But oh, drinks? Midna to the rescue, no worries there. “Add a splash of this - “ The Twilight Princess produced a bottle comprised of bright blue glass - inside, was nectar of the goddesses. “It’ll knock you on your ass.” Arak was its name, Arabic liquor that was clear, colorless, and vaguely flavored of anise. It would live up to her promises.

Oh, wow. Well. Zelda didn’t know if she wanted to be particularly knocked off her ass tonight but she supposed if anything happened, she and Midna had a reliable source of transportation - meaning the portals. Unless the Twilight Princess couldn’t navigate dimensions correctly under the influence and transplanted them in the middle of nowhere, but she had faith in her feisty counterpart.

Mostly.

“A daiquiri machine,” this princess repeated, with surprised admiration. Like she just realized it was entirely possible to have one of those things in a home, the poor thing. “I think you just gave me the inspiration to a life goal I never knew I wanted.” Right now she was perfectly content to be nestled in the blankets, stroking the backfur of a tabby-cat. So dashing, with his bowtie. The weather was perfect - warm but with a refreshing breeze. “You’ve got such a lovely home, by the way - thank you for playing hostess!”

Garrus had sat this one out, unfortunately. Not be rude, not intentionally, but trips in different star systems had his sleeping schedule all over the place. Many sleepless nights scavenging for resources and the only good bed on the Normandy had been Shepard’s, so when he came home and hit their bed like a brick, he didn’t rise for awhile.

With an impending alien invasion on the horizon, Cindy definitely understood the need for sleep when her galaxy-hopping husband could get it. Letting him rest in the sanctuary of their bedroom was perfectly fine with her - she’d taken the cat out to join the soiree since Bigby in his bowtie was something of a party animal anyway. And a big hit with the ladies. “No problem, I like playing hostess,” she grinned, those burgers - both meaty and not - now flipped onto a serving platter. The veggies and the potatoes still had to roast for a few more minutes - any leftovers tonight, she’d put in the fridge for Garrus to take with him in Tupperware containers. It was tough, working the jobs they did, both FBI and Agency bullshit.

“Takes me back to those days of southern cotillions,” she added in a pralines n’cream drawl, now poking at the potatoes to check them. “When’s your birthday again? You may appreciate the wonders of a daiquiri machine.”

Midna (opting to forgo the glamour and appear au naturale with her blue skin and tribal tattoos visible) decided to hop up and take care of those drinks - the Arabic booze would be a welcome addition to strawberry froo-froo delights. “I think she should have one in the breakroom at her company but that might, you know, not be good,” she observed. Just a bit.

Bigby was all puuuurrrrs, making little biscuits next to the Hylian in utter happiness. Made her almost want to get a furbaby of her own, maybe? A dog, or something! Midna might appreciate something a little wolfy in homage to the Hero of Time, a figure that was currently absent from their lives here. “Yes, not for the break room,” Zelda rolled her eyes fondly, before diverting those crystal irises back over to Cindy. “It’s not for awhile, but you really don’t owe me any birthday gifts for the next decade or so. Or ever, really.”

Considering Cindy had taken bullets for her, that was a gift that kept on giving. She’d never forget that.

Grabby hands were made in Midna’s general directions - drinks, please! Zelda would get up but, well, leaving the teenage kitten was utterly criminal. “How’s the married life treating you, by the way? I know things started a little rocky -” Cinderella dying, then being resurrected, “- but I’m sure it’s smooth sailing now?”

The daiquiri machine was pretty easy to work, and Midna had some bartending skill once upon a time - she’d filled in at the Rear End a couple occasions when necessary, especially with both Hawke and his pirate recently out - so the whirr of it and the plop of frozen goodness into the glasses was damn near expert. “Oh, yeah, married life. Is it really as fun as people say?” She indulged those grabby hands, giving Zellie the concoction that was fruity yet strong. Best part was, you couldn’t even really taste the alcohol.

Which could be dangerous, but Midna’s drunken portal hopping was...pretty good. They’d end up on the roof of a cheap burrito joint, worst case scenario.

Ta da! Cindy brought over the burger platter - there were buns too, and with the addition of those veggies, everyone could just kind of help themselves during the night picnic. “I love it, actually,” she admitted. “Better than the first time around. Probably because I actually chose my husband and it wasn’t some family arranged crap.”

The Cendrillon family liked Garrus though - this time around was better for everyone involved, her sour-faced stepmother notwithstanding. Nothing could wipe that perpetual Grumpy Cat look off the southern royal’s face.

As a show of gratitude, Zelda planted a big fat one on her girlfriend’s azure cheek. She rather liked her princess in this form too, but she’d take Midna however - baby blue or mocha skin. Now that meant she could also bring her down beside her for some snuggling, and started picking at the platter. Her diet was versatile though she preferred to eat clean when she could; all noms Cindy were things she could nibble on happily, however.

“Arranged marriages is such a princess thing,” she sighed, sympathetic. “Fairytale endings are such a myth, aren’t they? Was your ex-husband anything like a Prince Charming? Is he still around?”

Really, it reminded her of those ‘after the happy endings’ pictures that floated around on the internet of Disney Princesses. Belle undergoing plastic surgery, Snow White with more children than she could handle while her prince was pregnant with an abundance of beer, so forth.

“Ugh,” that was what Midna had to say about arranged marriages - it was more like a grunt, as she began the elaborate process of stuffing her face. “All that shit about producing an heir and everything. The perks of being a princess, or not.”

Cindy settled too, digging into her black bean burger and veggies - really, she was super proud of these firepit potatoes. Like, she may even have to take a picture and post it on Instagram with a few filters in place. “In Fabletown, it was more about ‘happily ever after...for the moment,” she laughed, shaking her head. It wasn’t too painful to talk about her dreams anymore - they’d ended, she accepted what had happened, and she at least died doing what she did best (which was kicking the ass of shady bitches, mind you). Not everyone could say that.

“My ex-husband in this world had some Prince Charming similarities - both were sort of the bad boy types, but Charming in the dreams began to grow up eventually. He did some good things for Fables when he fought for them, to take down Sinbad’s empire - though it was probably better we didn’t stay married. The fucker had over 1,400 conquests under his belt by the age of fifteen.”

Midna just about spit out her drink. “Oh my god, how is that possible?!”

There was a very, very slow chew of the bean-burger that’d been dressed and put in her mouth for a bite - all while she mulled over how the hell that really was possible, and then came to the realization it was best to not overthink such an impressive...feat? Zelda didn’t know what else to call it, but it was both impressive and disgusting in one bam.

“He must have contracted…something after all that, unless that immunity you spoke about before helped with that?” Ew, that sounded so skeevy. Automatic protection from sexuality transmitted disease from all those adventures. She shuddered against Midna and tucked in closer, and the kitten seemed to follow. “I know I end up marrying out of political reasons in the dreams; very boring stuff, nothing memorable, no bad boy royalty with a penis that has been inside every hole with legs.”

One might assume she and Link had something, especially in the first set of dreams, but the timesplit changed everything - and instead he left to wander the lands and became, literally, a shade of himself to help his reincarnations.

Every hole with legs. Cindy snorted a laugh, picking up her extra-spiked daiquiri to take a sip - good thing she hadn’t been drinking at the time, otherwise it would have ended up coming out of her nose. Not very ladylike. “The immunity does help, yeah,” she pulled a face, because how did it go? Sleeping with someone, unprotected, was like sleeping with their past partners? That was too much for the mind to boggle, considering what a slut her ex-hubby was. “He might have even had pheromone powers too, that he wasn’t aware of. It’s a theory.”

But really, the tidbit about the holes was true - Charming hadn’t just stuck to women, there was no way. He was about as bisexual as it got so pretty much any hole would do.

“Wait, wait??” Midna was personally a little surprised by Zelda’s news. “You got married? What was your husband like? Just like a King consort for breeding, or what?” As far as she knew, she hadn’t walked down the aisle in the Twili kingdom - but maybe it happened eventually. Not like she really had the pick of the litter there though (she’d done much better in this world).

“Power of attraction,” Zelda hummed, thinking it over. A dangerous ability to have, so Prince Charming was more than welcomed to stay far, far away from this realm of peculiarities. Though to be fair, he would have been a hit on the network with some people - it’d be an amusing trainwreck to witness, admittedly. Awkward for Cindy to have an ex-husband around sticking it to everyone in Orange County, though.

Pausing from the food, she sipped her cocktail to wash it all down, and she still had the glass against her mouth when Midna blurted. Bliiiiink. “It was the first set, and the kingdom needed some kind of...well, celebration.” Strengthening political ties, needing to see unity in leadership. “I became my own descendant by procreation with a sperm donor, essentially, but he was...alright, I suppose. I still have hopes of finding you down the line, in the ones we share.”

She was hopeful, regardless of the ending. The Mirror of Twilight couldn’t be the only portal to that world, could it? Link hadn’t wanted to let her go, either - it had broken both their hearts.

“Procreation with a sperm donor, ew,” Midna shuddered. The trials and tribulations of princesses - not to mention their duties and obligations. It could be a little annoying but they did what they had to do for the sake of bettering the kingdom, always. That was why she’d gone to the Light World, with nothing but knowledge of a prophecy that a divine beast would save them all - and she’d hid in wolfy Link’s shadow, teaming up with him even if it had been rocky at first, in order to save the Twilight Realm from a fucking crazypants. Marriage and sperm donor stuff seemed like a drop in the bucket, in the scheme of things.

She had been heartbroken to leave Link and Zelda too though, after all they had been through together - it wasn’t easy, but her stubborn nature believed it was for the best. “Another sacrifice for the kingdom,” she said, slurping her daiquiri. “But I guess there’s always another way to make realm-hopping happen even if we don’t know what it is yet. So I’ll hold out hope too, I guess. That way I can crawl under your royal skirts when I’m not a cursed imp.”

Cindy chuckled. “That’s sweet.”

Good thing she wasn’t currently sipping on anything, otherwise it would have been an alcoholic slushie shower on sweet Bigby. Zelda giggle-snorted, a little sheepish perhaps, and clapped her hand over Midna’s mouth. “You didn’t hear that,” she grinned, now hush your naughty mouth, Twilight Princess. “You can’t take this one anywhere.”

Teasing in the name of love.

“We’re going to be doing a grand opening of the United States company branch, by the way, sometime in early June?” They’d been trying to shoot for May, but there was still a lot to be done - revising employee handbooks and insurance packages, salary budgeting. Though at least the office furniture and equipment had been purchased and was in the process of being moved in and properly installed. All that extra wiring, especially for security cameras. “Assuming nothing catastrophic happens, anyway, and I’ll get the formal invites out soon, but I wanted to give you a heads up. For you and your hubby. There’ll be drinks, to drown out the snobby business people.”

That whole ‘assuming nothing catastrophic happens’ idea was always a gamble, but you couldn’t really even plan milestones around the fuckery of Orange County - because it popped up at usually inopportune times, and not on any sort of schedule. So really, it was an appropriate assumption and Cindy was flattered to be asked. “That sounds great,” she said, breaking into her roasted potato - it was so delicious she didn’t even mind burning her fingertips a little. Such was the price we paid for good eating.

“Me and the hubby will definitely go. Networking can’t hurt, and besides, the only thing I picture on the horizon is the potential alien invasion, but...he says we have some time to prepare.” To build a superweapon, that sort of thing.

This caused Midna to stop chewing, and her eyebrows to shoot right up to the Heavens. If she didn’t have a mouthful of food, she would have jaw-dropped. Swallow first - always good advice. “Wait, like, legit alien invasion? Here?” She shouldn’t be surprised - they’d faced everything else, it seemed like. “Please tell me I get to turn into a giant spider and be ridden into battle.”

Bring it on, alien scum! Her body was ready.

Zelda stopped chewing too. Really, the timing was perfect - it was as if their minds were linked. An alien invasion. Didn’t she have a similar discussion with Jonathan about that sort of thing? Making some kind of emergency bunker below the building for safety? Now she needed to get on that, more than ever. “I don’t know how I feel about someone riding you like a stallion into an invasion,” she first remarked to Midna, her mouth a little too full for a snort, but she began to chew contemplatively. “Time is good, though - J and I literally discussed some kind of safety area in the business building for situations like this.”

Yes, how appropriate it was, to just chow down on barbecued edibles while nonchalantly discussing extraterrestrials arriving on their planet. Best to plan rather than panic, yes?

“I’m really surprised Garrus hasn’t...turned into one. An alien, I mean.” Now that they were on the topic, anyway - pretty much everyone eventually transitioned into what they were in the dreams. Some of it a little subtle, other times it was more extreme. Midna’s case, for example. “He’s one, isn’t he? Must have gotten lucky, skipping that part of the dreams.”

“Aw, come on, Zellie. I’ve already got plans,” Midna protested, leaning in to bat her downy lashes and give the very best puppy eyes she could muster. “There will be a painting, probably. Some artist will make a commission and call it ‘Gunslinger and Spider in Watercolors’ or whatever.”

Cindy just had to laugh incredulously. Well, she wouldn’t exactly shit on that plan either though - they could use all the heavy hitters they could get, and firearms atop a giant spider would definitely make a statement. “Hey, up to you. It’s gonna be a matter of all of us banding together, I think.”

See, it would be fine. But to soothe Zelda’s mind, Midna changed the subject to probe (ha, probe) at Cindy about aliens instead. “Yeah, so why isn’t your hubby an alien by now? He’s the only one who hasn’t changed.” Or at least, as far as she knew. Then again, not like she did a study on it or anything.

“Probably because his, uh, species? Their digestive systems are completely incompatible with Earth food,” Cindy explained. “So if he changed he’d starve, unless we found a way to get the food he eats in his dream galaxy.” Glamours weren’t a problem, Garrus could always disguise his appearance when he needed to look human (and she knew that he really didn’t want to give up those conventional good looks but he looked good to the one who loved him no matter what his appearance was) yet it was the nutrient issue that worried her the most.

Midna trampling on things with her eight shadowy legs and a merc on her back, shooting grenades and bullets - well. That was one way to handle an invasion. Zelda couldn’t argue against the logic of efficiency, even if the imagery of the entire concept was the strangest thing to envision. Shaking her head, she gave her rather impish girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. “Commission it, we’ll hang it above a fireplace or something.”

All grand pieces of art needed to be hung there to accentuate it. Anyway, next thing on her plate she went to tackle was the potatoes. No more steam radiating from it, and it was the perfect temperature to dig in. “I suppose that does make sense, though, it’d be a little cruel to have him become one if there weren’t the resources to sustain him. He’s - I know there’s a video game about the whole thing, right?”

Christ, way to give someone an existential crisis. Zelda would probably cry if she found out their dreams were video games. It didn’t seem likely, but she didn’t exactly google to confirm it either.

“Maybe we all need to strap down and play it, and learn what’s coming at us. Both recreational and legitimate research, right??”

It wasn’t a terrible idea, she thought!

Oh, shit, a video game. Wouldn’t that be wild, if Midna discovered a video game of their exploits too? Like, really, what were the odds?

Probably pretty good ones, but anyway.

“We should totally do that,” she agreed. “I’ve been getting bored with World of Warcraft. There’s also apparently one with coincidentally the same names ‘Hawke’ and ‘Isabela’ but I don’t have the heart to tell them yet.” Maybe later, after she beat the third installment! Had to see what happened, right? Secret was out, though: The Twilight Princess was kind of a nerd when it came to consoles and the games you could play on them and shit.

This was all kind of mindblowing to Cindy, but she’d actually Googled the game Garrus was in way before, because she was curious about his alien form when they first started dating. And she hadn’t been disappointed. “Well, he does know about it, so it’s one way to prepare,” she laughed. “And all signs point to us being able to save Earth, so.”

A very creative way to prepare at that. Midna was more skilled in the art of button-smashing and strategic gaming - Zelda would flail and probably die, all the time, at everything. But it was definitely something to look into. Aliens weren’t anything she’d ever thought she would face, and it was always a smart idea to know all you could about an enemy before the day of reckoning arrived.

Less surprises that way.

“It’ll be a princess project. Find the video game Cindy’s husband is in, and analyze it,” said the Princess of Light, a rather sage nod with it. “Midna plays and we can just...watch in awe. And maybe try not to speak about it too much, it’d be weird to have someone literally play through your dream sequences that haunt you at night in form of a video game.”

Knock on wood.

Princess bonding project! Cindy was all for that. Midna too, because anytime she could play video games in the name of research, all the better. “I’ll try not to fangirl too much,” she grinned in her Cheshire Cat way, showing those white teeth that glinted so well in the darkness. “But come on, video games are awesome.

And speaking of things that were awesome...

She leaned back on the blanket, on her elbows, feeling distinctly full but still having plenty of room for dessert. No harm in shoving something sweet into that gaping maw of hers, she always worked off the excess calories. “You brought cream puffs, riiiiiiight?” A question for the yin to her yang. Because if Zelda hadn’t, that would shatter her whole evening.

“You’re going to get a cute little pot belly like your imp-self if you keep up with the creampuff obsession,” Zelda teased, feather-like tickles to her stomach before she mustered up the will to separate from Bigby - who looked most disappointed and somewhat offended, in his cat-like way - and hopped a little bit on the foot that didn’t fall asleep. “I’ll get them, I’ll get them. Then we can discuss how to gather intel that can help save the world through video games.”

It was an appropriate time to ask the golden question of what the hell is our lives, but they knew the answer to that already.