littlegreengirl (littlegreengirl) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-04-10 11:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, gaila, montgomery scott |
Dreams do have meaning. I dreamed about being green and I turned green. There's a link!
Who: Gaila and Scotty
What: Condoms and Time Paradoxes
When: Right after Varric left
Where: Mad Monty's
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
Gaila was happy happy happy. So v. v. v. super happy. She came back to Scotty's (oh hell, her's too!) place. With a large bag. She came upstairs and dumped about 80 variety packs of condoms on the table. That had been a scare AND THERE WOULD BE NO MORE SCARES EVER AGAIN!
Which table? Because he had heard clamoring which signaled Gaila might be home, and leaned to peek through the doorway again, saw green, and pointed an accusing finger at her.
"Ye know, ye left the open sign flipped forward in the window and I have an appointment now on tuesday tae fix some crazy lass' vehicle, then Varric came over and he's pretty much nutters and...what're ye dumping oot there?" And he would go YAY because he was the one who wanted to use them anyway. And he hadn’t been convinced after the moving in talk, that she was knocked up, either. A scare was only a scare, without hard evidence, via a test. But that was a whole other discussion last night, that had almost made him choke on his chinese food when she’d brought it up. "I take it there's nae minty green lima bean in ye, then. Hurrah!"
"Sorry? I had to rush out to get that test and great news you're not going to be a daddy!" She bounced up and down with every other word. "Anyway I got variety packs. Never again."
"Yaaaay, I can still have machine bairns," he said, both arms raised up over his head in triumph, "and not real live bairns! Never again what? Oh, right, well, I was more comfortable with those things anyway, ye know."
But she'd insisted they didn't need them and lookie there? Yes, they did. So he is rolling in his pile of win and triumph, inwardly, looking pleased.
Well, he was right on one thing, but she was right on the other. Hence the fact that every single condom was some variation on 'fun' and or ...kind of crazy, including several that included vibrating buds. Gaila? Was prepared for war.
Condom war.
What the hell was wrong with just normal ones? Why did she have to go and make it all crazy insane with funny whatnots? Wasn't there simply an industrial strength normal condom that they could use? He is going to facepalm and start poking through those for the functional normal ones, first thing first, not that he was in any rush to use anything right now, anyway. Bed rest. He was taking it seriously. He even popped a pill so he could get vegetative, right then and there. Because he'd just remembered.
If Gaila was going to put up with sensory deprivation, she was going to make up for it in other ways. There were at least 15 packages of 'her pleasure' which the lady at the checkout counter had gushed about. She bounced in with one of those packages and stared at him, "..aww you took a pill..."
He looked at her like she had giant green horns that had sprouted out of her skull.
"Aye, I took a pill, I'm on bedrest. Remember? That thing where one's got their arse planted in the bed and they're resting." He pointed at what she was holding. "What's that, then?"
… "But I could be on TOP!" She held it up, "Condoms! They're designed and shaped to increase pleasure!"
"They're designed tae keep me wee engineers from infiltrating yer fertile green pasture. That's what they're designed tae dae."
She stared at him, "But we need to have..fun. Right? It's not fun when the sensation is deadened. Hence these!" She showed him the label!
"I never had a problem before, ye know....what's...what the hell is this?" he asked, squinting at the label in full on WTF WOMAN WTF.
"See, they're designed to both keep your...engineers...in, and to feel really, really good!"
"They even provide extra comfort for men!" Like that? Was that.
"Fine, fine, whatever...it's just silly. Cannae we simply use the things and not turn it into a debate or make it needlessly fancy and complicated?" Scotty just waved a hand like enough was enough already. "It's fine, aye, I'm glad ye got something. Something we needed. And nae wee green things growing in ye, yaaaay."
She gave him a dry look, "I'm compromising here, you don't have to ...ugh, never mind." She walked out of the room, came back with the 85 million boxes and started finding places to store them.
"What're ye compromising over? I mean, I'm happy we've got them, sae I'm not goin' tae complain if they're needlessly fancy, it's fine, I'd said. We needed them but...BLOODY HELL, did we need SAE MANY of them?"
"I don't want them. You want them. So I'm getting fun condoms that enhance the sex." She stuffed some in a desk drawer.
"Did ye empty the shelves?!"
"Maybe."
Scotty facepalmed.
She smiled at him, "I figure, since we do it so much..."
He facepalmed using both hands, but was laughing underneath them.
"We'd need at least four a day!"
"Four a day? We dinnae dae it THAT much!"
Sometimes it was only twice. C'mon, eeesh. He shook his head at her, like for shame. Which was hardly HIS fault either. He would've been happy with ONCE.
Rarely. Usually it was three times! She was going to kill him some day, "......really?"
"Really." Yes, she probably was going to. But he was currently just chalking it up as ‘great exercise’ and ‘at least it's not jogging’...though he did get that jogging in, whenever she got angry or antsy or flighty.
Gaila? Was the epitome of green disappointment! If her ears could droop they would.
Scotty apologetically shrugged at her and grinned sheepishly, like it was the truth. Sorry, lassie! But at least he was a willing accomplice to her horniness whenever she was feeling perky? So that was a consolation, right? Right!
Gaila chewed on her lips, then sighed, accepting that. At least for now. Mostly. Y U NO KEEP UP!Y U NEED IT MOAR THAN TWICE A DAY?
"Well, I'm willing tae bet yer relieved. I'd offer tae let ye hop on and have a congratulatory sex romp, but ye know..." He pointed over to the bottle of pain pills and whispered 'took one' under his breath, while grinning wildly. "Anyway, guess who came over here and said he'd had weird dreams and then put a hole in the wall." Which he pointed at. "Varric. Aye."
Then Scotty raised his arms way up, but didn't look happy at all anymore. "Yay, it's spreading."BECAUSE ITS GENETIC "Maybe you could sit there and I can just..you know....get on top?" She blinked, "He what? Had dreams too?"
"Maybe later ye can wake me up and surprise me." He didn't skip a beat but kept right on going. "He had some dream with some dark whatsits in it, I dinnae, all weird and he was gettin' shooty with a crossbow, which, guess what was there?" He pointed up to the hole in their bedroom wall, like it was exhibit A. Have you taken note? Good. "Then we had our science versus magic debate again, which is dumb. Because they're just DREAMS and not at all real, ye know."Or he keeps telling himself that. Because if he says it enough times, then he'll believe it.
She peered at the hole, "I like it, it gives the room a bit of.." She waved a hand, "Character! And what if he's right?"
"Please dinnae make me have tae give ye why science beats magic because maths can explain everything, talk. There are nae wizards, nae unicorns, nae fire breathing dragons, nae leprechauns. All right? A dream is a dream is a dream. Only a byproduct of a bored brain."
Gaila shook her head, "Magic doesn't have to be fantastical. Anyway. Dreams do have meaning. I dreamed about being green and I turned green. There's a link!"
"Nae, nae," now he was shaking his head, "it started with the dog, like a chain reaction. It's whomever's sent the dog's here's fault. Aye, that, and what I said just made sense. Because, ye know, wormholes and such exist, it's entirely plausible that the timeline's veered a bit already because it's been fuckered up and messed about with."
"Alternate timelines are alternate, Scotty. Our timeline hasn't veered, its how its always been. There's another timeline where we never got together!" She shrugged a shoulder, "And are you saying that wormholes and such can't affect the mind too?"
"I mean I suppose they could, and of course there's probably thousands if not millions of other timelines running parallel tae this one, where we're not together in any of them. Or even met. I could be a lass in half of them also, or ye know, McCoy an' I could be a scorching hot couple. Anyway, aye, it can veer off, if ye fuck up one thing in it. Look." He plopped a finger down onto the bed, next to him. "This is time." He dragged his finger along in a straight line, slowly. "And here, ye've inadvertently stepped on an newly evolved insect. Time continues with a slight bend in it, instead of what it wouldae been, right? Well now, it's here, modern day, and everyone's cross eyed and bucktoothed, because things got fouled up with the insect that never got it's wee genetic code intae the great big batch of genetic ooze as time went on. Ye know. It'd be like goin' back an' giving the Egyptians....a modern boat. Or if someone made it sae the nazis won. There's yer timeline gettin' fucked, as one example. We, right now, might have not even existed. Like a grandfather paradox. Poof. Gone."
She shook her head, "We'd still exist, because there'd be a timeline where someone didn't step on the bug. The "prime" timeline would continue as it always did, while a new timeline springs up, like branches from a trunk. Just because there are new branches doesn't mean the rest of the tree has changed."
"Well, I'm saying, if this one gets messed with like that. It'd just take one arse hat tae gae back and dae that, ye know. Which, if ye think about it, it's kinda happening right now, seems like. Almost. Stuff dunnae just pop out of nowhere, and girls dinnae just turn green...."
"Its the only way to explain paradoxes, though. Asshat goes back and changes things, and suddenly there are two timelines instead of one. The one where he fucked it up and the one where he didn't fuck it up."
"Well aye, but we're possibly in the middle of a sort of paradox, is what I'm tryin' tae get at. Ye know, right now. As we speak." He pointed downward, like he was indicating right where they were, at this point. "I mean, ye dinnae know if we're the veer off or the actual timeline, because time's been changed. Possibly by me or another me, from somewhere else. Sae if we're the veer off, we wouldnae really notice it and neither would our prime universe selves. See? Unless the two met, somehow? THEN ye'd know it's a sort of paradox. But which would be which? Then there'd be arm wrestling an' fisticuffs, because they'd be all 'well my timeline is better' and 'nae, yers is shite' and it's all just a huge mess."
He finished that thought with a sigh. Though, suddenly, Scotty stopped and raised his eyebrows a little, as he just remembered something else that Varric had said along the same lines as things popping up.
"I guess I left a welding torch doon by the submarine. Varric mentioned it. I didnae think I'd dae something like that, but dae ye think ye could put it away for me? I dinnae want it left lying about."
"It's too late to stop so we might as well run with it," She replied, grinning at him. "I've gone green, a dog appeared out of nowhere, and Varric is dreaming of monsters." She paused, "Oh thats not good if monsters start showing up. Like mutant shit..." She nodded her head and hopped up to go do just that!
"Well nae? But he's got a crossbow that he was talking at, sae it's like a cos-player's wet dream, I'd imagine." Seeing her hopping up, Scotty gave her an appreciative smile. "Thankies, lassie. Can't believe I left something laying around like that."
How embarrassing and not tidy. Hmph!