Verity (jokeshopgirl) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-12-07 12:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, roland deschain, verity |
Who: Roland and Verity
When: Early November, Christina's only a few days old.
Where: The Hospital
What: A visit to the New Mother and Baby
Rating/Warning: Low/None
Status: Complete
Verity had sent text messages to Roland, asking⌠begging, really⌠for him to come and visit. She missed him. She hadnât seen him since⌠was it really since the night he lost his fingers? Was that really⌠now she felt like a terrible friend. She was exhausted and on heavy pain medication, still oozing in her incision, with cracked and bleeding nipples from where the little one was trying her best to learn to nurse.
All Verity wanted was to go home. But the doctors didnât want to send her home until sheâd⌠passed gas. It was the way things went with abdominal surgery, apparently. She felt stopped up--nothing had moved down there since before Christina was born. So she was fairly miserable, and in dire need of a friendly face.
She neednât have begged. Roland would have come if sheâd only asked once. The baby had been born and Verity was still his friend, or at least heâd hoped. It seemed that she was, though, as ka willed it.
As a man not completely ignorant to social graces, the gunslinger arrived in Verityâs room with a bouquet of flowers and a balloon that had a drawing of a baby in a pink diaper. It had been the only set in the gift shop that was left, at least for a girl. Roland set the monstrosity of a gift (complete with teddy bear and dog that people could sign) down on the table beside verityâs bed. âHello,â he greeted as he sat and slipped her small hand between his hands, missing fingers be damned.
Verity wrapped her hand around his, the one without the missing fingers. She couldnât help but smile at the sight of him. Those piercing blue eyes. âHello.â She said, giving his hand a squeeze. âThank you for coming.â Sheâd missed him, sheâd missed his company.
Verity pointed with her free hand. âSheâs in there.â Christina was asleep in the bassinet at the foot of her bed. Every time the little one woke, Verity had to get up out of bed and shuffle a few feet over to take care of her daughter. It was good for her, as it kept the blood flowing. Moving around was what was helping her heal.
The thing about babies was, they looked like babies, all of them, and Roland was much more interested in Verity at the moment. Still, his curiosity had him moving from Verity to where the tiny newborn slept, her arms bound by the swaddle of blanket. Carefully, Rolandâs good hand slipped underneath the infant, until she was fitted to his forearm. He lifted her slowly. She moved only slightly, and suddenly the gunslinger was interested, aye. He stared at the baby in rapt awe, watching her impossibly tiny lips as they curled, then settled. This...Christina, had come from Verity. Roland walked carefully back to the bed and sat on the side of it, cradling the infant, still staring at her. She may have just been another baby, but she was Verityâs and Verity was someone special to him, despite the mess theyâd been in.
Verity watched as Roland lifted the baby from her hospital-issue bassinet, then came back over and sat down. She liked the sight of Roland holding her girl. It brought strength to Christina, and a softness to Roland that she wasnât sure sheâd ever seen there before. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she lifted her hand to wipe at them. â...Funny how much she sleeps during the day, and how awake she is all night long.â
Her tears did not go unnoticed, but Roland thought she must be exceedingly emotional after her ordeal so he said nothing of it and stayed looking down at the tiny girl who could have been a doll. She was no doll. She was warm and alive, Roland could even feel her breathing softly. âSay true?â he asked, a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. âIâd set my watch and warrant that her size belies the set of lungs in her chest.â
Verity chuckled softly. Roland talked funny. It was one of the things sheâd enjoyed about him very much, even if she wouldnât point it out and perhaps make him uncomfortable by saying something about it. Sheâd heard him say things like âyou say true, I say thankyaâ and talk about âka.â Whatever that was. âSet your watch and warrant on it, because itâs very true.â She was being playful, grinning while she teased him. âWhen she wants my attention, she lets the whole hospital know.â
âIâm certain theyâre all happy to oblige,â Roland lifted the warm bundle slightly and dropped a gentle kiss to her forehead before he turned and passed her over to her mother. He resisted the urge to lay his hand to her thigh and rub it over the thin fabric of the hospital linens. She was not his, and he was not hers. He knew, though, that she would be better off.
Verity accepted the baby. She was, indeed, stirring. Probably hungry. Thankfully, with the use of breast pumps and other things (water, fenugreek, whatever else) she was producing enough milk for the little one. Sometimes c-section moms had trouble the first couple of weeks. Of course, with a nurse for a sister-in-law, Verity had a lot of help. âSheâs the most beautiful baby ever, so of course theyâre happy to oblige,â Verity said, grinning. She may have been a bit biased with that opinion.
There were times like this, when Roland wondered what his life would have been like had he gotten married and had a child of his own. Perhaps it was ka that kept Roland as he was, for ka had brought him Susan and ka had brought him Meetra, and neither woman was in his arms. After a few moments of silence, the gunslinger touched his lips to Verityâs forehead. He thought if he stayed too close to her, his lips would find hers and he forced himself to ease away again. âI am sorry,â he said, âfor putting you into the situation that I did. Had I known that it was my best friend you were seeing, I would have been respectful.â
Verity thought Roland would have made an excellent father and husband. He was the kind of man who would be absolutely devoted, supportive, realistic and kind. The kind of man many women would love to have. Though, Verity didnât have any misgivings on that front. Her time with Roland had passed. Whether she wanted it or not.
A gentle sigh escaped her at his words. Her eyes had fallen closed at the feel of his lips against her skin, and she almost shook her head. âNo. I didnât tell you I was seeing anyone else. I mean, I didnât know how serious things were, or could possibly be--how could they be serious, or even leading to that, when all of this happened?â She motioned for the baby who was screwing up her face and about to start screaming.
âI donât know,â Roland answered plainly, not realizing that it was probably a rhetorical question. He hadnât known the nature of Verityâs and Charlieâs relationship and he still didnât know. What he did know was - âHe must believe so.â Roland lowered his voice when he saw the baby in her arms, her eyes starting to scrunch up, her lips pressed together, then parting in a wail. He watched her in fascination. The fact was, heâd never actually seen a newborn crying before.
Verity bounced the baby for a moment, then maneuvered the hospital gown she was wearing to expose one of her breasts. The baby instantly began rooting, and latched on. Verity gave a sharp intake of breath and a wince, then set about detaching the baby so she could re-latch. It wasnât as easy as all of those crunchy, granola breastfeeding videos made it seem. Christina had a powerful suck, and when she latched on crooked, or slightly askew, it was painful for Verity. She was surprised that the baby hadnât bitten a chunk off yet, teeth or no.
The words werenât lost on pain and breastfeeding, however. Verity heard them well, and let them sink in. âYou really think he thinks so?â She asked, eyes still on the baby against her breast.
Even Roland winced a little. Her nipples looked swollen and painful, unlike the last time Roland had had one of them between his own lips. âSo I do,â he answered, then decided that it was time he leave the mother and baby in privacy. âCall me, should you need me,â he said, then he did lean down and place his lips to hers, this time chaste. There was a finality to it that he understood well.
Verity gave a little nod, understanding that this was the end of anything physical between them--anything more than friendship. This was the last kiss. This was the goodbye. She returned his chaste kiss, and gave him a smile. âI will. Thank you, Roland.â It was a thank you for everything. Everything heâd done for her.