"Oh lambytoes, I'm not that kind," he said, straightening again. "I am not suffering. I am not in pain. What is it with these women and their reflex to seek out mysterious men with issues? But hey, if that's what you're looking for? Slap some eyeshadow on me and call me a sufferer."
He touched his eyelids, smearing some black makeup onto his fingertips and inspected them with a frown. "Oh, wait..."