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Henry Townshend ([info]guyin302) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2008-06-14 02:14:00

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Entry tags:dean winchester, henry townshend

Who: Dean and Henry
What: A little talk after a certain suicide run…
When: Pretty much just after the exorcism.
Where: 7th avenue, between 46th and 47th. The location of the exorcism.
Warnings: Probably some foul language. Also, if frank discussion of suicide disturbs you, you should probably avoid this log.

(OOC: The exorcism isn’t entirely over yet, so this is partially speculative, but I figure it’s not a bad assumption of the aftermath. If anything needs changing, just let us know and we’ll change it.)

Henry thanked Mira for healing him, keeping his eyes around the toes of his boots, and then shuffled away from the group, heading for an alley entrance. He would hang close enough to hear whether everyone was okay, and would then dart into the alley and get the hell out of here as quickly as possible. He didn’t need to deal with questions about what had gone down, especially about why he’d lied about still having the medicine bag that made him immune to Reika’s touch. Most of the people here, with the exception of Dean, Mira, Kitt, and to a lesser extent Sam, were strangers, and he didn’t feel like talking about his issues with anyone. There were just some things that you did not talk about.

The exorcism had been crazy. He did his job, distracting Reika while the others set things up and did what they needed to do, and then his plan had almost worked. Reika had managed to grab him, and just as he predicted, she was pissed and didn’t plan on letting up her attack until he was completely gone. The only catch? These people were all very good at what they did, and so when Henry was at the brink, finally close to that everlasting peace he was craving, it was snatched away.

The job was done. He wasn’t sure whether the exorcism caused the effects of Reika’s attack to disappear, or whether it was Mira healing him with her Jedi powers, but either way, he was back in fighting trim…physically. Mentally was another story entirely. Mentally, he was a wreck, but now, strangely, less of one than before. There was nothing like a near-death experience for self-discovery, and Henry had, in fact, discovered something: He had a problem.

Of course, realizing it was one thing. Admitting it and talking about it with people was entirely another, which was why he was prepared to get the hell out of dodge the minute he found out if everyone was okay. Until then, he’d wait near the alley and hope no one came to question him.



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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 06:24 am UTC (link)
Dean had snuck away from the crowd after telling Sam that he was going to check in on Henry. He scanned the area, quickly finding Henry lurking in an alley. Obviously, he didn't want to be seen, but Dean wasn't really going to give him the choice. He took a bottle of water out of his duffel for them to split, and then he moved toward the entrance.

After tossing the bottle up for Henry, he sat down on the concrete, sprawling out. "Damn, I've gotta step up the working out. That actually made me tired."

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 06:30 am UTC (link)
Henry almost bolted when he saw Dean approaching, but he couldn't do that without finding out if everyone was okay. Like it or not, he'd have to wait, and then make up some excuse for needing to hurry off that Dean would, hopefully, believe. Yeah, right... Still, he needed to keep up the act. He couldn't have a friend worrying, that just wouldn't do.

So he caught the bottle, chuckling a little at Dean's comment. It sounded forced, but he hoped Dean wouldn't notice. "Tell me about it." He leaned back against the brick wall behind him, crossing his legs at the ankles before raising the bottle of water and taking a quick sip. Then he capped it and passesd it back down to Dean. "Hey, is everybody okay?" All he had to do was find that out, and then he could make up some half-assed excuse and bolt...

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 06:38 am UTC (link)
Dean raised an eyebrow. "Everyone's pretty much okay but you, man." He wasn't going to force anything, and he really probably wasn't the one to talk to about feelings, but still. Henry was his friend, and he figured that he'd put it out there.

Taking a swig of the water, he wiped the back of his mouth, turning the bottle from side to side, sloshing the water around.

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 06:43 am UTC (link)
Henry sighed, looking more and more uncomfortable as the conversation progressed. Dean seemed to have figured out a lot already... "Me? I'm fine." He rubbed his face a little and chuckled weakly. "I'm tired as hell. Could definitely use a shower. Other than that, though..." He hesitated, looking away nervously. "Oh, do you mean the bag thing?" Another weak chuckle, and this time he couldn't even look at Dean. "Yeah, I just remembered, turns out I gave it to this girl I rescued earlier." He shrugged a little, adding, "I sort of knew her, so I gave it to her. Y'know. To protect her." This was flimsier than Bill Clinton's attempts to deny his little "affair", and sounded it. "Kind of funny, isn't it? In a morbid sort of way, I mean."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 06:53 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, ha-ha, can't you see me laughing?" Dean rest his head against the wall, closing his eyes. "I'm not gonna say what you should and shouldn't do man, just that I've sorta been there too." Hell, he and Sam both had at one point. But he wanted Henry to know if he did want to spell his guts, Dean was there.

"All I'm sayin' is that if you ever want to drink with a buddy or somethin', call on me. I don't know exactly what you've been through, man, but I mean, I think I've been to that neck of the woods."

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 06:58 am UTC (link)
Henry sighed, his hands rising to run roughly through his hair. He rose from the wall, his fingers interlacing at the back of his head as he turned and leaned against the wall again, his elbows propping him up and his arms hiding his face. He couldn't do this anymore, couldn't keep lying. Besides, Dean was pretty much hitting the nail on the head already, what harm was there in confirming his suspicions? "...I was hoping she would kill me, Dean." His voice was soft, but extremely intense, like a sharp whisper. "I knew I didn't have the bag and I wanted her to kill me." He sighed heavily, his whole body shuddering for a moment. "I'm just so goddamn tired..."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 07:03 am UTC (link)
Dean stood up, dusting off his jeans. "Hey, I've been there, man." He took another swig of his water. "I've been there a few times. Only thing that kept me from going through with it was Sam and my Dad. So I can understand that if you don't have someone like that, you would go through with it."

That's when he narrowed his eyes. "But you're makin' friends. So you kinda do."

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 07:15 am UTC (link)
Henry closed his eyes. He knew that was coming. There was no easy way to explain this because it still didn't make sense to him, not completely, but before he knew it words were pouring out of his mouth and all he could do was hope they made some sense. "I've got friends. I know I do. It's just...there's just been so much stuff coming at me so fast. The whole thing back home with Walter, and then just when that was calming down, I get pulled out of my own universe and into this one. Then, soon after I show up, the time shift starts and what's the first thing that happens? I take a gutshot from a cowboy. Then I end up in a town full of cultists and monsters and almost get killed a ton of times, and I even get to see the big daddy monster which, I'm sure, scrambled my head up a little bit. Then I have to kill three guys during World War II because I had the misfortune of being a soldier in the middle of a battle. So then, things start getting back to normal and I think maybe it's time for a break, and then bam, the Esoteric Order of Dagon shows up to let me know they can kill me whenever they want but they won't just yet, and then this."

With a ragged sigh, he turned and thumped against the wall, sliding down into a sitting position. "All of that in rapid succession. And I'll be honest, I was dealing. Maybe not very well, but enough to handle it. But I can't stop thinking about Eileen. I've been hoping for her to show up since the day I got here, and I kind of figured that after everything, after getting gutshot by a cowboy, nearly killed by cultists, and then being forced into a position where I had to kill some people...I guess I just figured maybe it was finally time for me to catch a break. Finally time for Eileen to show up. And she didn't, instead I got a cult and a rampaging ghost."

He shook his head, letting it fall hopelessly into his hands. "And in the end, what do I have to show for all this? At the end of the day, when all the friends go home, what am I left with? A big empty house, a big empty bed, and a big gaping hole in my heart that seems to get bigger every day." After a long pause, he finishesd, "So this was it. This was the straw that broke my back. It was just one thing too many and I couldn't deal anymore." A croaking, mirthless laugh tore its way from his lips. "So that's the truth, Dean. That's the god's honest. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but it's all I've got."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 07:22 am UTC (link)
Dean digested things, scrubbing his hands over his face. "You've dealt with a lot of big bad in a short time. I mean, I had my whole life to deal with mine, but man. You need a vacation. Tequila, sun, somethin'." He chuckled a little, knowing exactly what kind of therapy he'd used his entire life.

"I mean, it makes sense - the whole mental meltdown and ending it and all that, but man - what if you do go through with it and your girl shows up? What if you do it and you could be the difference between us being okay in some war against that big thing you were talking about or dying? Finding motivation's hard, but I guess at the end of the day you've got to do it." Dean almost felt unclean, like he should've been in a movie with a frumpy fiancee and Patrick Dempsey, but Henry was a friend.

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 07:30 am UTC (link)
"Yeah," Henry agreed, with his first genuine chuckle of this entire conversation. "Definitely taking a vacation." He pushed himself up, still exhausted, still depressed - that wasn't going to go away in the blink of an eye - but a little more resolute. "I'm not going to do it. This whole thing," he gestured off in the general direction of where he'd been dying, "made me realize that I've got a problem." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, still slouching, still clearly beaten down, but at least he was standing again. "Eileen...maybe she'll show up, but I can't keep hoping for it. I'll hope myself to death. I need to start being happy with what I do have, rather than longing for what I don't, and probably never will, have." With a shrug, he added, "I know those two don't have to be mutually exclusive, but I don't think I'm one of the people that can do both."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 07:37 am UTC (link)
Dean listened to Henry, chuckling a bit too. "Hey, at least you know all that. And you've got friends, so if you ever wanna drink away a few brain cells, you know who to call." He tossed the empty plastic bottle into a nearby garbage can, and looked at Henry.

"Where are you gonna go on your vacation, then?"

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 02:53 pm UTC (link)
Henry shrugged at that. "I'm not sure yet. Knowing my luck, anywhere I go will get overrun by zombies or something." He laughed ruefully and shook his head. "In all seriousness, I have no clue." He glanced over at the rest of the group. "I don't want to just abandon the agency when it's still so early..." He scrubbed at his face with his hand. "I don't know, Dean. Somewhere relaxing and quiet." After a moment of thought, he smirked and added, "Also somewhere not likely to be overrun by zombies."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 06:39 pm UTC (link)
"I could try watching over it if you wanted, but I'm not exactly mister business oriented person." He tried to think about where he'd go on vacation, but his idea of relaxing seemed to be pretty far from Henry's.

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 07:12 pm UTC (link)
"I think it should be okay with the crew I've got." He glanced over at Mira and Kitt. "They're pretty capable. Obviously I'm going to leave my cell number with them so that they can get in touch with me if they need to, but yeah." He shrugged again, glancing around the area, hoping things would maybe take a turn for the normal for a change. "If you wanted to check in with them, go for it, but I think they can handle things while I'm gone. I don't plan on taking too long. Maybe a week at some resort."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 07:16 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah, probably." Dean stretched out and grinned at Henry's idea. "You should go to one of those spa resorts. Daily rubdowns, serenity out the yin yang. Sounds good to me."

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-14 07:21 pm UTC (link)
Henry cocked his head to the side, brow furrowing. Hmm. "That...isn't a bad idea." He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a real massage. "I'll look in to that, for sure. Thanks." He surveyed the area. "Hopefully I can get there before the press realizes I was here when this all went down. The last thing I need is for nosey reporters to start trying to weasel stories out of me about this whole thing."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-14 07:25 pm UTC (link)
Dean was glad that he'd replaced someone the press had no interest in. "That sounds like it'd suck." He clapped Henry on the back in lieu of a hug. "So, we're square? No more of that?"

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-15 03:37 am UTC (link)
"You have no idea." The press was a subject Henry definitely spent time thinking about. Thinking about in the sense of thinking about how to avoid them, which he had so far managed to do. This incident could conceivably put an end to that streak, but there were too many other things to worry about right now. He'd deal with the press when and if they became an issue. "And no, no more of that," he said, nodding. "Once was enough to realize it isn't what I want."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-15 04:03 am UTC (link)
"Seriously, I'd probably punch a lot of people in the face if I had press following me around." He shook his head. "You've got way more willpower than I do." Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned. "Glad you figured that out, man. I'd be showin' up at your place a lot more often if you didn't, and you'd probably not like that."

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-15 04:14 am UTC (link)
"Oh how I wish I could," Henry laughed, tilting his head up to look at the sky. "Believe me, I've seriously considered punching some of them. Of course that would end up on the evening news and every reporter in the world would be offended on behalf of the one I hit, and then I'd get crucified." There was a momentary flinch when he said that, as he remembered some of Reika's memories. "Let's not use that phrase for a little while."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Don't worry, Dean. Even if I hadn't figured it out, I'm not the type that can just take Mr. Razor for a walk down the street."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-15 04:25 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, don't do that, man. And still. You're my friend. I'd rather you not be down. I mean, obviously, I don't want you to be handful of pills down, but I'd rather you be happy in general. That's just how I roll." Dean bounced on his heels, noticing the throng of people breaking up a bit.

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-15 02:23 pm UTC (link)
Henry chuckled again, followed by a relieved sigh. "Dean, if there's one thing I've learned from this experience, it's that happiness isn't something that just happens." His eyes focused on the clouds drifting by as he spoke. "Happiness is something you have to work for. Sometimes sweat and bleed for. If you don't actively try to be happy, then even the best things life has to offer will only keep you happy for a few minutes." He glanced back at Dean now. "I can't say that I'm happy yet, and I doubt it'll happen at the drop of a hat. But I'm going to try and be happy, so that when something does come along, I can actually be happy."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-15 09:06 pm UTC (link)
Dean listened to Henry, genuinely chuckling. "You're right, man. And now I've gotta go find a jewelry store. In honor of your speech." His grin grew bigger, and he chuckled a little to himself.

"We're gonna hang out later, though, you hear?"

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-16 01:00 am UTC (link)
Henry's brow furrowed at that. "A jewelry store? Not sure how you got that out of my speech, but hey, if you think it's a good idea..." If he'd known more about what went on before Dean's arrival, he'd have been able to figure it out.

"Sure, that sounds good." He smiled and nodded. "Just make sure you take care of your jewelry store business first. If it's jewelry store stuff, it's probably pretty important."

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[info]doubleup
2008-06-16 01:10 am UTC (link)
Dean ran his fingers through his short hair, almost blushing. "Yeah. Got about a five hundred large budget. Sure you can. Uh. Imagine what I'm doing." He grinned and nodded at Henry.

"I'll let you know when I'm free."

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[info]guyin302
2008-06-16 02:08 am UTC (link)
Henry quirked an eyebrow. He didn't think Dean was the type to blush, and yet just for a second there, he could've sworn he'd seen one. Well, whatever. Now was probably not the time to press for details. If this was some kind of make-up gift, it was massive. "Gotcha. Good luck, with whatever it is you're doing."

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