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Peter Pettigrew ([info]the_w_in_mwpp) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2009-02-08 19:23:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:peter pettigrew, sirius black (younger)

Who: Peter and Sirius
What: Sirius is nice and drunk
When: A couple of days before the full moon.
Warnings: Maybe!

In his dream, Peter was a rat. He was staring up at Sirius and Remus, who seemed miles high. From one moment to the next, they seemed to move from canine to human and back, not quite shedding the look of either. "I don't know why you had sex with him," said Remus. "He's Peter. Who'd want him?"

"Why not? He was there," said Sirius, his hair transforming to fur and back again.

"You know what he would do. You shouldn't have taken pity on him in the first place." His voice was a low, almost feral growl, contrasting sharply against his calm, erudite inflections.

"He was there," Sirius repeated. "We weren't to know he'd be a murderer."

Peter tried to object, but his voice came out only as a squeak. He wanted to transform, to stand up for himself, but instead he ran away as fast as his four legs could carry him.

"You always run away, don't you?" said a new voice. Elizabeth picked him up by the tail and looked at him dispassionately. "Not much for standing up for yourself, are you? Do you know how afraid of the world I am? Do you know what it's like to be forced to become prey every time the full moon decides it's tired of my humanity, to know that I could wind up on someone's dinner table at any time and still be braver than you?" Suddenly he was in her beak, and they were dozens of meters above the ground, but she was still talking. "You think I love you? You don't even like you."

She let him go, and Peter seemed to fall forever. Suddenly he stopped and he was standing in the Forbidden Forest. In front of him, a deer was leaning down to nudge him out of the dirt. "You'll be all right, mate. Let's go find the others." James smiled somehow, and Peter's fears began to drain away. Then he heard the hissing.

Peter's eyes fell on a snake, wrapping its body around James' leg and climbing. No! Peter tried to scream. He tried to transform. He tried to run to the snake and fight it. He couldn't. The snake's teeth sank into James' leg, and James fell to the ground. Only then could Peter feel the familiar rush of air on his skin that came with transformation. "Prongs, no..." he whispered.

"How could you let this happen?" asked Harry, who Peter realized had been there the whole time.

"I didn't... I couldn't..." Somewhere there were funeral bells ringing.

"Your best friend. Why did you?"

"I tried, I tried, I couldn't..." Tears were running down his face, and the bells were becoming louder. Suddenly they segued into... drums?

"You killed my father." The drums got even louder.

Suddenly Sirius' voice punched through the fog of his dream. "Huh?" Peter said stupidly, as he sat up in bed. "Oh, God." He let Sirius keep pounding for a moment, willing the dream to fade out of his memory. "I'm coming!" he said finally. Peter stumbled through his house, letting the chill of exposing the cold sweat on his bare skin to the winter air distract him from his nightmare. He opened the door. "'Evening."


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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-08 11:24 pm UTC (link)
"Well, I do. I want you." Sure, he wanted Moony and Prongs and Lily sometimes. A lot of the time, even. But he wasn't about to leave now. "Can't stop thinking about you, Peter," he said, slinging an arm around Pete's waist. It didn't even cross his mind that Peter might not want Sirius. That was just ridiculous. "I want you. I want to have sex with you," he said, in case it needed clarifying. "And I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks."

That last statement was probably the only thing he'd said that was influenced by the beer. "I need you." He leaned in to kiss Pete.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-09 04:44 am UTC (link)
It was tempting. Sirius was... well, Sirius was Sirius, and for all his egotism and madness, he was always alluring. And there were a million reasons to say yes, while there were very few reasons to say no. The problem was that the reasons to say no were rather bigger. "Stop it." Peter held up his hand, catching Sirius before he could kiss him. Sirius still managed to kiss his palm, though, which had more of an effect on Peter than he would have preferred.

"I want... what I want doesn't matter. What you want doesn't matter. I can't let myself.... What would Moony say, if he were here?"

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-09 06:25 am UTC (link)
He paused when Peter told him to stop, thrown off. It sounded like Peter was advocating self-restraint, which was an argument Sirius often dismissed. He had already jumped the hurdle of self-restraint in coming here. The mention of Moony didn't have as much impact as it should, since Padfoot had been working at the courage to come all night.

"Pete," he pleaded, tilting his head and kissing Peter's wrist. "I wanna be with you. Moony'll understand." Eventually. Probably. "You're my Wormtail. I'm your Padfoot." He nuzzled Peter's neck.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-09 07:52 pm UTC (link)
"You're not mine. And I'm not yours. And I can't ever be." Peter pulled away and groped for a wand that wasn't there. He thought about just throwing him in the fireplace and sending him home, but Peter remembered that he had no Floo Powder, nor a connection to the Network, nor a fireplace. And come to think of it, he wasn't sure there even was a Floo Network here.

"You're not going to convince me that this is a good idea, Sirius," Peter insisted, despite his body's claim that the opposite was true. The wanting tone in his voice could be safely disregarded. "I can't."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-09 08:48 pm UTC (link)
"Damn it, Pete! Fuck ideas and rules and shite. It's just you and me right now. I want you. I love you, damn it, and I want you. And it does matter what we want, Pete. It does. Because we're fucking human beings, and if we keep all of this inside we obsess over it and go crazy." Sirius wasn't exactly someone you wanted to take mental health advice from.

Interestingly enough, Sirius had stopped groping Peter for more than two seconds. "Doesn't have to be a good idea, Wormtail." How many stupid schemes had Padfoot thought up over the years? "You just have to say yes."

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-09 09:13 pm UTC (link)
"I CAN'T, god damn it!" Peter shoved Sirius so that he stumbled and landed on the couch; it wasn't intentional, he just needed Sirius to get away. "You can make mistakes! You can do things you know are wrong! You can take risks, because when you wake up tomorrow, no matter what stupid, selfish thing you did, you know you're a good person! I don't have that!"

Peter looked away, unable to meet Sirius' eyes. "I can't... risk it. I can't let myself be selfish enough to become... him. And I'm not going to let you ruin anything with the others just to be with me." He walked away, his flat too small to effectively storm out of any room, and took his coat. "If you won't leave, then I will."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-09 09:43 pm UTC (link)
Sirius watched in surprise. Of the reason's he'd expected Peter to list, that hadn't even crossed his mind. He stared, open-mouthed as his friend ranted.

"Wait," he said, pulling himself up to sit. His voice changed. The pleading was gone, leaving a quiet, uncharacteristically careful tone. "Peter. Wait." He held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry." He was worried about his friend. That book thing again. He could hardly remember what happened to him in the book. He just remembered that it had made Moony sad and then they'd had sex.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-10 08:38 pm UTC (link)
"Just... please leave." Peter knew he couldn't stay angry at Padfoot. But he was angry now, and he wanted to make the most of it while he had it. "I can't deal with this right now." It wasn't just Harry that was dragging Peter's various neuroses into his conscious mind, but that had a lot to do with it. It was pretty clear that the girl that Peter thought of as "James' other kid" didn't care much for him either, not that he blamed her.

Hanging around unspoken was the thought that it would all be much easier--his life, his mates' lives, the whole thing--if Sirius had just never found Peter. If he were just sitting at home trying not to be spotted.

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-10 08:57 pm UTC (link)
"Okay. All right," he said, getting up slowly. "I'll go. Just. You're a good person, Pete." He was backing toward the door. "We love you, mate. And not in the way that you tell a bird to get her to have sex with you. Fuck sex." He groped behind him for the doorknob, still talking. "I'm going, I really am. Just that you're not a bad person, and you won't be. Ever."

He pulled open the door.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-10 09:53 pm UTC (link)
Peter could tell that Sirius was stalling for time, hoping to talk or reassure him or something, but Peter wasn't sure he could trust himself to deny Sirius again if he tried something. "I wish I were as confident as you are," he said, turning away. Despite his best efforts, his anger had evaporated, leaving him feeling more drained than anything else.

"Just go. You'll see me on Monday."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-10 10:20 pm UTC (link)
Sex was actually not on Sirius Black's brain, for once. "That's what you've got me for," he said, forcing a smile even as Peter turned away.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. I can do that. You sure? I mean." He shrugged. "I can stay. Wouldn't try anything. Just hang out, y'know? I'll even stay at arms-length. Just y'know. Hang. And be quiet. Ish." He wanted to give Peter a hug, but even if Peter didn't smack him for that, he'd probably deserve it.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-11 02:43 am UTC (link)
Tempting as it may have been to throw Sirius out on his ear, Peter couldn't get himself to do it. He was probably sober enough to Apparate or at least hail a cab, but odds were good that he'd climb on his motorbike, go flying somewhere, then fall from a significant height. It would be very ironic indeed to send Sirius off to avoid feeling guilty only for Peter to have his death on his hands.

"Fine." His coat still on, Peter went into the living room and flopped on the sofa. "I'm probably not going to get back to sleep too easily anyway."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-11 06:22 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, I have that kind of-" Sirius caught himself in time to sort of fade out in the middle. Maybe now--just when he'd finally convinced Pete that he could be a decent houseguest--was not the time for witty off-color comments. He moved away from the door, back toward the center of the room. "Want me to make some popcorn?" It was about as far as his culinary expertise went.

It would probably tarnish Sirius Black's reputation if anyone knew his plan now was to end up falling asleep cuddled next to his friend without sex being involved.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-11 09:07 pm UTC (link)
"I don't know what I have in there. Help yourself," said Peter, waving vaguely in the direction of the kitchen. As long as Sirius was keeping his distance, Peter wasn't going to object too much to his being there. For the moment, anyway.

"The microwave thing doesn't always get along with me, but I've never been at home with Muggle things. That's always been more your speed."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-11 10:07 pm UTC (link)
"I'm an expert at the poppycorn thingy," he said as he disappeared into the kitchen, digging around in various cabinets. "Master popper," he continued to babble. "Yes, there are few who can pop better than--oh wait is it? No, there it.. Is that too long? How're you supposed to--" Beep.

Sirius came back out with a bag slightly burnt popcorn. "Wanna watch infomercials or something?" He sat down in the chair, letting Peter have the couch to himself.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-12 05:28 pm UTC (link)
It was probably Peter's fault. He defaulted to magic for basically everything he ever needed to do, so most of the electronics around the house exhibited some malfunction or another. His answering machine was especially problematic, as it would sometimes play his messages with something to the effect of, "Sirius called. Something about curry. Maybe elevenish."

"Sure." He tossed the remote in Sirius' direction and curled up against the arm of the couch. As some Welsh gentleman started exclaiming the benefits of the Home Curry Press or some such nonsense, Peter began, "D'you reckon... no, never mind."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-12 07:50 pm UTC (link)
Sirius was already hypnotized by the commercial. He glanced over to Peter when he spoke. "Hm?" He grabbed a handful of singed popcorn and shoved it into his mouth.

"I need one of these," he said, pointing at the screen. He'd always needed one of those.. thingies. He looked over to Peter. "What am I never minding?"

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-12 09:39 pm UTC (link)
"Clearly you're not never minding, otherwise you wouldn't be asking me about what it is that you're failing to not never... wait." Peter restructured the sentence in his mind, then tried again, before dismissing the thing all together. "It's nothing. Just dreams. They're stupid anyway."

Peter had taken Divination because James and Sirius and Remus had taken Divination. He hadn't much enjoyed it. He had been assured that he would have a Troubled Destiny, but since everyone else had had more or less the same prediction made about them, he'd dismissed it. Now he was second guessing, and wishing that he'd taken his dream book with him when he fell through the vortex.

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-12 09:46 pm UTC (link)
"Hm? Dreams?" He actually managed to stop himself before he said anything stupid. He stretched out, draping himself over the arm of the chair toward the couch. He was a physical creature, that Sirius Black, and even without thinking he was moving towards Peter for contact. There was no sexual charge to it now, though. Curry press thingy.

"What kinda dreams? 'Bout me?" He had a sneaking suspicion that all dreams were, somehow, about himself. All the good ones, anyway.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-13 07:02 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah. About everyone. Bad dreams. I don't know. Maybe they don't mean anything." The wizarding world didn't deal much with Sigmund Freud, although the amount of incest in pureblood families might have supported his nonsense about Oedipus, but Peter would have loved an excuse to dismiss the dream as allegorical of a disturbing relationship with his mother rather than the obvious answer.

"I don't know if they were s'posed to be prophetic or symbolic or what. Perhaps I just ate too much last night."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-13 11:03 pm UTC (link)
"Blahblah, divination blah. What happened in it?" He slid forward off the chair and onto the floor. He scooted toward the couch, his back to Peter so there wasn't any awkward questions about face-to-crotch contact.

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-15 09:14 pm UTC (link)
Peter took a deep breath and summarized his dream as best he could. Parts of it had faded away; Moony and Padfoot had simply become Remus and Sirius, very human and dark. Elizabeth had been slightly less cruel. The image of James saving him only to be killed, however, remained strong.

The only reason he said anything to Sirius was because he was confident that Sirius wouldn't understand. As far as Padfoot was concerned, Peter was his Friend, and that meant that anything Peter might have thought about his dangerous future was complete nonsense. It was a bit hypocritical, because Peter felt certain that if Sirius thought it possible that he would wake up the next day ready to kill James, he would go find something high to jump off of. Peter didn't have that kind of courage.

"What'd'you think?" he said, finally.

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-15 10:34 pm UTC (link)
Sirius was frowning. "I think those books are stupid," he grumbled. "And I'm not the brightest either, not realizing you were still upset about that." He scrunched up his face. He really hated that author lady, sometimes.

He leaned his head back, bumping lightly against Wormtail's knee. Despite the gravity of the situation, there was a part of him (mostly in the head region) that hoped that his hair screamed 'Scratch me!' as it often seemed to do.

"We love you, you know. Was just a stupid dream, I know.. I have shit dreams sometimes too. But yeah. We do."

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-16 03:11 am UTC (link)
"I'm not worried about you," he said. "Not that much, anyway. You could have let me be at the bookstore and that would have been the end of it if you really didn't want me around. I know that. But still." Peter curled himself into a slightly tighter ball and sighed, watching the nonsense on the telly for a moment.

"I s'pose I'm still afraid. Not even of turning evil, really. I still think about it, but most days I'm fine." Tonight was not such a night, clearly. "I reckon I'm afraid of not being brave enough to make the right choice if the time comes. It's probably what happened to him. I'd've not gone out looking for Death Eaters." Peter shook his head, trying to clear the images from his mind. "S'not your fault. You're not to know how crazy I am."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-16 05:07 pm UTC (link)
Sirius was quiet, actually contemplating what he was going to say before speaking. It was an odd moment of quasi-silence, and if not for the infomercial, Sirius might not have been comfortable enough to manage. "Well. We know this time. If the time comes, it'll be on our terms. S'a different world. We've got the advantage. It'd be stupid to join their side here."

"The dream was bullocks all around, you know? Moony and I aren't like that. Wasn't just because you were there or any of that shite. And Beth seems nicer than that. So no reason to think that anybody's in trouble of snakes or anything." He paused. "If it makes you feel better, I won't leave your side if they come."

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-16 07:26 pm UTC (link)
"It does make me feel better," he admitted. Peter absently started scratching Sirius' head. Even before he'd become an Animagus, it was an easy habit to get into; Peter was reasonably certain that he'd gotten a fair share of his girlfriends that way.

"You're right. Those books've got to be bollocks. Can you imagine me joining a club that had Snape in it?" Part of being a Marauder was being able to make completely inappropriate jokes even during moments of personal trauma and angst. "I'm sure Snape would say the same about me, but he probably always knew it would happen sooner or later."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-16 07:41 pm UTC (link)
Sirius grinned, laughing outright at the reference. He didn't know if Peter was suddenly all right with everything... Probably wasn't. But the joke helped. Made him think that it would at least be all right.

He leaned his head all the way back, looking at an upsidedown Wormtail. "You're a good man, Pete," he said, a bit quietly. "And if you just keep scratching right there, I'll do anything you want."

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[info]the_w_in_mwpp
2009-02-16 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Peter hadn't even realized he was doing it, and now that it had been brought to his attention, he pushed Sirius' head away. He was smirking as he did so, though. "I'm sure you're more than--" he gave a big yawn-- "capable of petting yourself."

After a moment, he turned over, pulled his jacket tighter around himself, and added, "Pervert."

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[info]hiptomyjive
2009-02-17 06:24 am UTC (link)
Sirius pouted, trying to shove his head back under Peter's hand, but he was moving now. He got to his feet and stuck out his tongue at his friend's back. He retreated briefly to the bedroom, returning with a blanket and draping it over Peter. Even though he'd refused to scratch his head. Hrmph.

"Couch is too small," he muttered before transforming and hopping up onto Wormtail's legs and curling up.

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