Thanks again for owling me. I really appreciate it. Especially with the risk you and your body parts are taking.
Padfoot's temper is well deserved this time, I'm afraid. He's probably going to write to tell me to piss off and that he hates my slutty, half-blood, werewolf guts as soon as he's calm enough to be coherent. I told him about a mishap which took place during (well, actually, following) your birthday drunk-fest this past September. It most definitely involved male genitalia (which did not belong to him) so I won't go into any detail and further traumatise you. He said he didn't want there to be any secrets between us, so I decided to get the worst of my transgressions out of the way first. If he can't forgive me this one, we'll never be OK. He promised before hand not to get too angry, I knew that was an impossibility. I'll just have to wait and see what he says, won't I? Oh Merlin, I can't believe I made him cry...
Listen, if he tells me to bugger off and never come round again I'll understand if you don't want to be friends with me anymore. He's your best mate, after all. There'll be no hard feelings on my part. No worries. I deserve what I get.
He may also be upset about another letter which he may or may not have received, from a person to whom he may or may not have written. He'd better not have! Now I'm acting like him, that's just wonderful. Has he gotten any letters carried by unfamiliar owls? Never mind that, I do not wish to know. It's not really my business. I mean, who am I to pass judgment on anyone after what I have done? Merlin, now I am just babbling and coming across all mental, aren't I? You haven't the foggiest what I am on about. I do apologise.
About Lily. I don't think she would appreciate being referred to as a 'bird'. You have to drop that attitude if you want her to go out with you. She does like you, Prongs. I can tell. I've been writing to her, as I know you have been, and she sometimes mentions you. Although it's usually about how you are driving her crazy and she's going to hex you once summer is over. (Lay off on the letters, trust me.) She's the type of person who can easily ignore people whom she dislikes. For you to enrage her so she has to care for you, at least a little. You have to stop showing off and be yourself around her. You're a really nice person underneath all of that false arrogance. Prove to her that you aren't all mouth and no trousers.
She has invited me to her birthday in August and she says that you and Padfoot and Wormtail are also welcome. But, as I told Sirius , you have to behave around the muggles. It's her 16th, and we're going out. The plans are to sneak into some club, she's naughty. We'll have to go shopping for muggle club clothes in London before then. I'm sure Sirius (just writing his name is so painful) would love to take you. In the mean time, think of a good gift for Lily. I'll aide you in your quest, if I am able to. And if my heart hasn't been smashed to tiny bits and sent off into the wind (and deservedly so).
Please write back to update me on Padfoot's state, as he probably won't ever speak to me again, let alone put quill to parchment and write me a letter. Keep in touch. You may be my only correspondent for the remainder of the summer. Besides Lily. And Peter, but he only writes a few lines usually, smudged with sweets. Oh and there's Fabian Prewett. But don't tell Sirius about that or he'll do his nut. Why can't I just be friends with other blokes without him acting all crazy? Because I'm an over-sexed man-whore, apparently. Never mind that rubbish, Prongs.
Moony
P.S. Maybe if you spoke to him about the situation he'd feel better about it. He won't tell you any of the sordid details, as I left them out. And good thing, too, if he got this upset over just the overall picture. It may help to get it off his chest, to grumble about me to someone else. You don't have to, though, it may only prove to further upset him. Whatever you think is best. Thanks for being so great about all this, James. You're a wonderful friend.
P.S.S. I've never felt so horrible in my life. Was he really crying, Prongs? Oh gods, just come over here and hex me or something. Put me out of my misery. Poor Sirius... now I'm starting...sorry for the smudges.