Anakin Skywalker (chosentofall) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-02-14 22:39:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi, padme amidala |
Who: Obi-Wan, Padme, and Anakin
When: Recently
Where: The former Casa Tynobi
What: Obi-Wan plays realtor, and then a serious discussion about dreams to come
Rating/Warning: PG-13, for discussion of death
Status: Complete
The exterior of the house appeared as though nothing had changed. Perhaps the lawn was slightly overgrown, but only slightly, thanks to the snow. It looked like every other Spanish-style home in the neighborhood. Obi-Wan had arrived early to ensure he would have some time to himself before Padme and Anakin arrived; because even though the outside was just as it had always been, inside was another story. Inside, it was like entering a vacant…church. Yes, that was the best way to describe the feeling. Obi-Wan thought it was fitting, because, in a way, something holy had happened here. His life had been saved. The ground felt sacred.
And now, it was empty, and he was… happy about that. Yes, happy. He smiled to himself, standing alone in the kitchen.
Going house hunting was supposed to be an exciting event in her life, but it was overshadowed slightly by Obi-Wan declaring that they all sit down and discuss their dreams. That feeling in the pit of her stomach just wouldn’t go away and no matter what she did she couldn’t shake it. She tried to focus on happy things like just spending time with Anakin and the fact that she had seen her future dream!children. That part was still rolling around in her mind because she wondered if she had children here with Anakin if that’s what they would grow into. Now was not the time to think about that. Today was about looking at Obi-Wan’s old house and possibly finding a place to start their lives together.
She had brought along Artoo and was currently holding the leash as she made her way up to the front door. Her hand was in Anakin’s as she tilted her head up to look at him, “It looks nice from the outside. Quite large. You could fit your twelve kids inside possibly.” As she waited for his answer she reached forward to press the doorbell.
“My twelve kids?” his eyebrows went up, momentarily breaking out of the general funk he had been in and out of since she told him that Obi-wan wanted to talk. She had been anxious about it when she told him, as was he when he heard, and it didn’t help that the Force had been essentially slamming her feelings into his, likely making it worse. It had gotten better when they found ways of distracting themselves but now that they were at the door it was coming back. He actually found it rather interesting that they even able to joke in that moment. “Is that like a reference to the whole Space Jesus thing? Twelve disciples become twelve kids? Are you offering to be the holy mother of my disciples? Because I really don’t see that happening.”
Anakin gently squeezed her hand and looked down at the dog who was sniffing about the door. They would probably have to watch him pretty closely inside the house since it seemed he could already smell that there had once been other dogs living in the house. He couldn’t help but think for a moment that worrying only about Artoo peeing somewhere inside would have been nice, that would be easier to control and to contend with.
Obi-Wan could hear their voices on the other side of the door. It would be a bit of a squeeze fitting twelve children inside. At the very least, one would have to be creative with the sleeping arrangements. The most Loras had ever attempted to house was four people and three dogs. But it was a sizable house. Between winning tournaments and endorsement contracts, Loras had accumulated far more wealth than he liked to admit, but he spent almost all of it on others.
“Welcome to the former Casa Tynobi,” he said as he opened the doors. The word was a hybrid of Tyrell and Kenobi, and Obi-Wan was well-aware of what it implied about their relationship. He’d fought it on more than one occasion, but now it rolled off his tongue effortlessly. He stepped aside to welcome them. “Anakin was here before, when we picked up my little spacecraft.”
This is how the house was laid-out. There were two floors and an unfinished basement, which Obi-Wan had claimed for his carpentry work. All the bedrooms were upstairs and they shared a single bathroom--the only one in the house, unfortunately. The first floor was “open concept”, except for a sectioned off area which Loras had converted into a large gym. The equipment was gone, but the space really couldn’t be used for anything else without a great deal of remodeling.
“Definitely not the mother of your holy disciples,” she managed to get out with a roll of her eyes before Obi-Wan opened up the front door to allow them inside. There would never be twelve Skywalker children if Padme had anything to do with it, but Anakin was the type to bring up more children than she would ever want to have. But for now that was a conversation that could be shelved as she smiled politely to Obi-Wan and entered the house, “Thanks. Wow, it’s so big and open. I like it.”
She did have to admit that she was a little hesitant about what the price of the place would be and some of the work they would have to put in. Although, Anakin would probably use a gym space if he ever wanted to do proper training with his lightsaber, but Padme would demand more bathrooms especially if they ever had children. But it was far more than what they were looking for, but still quite lovely.
It was different without the furniture and without the dogs. He didn’t have psychometry or whatever it was called when the Force got involved, but he was sure if he had just being in the house would overwhelm him with memories and snippets of Obi-wan and Loras’ life together. But Anakin was quite happy to just see it in his friend as he spoke about the house. He had more than enough thoughts and feelings trying to push their way into his head anyway, but it felt good to feel Obi-wan in a good mood. It gave him hope that the talk looming in front of them would go better than expected.
Artoo was already starting to sniff so he scooped the dog up into his arms, taking the leash from Padme and tucking him under one arm where he couldn’t wiggle or cause trouble. That was what the book they got said anyway, something about showing dominance. He wasn’t sure about it but it seemed to work. “It’s a beautiful house,” he agreed glancing to his girlfriend. “Nice neighborhood. Good local schools.” he shot her a smile, clearly teasing her. “And this one would love a yard to run around in.”
“Would he, now?” Obi-Wan approached Artoo. This was their first meeting, and since he tended to treat animals as extra-hairy people, a proper greeting was in order. Wordlessly, the dog expressed his approval of the house, but that he would have to do something about the lingering scent of ‘the triplets’.
But from Anakin, Obi-Wan sensed some apprehension, more so than from Padme, but she wasn’t one for fear. He lifted his gaze and met Anakin’s eye. It wasn’t that Obi-Wan wasn’t nervous himself, he was just better at taking things one at a time. First, there were rooms to show. “Let me take you to the kitchen…”
“Like the R2 unit in our dreams this little one likes to wander around as much as possible and get into things, so a yard would be fantastic. I think Anakin did a great job at deciding on a name for him. Although, we should let him have a puppy play date with your dogs because he needs to be socialized a little more than he is right now. We have just started taking him to the dog parks around the area,” Padme knew she was rambling a little bit, but it was just easy to talk to Obi-Wan about animals. She loved her dog and she really wanted the dog to be happy and have a place to possibly start a family with Anakin.
“A place Anakin won’t spend much time in,” she couldn’t help but quip as she followed Obi-Wan into the next room and spent a bit of time letting her eyes study the building. It was so well made and she was already starting to envision how to decorate things, which Anakin would hate, but she would really enjoy doing.
Anakin was almost thankful when Obi-wan suggested looking at the kitchen and Padme made her joke. The older man had been looking at him in that way that always made him feel so exposed. Sure, most of the time it was nice to have someone there who could understand how he was feeling without having to explain it in his usual clumsy ways, but Obi-wan always managed to see more than he wanted him to. He supposed it was a two-way street, that he could occasionally see more of Obi-wan than most, but Kenobi always seemed so much more ‘together’ in his mind.
“Oh, ha ha.” he shot her a look then shook his head. “Why does everyone pick at R2?” At least Obi wasn’t making any jokes about the poor droid. Though he would admit he probably only cared so much because after sending her his padawan braid she in turn gave him the droid. Growing up a slave with nothing and then becoming a Jedi where possessions were discouraged gifts ended up meaning a great deal to him. “Don’t you listen to them, boy, you and your namesake are the best.”
“I at least hope your dog is better behaved than our little, metal friend,” Obi-Wan replied casually. He had taken on showing the house like it was a mission, now. The yard, the basement--where there were still some tools he needed to transport--the upstairs level and all of its bedrooms. Every corner of the house was full of memories that he hadn’t called to mind for some time, though they were far from forgotten. The gymnasium had so many that they seemed to tumble out the door when he unlocked it. (Yes, there was a lock on that door. Loras had installed it for privacy.) This was the room where everything began, changed, and took a sharp turn for the better. This was the sacred space, the heart of the house.
Padme didn’t need to have the Force in order to sense that something had come over Obi-Wan. A confused look passed over her face as she resisted the urge to reach out and touch the man’s elbow. She wasn’t quite sure if it was a good or bad emotion the man was experiencing. And she certainly didn’t want to cause him to start crying or lash out. The rest of the house had been beautiful and Padme could see herself living here, but she and Anakin would need to have a long talk to decide if it was perfect for them. “Obi-wan?” She asked quietly trying to bring the man back from whatever little world he had traveled into.
“Memories,” Anakin said softly, speaking to his girlfriend as the words were likely already coming from Obi-wan’s feelings. “Almost like they were tangible, like he could pick them out of the air and see them all again if he wanted. More than that too, feelings past, more complex things.” Things he couldn’t fully or ever properly explain beyond ‘the room is important to Obi-wan because of everything that had taken place there’ and that had been his attempt to logically put it together. He only felt echoes of feelings, not what caused them after all. He offered her a sympathetic smile, feeling that he might have gone just a little too Jedi on her, and asked Obi-wan something a little less ‘space magic’ related. “How long were you here?”
Memories of bloodied noses and broken fingers, of accidental surges of the Force that sent Loras into the wall. Memories that began when Obi-Wan was an unweight, sickly shadow of himself, in need of what he sometimes called divine intervention. Loras had been the division between life and death. Something cosmic had been at play. It still was. But especially in those first days, when they bonded over attempts to bloody one another. They’d fallen in love. It wasn’t sexual in the least, but it was the only word for it.
“Oh…” he said with a sigh, hardly missing beat for all his psychic meandering. “A year and a half.” Obi-Wan was a little surprised to hear from, his lips to his own ears, that it had been that short a time. It felt like ages.
Padme couldn’t help but have a gentle bemused smile on her face as she watched the emotions play out on Obi-Wan’s face. It almost felt like intruding to come into this place and take over and start her own life. It felt like it was a sacred space that she and Anakin should stay out of. But at least she knew this place was loved and not just abandoned. She reached up to brush some hair out of her face as she surveyed the room, “Long time.”
“It’s really…” Anakin knew he wasn’t the best at this. Talking, polite conversation, anything he couldn’t hit with his lightsaber, fix with his tools or fly, really. He was trying, though this was one of the reasons he was so close to the great Jedi negotiator and the wise Naboo senator, they could do the talking and protocol for him. Without them he ended up rambling about sand or some other such nonsense while he tried his hardest not to say the first thing that came into his mind. Right now though, with Artoo turning his head up and trying to lick at his face, saying just what he was thinking seemed the right thing. “It’s an amazing place, really. It feels good.”
"You don't have to give me an answer here and now," said Obi-Wan as he turned and led the exit from the room. The lock clicked behind them. "And don't feel pressured into anything at all. Loras is in no hurry. Hasn't bothered to post a sign on the lawn. Of course, if I could hand-pick the next owners..." Some sentences didn't need to be finished.
But perhaps the way his voice trailed off was also a kind of segway. Now that the house had been shown, it was time to move on to other things, other matters at hand. Obi-Wan exchanged a look with the two of them, Anakin first, and found himself searching for a place to sit so that they could be comfortable...physically, at least. There was nothing comfortable about what would come from their conversation. And there was also no furniture.
Not one to allow much to hinder him, Obi-Wan gestured that they could sit on the floor. "That is," he said, "If you still wanted to discuss..." Some sentences didn't need to be finished
“That’s sweet of you. And don’t worry, we’ll take a bit before we give you an answer. Anakin is the type to rush into things, but I balance him out with making sure we sit down and discuss,” she pointed out with a small smile as she looked over at Anakin with a look of love in her eyes. They did seem to compliment each other fairly well and she was definitely putting her logical cap on when it came to investing in a property.
But her thoughts were brought back to reality when Obi-Wan reminded them about the other part of the visit. She found herself nodding and moved to sit comfortably on the floor. Once on the floor she patted her lap for Artoo to join her and he quickly snuggled up with her, “Yes, definitely want to discuss.”
Anakin shot Padme a look but it was followed by a smile. They all knew how he was, and that when the proper opportunity presented itself they could balance each other out. Though Anakin was always quick to point out that occasionally Padme could be just as bad as he was about somethings but was infinitely better at getting away with it. He would have to look into how to appear more innocent later, maybe work on his ‘sad puppy’ eyes that very occasionally worked on her.
But then of course there was that elephant in the room popping up again. Part of him had wanted to say no, to claim that they could handle anything together, that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to the two people he loved more than anything else in the universe. But he knew better, if Obi-wan was going to share something with them that they needed to know then there was something they couldn’t avoid. Something he couldn’t fix. All things die, Anakin Skywalker. Even stars burn out…
He sat as Padme did, letting Artoo go to her when she called for him. He crossed his legs and rested his hands on his knees, the way he usually sat when he was meditating. He felt like he would probably need to do a lot of it after he heard what Kenobi had to say.
The way Obi-Wan’s seated position mimicked Anakin’s was nearly fraternal. He ran his hands across his knees, gripping them slightly as he released a slow breath. He wondered where to begin. They had seen the twins, but they knew very little of the pregnancy, even less of the birth; that much he knew without asking. Perhaps the question wasn’t a where, but a how. How could he begin this story? The older Jedi had kept his perception of the events to himself for so long.
He spoke slowly. “When I realized Padme was pregnant, I knew--in my heart--that Anakin was the father, but I told my head not to believe it. I felt...like it had been a failure on my part. A crushing one, I’m sorry to say, but it had brought the path Anakin had chosen into sharp focus.” It had cut Obi-Wan like a knife.
“Why would that be a failure? It’s a Jedi thing I don’t understand, isn’t it? I know that you’re not supposed to do what Anakin and I were doing when you’re part of the Order. But you can’t take all the blame for it. I was a willing party in marrying him and carrying his children,” She commented. She knew that she would never fully understand everything with the Jedi Order, but she didn’t want Obi-Wan to feel like he the only one responsible for what happened. But the part about the path confused her and the expression showed on her face. Was Anakin not keeping on the Jedi path any longer? “What path?”
Anakin could have explained it to her, not only the Jedi doctrine on the subject but the personal ways Obi-wan would feel he failed, and not just Anakin but Qui-gon as well. Maybe she wouldn’t completely understand the Jedi point of view, it was more than likely that Anakin himself didn’t understand it even if he did constantly fight against it, but she was remarkably empathetic for someone who had no true connection to the force and she did obviously care for Obi-wan. But Anakin didn’t say a word.
He could have said a lot. Mostly apologies to Obi-wan, wanting him to know that he hadn’t been responsible for any of the choices that version of him had made, that it had been fear that drove him to so break the code, not distrust of his friend and mentor. But he knew there was more coming, more he hadn’t seen yet and couldn’t explain without seeing it himself. Given what he was picking up from Obi-wan’s feelings he had very little doubt that what was coming next was bad, bad enough that there could be no true success in any attempt made to comfort his master.
For a man that always ran hot he felt very cold. It had sprung up from the pit of his stomach when the word ‘path’ was used and it spread through all of him. That creeping, icy feeling of fear and dread had reached up and wrapped around his throat, threatening to choke him. But words did come eventually, they too were cold as his eyes remained fixed on the floor a few inches in front of him. “Let him talk.”
Deep down in her heart Padme knew what she and Anakin were up to in the dreams was wrong, but she had never considered that it would be dangerous as well. When no one could come to your wedding and all meetings were done in secret you knew you ran the risk of trouble, but she had no idea it was this bad. A hand reached down to pet Artoo and she resisted the urge to grumble at Anakin for telling her to let Obi-Wan talk. Curiosity and questions were her life and she liked making sure she had everything understood. But she was starting to dread where this conversation was going. So, instead of asking questions she nodded at Obi-Wan and waited for the man to continue.
“Sometimes it’s not a matter of what someone does objectively,” Obi-Wan continued, looking at Padme. His voice was still slow and measured, as though he was pacing himself, which he clearly was. “But what those decisions symbolize. Anakin had made certain promises to the Order, and the fact that he was able to turn his back on them…it’s similar to breaking a marriage vow.”
Obi-Wan’s eyes turned to Anakin again. The truth was, there was a part of him that wished Qui-Gon had never landed on Tatooine. Anakin and Padme could have met some other way, if their love really had been a matter of fate. They could have married and raised a family without the Order getting in the way. And for Obi-Wan himself, it had killed him a little to know his closest friend was about to become a father, and there was no place for any joy in it.
“The Order is flawed. It has unreasonable and unrealistic demands and expectations.” Which was essentially like a child blaming rules he didn’t like when he got in trouble, or rather it would have sounded like that if Anakin had been able to throw a little petulance into his voice. For the moment it was still cold and even, showing that he was indeed bracing himself for whatever was to come next. “There was never anything more important to me than the way I feel for Padme. You of all people can’t tell me I was wrong to love her,” he finally looked up, meeting his master’s eyes. “But forcing me to hide it was.”
“No, Anakin, I wouldn’t tell you that. I do wish love and the Jedi code were compatible!” Obi-Wan swallowed. It had sort of slipped out. His chest felt tight. “But ultimately, keeping Padme and your secrets became an obsession, and when it was threatened, you were filled with fear...perhaps because you had nothing to fall back on. How could you have turned to the Council or even to me?”
The fact that Anakin just declared her the most important thing in her life brought forth a weird noise of surprise from Padme and she couldn’t figure out if she wanted to stare or glare at him, “Anakin! You sound like a spoiled child. I am not the most important thing in the world, and no one is telling you it’s wrong to love. Hiding it is a pain in the ass, but you could have come around eventually and I’m sure you and Obi-Wan could have had a nice long chat about it. You didn’t have to keep being a Jedi if you were so upset with the code. I can see what he means though with it becoming an obsession. Obviously something is going on with all this, what does it all mean, Obi-Wan?”
Of course Padme wouldn’t understand. She saw the Jedi as the good citizens of the republic did, maybe even as some of the Jedi did if they were lucky. But Anakin had seen them differently. Knew them too well, as well as their flaws and blind spots. And as much distaste as he had for the flawed system and dogma he hadn’t given the Order up even when presented with many opportunities to do so. Partly because he did deep down believe he had a destiny and needed them to help him reach it, and partly because he worried that they would not have let him simply walk away. Even at the beginning there had been whispers in the back of his mind that he had simply traded one type of slavery for another, that he was bound to the Order in much the same way he had been bound to Watto. Some of it had been fear, likely fanned by Palpatine who was as dear to him as a father and often suggested that he was better off without the Order, but who had also made it clear to him that leaving before he was ‘ready’ was a bad idea.
“They feared me as a child, do you imagine that they would open their arms in understanding to me when I was older and stronger and in their eyes far more dangerous? And involved with two of the most powerful voices in the Senate, no less? No, you know what they would have decided about me. And you, Master,” he let out a sigh. “You are a good man. An honorable man. You would have felt obligated to be honest or to try to protect me and I couldn’t allow that. I don’t tolerate threats to the people I love.” He had done something, or rather his dream self had, it was getting harder and harder to separate the two in his mind now. But he must have done something, it only made sense with Obi-wan speaking the way he was. “If I thought that I had found a way to keep you both safe I-”
His brow furrowed and every muscle in his body felt unbelievably tense. He was suddenly reminded of that Blood Carver and how he had burned him from the inside out when he would not leave the governor's daughter, or himself, alone after his warnings. “I would have done anything.”
It was a rare thing to see Obi-Wan truly flinch, but there was a crack in his mask of stone. For a moment, he considered ending the conversation there and then. They’d understand when they dreamed again. They were both on the brink of witnessing these tragic events as it was. But rather than buckle, as he felt his face begin to burn, the chink in the armor behaved more like a steam vent.
“That’s just it!” It burst out hotly, although it only took a second for Obi-Wan to regain his composure. He swallowed and paused. “Anakin, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Your willingness to do anything was born out of desperation. You lost control, rather than obtained it. And...the cost...was many lives. Including Padme’s.”
Obi-Wan took another pause. It deserved to be a much longer one, but he knew he couldn’t spare the time. He’d detonated a bomb; but there was more left to tell. “You turn fully to the Dark Side. Padme dies of a broken heart. And Palpatine orders the slaughter of the Jedi.”
When Obi-Wan finally broke and confessed everything that would happen in the dreams it was like a slap to the face. She could feel her heart breaking at the knowledge and it almost sent her into a panic despite knowing that she would never die from that here. Her jaw dropped slightly and she could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She would die. She would dream of her own death and the downfall of Anakin.
People would die because of them. Because of a decision they made and promises they couldn’t keep. There was a deep feeling of responsibility in the pit of her stomach that was starting to bubble with guilt and eat away at her. How could Obi-Wan handle seeing their faces and being their friend when he had seen all this?
Words were escaping her because her mind was running a mile a minute, but she loved Anakin so deeply that she knew he was hurting worse than her. A hand reached out and grasped his tightly as her eyes dropped to the floor and the tears started to fall. If only she could figure out a way to avoid the dreams. Anakin didn’t have to see that. It wasn’t truly the man she knew in this life, but she knew how he would react. How could they celebrate starting a life together when their life together in the dreams was about to take a drastic turn?
Anakin might have guessed that the dream version of himself had done something terrible by the way Obi-wan had been talking but he couldn’t have imagined this. Sure, the hints were there, his attitude toward the council, his slaughter of the sandpeople, the death of the Blood Carver. But to fall that far, to lose Padme and Obi-wan and himself… No, he couldn’t accept that. Something else must have happened, something his master didn’t know about. He was starting to feel sick now, his stomach tying itself in knots as he tried to find a way to rationalize it away.
Of course Anakin wasn’t exactly the first person one thought of when the word rational was brought up.
He was so lost in trying to justify it and escape the great weight that was building on his shoulders that he jumped a little when Padme touched him. He did eventually lift a trembling hand and let her hold it, fingers curling around hers after a while. She was right there, crying, and he couldn’t make himself do the decent thing and truly try to comfort her. The blow was just too big. “No…” he said, his even tone hiding his desperation. “You’re wrong, I… I wouldn’t do that… I could never do that.”
By now, Obi-Wan felt sick, but while the crack in his armor widened, it was still only a crack. It was as if a life full of guarded emotions and stoic bravery had been to prepare him for this moment. Otherwise, how could he have faced it?
“Anakin, do you think I would create a story when I know full well what you’ll witness in your dreams? It’s taken me a long time to even consider articulating what’s going to happen and I’m only telling you so that you can at least be marginally prepared.” But he had no thought for himself or his own comfort at this point. Warning Anakin and Padme was a mission now. What he had suffered was in the past, as much as it ever could be, though not forgotten.
Her free hand reached up to brush the tears off her face before taking a deep shaky breath. It was good to know what was going to happen because she would be able to spend a bit of time preparing herself mentally for it. It would probably have been a lot worse if she had just dreamt about it one night because she knew it would shake her up. She may not actually die in this world, but seeing everything that leads up to her death would take so much out of her. And this way she would be able to help Anakin because she could already sense that he was going to need her to continue to be there for him. “I’m glad you’re telling us.”
Anakin knew better than to think that Obi-wan would make up something like this, he was a good and kind man. A man who had probably been too indulgent and too easy with the absolute mess that was the young Anakin Skywalker. They didn’t lie to each other, or they hadn’t until he had tried to keep his marriage a secret. But he was desperate for Obi-wan to be lying now, even though the more he looked for holes the more he was sure it was the truth. He squeezed Padme’s hand tighter, his mechanical one curling into a fist, likely due to the tension running through him and what was left of his arm.
He wanted to scream or cry or hurt something but all he could manage was an absolutely miserable expression. “I… What about the children? What happens to them once Padme…?” He refused to say anything about her fate, the words wouldn’t have been able to leave his lips. Not his Padme, he had to tell himself that more than once, nothing was going to happen to his Padme. He wouldn’t allow it.
Obi-Wan suddenly moved in such a way that it would only be described as a convulsion, brief though it was. Perhaps it was the tension building up inside him, but the house abruptly seemed to lurch. The spell lasted only a second, but a second was all that was needed to travel back in time to that moment, if only in his mind: Luke and Leia’s birth; as horrific as it was poetic, the culmination of every choice Anakin and Padme had made, of every mistake he had made. There was no single event that haunted Obi-Wan more. Even when he wasn’t in the midst of some metaphysical dream world, he frequently had nightmares.
“They’re born. In safety.” His voice continued haltingly as he regained his composure as best he could. “I stayed with her. Until the end. I was there when she died.” A long pause followed. Anakin, he knew, would wonder why he hadn’t been there, and if he asked...well, the truth was that there was more than one moment that haunted him. “I took Luke with to Tatooine and hid there. Leia went with Bail Organa to Alderaan, where she was raised as a daughter.”
“Oh, Obi…” her voice was breaking. How could he even stand to be around her when he had dreamt of being with her when she died. The weight of this knowledge must have been heavy on his shoulders and she wanted to reach out to comfort him, but she couldn’t bring herself to break from Anakin. She was so happy to hear that the two children were safe and being raised by people when her and Anakin couldn’t be there, but it was so disappointing to know that she would die before being able to hold her children in her arms. Bail seemed like a great guy from her dreams, but she didn’t know much about what was left on Tatooine for Luke. There wasn’t much else she could do, but look at Obi-Wan and hope that he saw that she was thankful for everything he was telling them and that he shouldn’t bear the weight of it all on his own shoulders. They were all in this together and things would be different here from their dreams.
Anakin was frankly afraid to ask. Obi-wan had already used the words ‘dark side’ and ‘slaughter’, it wasn’t a very great leap for his mind to concoct horrible things, reasons why he wouldn’t be with his wife. None of them good or as simple as just him not being able to make it. And then there was the fact that he parted the children and hid them and himself, which didn’t sound good to Anakin either. It was just too much to take in, too much pain to take in at one time so he didn’t ask. That sick, cold feeling in him telling him that he would likely see soon enough.
Rather abruptly Anakin moved onto his knees and pulled Padme into his arms. He may not have been there when she died in their dreams but he was there now and he wasn’t going to let her go for anything. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into the brown hair at her temple. He pressed an apologetic kiss there then looked up to Obi-wan, his eyes wet with potential tears that he would not allow to fall. “What am I supposed to do? When I see that, how am I supposed to cope?”
When Anakin reached for Padme, Obi-Wan found himself rising to his feet and turning away. It was an attempt to give them some semblance of privacy. The feeling had gone from not only his legs, but most of his body. He paced his corner of the room to get some life back into his limbs and thought about the charred, limbless body of Anakin on Mustafar’s lava shore. How would he cope when he saw Obi-Wan leaving him for dead?
He turned back to them. “Will there be much of a difference when you actually see it, now that you know? You must begin learning how to cope now. That was why I told you now, because there’s no softening the blow, but there is hope that you can fight through it.”
The pull into his arms took her by surprise but she quickly relaxed into his arms and reached up to place a hand on his cheek. She accepted his apology even though she didn’t blame him for anything yet. She was trying to do her best to keep their lives separate in her mind. She was scared to experience Anakin going down the dark path, but she couldn’t fight what was going to happen. So instead she stayed close to Anakin and listened to Obi-Wan, “No, hearing about it now makes it easier to handle. I don’t think either of us would handle these events well without the warning. Anakin, I’m here, you know I am. We will help each other and we can always turn to Obi-Wan if we need to.”
When Padme spoke Anakin returned his eyes back to her though for the most part his thoughts were with what Obi-wan had said. Fight through it. He could do that. He was good at putting his head down and pushing himself through battles. This wouldn’t be any different, or so he hoped. He had to hope as he wasn’t about to surrender to the pain of a few dreams. He was better here, stronger here because he had seen the failures of his dream life. He would get through it because as far as he was concerned he didn’t have an option. He moved a hand under her elbow, gently encouraging her to stand.
Once both of them were on their feet he slowly nodded in understanding. He spoke to Obi-wan though he kept his eyes on Padme, trying to regain his composure. “Thank you, Master. We’ll… We’ll be alright.”
Obi-Wan nodded and motioned with his hand, because he had run out of words. He kept to his corner of the room, perhaps because the memory of Anakin in flame and Padme screaming was too much. He knew the pain would subside as it had before, the way a nightmare fades after waking; but for now, he was the only one of them with a visual to accompany the sad tale.
He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders before scooping up Artoo, who was looking up at the trio with plaintive eyes, aware of the tension in the room.
“I think it’s time to head home. Thank you so much for the tour, Obi-Wan. We’ll definitely sit down and discuss this place,” she nodded as she took a mental picture of Obi-Wan holding onto Artoo - it was adorable, especially since the man owned much larger dogs. She stood beside Anakin, trying to remain the strong one in their relationship, and reached out for their furry child. She didn’t have to say that they would also be having a deep conversation about the dreams at some point as well.
Seeing his master with the small dog in his arms should have amused him, if nothing else it would have given him an excuse to reference the fact that Obi-wan had once been a cat, but for the moment Anakin simply didn’t have it in him. Couldn’t smile or laugh or really feel anything other than the weight of it all slowly crushing him. His back and shoulders were actually starting to ache even though he knew it was all just a product of his now guilt-ridden mind. He was going to need more time to digest this, hopefully before the worst of the dreams started. “Yeah,” Anakin said quietly. “We’ll be in touch later.”