GlaDOS wants to run some tests (huge_success) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-11-09 10:31:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, glados, mayuri kurotsuchi |
We would like to remind you that you have to be in functioning order to continue testing.
Who: Mayuri and GlaDOS, also featuring Defence Turret
What: Discovering things in the lab, coming to a deal, bickering
When: A few days ago
Where: Their labs
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13 for sciency things
It was a surprise. It took a lot to surprise the AI formerly known as Caroline, but when the test subject survived three point five oh one seconds longer than predicted, she was surprised. She supposed he had an unfair advantage - after all she’d set off one of the explosive panels earlier to take care of a minor annoyance.
“Oh. Are you still twitching? I suppose you’re lucky. Maimed and crippled and fat. But lucky. We would like to remind you that you have to be in functioning order to continue testing. Since you are damaged, you’ve failed. Try again later.”
Mayuri didn't like explosions unless he was the one setting them off. And since the Shinigami Research & Development Institute had pretty much eaten up Caroline's old labs, some of the lower parts of the facility had been rigged to blow if there were intruders. It was a dark, dimly lit place, but even the better lit first floors of the basement weren't exactly friendly. These were the places where Mayuri had his darker experiments going on. Bacteria cultures, viruses, chemicals, poisons, gasses, carcinogens, mutagens, and explosives. Cadavers were stored there. Some of the barely living subjects that he had meticulously mended from Motoko's missions were down there. And the sound of boom was a sound that arose necessary concern.
Akon showed up immediately, as Mayuri had turned from the incredibly large computer (that resembled a pipe organ, oddly enough). ... (What? He's theatrical.)
"Section A, Area 33," he told Mayuri, with an unlit cigarette once again pressed between his lips. "Sealed it off. There were no signs of a forced entry."
"Good. Go make sure that there's a security sweep, regardless. I will go, personally." Mayuri had no qualms about seeming to disappear out of thin air in front of the likes of Akon, whom he purposefully sought out it the world, since he was one of his slightly more capable laboratory officers. Maybe, eventually, he would remember things. But in the meantime, he made a capable project lead and didn't question the strange things in Orange County, as much as he wanted to study it, too.
Mayuri knew the path in what he considered to be his lab facility, like the back of his hand. He stopped by the big closed metal doors of the area, entering in the code with his left hand, and his sword drawn in his right. If there was an intruder, they would regret it, the minute he stabbed them into a state of paralysis and cut them to pieces, very slowly and very deliberately, for daring to break in.
"Hello." A little girl-like voice intoned as the door opened like an iris. There was a white object, about the size of a vacuum cleaner, all pristine lines. It had a single 'eye' of a camera sensor and a barely visible triggering beam. "Are you there? I don’t want to hurt you."
It hummed a little song.
"What are you," Mayuri crooned at it, in that way he did before he was ready to tear into something to see if it had guts or wires. "And what are you doing in my facility."
This thing wouldn't be paralized, but he could still damage it. Even better, he could study it. Do diagnostics, tear it apart, draw diagrams, scan it, put it back together and run it through a series of tests. That sounded delightful enough that he grinned, the painted lips pulling back to reveal gold-plated teeth and pasty white gums.
"I'm guarding the queen," the little turret sang. "The queen of sciece."
It made an electronic chirp.
There is no other queen of....! Oh wait. *ahems* Starting over:
There was only one ruler of the lab and Mayuri looked like his hackles were raised as he stared at the impudent machine.
"I am the king of this laboratory. How and when did you invade this space and when did someone remodel?!" he groused, his free hand balling up into a trembling fist with such fury behind it, that all of his joints in that hand made popping noises. "Where is this queen. I demand to see her, before I turn you into scrap for daring to take up residence in my lab!"
"Nap time" The guard said. It wasn't a very good guard, but then it was more of a delaying action than anything else. It's light dimmed, and it went to sleep.
There was rumbling farther in, then the walls transformed into panels, which transformed into a bridge, above what looked like a pit of acid. The new bridge led towards another room.
"Tch. Useless." Mayuri punched the machine hard with his fist as he passed, then kicked it for good measure, hoping to topple it over on it's side. Someone had infiltrated his lair and for that, they were going to pay. But no way did he trust anything over a pit of...was that...could it be.... "How did someone get into the toxic waste?! I told you to have it buried! AKON! YOU FOOL! YOU’RE A PRIME CANDIDATE FOR MY NEXT VIVISECTION EXPERIMENT!"
Akon, off where he was overseeing a security sweep, was chain smoking and unaware he was being cursed at. That toxic spew was barreled up to be disposed of properly in a waste facility, and not buried, like his crazy boss ordered him to do.
He stomped his foot as he came to a stop on his side of the bridge, and then eyed it. Two steps to get across. He didn't trust it to not be boobytrapped.
Sword still drawn, Mayuri moved so suddenly there was a blur of white robes and blue hair left behind, a smear in the air on the middle of the bridge, and him coming to a stop on the other side. He narrowed his eyes and waited for any ‘guards’ or signs of life, computerized or otherwise.
The door opened, and inside was a circular chamber, with a structure danging from the ceiling in the center. While not her perfect form that Caroline had dreamed about, she'd still faithfully reconstructed it from her memories.
The structure swiveled, the headlike portion lifting up and tilting itself like it was regarding a particularly unique subject. The yellow eye appeared to narrow. It's voice was familiar, yet distinctly electronic.
"Oh. It's you. Did you win your championship extreme body modification competion? I trust those words aren't too big. Or you haven't punctured your brain. And given yourself brain damage. That would be a shame."
Mayuri had, in fact, punctured his brain more than once, as well as drilled holes in his skull, cut off both ears, inserted a hidden weapon in one of them, given himself an extendable arm with an exploding hand, and his body was crisscrossed by scars underneath all of the paint he applied to himself every morning. He was also working on blending in with his surroundings using chemicals and liquifying as an escape mechanism. But this...development...under his own nose, no less, left him curious and displeased at the same time.
This also seemed somehow familiar. Or rather, the voice was, or the demeanor, rather.
Mayuri entered the room, with slow steps. His own head was at a slight tilt to one side as he stared with wide gold colored eyes at this machine. The smile was gone and there was an almost childlike curiosity to his expression and the way he was carrying himself. Given his own head tilt, it was much like he was inspecting an equally unique subject, so they looked like mirror images of one another. He was perfectly still for a long moment.
"...if you are who...or what...I think you are, then you are quite a specimen," Mayuri was saying, sounding somehow pleased by this. "And don't be condescending with me, you twit. You've gone beyond the limitations of having a living form. If I am hypothesizing correctly your true identity, then you're the one who left the lab and mine simply swallowed it up. I thought you were gone. The last of your rats died a few months ago. I could have used more."
Because rats with camera eyes were handy.
"I never left. Except on a short vacation to make my squisher side have 'closure.' Whatever that is. It's an unpleasant sensation. Closure. It makes one leak."
GlaDOS swiveled again, monitors lighting up to show the experiments she was observing. "That body failed. This body has sufficed, though it's not up to Enrichment Center standards." In fact, it was quite subpar, and immobile, which she had never considered a problem before. Especially since she’d had a constant connection to the internet and got to watch stalkall her Test SubjectsDani frolic around, committing acts of “science” with other people that weren’t her. It was an abomination!
She made a frustrated sound. "You had errors. I corrected them. And observed. Test subjects have been hard to acquire. I've made do. You might be pleased to note that the neurotoxin is now at 124% efficiency. Not that I care if you're pleased or not. I do this all for Science."
"I didn't ask you to monitor my experiments with that neurotoxin. I was using it to build up immunities and needed the effects staggered. My bloodstream has so many viruses and toxins in it, that I'm certain it's probably corrosive at this juncture." He walked in a slow circle around her, the sword still in his hand, though pointed down for a moment. He appeared to be studying her and then the screens, before going back to looking over the machinery with an appreciative eye. "You created this after your body was discarded. Amazing. However, you are tethered in place. How do you hope to do more experiments, trapped in one place? You have no mobility. Perhaps I should put you on wheels."
He was being a cranky pest because she had existed there without him knowing and he haaaaated that. It gave him an eyetwitch. However, they two had some measure of mutual scientific respect for one another, even if they were highly critical. As proven by, "You could have manufactured legs for yourself. Did you run out of components?"
"I have plenty of tests. Most of them involve sending squishy bodies of meat into sometimes literal grinders. No one would miss them." She swiveled around, facing him again, her yellow eye wide like innocence. "Haha. You didn't! They weren't disposed of properly."
The structure moved again. “As if I am light enough to… oh my. I’m … I need a moment to process.”
The light went out.
A moment later it returned. “It appears that I used an alloy that is too dense.” In other words, she was fat.
"Where did you get those squishy bodies of meat? Don't steal my test subjects. Get your own!"
While she deliberated, Mayuri had turned to watch the screens and the experiments with fascination and interest. But when she spoke, that was when his eyes moved so he could look over at her, without turning his face toward her.
"My my. So you've gained weight. Is that it? The structure won't hold legs capable of carrying your weight, because you over-compensated when piecing yourself together in such a manner. You are upside down, after all, if you think of it, but it made the most sense to do so when you’re in a contained space and still be able to see all of your surroundings." He sounded a little too pleased and even tapped the side of his sword against her hull. Which was sexy if for the sole fact it looked like a bound up body and Mayuri liked to have his test subjects held still. "What alloy is this? I could create something far superior to this, in no time at all."
The position was not lost on the part of her that was Caroline, a nagging little annoying voice she couldn't quite bring herself to delete. Even when she said she deleted it.
"Steel, it was what I had on hand. My body in the labs was far superior." The AI gave a little electonic snort. "Even Caroline's body had advantages. But at least here, I can pursue the joys of science." It was better than the rest of the world, at any rate. That place could stuff it. With it's birds. And it's potatos.
No, it's onions. Always those damned onions! Mayuri was still trying to create a worldwide plague to destroy onion crops and only onion crops. Fine. He might be swayed to destroy the potato crop world-wide too. Maybe. If he was feeling charitable.
"Inferior. The human form is most advantageous, with certain...modifications." While circling the thing that was Caroline, he tapped at her casing with his sword again, so it went clank clank clank. "I am using knowledge gained from a cyberbody in this world and the gigai technology from the world of my dreams, to combine the two and make the perfect host body. I think you would make a perfect subject, after I am done with the preliminary tests."
He pointed with his sword to the monitors and said, "Bring up section B, area seven. There is a lab table there. Zoom in on it and you can see the pieces I am working on."
If that was done, there would be viewable pieces of a woman's body on work tables, with a head that looked like a young sad-faced girl who used to be his vice captain. She wasn't an actual shinigami there either, but something he had made, created with his own hands and his own genetic material, into a daughter. Who was a total, complete disappointment to him. She wouldn't have the mod soul of Nemu, but she would be more controllable and wouldn't waste precious time with silly Shinigami Women's Association meetings. Pffft. What a waste of valuable research time.
GlaDOS didn't do as she was told. No, she brought up B7 of her own accord. Not because she was told to. She didn't follow orders. She was the most advanced computer system in the world.
"So you make it look like a test subject? It would need modifications. The color is all wrong. It's not sterile enough. It would need to be fully functional. For tests. Scientific tests. And observations. With attachments. For Science. Not because of anything else. You pervert."
The eye looked at him. "A trade. Everything is better with portals."
"You know I have no interest in what is considered normal sexual relations, you nitwit. That noted, I will refrain from telling you where the reset button is." Because yes, it's in a spot that can't be shown on regular tv. "The body is customizable and can be adjusted for high manueverability, even though there will be a weight differential between that and a human body. It is unfortunate but inescapble, given the amount of internal components," he explained, not caring if she did it of her own accord or not as long as it was done. "My cousin in this world lives in a body that is similar to that. But if I combine the two, the outcome could be amazing and a whole new subsection of science that has yet to be perfected."
Mayuri studied her and suddenly smiled. "Portals? How interesting. I think we can arrange something. Give me your specifications and once the testing phase is over, we can download you into a cyber-gigai body."
Because the SRDI simply wasn’t strange enough. Tentacle monster octopus toy with wriggling tentacle action: just add water! Red Dye #666. Eyeball plushies with eye implants. Cyber-gigai. No one wants to know what’s next.
Not having to carry around the ASHPD would certainly be advantageous, if the tech could be built into her hands. It would in fact be quite amazing.
She considered it for an eternity, which was about half a second. "You will have the specifications shortly. They must be adhered to exactly. Don't entrust this to your moron assistant. I'll be beautiful. It doesn't matter. Beauty is a human construct which I'm not at all interested in."
Did it look like the machine was preening? She might be preening.
"Flaws are inevitable, even when beauty is taken into account," Mayuri pointed out, sheathing his (crotch) sword. "The joy is in the labor of an experiment or a design. If you were perfect, then there would be nothing to ever improve upon. And then what is the point of science, other than the joy of discovering improvements, modifications, and solutions?"
Mayuri gave the preening machine that was once Caroline, an smug smile. "You should really know better. Both about my abilities, and that I would never let Akon lay a finger on you. I will do an analysis of what are considered to be the most pleasing faces. You may choose the one you determine to be most pleasing, in two hours. Please attach yourself to the mainframe computers and try not to hack into my personal computer. I've laced it with several surprises, internally and externally."
That was fair warning. He had to do those things, in case even his cousin got nosy. Mayuri Kurotsuchi was utterly thorough. The rest of the computer system? Pfft. Those didn’t have his private files. She could watch, listen, lurk, and catch up on current projects in each testing area of the facility, all she wished. Unless she tried to shut everything down, but he had safeguards in place too in case of cyber attacks. And he doubted she would want to shut down valuable experiments.
It would probably make them both incredibly angry. And dangerous.
Did the computer look like it was rolling it’s eye. It might have been rolling it’s eye. In a voice dripping with utter, scathing sarcasm, she breathed. “I enjoy surprises.”