InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "in a dark room, oh yeh!"

Jonathan Crane (insanecrane) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-09-01 20:18:00

Entry tags:

beth silver, jonathan crane

Who: Jonathan and Beth
When: This afternoon
Where: Jonathan's apartment
What: Therapy!

Jonathan was pleased that he'd managed to take on another patient. It was starting to get a little easier now to find patients willing to trust his professionalism, despite the reputation that dogged him.

He knew very little about Beth. He'd seen her on the boards a few times, but they'd never spoken in person, and he didn't have any sort of inkling as to why she would be coming in for therapy. That made it more interesting, and a bit of a challenge.

He was dressed in his usual suit and tie, and the living room, where he'd been holding sessions, was neat and organized. He was fully prepared for Beth and whatever sort of baggage she might bring with her.

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	merelylovely 2008-09-01 09:04 pm UTC (link)
	She shook her head. "No, your directions were good." She shifted her weight onto one foot, looking around. She didn't know the protocol for therapy. What did they do first? Did they start off talking about her childhood, or what? "Um... What should I do?" she asked. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	insanecrane 2008-09-01 09:06 pm UTC (link)
	"Well...to begin, you can sit," he said, smiling a little and gesturing to the couch. He sat in the chair adjacent to it, waiting until she was settled to begin. "What do you want to get out of this therapy? What is your goal?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-01 09:15 pm UTC (link)

Beth smiled, feeling a little embarrassed. She sat down, leaning back into the corner of the couch. It appeared to be a sort of protective nesting. She took a deep breath. "Well," she said slowly, looking down at her hands and trying to think over precisely what she was going to say. "I'm hoping to move out into my own place soon.. And I've never lived by myself before. I'm really nervous. I want to be able to be alone without feeling so.. scared." Her voice had gradually gotten softer as she spoke.

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	insanecrane 2008-09-01 09:18 pm UTC (link)
	He nodded in understanding, filing that information away. He never took notes, since he had a good memory for detail and usually wrote down anything he thought worth remembering after the session was over. "Who do you live with now?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-01 09:48 pm UTC (link)

"Some friends," she answered. How specific was she supposed to be in therapy? "Remus and Sirius. Friends of my boyfriend. They're not trying to kick me out or anything.. I just feel like I've stayed there long enough, and it was never meant to be a permanent thing." She was opening up more than she thought she would. "I wish I could move in with Peter, but I don't think he's ready yet."

She crossed her legs, getting a little more comfortable on the couch.

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	insanecrane 2008-09-01 09:54 pm UTC (link)
	"So what is it about living alone that you find frightening?" he asked. Ah, fear. His favorite topic, no matter how many times he thought about it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-01 10:00 pm UTC (link)

"Well.. " Beth frowned a little. He was from the boards, so he knew about strange things. That was part of why she'd chosen Dr. Crane. He wouldn't think she was crazy when she started talking about werewolves and things. "I'm a lycan. A swan. So.. during the full moon I can't protect myself. Where I come from, there was a war going on.. Factions.. Other werewolves that wanted to kill me just because of where I lived, not to mention the vampires.. I know that there isn't a war going on here, but.. I guess I haven't really learned how to wind down.

"I'm used to having a protector. I've always had a wolf to look after me. This is the first time I've had to be alone."

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	insanecrane 2008-09-01 10:23 pm UTC (link)
	Okay. This was a little strange to accept, of course, but not unbelievable considering the people he'd met and heard about on the boards. "So you're not sure that you can properly protect yourself, despite the fact that logic dictates no one is going to come after you," he summed up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-02 06:16 am UTC (link)

Beth nodded some. "Though, I mean.. It's not completely ridiculous, right? All of those murders lately.. It's a scary place." She shifted in her seat.

"I don't know. I guess it's more complicated. My protectors... I. Up until lately I've.. um. I slept with guys to get them to stay with me, I guess. In exchange for the protection. And now.. That. It just doesn't work with my current situation." It made her feel a little queasy to say that. It would be so much easier of Peter followed the formula.

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insanecrane
2008-09-02 09:39 pm UTC (link)

"No," he acknowledged. "It's not an absurd idea. There has been an unusual amount of violence here. But if you have no enemies around you any more, I don't think you have very much to fear."

"Protection from the things that frighten you isn't worth that," he said, thinking as he spoke. "Fear often drives us to do distasteful things, things that we wouldn't do, normally. And now that your previous plans to stay safe are no longer an option, you don't know what to do to make sure you feel safe. It's not an uncommon problem."

He shifted a little. "This other man...the one you have feelings for. Peter, was it? He refuses to let you move in with him? Why?"

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	merelylovely 2008-09-02 09:46 pm UTC (link)
	"I don't know. It's been years and years.. I don't even know what I would 'normally' do. I just.. I don't even know." Beth shook her head a little. "He doesn't refuse to let me move in.. I.. Honestly, I haven't even talked to him about it. He just.. He moves a lot slower than I'm used to. He's sorta.. shy. I don't want to scare him off." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

insanecrane
2008-09-02 10:00 pm UTC (link)

"Well, you might broach the subject with him," he offered. "He might not be so flighty as you think. Or if you approach it from the standpoint of your own fear of being alone, he might be more receptive to it." Beth was capturing his interest more and more. Used to being protected, not comfortable with facing her fears...he'd 'treated' alot of patients like her in the past.

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merelylovely
2008-09-02 10:20 pm UTC (link)

Beth ran her hand through her hair, frowning nervously. "I.. I just. I don't know.. I sort of.. I was thinking maybe. Moving out would be.. I guess I want to prove something to some people." She winced a little. "One of Peter's friends doesn't like me. I think he doesn't like me living with Sirius and Remus. That's... stupid. I just don't want to make things harder for Peter."

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	insanecrane 2008-09-02 10:45 pm UTC (link)
	"What would make you feel safer, then?" he asked, steering toward what she could, plausibly, do. "If you are to live alone, even if only for a short time, simple things might make it easier. Heavy locks, talking to Peter on the phone before sleeping...a pet, even." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	merelylovely 2008-09-03 06:34 am UTC (link)
	"Oh," she said in surprise and agreement. She hadn't thought of getting a pet or talking to Peter before bed. Those were really good ideas. "Yes," she said, nodding. "Locks, reinforcing the windows.." She had to think of all the points someone--or something--could get into her house. "Is it silly to get a panic room?" she asked. She'd seen that movie. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	insanecrane 2008-09-03 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	"Not at all," he said. "Although if you're planning on finding temporary housing, that may be a bit difficult." He laced his fingers together. "What do you usually do, when you find yourself in your more...vulnerable form?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-04 06:23 am UTC (link)

"I was thinking of buying a house.." She certainly had the money, though that wasn't very well=known.

"During the moon?" She broke eye contact, pulling at her hair again. "I have been going out with Peter and his friends.. One of them is a werewolf, and the others shift into animals to be with him." She wasn't comfortable with James not liking her, but she never thought he would try to hurt her. "We go to fields or woods... Somewhere quiet without people around. Remus has wolfsbane so he doesn't try to hurt anyone, but I guess it's sort of a throwback from his youth."

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	insanecrane 2008-09-04 11:56 pm UTC (link)
	He nodded. "So during that time, at least, you are safe. Can you count on that to continue if you move out and live by yourself?" Something occurred to him, and he added, "And you could, theoretically, fly away from any danger that might present itself." It was bizarre, how easily he'd taken this whole concept and integrated it into the therapy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-05 06:25 am UTC (link)

"I.. I think they would still let me come. They know I need them." She couldn't imagine them turning her away during the moon unless she did something horrible to hurt Peter.

"I can't fly," she said quietly. Beth pushed the loose sleeve of her blouse down over her shoulder, revealing heavily scarred tissue covering the area. And with a wound as severe as this one, there was no way she'd gotten away without some mental trauma as well. She let the sleeve go, but it didn't quite return to it's original position, leaving part of the scar exposed.

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	insanecrane 2008-09-06 12:10 am UTC (link)
	He frowned, studying the wound. Well, that clearly had a story behind it. "How did you get that?" he asked, looking at the length and breadth of the scar tissue over her shoulder. That would partially explain why she seemed so afraid of being without protection. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-06 12:27 am UTC (link)

"A wolf," she said softly. Then, realizing it probably wasn't the first thing that came to mind, she added, "a werewolf. He was supposed to be my protector. He.. He wasn't strong enough. He lost control. He.." She took a shaky breath. She paled, feeling nauseated. "He said I smelled like prey." And she was. She was a swan. She was prey. In a world of wolves and vampires, she was prey.

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	insanecrane 2008-09-07 10:20 pm UTC (link)
	He nodded slowly. "And so you were betrayed, if not purposefully, by his lack of control. It's understandable that being without a protector on whom you can rely makes you nervous." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

merelylovely
2008-09-07 11:02 pm UTC (link)

It had been hard for Beth, especially at first. There were times that she missed him. Times she was scared and wished he was here to hold her, keep her safe. But then she'd get a flash.. A memory of what he'd done.. It tore her up inside, the conflicting emotions.

Being with Peter had helped with that. He was a stabilizing part of her life. She was still learning how to live without the physical protection... the claim her past protectors had made on her, always very possessive. Peter was different, and she was trying to change so that she could stay with him without falling apart.

She nodded, pulling her legs up onto her seat and wrapping her arms around them, curling up.

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