illyria is a very inspirational person (godking) wrote in utr_logs,
"That's..." Wesley trailed off, trying to come up with an appropriate word for what she had said, but found himself unable to think of anything. "That's rather disturbing really. Though...I suppose it could be worse. You could have used Alexander as an example. Or Spike. Or Rupert." Though there had been a time when he might not have minded the last all that much. Not any more though. Like with Angel, there was far too much baggage between himself and the other watcher.
"I never really understood it," he admitted. "I always tried so bloody hard, but he had it in his head that I would be a watcher, like him. It was only after Sunnydale...I realised I would never be good enough in his eyes, so I stopped trying to be what he wanted me to be." He smiled. "My mother is a lovely woman...but she's never been especially strong and she hates conflict. It was always easier for her to just look the other way. But I hardly blame her. I never would have wanted her hurt."
He smiled at Faith, touched by what she was saying. "Thank you," he said softly. "It...this may sound silly or trite...but that means a lot. Of everyone...I always figured you had the most reason to resent me. The others...it just seemed so petty. I only regret that I didn't do more for you...that I fucked up so spectacularly when you needed me to be there for you...but if we're being honest...I know now that the council never expected me to succeed. Quite the opposite. They wanted me to fail and lead you girls to your deaths, so that they could start over with a slayer they could control. They always did underestimate you too."
As she joined him, he smiled again. "We'll do things right this time," he said, confident that he was right about that. "Now...I imagine we're both tired of sharing, so let's eat before it gets cold."