Rose Tyler is all pink and yellow (withyouforever) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-06-30 22:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, frodo baggins, rose tyler |
Who: Frodo Baggins and Rose Tyler
What: Camping
When: Thursday afternoon and evening
Where: Somewhere away from civilization
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13 for talk of sex and angst.
It had been a while since Rose had gone camping. Times like these, keeping a car actually paid off. Most of the time, she didn't care much for her car, and it didn't get much use. But now it was loaded up with her tent, sleeping bags, and coolers. She'd taken some time to clean out the front seat, trying to make it look as presentable as a 1992 Taurus could.
Rose hadn't been to Frodo's house before. She was trying to avoid it, to be honest. She was still uncomfortable with the money thing. She tried to ignore it, and he usually made that easy. He wasn't one for extravagant dinners or over-the-top gifts, at least, he hadn't been with her. He didn't flaunt his wealth. The house, though.
Rose drove past the gates once. She knew that was the right spot, but she couldn't bring herself to stop. She drove in a circle, trying to calm down and act all casual and calm. 'So my boyfriend lives in a giant-ass mansion, no big deal!’
She circled back and drove up to the gate.
Frodo had been camping many times, but only in his youth. When his uncle got a little too old to travel very far from civilization, they had switched to activities like Disneyland and trips to the wine country. This was his first trip in something close to twenty years. He'd spent the morning shopping for a new sleeping back and other supplies he needed to replace. Apparently she would be bringing the tent... which they would share... and if he thought about that too long, it made him feel like he might pass out.
Despite Merry's advice.
Frodo: >> It may be happening. Tonight.
Merry: >> TMI
Merry: >> Just relax. You might want to have a drink, although not too much. Has the opposite effect.
Merry: >> And, if you want a surefire fix, they have this blue pill...
Frodo: >> Alright, that's enough.
His valet, who had been monitoring the Taurus from the window, just for security's sake, announced that Rose had arrived just before the bell rang. Frodo rose to his feet and pressed the accept button. "I'll be right out."
Rose was relieved when Frodo said he was on the way out. At least she wouldn’t have to go inside. Rose sighed, dropping her forehead onto the steering wheel. What was her hangup about all of this? It wasn’t as though she was involved in all of this Occupy/Teaparty anti-rich movement. She had nothing against rich people. She just couldn’t imagine herself ever being one. This was so different from the world she normally traveled in. She couldn’t see herself living in that house--she could hardly drive up to it!
But this was crazy! They’d only been on a handful of dates and here she was, thinking about living with him. She sat up, flicking through the cassette tapes for something good (Yes, her car still had a tape player). Anything to get her mind off this.
Frodo knocked on the window and gestured to the back seat, so he could stow his things. Then, he sat down beside her, giving her more than a quick a peck on the lips and buckled his seat belt. "So, you're my driver today?" he said, in his usual carefree manner. Sometimes he was too good at disguising his anxiety. Right now, his heart was pounding.
He didn't know for sure that going out overnight was the same thing as planning to become, er, intimate for the first time--but he was prepared. Not mentally, but in other ways. He'd packed a little wine, too.
Rose glanced over when she heard the tap, smiling over to him, just a little nervousness showing. "Looks that way." The kiss was good at calming her nerves, though. So good she had to steal another, in fact. Not easy when they were both buckled in, but she managed. "Hopefully you don't greet all your drivers that way," she said, a twinkle in her eye.
She hadn't suggested the camping trip with sex on her mind. Not any more than usual, at least. The thought had occurred to her, but it wasn't as though she was plotting to rip off all his clothes or anything.
Along the way, Frodo thought her cassette tape system rather quaint. Endearing, perhaps. Reminding himself that Rose and he shared a childlike simplicity had a calming effect on his own nerves. Even if he utterly failed at--well, you know--she would be patient with him. He believed that much.
But that, of course, wasn't the only reason for his nervousness. There was still the Mystery Dream Man that he, unfortunately, was not. Frodo had narrowed it down to one of two people, based on who she was speaking with on the network: a Dr. Liam Smith and the infamous Tony Stark. But it probably wasn't Stark. No, definitely not; but Frodo was reticent to cross him off and reduce his list to a single person. (Though, in his heart, he knew it was The Doctor the doctor.)
Rose likely would've been very surprised if Mr. Stark's name was mentioned, considering she wasn't even aware he was the 'Tony' she'd been corresponding with. Frodo spent more time thinking about this than she did.
Rose put in a mixtape of 90s songs that she'd had for quite a while. "It's about an hour from here," she told him as she pulled out into the road.
His sleeping bag looked new. She smiled. Probably not a big camper, then. But he'd been eager to come with her, so that was sweet. "Excited?"
"Very," he replied, though it took him a moment to realize what she meant. He was distracted. But soon, his smile was back in place. He found that if he looked directly at her, he could focus quite easily. "What made you think of this?"
Rose shrugged. "I used to like it a lot. Not much fun to go alone, though. Better with two." Where had she heard that before..? Oh. She frowned, realizing it was something she'd said in her dream to the Doctor. Well, Frodo didn't know that.
"And I've been itching to go horseback riding since the last time we talked about it."
"I'll bet you say that to all the boys," he replied, not fully considering how she might take it, and regretting it almost immediately. For a few seconds, he made matters slightly worse by babbling. "I mean, uh--you know what I mean."
He cleared his throat. "I haven't been in a long time either. I used to go a lot, when I was younger. I was younger, once upon a time, you know."
Rose nearly veered off the road at that comment, absolutely flustered. "Sorry!" she yelped, getting the car back under control.
"Yeah, I, uh. Yeah." Disaster. Absolute disaster. They were only a handful of miles outside town and she'd already nearly killed them. What was it they'd said about dating?
"I'm sure you'll be fine. You'll pick it right back up, like riding a bike."
Thankfully, the rest of the ride went uneventfully. At least, no one went careening off the road. They spent the rest of the time listening to music and chatting happily, although it was clear to Frodo that something was slightly amiss. They were more awkward than usual.
Rose put the car into park, relieved to get out. She really didn't understand people that enjoyed driving. Maybe they weren't using the same freeways she was. "Well, we could set up the tent now, or we could check out the horses now and worry about the tent later." They still had several hours until sunset. She wasn't in a rush. She'd set up this tent quite a few times before, and was pretty confident she could manage it reasonably quickly, especially if Frodo helped out.
"Horses first, then." Part of him wanted to put off putting up the tent for as long as possible. The other part of him wanted to put it up right now. Both sides debated with one another. Neither side really won, but he began to follow Rose toward the stables. He slipped his hand into hers.
He couldn't claim it as experience, but in his dreams he rode horses occasionally. Well, ponies, anyway. He was too short in his dreams for horses. But the experience must have counted for something, because once on his horse, Frodo handled her with ease. In fact, he looked quite smashing.
Rose grabbed her cowboy hat from the back and put it on. She definitely looked the part, sitting low and relaxed on her horse.
"Reminds me of home," she said, smiling. She missed it. Kind of funny, considering all her friends back home dreamed about the beach.
Being a cowboy was Frodo's boyhood dream, and one that had never quite faded. He looked over at Rose, who looked very cute in her hat, and thought about what life might have been like for her as a child. He rode up to her, and started to sing the opening lyrics of Hank Williams's Hey, Good Lookin'.
"Hey, hey, good lookin',
Whatcha got cookin'?
How's about cookin' somethin' up with me?"
He had a sweet, simple voice. He grinned and rode on ahead, continuing with the verse.
Rose grinned. Serenading her? He was so cute. She laughed, urging her horse ahead to keep up with him. Or possibly start a little friendly competition. It wasn't as though they had racehorses, and Rose was no jockey anyway. But that didn't mean she couldn't tease a bit.
He'd certainly done his share of teasing.
Frodo chuckled as she caught up. He cut his little song off as they rounded off a hill and the view opened up before them. He came to a stop and glanced across his shoulder to see the beautiful vista register on her face.
"What a perfect spot you picked."
After, that he was quiet for a few minutes, but not the same sad silence. He was happy now. He would allow himself to be happy for as long as he possibly could, for as long as she was with him.
It was breathtaking, and for a minute she couldn't say anything at all. She knew they'd been riding uphill, but she hadn't realized just how high they'd gotten until the trees opened up. It was green and lush and she could see the ocean without any cars or tourists..
"I take back everything I've said about California," she said finally, still looking a little dazzled.
"You sound like Merry," he chuckled, looking back toward the ocean.
Frodo's shoulders began to relax. He was far from home-bound, but right now he had to admit that it had been much too long since he'd done anything close to this. This rut he was in, it was deep. It would take a while to climb out.
He looked back at Rose and thought that, if nothing else, she had been the one to open his eyes to many things about himself that needed changing. And... for that, he realized, he did love her. Maybe it would never get the chance to deepen, but if this--looking out at a beautiful vista together--was all it ever was, then he was grateful for that much.
[A few hours later...]
Rose was pleased to see the tent was still in good condition. It was small, but it would fit two sleeping bags. They wouldn't have to snuggle, but it was a nice thought. There were a few other nice thoughts rattling around in her brain, too, but she tried not to dwell on them. She didn't want to pressure him into anything. He was sweet and gentlemanly and she had the sneaking suspicion that he hadn't really been with a woman before.
She finished the last peg and looked over to see Frodo's progress.
As long as she didn't suspect him of being with any men--because, frankly, he knew more than a few did--and it simply wasn't true!--he would have felt her suspicion could only work in his favor. He would need her patience and probably a few instructions, and by now he was beginning to make peace with that.
There was more than one reason why Frodo was so inexperienced. It wasn't so simple as waiting for the "right woman" to come along. When one is past fifty, there's always more to it, and for him this was certainly the truth. In school, he'd been too uptight and idealistic. Then there had been those few years in the seminary. And then he had been forced (but happy) to focus his attention on his ailing uncle. And then there had been his nervous breakdown.
If anything, Frodo was more nervous about her seeing his scars than... anything else.
By now, he too was wrapping things up on his side of the tent. He stepped back to admire their handiwork and nodded approvingly. "Well, that should protect us from coyotes. You think?"
Rose laughed. "It will at least keep the rain out, if we get any." The chances were slim, but it didn't hurt to be prepared.
She walked back to the pile rubens brought up from the cars to get the sleeping bags. "You hungry? I brought some chips and beer."
"A feast if ever I heard of one," Frodo replied. He followed her to the car. He'd brought wine and cheese, packed in a cooler, but beer was good, too. He did show her the bottle, though, in case she wanted to change her mind. Opening both would have been fine, too, as he'd never been a big believer that mixing alcohols was a bad idea. Then again, he had taken Merry's warning about the dangers of too much drinking to heart.
"Oh, wine sounds nice," she said, changing her mind quickly. She typically thought of beer and camping as going together, but she wasn't in Oklahoma anymore. "I've never really been 'romantic' camping before." She chuckled. "I wasn't thinking wine, but now that you mention it, that sounds perfect."
She tucked the sleeping bags into the tent, leaving Frodo to take care of the refreshments. She'd brought two folding camp chairs along, and set those up.
Frodo closed the cooler and tucked it under his arm, and he grabbed the chips too. Because he liked chips. He joined Rose at the chairs she was setting up and poured the wine into two plastic flutes made to resemble the real thing. When her hands were free, he gave one to her.
"To..." he paused for a moment, considering what he might toast. "To today."
Rose smiled. That was a good toast. After the horses and the view.. There was still some uncertainty between them and Rose knew it, even if she tried to ignore it. But they had today. "To today," she agreed, tapping her glass delicately to his. She could be delicate, when the occasion called for it.
She sipped the wine, relaxing. "I'm glad you came," she told him. She hadn't been sure he would. Things had been tense, and camping didn't quite seem his style. Still, he made it look good.
Rose leaned forward, plucking the cowboy hat off her head and putting it on Frodo's before moving to kiss him.
He knew he looked silly in a woman's hat, and it didn't quite fit, but he left it on. The wine was already beginning to warm him up. He kissed her back and closed his eyes, and thought it a shame that the chairs kept them too far apart for him to get his arms around her.
When they pulled apart, Frodo tilted his head and sighed. It was a contented sigh. A happy one. The wine was doing it's job, erasing his worries about Dr. Smith, as least as well as it could. He actually found it reassuring that The Doctor the doctor was an older man himself. It made the whole thing a little easier, somehow.
"I'm glad you invited me," he replied, after the kiss. "You keep reminding me I should actually do the things I like to do. I didn't realize how bored I was, before."
A cowboy hat was a cowboy hat. Didn't quite fit right, but it wasn't pink, or anything. She thought he looked cute in it. She pouted a little when the kiss ended, finding herself equally disappointing that the chairs (and the desire not to spill the wine) kept them from getting more involved in the kiss.
"Well, hospital beds tend to be pretty boring," she teased. "Could only go up from there."
She put her glass of wine down on the cooler before getting up, moving over to sit on his lap. The camp chairs weren't terribly stable, but it wasn't as though either of them weighed that much.
The chair buckled and swayed a little, and Frodo had just enough time to set his own wine glass on the ground before they almost tipped over. He circled his arms around her waist to steady her and tried not to plant his face directly into her chest. Well, maybe just a bit. His heart was already beating a little faster and his face was slightly flushed from the wine.
He looked up at her, lifted his brows with the appearance of much more confidence than he actually felt, and closed the space between them for another kiss.
She giggled when he caught her. She kept one foot on the ground for stability while her other leg snuck up onto the chair next to him. Definitely not the most sturdy environment. When the chair swayed again, she giggled and twisted, trying to catch her balance so she wouldn't tip them both over.
"Maybe we should go inside?"
Frodo gulped. He gave himself a moment to make sure he didn't stutter when he replied, "Okay."
Is it happening? It's happening, isn't it? It's happening now. Or is it? Maybe it isn't happening. Is it happening?
His knees were a little wobbly as he walked to the tent. He played it off by joking that Rose had squished his legs. He pulled aside the flap. "After you, m'lady." He didn't know if she actually suspected his inexperience, but he wasn't about to start off by talking about all that. Hopefully, it would just happen naturally, and she'd never need to know. Beside, he worried it might freak her out.
Rose ducked into the tent and unrolled the sleeping bags for some extra cushion. She didn't bother unzipping them; it wasn't as though it was cold out. She sat down on the edge of one, looking up at him. She was having a bit of a 'yes, no, yes, no' moment herself, and ended up telling herself she was just coming inside so they could makeout without injuring themselves.
Now, if more than that happened, Rose doubted she would complain.
"All right there, Cowboy?"
Frodo looked upward and realized he was still wearing the hat. He pulled it off and fluffed his flattened curls. "Perfectly," he replied, as he crawled in after her, making sure the place the hat on the far corner of one of the sleeping bags. His heart was beating very quickly, now.
He got as comfortable as he could beside her, leaning on his hip. His eyes were wide as he took her in for a moment. Well, here it--maybe--goes... And he picked up where they had left off.
"You make a handsome cowboy," she said as he settled in, her fingers following his to play with his curls. She rather liked his hair. Her hand stayed in his hair as they started kissing again. She pulled herself a little closer to him, leaning back onto the makeshift mattress.
It had been a romantic afternoon, the wine was nice, and there was a pretty sunset outside giving off a nice glow. She wasn't sure if there was a ranking system for first times, but it was certainly better than the backseat of a car. But then, she still wasn't sure if it was his first-first. He'd seemed nervous before, but maybe that was normal. He was quite a bit older than her, that could lead to some anxiety. And he was a really good kisser. It certainly didn't seem like his first time doing that. Maybe she should stop worrying.
Frodo's mind was racing quick as his pulse by now. It actually felt like he was burning through the alcohol in his system, using it up like fuel. And without the alcohol, his adrenaline took over, bringing back all his anxieties full force. He thought about the differences in their ages, about the scars on his chest, about Dr. Smith... Thank goodness he was faceless for now. He most certainly didn't want The Doctor's the doctor's face in his mind at the moment.
He pulled back and took a breath. He made a sound like a nervous laugh. Come on, old boy, he told himself. Look at her. What's there to be afraid of?
"Just so you know," he said. "There's some scarring on my chest, from that time I told you about... when I was stabbed."
"It's okay," she told him gently, smiling. She ran a hand over his shoulder. She really wasn't worried about scarring. She grew up a country girl. She had all kinds of scrapes. "I have scars, too," she said, pulling back her hair to show him a jagged scar on the side of her neck. "Horse threw me into barbed wire when I was little. Goes down my back, too." She wasn't terribly self-conscious about it, and she was hoping to relax him a little.
She didn't start kissing him right away, trying to give him a chance to calm down. She reached for one of his hands, though, to draw it to her mouth and kiss his fingers while she waited. She kept her eyes locked on his, though, and there was something distinctly 'Come Hither' about her gaze.
His eyelids fluttered and he felt a surge start at his fingertips and go outward, through his entire body.
And then, for the first time--not counting time spent on the beach--Frodo removed his shirt in front of a woman.
Frodo's scar was bad, but Rose had seen worse. Heck, Rose had seen skin-flap people. She was a long way from being horrified by a scar. And him trusting her meant a lot. She looked from his scar back up to his face, her expression unchanged. She ran her hand over his shoulder towards it, but stopped just short of tracing over the scar. She looked at him questioningly, unsure if he would let her touch it.
As her hand drifted across his chest, Frodo realized that he felt a little like the Phantom of the Opera. It wasn't that he felt himself unattractive, but in some way he had always seen himself as untouchable.
He kissed her hand. She could touch it, if she wanted to show him that she wasn't afraid. He blinked a few times, as a few tears welled up. He wiped them away, shaking his head and smiling. "Sorry, I--uh--" But he really didn't know what to say. He just wanted to keep kissing her.
So he did.
Oh god, he was crying. It really was his first time, wasn't it? Now it was her turn to be nervous. "Frodo..."
But then he was kissing her, and that was an incredible relief. This was much easier than talking. She leaned into him again, her hand caressing his chest.
With her hand against his chest, she could no doubt feel his heart pounding.
Frodo shifted his position, so that he could push downward a bit. He rested his weight against her shoulder. Not too much, though. He didn't want to crush her.
Rose shifted when he did, lying on her back. One of her legs snaked around his. It gave her a little rush when he took charge like this. Like when they'd been in her closet and he'd just grabbed her. Though, thinking of that made her think of a few days prior when she'd been in another small room with another man..
No! Why was she thinking about the Doctor at a time like this? They hadn't even--anything! Rose pulled back a little, shaken. What was wrong with her?
"Frodo? I.. God. Are you--? Hang on." This really wasn't fair to him. This was his first time, and everything was still confusing and up in the air and.. She had to find a way to make words work.
Frodo pulled back, pushing out the length of his arms so that he was hovering over her. His eyes were wide and his face had gone blank. "What? What's wrong?"
But he felt he knew exactly what she was going to say.
"I've wanted this since the tree," which was embarrassingly early, but it was true, "and I still do." This was hard. "But are we.. Are we doing this because we're scared this isn't working?"
Neither one of them had been able to say it aloud, and Rose had been trying so hard to fight it with things like drunken late night pancakes. She was scared and confused, too. She didn't want them to fall apart. But having sex.. It didn't usually help with that, not in the long run. And she didn't want to hurt him. Though, it was probably too late for that.
Now she was the one crying. "I'm sorry," she said, not sure which part she was apologizing for. Maybe all of it.
Frodo looked hard at her, took everything in stonefaced. He felt several emotions bubble up inside him, but none truly rose to the surface. He breathed slowly, waiting for the heat that had built up before to subside, so that he could at least think clearly.
He knew she was right, but he didn't want to hear it. And yet, as she said it, Frodo was overwhelmed with affection. Love, perhaps. Even more so than before. He threw his arms around her, held her tight. "It's okay. I know, I know..."
Rose buried her face in Frodo's shoulder, clinging to him. She hated feeling out of control like this. Part of her was angry at the dreams, at the Doctor. She felt like she was torn between her life and the dream Rose Tyler's life, and poor Frodo was stuck in the middle.
She closed her tear-filled eyes, hoping he wouldn't ever let go. She didn't want to have to think about this stuff anymore.
But he had to let go. That was the whole thing, wasn't it?
He kissed the top of her head as he pulled away. It wasn't easy, but he managed a smile. A sad smile, but a smile. "It's okay. I understand. You're dreaming of someone else, and that's... okay."
She felt sick to her stomach, and knew she couldn't blame the wine. "I wish I wasn't," she said, biting her lip. "I wish it was you." This was so unfair. To everyone.
"I wish it was me, too," he said. He could have continued with, but it isn't, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. "But... you and I can't pretend this isn't happening. We'll end up miserable. And I'd rather be happy, when I think of you."
She nodded. He was right. It was only going to hurt them both more if they waited for this to crash and burn. If he could be happy when he thought of her, maybe that was all she could ask. That must be one of those things that took age and maturity. It was hard for her to imagine feeling anything but sorrow and guilt when she thought about him, after this. Maybe eventually.
She sat up, looking down. She wanted to apologize again, to tell him how wonderful he was, but she knew it wouldn't change anything.
Frodo lifted her chin with his finger. He wouldn't let her look too downcast. He shook his head and gave her a chaste peck on the cheek.
Then, he did something that was probably a little surprising. He settled down on his back and gestured for Rose to rest her head on his shoulder. "Let's just... be together, like this. We have tonight. Let's just be here, like this."
She gave him a small smile and nodded, lying back down and settling next to him. It certainly wasn't what she expected the night to be, but it was less abrupt and depressing than just driving him back into town in the dark.
"Okay," she said softly, nestling her head on his shoulder.
Frodo curled his arm around her. He slept very little and his breath came in sighs. Every so often, he would kiss the top of her head and close his eyes.
They had tonight. And in the morning, they would be friends.