InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Is there something in my eye?"

Agent Hill believes in the system. (agenthill) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2012-07-30 16:51:00

Entry tags:

!complete, agent phil coulson, john blake, maria hill

Who: Maria Hill and John Blake, with special radio guest Agent Coulson.
What: The world's most uncomfortable stakeout.
Where: Outside a warehouse, somewhere in California.
When: Monday night.
Rating: R for language, feelings, and every bit of suppressed anger possible.
Status: Complete.

Like she'd told Coulson, 'good to be back' was probably an understatement. Hill had felt way too much like a rat in a cage for the past few weeks. Between being bed-ridden after the quake and being ordered to take at least a few days off before she went back to work, she was tired of feeling useless and was full of pent-up energy. She was ready to go back to her routine of helping people and taking down criminals even if she still had a few stitches, cuts, and bruises (not to mention split knuckles, but that was another story). They looked worse than they were. It wasn't the best mindset for a stakeout and coming from anyone else besides her partner she would've thought it an attempt to "go easy on her" on her first day back. But she knew Coulson better than that. He'd put her on the stakeout because he trusted her to make sure the job got done.

Not that she minded spending time with cops. Some agents had the whole superiority complex thing going on, but Hill had always respected the local PD as the people who did the real "dirty work": domestic violence calls, break-ins, that sort of thing. The FBI did the big stuff, yes, but regular cops were the guys who kept the day-to-day things running. Plus, they usually had interesting stories, she mused as she pulled the nondescript black car into the location Coulson had sent her. Heck, she'd even picked up coffee and donuts for her and her partner for the night. That's how good of a mood she was in. She just hoped whoever it was didn't show up late, because she probably wouldn't have the willpower to keep out of the donuts for too long.

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comingback
2012-07-30 10:32 pm UTC (link)

Blake had been assigned watch, which was fine. Point might have the run, but it was also the place he was most likely to get his ass beat down by a tweaker. As a rule, he wouldn't care so much, but he was semi-ashamed to admit he'd like to not look like complete garbage if and when this date with Dany materialized.

He slid into the passenger seat in the car he knew to be FBI, half hoping it was Coulson. Guy usually had donuts on him, although he hadn't seen him in half a year or so. He really hoped it wasn't Maria.

Turning his head as the door closed, he realized he really should have seen this one coming.

"Son of a bitch."

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agenthill
2012-07-30 10:42 pm UTC (link)

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Of course it'd be him. Because she'd been in a good mood, no, a fantastic mood right up until now, and it was just goddamn typical that the one thing that could ruin it showed up and sat down in her car. The thought of John hadn't even crossed her mind, mostly because she was actively trying not to think about him for the sake of her sanity, but she probably should've expected the worst. For a moment, she considered texting Coulson, saying her head was hurting and she had to go home, but that wasn't her style. They had a job to do.

"That's polite," she responded frostily, mirroring his words from a few days ago, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

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	comingback 2012-07-30 10:44 pm UTC (link)
	Blake held his tongue, knowing that he'd already dropped the ball. Shit, it would be. It just fucking would be. He sat, staring forward and running a hand through his hair, with the air of a man trapped. Which, to be fair, he was. "Sorry." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-30 10:58 pm UTC (link)
	Maria didn't like this any more than he did. It had been less than a minute and she could already feel the all-too-familiar twisting of guilt and regret in her stomach. But she was nothing if not good at hiding her emotions. "It's fine." It wasn't, but her flat tone didn't waver. "There's coffee and donuts if you're interested." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	comingback 2012-07-30 11:03 pm UTC (link)
	She couldn't be that pissed if she was offering donuts. Well, yes she could, but that wasn't the point. The point was donuts. "Heard you were in the hospital. You okay?" It wasn't meant to be a 'should you be working' sort of question, but John realized as soon as it was out of his mouth she could take it that way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

agenthill
2012-07-30 11:18 pm UTC (link)

"I'm perfectly capable of doing my job, if that's what you're asking." Maria had never been particularly good at giving people the benefit of the doubt. This was no exception; she couldn't imagine why he'd care. Not after what had happened.

Guilt and fear had always turned all-too-easily into anger for her. She had to willingly force her hands to relax from their fists so she could pick up her coffee and take a sip. It was probably the only outward sign that she was feeling anything behind that cold mask she wore.

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	comingback 2012-07-30 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	Which wasn't the most goddamned annoying shit ever, oh no. "That wasn't what I was asking." To mainly shut himself up, he grabbed a donut and took a bite. Hopefully Coulson made the call and fast. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

agenthill
2012-07-30 11:50 pm UTC (link)

Fantastic. Now she felt worse. The thought of texting Coulson popped up again, but they'd been on this damn lead for months. They probably wouldn't get another opportunity like this and hell if she was going to be the one to screw it up.

Still. If things kept going like this, one of them was going to snap and things would get ugly. "I'm fine." She admitted, her voice just a little softer. "I'm..." Dammit. She hated apologizing, even when she was the one in the wrong. "Sorry I misinterpreted."

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	comingback 2012-07-31 12:02 am UTC (link)
	Well, hallelujah like the song says. That was a long time coming. Blake could be gracious though. Mainly to keep this from being the lousiest stake out in the history of the world. "It's fine. Could have phrased it better." He paused. "And thanks. For bringing the donuts." Annnnnnd they were out of safe conversational territory. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

agenthill
2012-07-31 12:10 am UTC (link)

It really wasn't fine. For her, at least. There were at least seventeen different things she wanted to say, but her stupid pride and professionalism were having none of it. Instead, she shrugged.

"I was having a good day." She was kind of proud that she managed to not put emphasis on the word 'was', and reached for a donut of her own. "First day back after crawling up the walls from not working."

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	comingback 2012-07-31 12:15 am UTC (link)
	"I bet. First day my desk wasn't covered in furry little shits, either." He was trying. God, was he trying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-31 12:18 am UTC (link)
	They were both trying. For the sake of the mission, because that came first. "Ugh, don't even get me started on those little bastards." She even managed a small smile. "Had carcasses all over my damn driveway." Okay. They could do this. They were reasonable adults. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	comingback 2012-07-31 12:20 am UTC (link)
	This was downright friendly for them. Sad thing was how often it was like then when they had been dating. "I swear to God, Tyrael was going to light his desk on fire." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-31 12:29 am UTC (link)
	That got a laugh out of her. She hadn't met Tyrael in person, but she'd spoken to him a few times on the net, and she could imagine that. "I'll bet. Almost makes me sad I was stuck in the hospital for most of it. Times like those I miss my cane." The conversation was almost comfortable. "Reminds me of that apartment we had with the roach infestation." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	comingback 2012-07-31 12:32 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah, that place was shit. At least they didn't shed." Comfortable. Goddamned normal. And therefore dangerous. "Granted, you left food out that one time, just made it worse." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-31 12:40 am UTC (link)
	"No, but they crunched. And they moved a lot faster." Huh. Maybe they'd get through the night after all. ...or maybe not. God damnit. He never could let anything go, could he? "Yeah. Probably." She muttered, reaching for another donut and trying to keep her anger in check. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	comingback 2012-07-31 12:44 am UTC (link)
	Shit. Wrong turn. Blake sighed. "Sorry. You know I'm shit at this." Talking. Existing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-31 12:51 am UTC (link)
	She said nothing for a minute, still tense with anger, before she sighed. "Yeah, I'm not doing much better." She'd always antagonized, back then. It was something that had abated, at least a little, over time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	comingback 2012-07-31 12:54 am UTC (link)
	So many words unspoken in the air. Apologies, insults, accusations, maybe a lot just in between. "God. What I wouldn't give for something to shoot right about now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-31 12:58 am UTC (link)
	"Seems like we got rid of the furballs too soon." She remarked dryly. Humor was the only way she could force herself to remain calm. Even then, it was difficult. Being faced with something she considered one of her biggest mistakes was hard enough; sitting in a car with him for hours on end was damn near impossible. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	comingback 2012-07-31 01:01 am UTC (link)
	And God, he wanted to fight her. To have a knock down, drag out fight, sort all this shit out and... what? Kiss her? Walk away? Fucked if he knew. It was going to be a long night. "You seeing anyone?" Oh yeah, Blake. That'd make it better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

agenthill
2012-07-31 01:11 am UTC (link)

There was enough tension in the car to make even the most unflappable person uncomfortable. This was what happened when an unstoppable force met an immovable object.

The question caught her off guard, so much that she turned to shoot him an odd look. It was the first time she'd actually looked at him since he'd gotten in the car.

"No," Maria answered. Not since you, she added silently, but didn't say it aloud. "You?"

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	comingback 2012-07-31 01:15 am UTC (link)
	Blake shrugged, looking at his hands. "Not really." Dany wasn't 'dating' category yet obviously, and he didn't want to push it. He huffed out a little sigh, shaking his head. "Want me to call Coulson? I can take point." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

agenthill
2012-07-31 01:19 am UTC (link)

There was a part of her– a large part, really– that wanted to scream at him. To say screw the job, screw the tension, and just fucking vent things out, so maybe she'd stop feeling sick to her stomach.

Somehow, his suggestion just made that worse.

"John, come on. He'd probably laugh at that suggestion. We've been chasing this lead for months."

It had come out a lot crueler than she'd meant it.

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comingback
2012-07-31 01:23 am UTC (link)

"That isn't what I meant and you know it," he all but growled, patience fraying.

If they were going to make it through this, he had to release the tension somehow. And since shooting someone wasn't an option, he had to distract himself.

'Find a happy place' was a shitty way of putting it, but more or less that's what it boiled down to. He looked out the window, trying to find something to focus on.

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agenthill
2012-07-31 01:30 am UTC (link)

Neither had she. Actually, she'd more meant it in a way that implied that her partner was a tiny bit of a control freak, not that he was incapable, but she didn't feel the need to explain herself.

And she wasn't apologizing this time.

Instead, she just reached for her coffee and took a calm sip, that infuriatingly cold facade back in place. "You can use the radio if you want."

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	comingback 2012-07-31 01:33 am UTC (link)
	John ignored her, focusing instead on the family sitting in their front room, farther down the street. They were watching some movie, faces lit by the TV and everyone happy. God, that must be nice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

agenthill
2012-07-31 01:45 am UTC (link)

Maria followed his gaze after a moment with a frown. What the hell was he staring at?

Oh.

Oh.

There was an irritatingly familiar pang of guilt. At one point, she'd loved him. And their future might have even been like that family in the window, had it not been for her inability to let herself be happy for fear of having it taken away. If she destroyed something herself, at least she still had control over it. It was why she'd shut down and gone cold, why she'd become so combative in the last few months. It hadn't even occurred to her until after the end what it'd done to him, but god, when it did... It was something that still haunted her.

Maria didn't really know what to say. Instead, she just sort of nudged the donut box towards him, kind of like how a puppy would nudge its favorite toy towards someone upset. It wasn't much, but it was something. A tiny show of sympathy.

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	comingback 2012-07-31 01:48 am UTC (link)
	Blake felt the box tap his hand, and he understood. Forgave? Not yet, maybe not ever. He didn't have that much in him. But he took the donut, nodding his thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1stnameagent 2012-07-31 01:49 am UTC (link)
	The radio crackled in the car. Coulson's voice cut through the tension as if it wasn't there. "Let's move." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agenthill 2012-07-31 01:53 am UTC (link)
	Maria opened her mouth to say something. She wasn't sure what; an apology? Or something infuriating? She didn't know. She never knew with him. What she did know was that she'd never been happier to hear her partner's voice. "Finally, something to shoot." Her hand was already on her holster as she grabbed the radio. "Ten-four. On the move." (Reply to this) (Parent)