ℓιηα (ιηνєяѕє) ωιѕ∂σм (dragonspooker) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-12-02 20:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, elizabeth comstock, lina inverse |
Who: Elizabeth Comstock, Lina Inverse
What: Confessions of things they feel and the things they've done wrong, Part 2.
When: Before Lina left.
Where: Lina and Rogue's house
Rating/Warnings: Language, mentions of murder.
Status: Complete!
Lina hadn’t noticed the blood until Elizabeth had mentioned it, and then she knew it was definitely true when she tasted it, all warm and metallic. Honestly, she was more amused than anything. “How the hell did I even manage that one?” Her words were laced with a chuckle, but it was strangely choked.
There were a lot of things she wanted to say. A lot of clashing feelings she was experiencing. Making it all into a coherent sentence that would make sense, though, was a formidable challenge. One that Lina didn’t know if she could face yet.
Elizabeth’s voice sounded a little funny, in the almost sad kind of way, and Lina offered her friend a sad smile while she used the cloth to clean her lip and add pressure. “Not permanently. Just...for a little bit.” A little bit meant weeks - months, even. But it didn’t mean forever. Lina loved him, and he had left. She wasn’t going to chase a ghost forever.
Even if that decision would only hurt her more.
“I just...need to figure this out. And I can’t just sit around and expect those answers to come to me.”
"We're only just together again, I'll miss you while you're gone..." Elizabeth replied, sadly. But she understood, too, and her own feelings seemed selfish in comparison. She climbed back onto the bed and grabbed the cloth out of Lina's hand, then took it upon herself to start dabbing at places Lina couldn't see.
"No, I understand it. You have to get closure with him, right? Not everyone... gets that chance, and they should get it if they can. But did you get the spell working? What happens if he's out there and he's... turned?"
Something about Elizabeth gave Lina some deja-vu. Dreamwise, anyway, if that made sense. Because sometimes she could remind Lina of Amelia, with the same dark hair and big blue eyes and the innocence. Thankfully though, Elizabeth wasn’t spouting off speeches of the flaming fires of justice nor reciting them on high places she couldn’t get down from. But she had woken up the ‘big sister feels’ in Lina here, just like Amelia had woken up the ‘big sister feels’ in those dreams. And her disappointment filled her up with guilt.
This entire thing had shitty timing.
Lina allowed her to play nurse. Mostly because Elizabeth was better at it while she outright sucked at it. At her question, she redhead winced, and not because of the wounds. “If he’s turned, then I kill him.” God, there it was again - that uncomfortable knot, lodged into her throat. Even she was surprised at her own words, but she wasn’t going to regret them. She sucked in a sharp breath of air before exhaling it all out to keep it together. “Being a monster’s been an annoying metaphor his entire life. His family’s full of horrible people, and the last thing he’s ever wanted was to be them. Now we’ve stopped talking about the metaphorical sense and went straight to the literal sense, which is ten times worse, so.” A shrug. “But that’s only if it gets down to the wire. I don’t wanna get ahead of myself and plot his demise, or anything.”
But she had it plotted already. Just as a back-up plan.
“This is depressing. Can we drink?”
"You have to prepare for the worst, even if you hope for the best," Elizabeth said, softly. It wasn't easy, the thing Lina was preparing herself for. She almost wanted to admit a few things. There was no easy way to get into what her dream self did, or the things she got up to in the real world sometimes, either. But they were having a moment, and she felt like she should give something in return, so that Lina wouldn't feel like the only person in the room laid bare.
So she added, as she got up from the bed, "You should know... I know what it's like. To have to kill someone that you love. And sometimes you hate them, too. It's a thin line and it's easy to cross over. But I don't think less of you for having to do... whatever you have to do, if you have to do it. And yes, we can definitely drink now."
The conversation took a turn Lina didn’t really expect for it to turn, because Elizabeth sounded like she was confessing something. Her eyes followed her even as she got up and watched her warily, an eyebrow raised.
“I can’t imagine you killing anyone,” she said, very carefully even. If she did, Lina assumed it was in that weird ass place her and Booker dreamed of. Where people dreamed about being very different people sometimes. The crazy thing is that she was right - love and hate, it was a thin line. A poisoned one. Though if she had to kill Xelloss - and that was a very strong if - that would be a gesture she would have done out of love. Even if hate sometimes played a part in things.
"It doesn't seem very likely, does it?" Elizabeth twitched at her pinky finger a bit, an odd gesture seeing as it still wasn't missing and there wasn't any thimble there to spin around. And it looked silly with the washcloth still in her hand, "But you know that me and a bunch of other versions of me - in the dreams - drowned Booker. And that wasn't the only time I had him killed, either. I made him a promise. There was nothing else for me to do, so that's what I did. I loved him enough to find every single version of him that strayed and..."
She sighed a bit and shook her head, "We all do things we aren't proud of. Even here in the real world."
Like summoning Songbird to kill her mother. It hadn't really been her intent, or had it? She must have wanted it badly enough. She'd said it herself, her portals were a form of wish fulfillment.
Yeah, that’s right - the multiple versions of Elizabeth and the multiple versions of Booker. That was just as trippy as an acid trip. Booker had sat her down and talked to her about it all, but with that many outcomes and scenarios it was sometimes a little hard to keep up with it, especially as an outsider looking in.
Lina went ahead and gently removed the washcloth from Elizabeth’s hands. “Most of us have lists that fall under the ‘not so proud’ category. The more we dwell on it, the more we tend to kind of ignore all the good things that can happen. But aside from me being optimistically preachy like there’s sunlight coming out of my butt…” She cocked her head to the side. “Are you okay? You’re talking like something’s bugging you, Liz.”
"Well... there's a lot we don't know about each other, isn't there? Or things that we keep from each other. You didn't know that I could pick locks or that I had a tendency to steal things, for instance. And I know that you had something to do with all those explosions, but you don't talk about it or admit it..." Elizabeth's frown deepened, and she trailed off a bit.
Then she nodded her head, and began again, "We keep secret things to ourselves. We all do. Probably for the same reason. But you're being open about this, I feel like I should trade a secret for a secret. Only I'm not sure that I should. This is your night."
All those explos--OH! Lina coughed into her fist nervously, because...yeah. That was her. All her. No point in feigning innocence at this rate because somehow people had pinpointed her as the culprit very early on. How irritably hilarious life was with the way it would not stop mirroring dream shit. At least there weren’t any dragons running off at the sound of her name. Lina didn’t know why she found that notion insulting, but it was. Bandit Killer? One thing. Dragon Spooker? Who the fu--
Okay, enough internal ranting.
“I’m not the best person when it comes to being open about things, yeah. And it’s--not that I want to keep it a secret. I just can never know what to say. Or how to say it. So, I find other...means of relief.” Hence the trail of violence left in her wake. “It’s not the healthiest thing--but it helps me figure things out, so I can actually say them. It’s not really my night, Elizabeth. It’s just a night, in which I felt like I could actually...talk about things. And if you feel like you can talk about things too, then by all means, talk.”
Lina didn’t want to force it, but she could also tell there was something at the tip of her tongue that she needed to spill. And she’d listen. And if she wanted advice, she’d give her advice. To the best of her ability anyway - and advice that didn’t include choking a bitch, at least. Unless choking a bitch was the only solution...
Then choke a bitch, by all means.
Elizabeth took Lina coughing into her hand as a sign of admission - probably the only thing Lina would ever say or do to come clean on that subject, anyway. That made her feel a little better about things, since it wasn't like her hands were clean. She twitched at her pinky again, and then nodded, "Paris didn't go... as smoothly as I said it did. At all. It didn't go smoothly at all."
There, it was out. Well no, it wasn’t really out. She added, “... She’s dead. We didn’t come to terms or make up. We got into a shouting match and I opened a portal. I should have known what would come out of it because I was ten times angrier than when I summoned the tornado.”
Lina blinked once. Twice. Then multiple times, as if she was making an attempt to clear her vision. Really, she was trying to clear the confusion and actually process just exactly what Elizabeth had admitted.
Because it sounded awfully like--
Oh, shit.
“What happened with the portal?” ‘She’s dead’ and ‘I opened a portal.’ That was an interesting gap.
"It... Songbird. Songbird flew out of it. He's my protector, and my jailor, and in the end I had to kill him, too. But this portal went to... somewhere. Or when. A Columbia where he was still alive." Elizabeth looked down at her hands, and let out a sigh, "He took her in his talons and flew up into the sky. Then she fell, and it... was over. But I did it. I can't blame him. I was the one who opened the portal, I was the one who was angry enough at her to want her dead."
She wondered what that said about her. Booker had once said that he was afraid of her more than God. They'd locked her up her entire life because of what she was capable of. Her temper could get everyone killed, it was one of the reasons she worked so hard to get her portals under control. "After that... I knew I needed to handle my powers. I needed to get a grip on them before something like that happened again."
Using portals for transportation was one thing. But with the way Elizabeth had explained it, not only does portaling save on gas, but it’s also a window to another timeline. Another world? Her world? Something about the entire thing made little goosebumps rise on her flesh.
“You didn’t take a knife and stab her multiple times, and then throw the body into a dumpster.” That was the kind of scenario she had come up with, for one reason or another. It was a ludicrous and she didn’t think Elizabeth was capable of that kind of thing anyway. Unless it was a life or death situation. In all honesty her story actually had her pretty damned relieved.
But, shit. All that happened when she was in Paris. Weeks ago. Did anyone else know? Was she keeping this all to herself?
“But it was an accident.” And Lina believed that whole-heartedly. Whatever versions of Elizabeth that existed elsewhere didn’t matter to her; this was the Elizabeth she knew, in this reality. Brows furrowed in some concern, she glanced at her friend. “A really shitty one. And a good motivator to keep that under control.” Having a power tied to emotion was a blessing and a curse. Lina’s sorcery had law and chaos mixed into it, and her magic often involved certain incantations and hand gestures and opening the right channels of the astral plane. She couldn’t cast something by accident. Lose control of it during the process, sure, but not start the spell by an ‘oopsies.’ “But if you can open portals to, say...another timeline. Another world--whatever we want to call that--you need to keep quiet about it. That info getting into the wrong hands can open a whole new can of worms.”
"There are infinite worlds out there and I can visit all of them, yes, but..." Elizabeth shook her head. She knew the danger and Lina was right, but she couldn't accept her innocence in the matter.
"You think it was an accident but I don't. I used to tell Booker that my portals went where I wanted them to go. They change things to what I need, when I need them. It's wish fulfillment, in a way. That's how they're controlled. I want a thing and then something in me finds the when and where and-- Look, the point is that that's who I always do it. It doesn't meant that I'm not guilty of murder. I summoned a bunch of Elizabeth's to drown him, but he's still dead. And in a hundred different universes, he died. I manipulated situations so that he'd be killed while I watched, and it's no different here. I can't tell myself that I'm not killing people. That's how SHE does it, but it still affects her. And it's me, a hundred different mes, but they're all ME. I know all of them, I am all of them."
Elizabeth hugged herself and let out a long sigh, "I just thought that in this world she'd be able to get past the part where I wasn't her real daughter. And now she's gone, and no one will ever find her. But you're right. I have to keep quiet about it. The portals, I mean. I think you, Booker, and a few of the musketeers are the only ones who know right now. And I'm not really on speaking terms with any of them, but I don't think they'd do anything or say anything about it."
Bringing up all the other versions of yourself out there always made annoying, philosophical thoughts surface. Because there was a million theories, a million ways to look at it and which ones were right and which ones were wrong? Cracking the mystery of this entire phenomenon created a massive headache even trying to scratch the surface of it all. Lina could try and convince Elizabeth that she wasn’t a murderer and that it was an accident; because everyone had those thoughts. Those fleeting, dark wishes born from impulse and hurt and anger. But that’s all they were - thoughts. Horrible and dark, but thoughts.
Nothing something that could materialize into reality. Unless you lived here.
An arm snaked around Elizabeth’s shoulders and she pulled her in for a side hug; a tight one with a good squeeze. Lina wasn’t good with translating emotions to words (unless she was pissed about something, f-bombs and flare arrows everywhere!), but...she would try. Because this was most likely eating up the person she thought as a baby sister from the inside out. “We can get into the mechanics of other worlds and other yous until our faces turn blue, so I’ll not get into that. But I just...hate that you had to go through that. And I’m not--I wouldn’t--think of you...differently. We’ve all done bad things, sometimes on accident, sometimes on purpose. But you don’t have to deal with them alone. You have people here who love you. And will help you. Whether it’s help controlling the portals or anything else.”
"Booker doesn't know. I mean, he knows about the portals, but he doesn't know about this. I haven't actually told anyone about this. I'm glad you don't think of me differently. I'd like to think that Booker wouldn't, either. But I was so scared... I'm not sure I like who I turn into. I don't want to be a monster, and I don't want to start thinking that having the power of a God means I should act like one." Elizabeth chewed on her lip a bit and leaned in against Lina. Now that it was all out there, she felt more than a little relieved.
"I don't think the police will ever come looking for her, either. And I'm not sure I should try to tell anyone. Who would even believe me?"
“No body, no evidence.” That, at least, was a relief. Wherever the hell her mother ended up at, Lina hoped it was worlds away and wouldn’t find a way back here. Her hand rubbed Elizabeth’s arm soothingly. “We won’t let you become a monster, alright? Start walking down that path and I might have to kiss you. With my fists.” A little tough love every now and then did wonders, and she tossed her a playful grin. “Guilt and regret - they suck to feel, but they remind you you’re not a monster, either.”
What a shitty time to pack up and leave though. Seriously. Elizabeth would be in good hands with Rogue and Booker. And hell, Neena, too. She’d have to make it up to her somehow, no matter what the end result was of this trip.
"That's actually a relief." Elizabeth replied, a smile tugging at her lips. The conversation had gotten so heavy that it was nice to hear a little playful tough love. And she was glad she had people to drag her back over the line, too.
She added, while gesturing at Lina's wall, "It's good to know that you'll work this hard to save someone... And I know you'd do the same for me. Now... weren't we going to get drunk and make S'Mores or something?"
As reckless and immature and even greedy as she was, Lina did have a lot of love to give. Sometimes tough love, and sometimes with the strangest ways of expression, but...it was definitely there. “If you were in the same position, I’d storm the heavens and throw things at them until I got my way.” A playful wink, before she threw her hands up in the air to screech in excitement. “Nooow driiiiiiiiiiiiinks! Okay, so, you’re really gonna have to drink and eat fast so you can fall asleep and drool chocolate so I can take a picture of you for your contact phone picture…”