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Spike ([info]akindofman) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2011-12-09 01:40:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:buffy summers, rupert giles, spike

Who: Spike, Buffy, Giles
What: Guilt, angst, bizarre supernatural phenomena explained. Typical Buffy day in the life really.
Where: Brightglen, California. Yes, I could have resisted making that joke.
Warnings: Spike swears a fuck of a lot.



Spike sat, leaning against the wreck of the car. His arrivals in California always seemed to involve a car wreck. He wasn't even driving this time, just popped into existance in the back like a bad dream. Last he'd known he'd been on another bloody continent. He was used to weird and uncanny but this took the biscuit. Hell, it took the whole bloody biscuit tin.

It was hard to think through the pain. Not just the physical pain, though there was plenty of that. Hours of fighting one sodding demon after another in a tournament of the damned to win his soul back. Yes, Rupert, it's possible, but evil tends to stay evil. What demon would be stupid enough to want a soul?

This one would.

And it felt like it was killing him, and all Spike could think of was how much he deserved it. Explained a lot about that poofter Angel, really. He honestly didn't know what he hoped would happen first: Buffy or Giles finding him, or sunrise.

He suspected sunrise would be easier to face.


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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-09 05:25 am UTC (link)
At least three people had seen the car smashed against the tree on the outskirts of town. They had plenty of time until sunrise, and as long as Spike hadn't done anything incredibly stupid, they should find him with night to spare.

Buffy tried very hard to not think about the worst possible scenario here.

"Giles, it has to be around here someplace. I mean, it's a car and a tree, and we're running out of trees and I haven't seen a car in forever..."

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-09 05:45 am UTC (link)
Giles drove along. Buffy being this...worried about Spike was confusing him more than a little. "Shouldn't be too much further."

He kept a look out, not really sure why they were looking for Spike

(Reply to this)


[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-09 02:15 pm UTC (link)
And just like that, they found the wreak. The car was all but wrapped around the tree trunk, only semi-recognizable as a car.

There was a metaphor here, but Buffy didn't have time fit that.

"SPIKE?!"

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-09 04:23 pm UTC (link)
Spike flinched at the sound of Buffy calling his name. Should've found somewhere else, waited for the sun. But he was still weak enough to not want to die. Unless she asked. Anything she asked of him, he'd try to do. He owed her that, for all he'd put her through, all he'd assumed.

Fuck, he was the biggest idiot on the face of the earth. He could almost imagine she sounded worried.

He tried to stop himself from turning towards her voice, but you might as well tell a compass point to not look for north.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-09 05:13 pm UTC (link)
When she saw him, Buffy's heart did all kinds of uncool things. The clenching was cheating, the worry unnecessary and the irritation at dealing with a newly souled vampire (again) not helpful. Looking at Giles, she ran towards the lost Spike, pushing emotion aside for action.

So unlike her, really.

"Spike, it's okay." She had to find something to cover him. Not that she didn't trust him, she just absolutely didn't trust him.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-09 09:21 pm UTC (link)
Spike looked incredulous. This was not adding up. At all. Not that he wasn't overwhelmed to see her, he was. Heart-stoppingly so, if his heart weren't already permanently stopped, that is. But this was just not adding up. Last time he'd seen her she'd been been standing there with ripped clothes and tears, exclaiming that this (fuck, that word, he couldn't even think that one, a century of torture and murder and mayhem and then one crime that to him was worse than the whole sodding lot mashed together) was why she could never love him. I don't hurt you, he'd claimed once. There was a bloody laugh.

But now she was here, every inch Buffy-in-action-mode, and she was worried about him. He wasn't imagining it. At least, he was pretty sure. His head was pretty fucked just at the moment, old-Spike and souled-Spike still screaming at each other. He opened his mouth to try and speak, and completely failed to find any words at all.

She was so beautiful.

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-09 09:37 pm UTC (link)
Giles looked between the two. Oh this was just wrong. All of it. "Spike, get in the car; I have a room that will be sun free during the day until you can find a permanent place." He didn't understand Buffy being this worried, but he could think on that later.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-09 10:53 pm UTC (link)
"I'll explain later," she managed to Giles, wrapping an arm around Spike's shoulders. "I promise, everything will be ok."

A big fat lie, but he had to keep him moving, keep him out of daylight. He'd snap out of it sooner or later; the survival instinct had to be in there somewhere. At least here there wasn't a First working on him.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-10 01:03 pm UTC (link)
And now she was touching him? Shouldn't he burn up on the spot? Not in the good way, in the sunlight-destroying-a-monster way. Bugger, a lot about Angel suddenly made more sense. "You lie like hell, you know," Spike managed to say finally. "Always did, Slayer." But he got up and stumbled along into the car. Buffy might blind him, but Giles, he could cope with Giles, he'd even lived with Giles once before if being chained in the bathrub counted.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-10 01:09 pm UTC (link)
"Giles, get the car," Buffy said, forcing Spike to keep walking. She managed to give him a strained smile, forcing one foot in front of hte other.

"Yeah, comes with the territory I guess. Especially when the territory keeps going and getting their souls back." She tried to laugh, but it was a little choked. "Spike, please trust me." Buffy wasn't so melodramatic as to say that 'now that she'd found him again, she wasn't going to lose him oh no!' but things were going to be different this time if she had anything to say about it. Feelings this complicated needed time to be sorted out.

And at least this time around, they had a little more of that time thing.

"I know it seems bad right now, but I'm not leaving you, okay?"

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-10 03:57 pm UTC (link)
Spike stopped dead, staring at her. Getting souls back. "How did you--"

Oh, no, wait, Giles, he'd told Rupert. Rupert'd probably told Buffy. Spike hadn't meant to tell Buffy. Somehow his initial plan of get soul, become the sort of man she deserves, have her fall all over me and live (undeadly) happily ever after with enough sex to make even the hardiest porn addict bored of watching eventually had evaporated once he inserted the realizations of the sort of man Buffy deserves would never have done all that shit to begin with and she was using you and it was killing her, remember?

But she'd just promised not to leave him. Buffy always kept her promises. And with or without a soul, Spike was hers. Whether she wanted him as a lover or a doormat didn't matter.

He surrendered and kept walking. "I trust you. I'll always trust you. You know that."

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-10 03:59 pm UTC (link)
Giles walked to the car, getting the back door. He had a blanket in the back seat which he pulled out. It was a pretty good blanket, no holes or anything. He didn't want Spike turning into dust in his back seat.

This was almost getting too much for him. He was remembering when Willow had accidentally cast spells. He wished he was blind again. Or maybe just deaf.

"Please just get in the car. We can discuss who trusts whom when we're safe inside where no one will burst into flame."

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-10 05:44 pm UTC (link)
Buffy all but tugged him into the back seat with her, fussing with the blanket and trying to stay calm. What had worked last time? She had the benefit of hindsight, but the First wasn't doing this. It was just William trying to come to terms with Spike.

She mouthed a thank you to Giles and held Spike's hand under the blanket. They should have an easy time getting him to a dark room now.

See, even thinking that was a risk when you were a Slayer. A hellmouth was going to open right under the car.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-10 06:26 pm UTC (link)
Now she was holding his hand. Voluntarily. Entirely her own idea. Spike briefly wondered if he'd died and gone to heaven, except he was sure heaven wasn't his destination.

His hand held hers hard, like a lifeline.

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-10 06:37 pm UTC (link)
Giles got into the drivers seat. This really was completely ridiculous. He took them to the portkey, which happened to be right next to a car rental lot. He took the keys in and let Buffy make sure that Spike was covered and heading towards the Portkey.

He went back to the portkey where they were waiting for him.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-10 11:36 pm UTC (link)
Buffy clutched his hand bad, wordlessly trying to support him. This world was weird, but weird was a very relative term for her. She knew plenty of other recently-dead-haha-just-kidding types were running around, and Giles was younger than he should have been.

Why be surprised that Spike was here, recently-souled (was that a word?) and full of self loathing?

Because, she reminded herself, this was weird for even her. Probably.

Squeezing his hand back, she started making mental plans for caring for him. No sharp pointies, for starters.

(Reply to this)


[info]akindofman
2011-12-11 08:43 am UTC (link)
Spike kept staring at their joined hands. "So...what's this then?" he asked, lifting them. He'd thought he'd have to earn that, assuming such a thing were possible.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-11 06:44 pm UTC (link)
Buffy sighed, which was stupid, since he was under the blanket and it probably sounded really bitchy. She poked her head under the blanket where she was pretty sure his face was.

"Spike, they're hands." She squeezed them a little to make it clear she was teasing. "Look, I'm not angry at you, I promise. I know what you've done, and..." Well, it wasn't fine. It wasn't okay, and it wasn't like they could pretend otherwise. She couldn't forgive him for it either, just because she didn't come close to having that right.

"And I'm here anyway."

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-11 07:28 pm UTC (link)
No, still not making sense. Spike tried to think about this as they walked briskly towards the Portkey--it'd be sunrise soon, and what time was it wherever they were going?--but could not make sense of it. "Why?" he managed, then immediately retracted it. "No, don't answer that, I don't care. Just...don't let go?"

When you're a recipient of grace, he thought distantly, keep it, don't question why it's given to you. Grace is beyond understanding.

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-11 08:03 pm UTC (link)
Giles watched the two, only getting more and more confused. He pushed them to the Portkey. He had found a way to get to his house from the portkey, through sewers and in the shade of tall buildings, so that they could avoid sunlight for almost all of the trip. The sooner he could get them to his place the sooner he could ignore them and start repressing this whole evening.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-11 08:19 pm UTC (link)
Buffy just kept trudging ahead, carrying the blanket now since they were in the sewers.

Always the sewers.

"I won't, Spike," she said quietly.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-12 01:30 am UTC (link)
Spike stumbled, but kept walking. Yeah, he wasn't in great shape. Not just the soul-sickness but the hours of being pummelled by one demon after another. And why had that pillock thought that being able to outlast a lot of pummelling was the sort of task you should perform to win a soul anyway? It'd made sense at the time. From this end it just seemed stupid and unrelated.

Probably just got his rocks off on watching people get pummelled.

Pillock.

There were a hundred and one things he wanted to say to Buffy, or he could maybe just stare at her for a year or so, but having Rupert around kind of put paid to that idea.

He really hoped they'd get to wherever the hell they were going soon.

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-12 02:37 am UTC (link)
They finally got to the proper exit that led right to his back door. He opened the door, "Come in, Spike." He walked in, leaving the door open for Buffy and Spike.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-12 02:42 am UTC (link)
Buffy gave Giles what she hoped was a Meaningful Look which conveyed both thanks and get the hell out of here, I'll explain later.

If it didn't, she'd just have to work on her Meaningful Looks.

Buffy wouldn't let go of Spike's hand, even as they walked into the house. He looked awful, covered in bruises and scrapes. She'd have to tend to those, probably. Not like that'd be a first time.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-12 08:20 pm UTC (link)
Spike paused outside the entrance, then walked in as Buffy pulled at his hand. He was invited, yeah, but...

Sod it. Outside was sunny, or as sunny as England got. Even with a blanket over his head he could tell it was England. There was no mistaking it. How he'd put up with living here for so long he had no ruddy idea.

He shrugged the blanket off once he was through the door, caught it with his free hand, then grimaced down at it and held it out to Giles. "Sorry about the, uh..." He let it hang. Between sewers and bloodstains, it was definitely going to need to be washed. "Thanks for the loan."

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[info]shalliglare
2011-12-14 01:53 am UTC (link)
Giles did get the look. He sighed. "You can have the back room," he said, pointing Buffy in the right direction. He took the blanket, looking at it. Well, it wasn't too horrible. "Let me know if you need anything."

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-14 02:28 am UTC (link)
Thank you, Buffy mouthed to Giles before gently walking Spike back to the room offered.

Now the hard part began.

"We need to get ice on these things..."

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-15 11:29 am UTC (link)
Spike shrugged. It hurt. "They'll heal." His brain tossed up a memory for him: "Spike! You're all covered in sexy wounds!"

...down, boy.

"Buffy, what's going on?"

He didn't mean it to come out as plaintive as it did.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-15 03:28 pm UTC (link)
Buffy's resolve crumbled and she pulled him towards her in a hug that likely didn't do much for those sexy wounds.

"I'm so glad you're here," she murmured in spite of herself, not letting go as she began to explain the uniquely screwed up world they found they found themselves in.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-16 12:34 am UTC (link)
Spike closed his eyes when she hugged him. Any pain that happened was so unimportant that it didn't even register. Buffy. Her skin, fuck, her smell, and she was glad he was here? He took a second to not wonder about it, to just be grateful, cupping the back of her head in one hand.

And then she started to explain.

Spike had been around for a long time, and as said before, he'd seen and heard a lot of weird and uncanny shit. This had not only taken the biscuit tin, it'd taken the cookie factory.

Vortexes, people from other worlds all gathered together, people from different times...

Giles from before, Buffy...impossibly, miraculously, from later, from some time and place where'd managed to find some scrap of redemption, enough to let her see him as an ally. As a friend.

As...something. A kind of man. That'd been the goal, hadn't it? But he hadn't earned it yet. Or had he?

Spike shook his head slowly, not in denial, just in acknowledgement of everything she was saying, and waited for her to finish.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-16 01:58 am UTC (link)
Buffy finished, looking at Spike with more than a touch of worry.

He was never this quiet. Obviously, a whole lot was wrong with that, but this was likely something really specific.

"I know it sounds crazy, even for... well, our usual crazy. But it's okay here. I mean yeah, you're still a vampire, I'm still a slayer, and everything, but Faith and I haven't managed to find an active Hellmouth, or any Big Bads going out of their way to end the world or ascend or any of that other fun stuff. It's kind of a breather."

She stood up, walking over to make sure the blinds were secure over the window. "I mean, we've seen minor vampire activity most nights, and then things get really weird on Halloween. But other than that it's just... strange. Not dangerous."

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-17 07:43 pm UTC (link)
Spike snorted. "Not dangerous? You must be going out of your mind with boredom, Slayer." It'd been almost a term of affection for her for years, not as much as pet or love, but in the same general category. He didn't know what to think. He loved Buffy's fight, her inner fire, but there was no denying she'd earned a breather and then some. "Do I even want to know what happened on Halloween if you say it was weird? That's supposed to be a traditional time-out, everyone knows that."

Spike ran a hand through his hair. "And this has already happened for you. Me coming back to bugger things up, with shiny new soul but added insanity for seasoning."

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-17 07:51 pm UTC (link)
Buffy had to grin just a little. "Don't worry about that. It was a practice run. I'll be much better at it this time around."

As for being bored, it was truer than she liked to admit. She was very used to being busy. All those times she had craved a normal life she had never counted on how badly suited she was to it.

"It's okay, Spike. I don't mind."

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-18 02:30 am UTC (link)
"Don't mind being bored, or don't mind the repeat? Either way, not buying it, pet." Spike gave her his ironic half-smile. Talking to her was certainly good for one thing, at least; it was grounding him. Old Spike and New Spike, however conflicted with each other about what they deserved, nonetheless were completely in agreement about what they wanted.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-18 07:43 am UTC (link)
Buffy found herself oddly comforted by that. Spike arguing with her had an air of utter normalcy about it.

Which really said a lot about her sense of 'normal'.

"I don't, Spike. I know it sounds awful, and okay, it kind of is. Well, a lot. Look, that's not the point."

She turned back around, pressing her hand to his.

"I'm glad you're here."

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-18 12:38 pm UTC (link)
Spike looked down at their hands. "Usually that's only true when everthing else is shit, pet, and you don't admit it even then." His thumb rubbed against her skin. "What changed?"

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-18 09:18 pm UTC (link)
Buffy sat quietly, watching his hand in hers. She wouldn't tell him about the First, about his death. Not now.

"It's a long story. This place is just... it's not nearly as bad as half of what we've dealt with, but there's this weird sense of waiting and I just... argh."

Buffy's fingers tightened on his.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-19 01:45 pm UTC (link)
"Sounds like a toss-up as to if that's Slayer instincts or just ordinary paranoia, then. Or Slayer instincts balked at having nothing to be paranoid about, more likely." Spike slowly raised their hands and bowed his head to rest his forehead on them. It looked something like receiving a benediction, or offering fealty. "What do you want me to do?"

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-20 01:55 am UTC (link)
There was so much trust in that simple gesture, Buffy couldn't help herself. She started to cry.

Really, slayers were just people too. Who happened to be girls. And girls sometimes cry.

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't know. Please don't go anywhere, that's all I ask."

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-20 04:22 pm UTC (link)
Somewhere in the underground of his thoughts had been one adamant vow: no touching Buffy, no coercing Buffy, no forcing Buffy, nothing, not after what he'd tried to do to her before. No assuming he was allowed to...anything, actually. Even if she was holding his hands, it'd been her instigation. Any physical contact had to stay at her instigation, period. Not his.

Adamantine the vow might have been, but it still melted in the face of her tears.

Cautiously, giving her all the time and space she needed to pull away (as though she weren't entirely capable of kicking his arse if she did object, but that wasn't the point), he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. He wasn't assuming it meant anything, truly. It was just as simple as Buffy needing comfort and him being around to offer it if she wanted it from him. Even if he couldn't imagine why she would. "I won't," he said quietly. It wasn't a hard promise to make. He wasn't sure he could leave her. Not without coming back, at any rate.

He always did seem to come back to her, one way or another.

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[info]stupidstakepun
2011-12-21 01:14 am UTC (link)
Buffy wasn't crying so much for him as for her life. So many goodbyes, some completely unintended. Xander and Willow hadn't shown up, and while Faith and Giles were here, she felt the lack intensely. She cried for her mother, for all the people she had been too late to save, for the ones who never had come back.

The tears were selfish, but long overdue.

"Thank you," she finally managed against his shirt, pulling away and doing her best to compose herself. Slayers didn't cry.

... okay, they did, but they felt wicked guilty afterwards.

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[info]akindofman
2011-12-21 04:08 pm UTC (link)
Spike opened his mouth to say something, stopped, swallowed, and finally managed, "Anytime, pet."

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