InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "tom loves sienna."

Dumat: The Dragon of Silence (nearestvessel) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2014-01-28 12:46:00

Entry tags:

elena gilbert, samandriel

Who: Elena Gilbert & Samandriel
What: They need to talk
When: 1/28
Where: Elena's
Rating: We're going to go with Medium-High for now for language and mentions of stuff
Status: In progress

There were certain things that possibly should not have gotten under Samandriel's skin as much as they had. The angel had plans, of course. He always had plans. It was the one thing only Lucifer seemed to give him enough credit for. Then again, Lucifer was always well aware of what those plans were. Samandriel had no need to lie about anything, not to Lucifer or anyone. The easiest way to get someone to do something was, after all, to tell them the exact literal truth. In the face of everything that had been done to him in the past few weeks, Samandriel was pulling punches with no one. If Elena wanted to hate him, fine. If Jeremy wanted to hate him, not fine, particularly since the sound and fury coming from her brother came in the form of threats. They might well have signified nothing, but Samandriel was taking zero chances. He wasn't getting dragged through Hell again for anyone but Lucifer.

So as soon as school was done for him for the day (half days were a lucky side effect of the way he'd overachieved in his human life,) he showed up exactly where Elena was. Her living room was better than the bathroom or her bedroom, but he didn't care one way or another. The sound of wings heralded him regardless. He stood with his arms crossed looking not at all contrite at her, more angel than he'd ever bothered appearing to her before. "We need to talk." In his mind, they were still friends. Friends gave you the time of day. That she'd chosen to sic her brother on him instead of taking up her beef with him herself was irrelevant for the time being. Speaking to her was something that needed to happen before Jeremy got it in his head that he was at all able to spit such bile at an angel the same way a Winchester or a prophet could get away with. Fucking around was for more innocent angels. It was for Inais or Duma or even Remiel for all his bluster. He hated that both lives had molded him into something that had to fight, even if that was fighting his friends for their own sake. He had no idea how this was going to turn out only that it was fortunate that she had no idea how to banish him and likely lacked the constitution for it.

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theheartofme
2014-01-28 07:09 pm UTC (link)

Elena might have been a hypocrite for telling Jeremy that he did indeed need to go to school while she stayed home and moped a bit, but she was unable to care in the slightest. She hadn't had too much going on for the day anyways and she knew that she could get notes and such from her friends, Elena just didn't have it in herself to sit through a couple of lectures. Her mind would only wander back to what had happened last night. At least she'd stopped crying and had managed to get out of bed and pull herself into a dress so she wasn't sitting around in her pajamas.

She was tired, mentally and emotionally so. She knew that Jeremy was pissed off about the whole situation and while Elena hadn't told him any specifics or to go and harass people, she wasn't going to stop it. He needed to be the protector so she let him. Elena herself wasn't going to talk to Damon until he had figured out the first move on their starting over, and she definitely wasn't going to send Sam a text. In fact, she was going to avoid him...

She had tried, but leave it to an angel to turn up while she was sipping on coffee in her living room, watching marathons on Netflix. The girl sighed and paused her show at his voice, placing down the remote and her cup of coffee. "You could call or knock at least," the brunette replied, lips twisting into a frown. If the angel looked, he would also notice she wasn't wearing her engagement ring.

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nearestvessel
2014-01-28 10:46 pm UTC (link)

"If I did either of those things, the odds of you answering are rapidly approaching zero," Samandriel said, glancing at Netflix. He slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall, giving her as much space as she could have in the room while still remaining in her eyeline.

He got that she was pissed. Hell, he was pretty sure that Damon had been exactly vague enough to dig them both into the deepest hole possible. He wasn't going to start this off by apologizing for fucking Damon. He wasn't sorry for what he'd done. Lying might've been the easy way out, but it didn't interest him. She was upset. He respected that. He was upset. The feeling had better be mutual.

"I'm sorry you're hurt," he said finally, "and I'm sorry to have been the cause of that. I'm not sorry for what happened. I'm sorry that we... that we live in a society that preaches monogamy as the end all be all, that one person should be everything to someone else for a lifetime when that's never the case, because I'm sure you're blaming yourself just as much as you're blaming both he and I." Samandriel wasn't an idiot. He could handle himself just as surely as she could and neither of them needed their brothers to have this fight for them.

"Now do you want to talk, or should I go get one of Dean's handguns so you can shoot a few rounds into me and see if that makes you feel better first?" It wasn't going to do anything to him, and there was actually some comfort and power in handling a firearm that was strangely therapeutic.

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theheartofme
2014-01-29 04:32 am UTC (link)

He was right. Elena wouldn't have answered if he'd been polite about things instead of just doing his angel-teleport thing. It was the best way to go about it, to corner her so they could actually talk, though she wasn't sure how civilized it would be. At least they could both get it all out. Elena wasn't sure if that was good or bad, but she stayed quiet, crossing her arms over her chest on the couch, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"Fine. We can talk," the girl finally managed, glancing over at him for a split second. She was thinking about how they used to be friends, how much she just wanted to run away from the pain. She also thought about her parents, what kind of advice her mother would give her.

"I didn't expect you would be sorry. Why else would you go behind my back, not once, but twice? I'm disgusted, and not because Damon slept with a guy, but because...we were friends. Because almost every night I've shared his bed, we've made love, and he was with--" She stopped talking and pressed her lips together in a line, thinking she might suddenly start crying again.

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nearestvessel
2014-01-29 04:48 am UTC (link)

He let out a heavy breath. "The first time...the first time was supposed to be the only time. It was once...something we were telling ourselves was getting it out of our system because there was too much building between us. It shouldn't have happened. I don't regret it, but it shouldn't have happened regardless of whether or not I love him. There were other ways for that to be expressed." He looked down at his feet and continued even softer.

"The second time it happened because I was in a lot of pain, because I needed to be somewhere anywhere safe that wasn't looking at my own fiancé or anyone remotely angelic. I trust Damon, and maybe I shouldn't, but I do. So I went to him, completely broken and in need of comfort that no one else I'm close to could provide. And it happened." He wasn't going to give her details, only context and not even much of that. "And I'm really, really sorry that this latest round of let's torture the littlest angel fell out on you."

He invited himself to sit on a chair, hoping that in sitting it would put them somewhat on more equal ground and not quite as intimidating as him hovering over her like that. "He was with me. He won't be again. I'm not under the delusion that my feelings in this matter at all. They don't. I could love both you and Damon until the stars themselves went out and it doesn't make you any more likely to forgive me or him...able to see me as anything other than..." Samandriel sighed heavily. "Something other than not worth his time." He'd seen Damon truly happy, yes, but some part of him suspected that Damon wouldn't have let things go as far as they had if he had any intention of actually keeping Samandriel around.

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theheartofme
2014-01-29 05:20 am UTC (link)

She knew this would happen, she knew that the whole truth would just make her feel hurt and betrayed all over again, though a very small part of her was glad she didn't have to go on wondering why Damon had done what he did. Elena still had bile in her throat, thinking about it though. Especially the fact that her fiance had run off for a fuck while she was at the same party. He had let her be happy, hanging off his arm, lying through his teeth.

The girl gave a little sniffle and wiped at her eyes where teardrops were forming steadily. It was like her wounds from last night had been ripped right open again and she was completely lost on what to do. That was why Elena had put it in Damon's hands to make the first move in their starting over, he was the biggest fuck-up in the whole situation.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have let it happen. Neither of you would have. I was at the party the first time you did it," she told him with a slightly raised voice, placing her hands down in her lap and dropping her head. "But that doesn't matter. It's all said and done. Damon and I are on hold and I don't think he even knows where to begin to fix us. I certainly don't. I can't stand the thought of him kissing me or touching my body knowing I had been so faithful to him. I don't care what you think about how relationships should be. You could have respected mine."

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nearestvessel
2014-01-29 05:36 am UTC (link)

Samandriel didn't see the point in her telling him that she was at the party when they were fucking. He'd known. They'd both known. "Again, I'm not under the impression that I matter." He never had been. "At all." He shook his head.

"The key to Damon is contact. That's where you start fixing your relationship. Even if it's just holding his hand, touch goes a long, long way with getting him to open up and actually say what he needs." He didn't want to talk about respect or disrespect. She wanted to fix her relationship, that was the answer he had for starting to.

He looked down at his feet. "I'm...gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you really want this to be the last conversation we ever have. And that's fair. I'm not going to hold that against you. But if there comes a point where just ignoring that I exist isn't enough for you to be anywhere close to okay...I can erase myself from your memory. If it's something Damon wants for the sake of your relationship, I can remove myself from him as well. It won't change anything that happened, but it'd save you ever having to think of me and it'd save him from having to say goodbye." If there was anything Samandriel had learned how to be good at, it was throwing himself under the bus.

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theheartofme
2014-01-30 08:35 pm UTC (link)

Elena took a few deep breaths while she listened to the angel, her hands at her side, gripping the couch cushions tightly. She wanted to get defensive about her relationship with Damon, she wanted to say she could figure out things on her own...but she knew that was so far from the truth and he'd probably be able to pick it right out of her head. After the dust had settled, she had every intention to working with Damon on...them. Elena just didn't know when that time would come.

"I'm not...an idiot. I know that trying to push you out of Damon's life would be impossible. He'd have to make the choice himself. Yes, I'm so...incredibly angry at you and as much as I don't want to see your face right now, I wouldn't cheat and have you use one of your fancy angel tricks to erase my memory. That's not how things work for normal people. You take that pain and you carry it with you always, whether it's just for a little while or your entire life." She took a deep breath and lifted her head up, the loose waves of her hair falling over her shoulders. "I wish we could be friends again."

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nearestvessel
2014-01-31 05:28 am UTC (link)

Samandriel lifted his head up to look at her, studying her carefully. "I know," he whispered, "but it's one of the few gifts I can give you if you wanted it. It's...on the table indefinitely. Angels...can't forget. No matter how much we might want to, we remember everything. Ten thousand years from now, I'll still be able to describe exactly how this moment feels." He smiled, though it was a broken, exhausted thing. "That's my burden to bear. Always."

He stood up again. "I think we can be, but I that's up to you to decide when you're ready." He took a deep breath and stretched. "You have my phone number." But she was well aware of alternate means of getting a hold of him if she needed him. "Friendship is always open to you from my end."

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theheartofme
2014-01-31 11:38 pm UTC (link)

She couldn't stop the tears that came down her cheeks from his words. It was obvious he cared and she thought he always would. Samandriel was...he was something else entirely. He was so surrounded with love and Elena didn't know how it would feel to have him absent from her life, however long that might be. For a moment, she could understand why Damon had done what he did, and then she was hit with guilt, looking up at her friend with wide, reddened eyes. "Thank you," she managed softly. It was all she could think to say.

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