Rita is a nosy fucker. (acidink) wrote in valarcomm, @ 2012-10-20 20:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | rita skeeter |
Weekend Edition Returns!
In a desperate attempt to maintain his relevancy, Tony Stark duplicated a feat already accomplished earlier this week and dove from space.
We congratulate Tony Stark on his second place finish.
To celebrate, he invited several of his friends and his fanclub to get completely bombed at Stark Tower. We have video of two of his friends, down the page!
His latest conquest? Out lesbian Minerva 'Fluttershy' Lawrence. Kirk has been seen in her presence quite a bit lately, and as evidenced by these photographs, he's successfully seduced Ms. Lawrence back from the other team. Lesbians watch out! Jim Kirk will cure you!
Speaking of the other team, Kirk was recently seen in the lap of a man named Bill Weasley, along with his long-time sexual partner, Fleur Delacour. The three were engaged in friendly flirting, but one can imagine what was going on under the table.
Speaking of the Weasleys, Privileged star Ginerva Weasley has been slutting it up with her bodyguard. The two were trailed to a local star haunt for dinner, and then to a rather seedy motel. Patrons in nearby rooms described the two as 'loud' and 'boisterous.'
We obtained a recipit, shown here, which details the purchase of two slurpees and a box of condoms. Is Ms. Weasley the new Lindsey Lohan?
We recently uncovered more footage of Alleria Windrunner's affairs. Numerous men and women have come forward to describe the woman as being a tiger in bed, domineering and even enjoying pain. One described her as having an erotic asphyxiation kink. The most scandalous story involved a threesome between handsome private detective Garrett Hawke and both Alleria and Sylvanas. Proof? We have photos, behind the paywall!
Mai, who has been dealing with the incredible abuse sustained to her by her fiance, has been seen running into the arms of a Ms. Kasumi Goto! Details are sketchy about Ms. Goto, but what we've been unable to uncover is that she used to run through the same social circles as Mai, before disappearing due to a family scandal.
It's obvious now that that scandal was due to the affair Ms. Goto and Mai had as teenagers, and they are only now rekindling their love. Perhaps a rare good influence from Mai's close friend Azula?
Speaking of Azula, we have a juicy story on her, currently developing.
A sex video of Natasha Romanoff and stunt man Clinton Barton has started to circulate the web! Ms. Romanoff's trademark red hair can be seen in the video which depicts an erotic encounter during a party thrown by Tony Stark.
What does this mean about the passionate affair between Lulu Webster and Natasha? The two went on a romantic dinner. Other patrons described them as absolutely in love. We cannot know yet, only that our hearts go out to both Ms. Webster and Mr. Barton.
Yesterday afternoon, Black Widow co-star Sansa Stark met with a local hooligan named Cameron Connor. Eyewitnesses described them as strung out, and more than one implied heavy use of cocaine and other narcotics. Ms. Stark has been on a downward spiral ever since her co-star left her in pursuit of other romantic interests.
During a photo shoot, Mr. Odair lost his temper, yelling and shouting obscenities at the photographer. We're still unsure what set him off. Our psychologist on staff thinks it has something to do with drugs, or perhaps abuse in his past. Regardless, his career is threatened as there's talk of him being dropped from this photoshoot, and perhaps from the company entirely. We can only hope he gets the help he needs.
We have proof, folks, that the wrong man has been charged with the Wayne murders! As we reported recently, Barbara Gordon was involved in a cover-up to protect her lover Bernie Rhodenbarr. It turns out the cover-up goes much deeper than even we thought!
Our sources inside the police department have revealed that Ms. Gordon herself is being investigated for the murders! We can only hope our fine men and women in blue do their due diligence, and bring the right woman to justice.
In the last two weeks there have been dozens of so-called criminals brutally taken down by this Nighthawk 'hero'. Broken bones, near deaths, and thousands of dollars in property damage, all because one man has decided he should do what we pay our police to do. His stunts grow more and more reckless, culminating in the paralysis of an innocent woman.
And to make matters worse, the "Cat Lady" of London has made an appearance here in Orange County! So far she's staked her prey to the ground after beating on them mercilessly.
We must wonder, dear readers, what drives some people to such violence? When will it stop? Will it stop before it escalates, and everyone is bringing costumes and advanced weapondry to the fray?
Oliver Queen continues to engage in an inappropriate relationship with his ward, egged on by a gift from Zevran Arainai. An entire box of marital aids and pornography, likely starring himself. Add to this his ongoing affair with a teenage girl and we have to wonder just what sort of roll model Zevran thinks he should be. Not a very good one, if you ask me.
Freelance consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was reported to have gone on a date with former Army Doctor John Watson. This leads to all manner of questions as to the real reason Dr. Watson was discharged from service, but that is neither here nor there. They attended the dinner with two attractive women, clearly an escort service to further disguise the nature of their relationship.
Singer Pinkie Pie has been putting on a bit of weight lately. Seen here at one of her recent events, you can see a baby bulge beneath her tube top. Who's the father? Some sources say Jim Kirk, others point to Tony Stark, but Pinkie has been often seen in the company of an unknown man. Our research has not revealed his name, or what exactly he does for a living, but one thing is clear. He's going to be a father!
A strange object has been seen over the mountains and eastern parts of the city. Witnesses describe it as two trails of glowing orbs, moving very, very fast. Have aliens invaded? Does this have any link to that meteor and earthquake several months ago? Was that merely the first strike in an intergalactic war?
You heard it here first!
We have captured an image of Katniss Everdeen looking unreasonably pleased with herself. Our photographers were unable to capture the act itself, but are reasonably certain that Peeta Mellark finally got himself laid. Way to go, Peeta!