Katie Bell fights like a girl. Mean. (clearasabell) wrote in unforgivenrpg, @ 2010-11-06 14:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, c: katie bell, c: tavish urquhart, type: log |
Who: Katie Bell and Tavish Urquhart
When: Friday, the 5th of November! Late Night.
Where: Craigston Castle
Rating: Medium-ish.
Warnings: Language.
Summary: Tavish finally reads Katie's letter and confronts her about the truth.
Tavish paced back and forth, back and forth within his old room at Craigston Castle. His stomach was upset and his heart was racing. The pain in his chest was reopened and raw. He didn't know what to do. He had read the letter from Katie three times and while half of him was rejoicing the other was turned in anger. How could he trust her now? How could he possibly believe that she loved him? She had to have been lying one of the times or she was up to something again and Tavish didn't trust himself to know which was which. He needed to see her but he was a wreck. Finally, he gave up trying to compose himself and went down to the dungeons, taking the servants stairs again to avoid his parents knowledge of the captive. When he walked in front of the bars he couldn't bring himself to speak. Tavish Urquhart was a broken man. | |
Katie waited. And waited. It'd been a day since she'd seen him. She could tell by the number of meals the elf had brought her, which she'd only barely touched. She ate enough to keep herself alive, to keep her strength up, but that was all that she had the appetite for. If he didn't come tonight, she was going to stop eating again and find something to do with herself. She heard noise and half-expecting Yellow again, it took her a moment to look up. Once she saw Tavish, she felt her heart catch in her throat. He looked terrible. Her stomach clenched and she edged herself off of the cot, moving slowly towards the bars as she drew her arms around herself. She didn't say anything, instead just watching him. Waiting. | |
Tavish still didn't know what to say. She looked horrible but at least she looked warmer. His eyes flicked around the cell to take notice of how she was keeping herself. It didn't tell him anything he didn't already expect. "I don't know what to say," he eventually admitted, his hands shoved in his pockets. His voice was rough, raw. He had been fighting tears since he'd read it and it was only harder with her here. What was he doing to her? | |
"Just...just say something. Anything. You read it." She paused. "Didn't you?" Her eyes moved over his face, desperate for something, anything. He hadn't brought it to throw in her face or burn it on the spot, so...he had to feel something. She hugged the shirt he'd had brought down for her, glad that she was warmer, and she stepped up to the bars to look him in the eyes. | |
The closer she got the less he looked at her. He couldn't. He wasn't capable of being both collected and connected to her. "I read it," he confirmed with a small nod, though he didn't say anything farther for a moment. There was a full pause before he cleared his throat again. "I don't know what to believe anymore," he admitted. | |
She saw his gaze move, saw it fasten on something else, anything but her, and she held her breath without even realizing that she was doing it. Katie slid her hands along the bars of the cell, wrapping her fingers around them as she moved as close as she dared to. "The truth is in there somewhere. It's in that letter, Tavish. I swear to you that. Give me veritaserum if you want to. I'll tell you the same thing." Fully aware that she was in a cell that he'd put her in, she opened her mouth, the next words soft. Barely audible. If they'd been anywhere with any kind of noise, he'd never have heard it. "I love you." | |
Tavish didn't say anything, looking down as she spoke. He was shaking his head smally. He just couldn't accept it. "You were lying one of the times, they can't both be true. Either you were using me or you weren't. Which was it?" he demanded. As he heard her quiet confession his eyes pricked. He took a step back, finally looking at her. "Don't." | |
Katie turned then, when he said that one little word, that warning, and she nearly folded in on herself. Moving back to the cot, she perched on the edge and drew her arms around herself, trying to breathe. He didn't believe her. So what was he doing with her? "I wasn't using you." she said, not looking at him, her voice flat. | |
Tavish coughed, he was struggling like mad for control. "How am I supposed to believe you, Katie?" he asked, his voice still sounding broken and almost desperate. "How am I supposed to believe anything anymore." He turned, paced away and back, running his hand through his hair. "You don't have any idea what you've-" he stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying not to fall apart. | |
"You can believe me or you can think I'm lying, that this is all a game still. I've nothing to gain from it though. Fuck." She laughed softly. "I've lost everything. My mates, my life. I've betrayed everyone. And all for a man who doesn't love me." She turned her body, scooting back onto the cot as she leaned against the wall. She was withdrawing, hurting. What had she hoped? That he'd come here with open arms? | |
At that Tavish snapped, gone was the cloud that he was stuck in, the haze and the confusion, replaced with true anger and passion. He surged the bars, smacking his hand against them. "DON'T!" he yelled. "Don't you dare! I didn't start this!" The tears were filling his eyes again. "I didn't do this! Don't you dare tell me I don't-" he swallowed. "You have no idea what it is that I feel. What it is I have been feeling since you destroyed me." He didn't stop the tears this time, he didn't hide the way his voice strained. | |
Katie looked up, surprised and shocked by the yelling and by the hit against the bars. Her heart was in her throat, pounding hard, and she drew herself against the wall. She didn't say anything, her eyes stinging even as his voice broke. She wanted to ask him if he loved her, but she didn't want the answer. Since you destroyed me. Had she really? Her lies, which she'd only done to try and protect him, had caused more harm than anyone else could have. | |
"Say something!" he demanded with a raw voice. Much quieter he went on wiping his cheeks on his shoulder. "You owe me that much." "I said what I needed to say in the letter. I didn't use you. I love you. You don't want to hear it, I'm not going to say it again." With that, she pushed up off of the cot and moved to the bars quickly, her eyes flashing. "First you want me to talk, then you want me to shut up, then you want me to talk! What is it? What do you want?" | |
Tavish looked at her, his eyes wild, he wasn't in control, he didn't know anything. "I want you. I want everything fixed. My god-" his voice broke as he reached through the bars. "What have I done?" he was nearly shaking now. He let his hand brush against her, choking back a new flood of emotion. "I love you Katie, I'm sorry. Circe, I'm sorry." | |
Katie stared at him, every single breath feeling like an eternity. She must have heard him wrong. She felt like she was dreaming. He'd said he wanted her. His hand came up, brushing against her arm, and she moved towards him. He was...Her jaw dropped with the apology and she felt overwhelmed. He said it and she gave a choked sob, wanting to embrace him, but being unable to through the bars. "Tavish..." | |
Tavish felt as if his heart was being pulled apart. His mind screamed that this wasn't possible, it tried to remind him that he couldn't trust her, that too much had happened now. But all he could think of was her. The bars seemed more like a solid wall now, thick, cold, imposing. He tried to stop the tears with only half effort. When she said his name he closed his eyes. "Circe Bells..." Stepping back a moment he fumbled with keys from his pocket but couldn't seem to stop shaking long enough to get the right key. | |
He was crying. It broke her heart, to see the tears on his face, to know that she'd caused them. To know that she'd caused him pain. She moved back from the bars as he pulled the keys from his pocket and she watched him, trembling. He was letting her out. Letting her go. "I'm sorry. Merlin, I'm so sorry, Tavish, I just...I fucked up so badly. I wanted to protect you, but I messed it all up. I hurt you to make you hate me and it worked too well." | |
The more she talked the more he shook. The keys fell to the floor and he cursed. He felt ill now, there was too much. There was too much pain, too much joy. Nothing made sense any longer. Stooping he fumbled to pick them up, his mind finally catching up with him. What now? What happened now? He let her go and she went back to the Order? She knew where he lived, she knew everything. Was she going to betray him again? He'd never see her. The war was too much. | |
Katie knelt and reached out to stop him, her hand stretching out through the bars to touch his. She watched him, her eyes trepidatious as they moved over his face, taking in the lines of it, familiar and heart wrenching. Circe, he was beautiful. Her own joy mixed with crushing guilt over what she'd done. She had no idea the things he was thinking. For once she wasn't moving past the moment. | |
The touch of her cold fingers seemed to steady him, focus him. His eyes flickered, looking at her. He hadn't felt so out of control in awhile and it seemed it was always over Katie. "You're cold," he whispered, his hands covering her fingers. "You poor thing," he continued. His other hand reached through the bars, cupping her cheek. "What have we done?" | |
As his hands covered hers, she hitched in another breath. Her eyes burned as she looked at him, suddenly angry and determined, but the anger wasn’t directed at him. "We’ve become bloody victims of everything around us.” She said, angry at the war and the world that had made them this way. If it weren’t for the fighting, they could be together. There would be no marriage programme, nothing keeping them apart. | |
Tavish swallowed and leaned toward her, wanting to be closer, to touch her. "You shouldn't be in there," his tone dropped as did his eyes. "But what happens when I let you out?" | |
Her anger deflated as his eyes dropped and she closed her own, taking a deep breath. She knew that she needed to let Al and Charlie know that she was alright, but first she had to sort this out. "I'm not going anywhere, not yet." she promised. "I don't want to go anywhere, not until I kiss you." | |
His eyes rose back to her, looking a little confused but with a smile tugging at his lips. "Kiss me? That's all you can think right now?" he said, smiling more as he went. He laughed smally. There was still that panicking voice inside, telling him it was only something she said so that he would let her out. He knew he'd never be able to stand it if she did, if he was played for the fool again. "Katie," he began, sober again, quiet, "if you're just trying to get out, what I mean is, please don't lie to me, if that's the case. I will let you go either way but I couldn't stand going through this again, I can't stand to be lied to again..." | |
“You’re all I can think about right now. It’s selfish and stupid, but I don’t want to get out so that I can run back to the Order. I want to get out so that I can hold you. Hug you. Touch you. It was all I could think about all those nights you were unconscious. It’s been all I can think about since...” she stopped, tilting her head as he spoke again, in that quiet voice. “I’m not lying to you. I won’t leave, not until we’re ready for me to.” | |
Tavish swallowed down his emotions again, looking at her as if she were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and in that moment she was. He cupped her cheek, unable to speak a moment. In an instant later he was fumbling for his keys, this time urgently. He unlocked the cell in a hurry and only hesitated a second before opening the door and pulling her to him. | |
Katie melted at the look in his eyes, warmth moving through her, chasing away the cold she’d felt since being brought here. As the keys jangled, she stood and waited, the creak of the door making her move into him even as he pulled her close. She didn’t kiss him, though. Instead, she buried her face in his neck, ringing her arms around him as she squeezed him tightly, as if she’d lose him if she let him go. | |
As soon as he felt her slight form against him his arms wrapped around her. He held her tightly, his chest tight and his eyes prickling again. "I'm sorry," he pleaded in a whisper as he clung to her. "I love you, Katie, I'm so sorry." | |
She breathed him in. His scent, his skin. Her arms felt the muscles of his back flex and tense as he held her close and she pressed a kiss to his neck, then one to his jaw, and finally one to his lips. “Shh.” she murmured into them, reaching up to frame his face with her hands. “I’m sorry too.” She found his lips then for that kiss, her lips cool and insistent as she held him tight.’’ | |
Her lips made him shiver. His life seemed warped some how, no longer making sense. For a moment he wondered if he was conscious still or if he were merely rewriting his life the way he wished. It didn't matter. He had what he wanted and he held her closer for it. When her lips pressed against his he returned the kiss with an almost desperation. Tavish believed her. Whether it was insanity or foolishness, he didn't care in that moment. She was saying what he wanted to hear and he believed her with every shred he could give. His kiss turned more heated, less begging and more devouring, as if he'd never kiss her again. | |
Katie’s eyes burned with tears as she kissed him, though they weren’t tears of rage or pain or sadness. Joy filled her as he returned her kiss with every ounce of himself and she felt him yield, felt him give. She slid her fingers into his hair, pulling him closer, her kiss heating in return. She had him. At least in this moment, right here right now, he was hers. Physically, she was still cold, so she broke the kiss after a moment. “I’m freezing...can we go somewhere warm?” she breathed into his lips, before ducking her head, letting her nose brush against his cheek. | |
Tavish didn't let her go even as she broke the kiss. He kept his eyes on her, memorizing her beauty as if he'd never see her again. When he took note of her body temperature he pulled her closer. "Circe, yes. Yes, of course," he moved his lips to her neck kissing her but trying to wrap her in his body to give her warmth. His eyes closed, smiling for the first time with ease since he'd woken from his coma. "Katie..." he breathed before clearing his throat. "Let's-" he didn't know. Where could he take her? Where would she possibly be safe? He thought of his suites upstairs but worried about letting her see where she was. If she knew she could betray him again... As much as he hated it, he couldn't just let go of what had happened. | |
She looked up at him, wishing that she’d told him this before she’d broken his heart. Sliding closer, her body pressing into his, she watched his face, seeing his smile as he closed his eyes. That naked smile was enough to make her heart lift. Katie’s eyes moved over his face and she waited, a tiny frown forming in her brows. “You...you not thinking about keeping me here, are you?” She didn’t know what to think about his hesitation. “I don’t care where we are. I’m not leaving you.” | |
Tavish looked at her again and shook his head. "No. No- I can't. I shouldn't have before. I just didn't know what to do... Katie what you did was so fucking dangerous," he dropped his voice a little, knowing he should he ashamed of his final statement, "at least here I could keep you safe..." Licking his lips he shook his head, clearing the thought. "I don't know where to go. You're wanted." | |
“I wanted to see you. It was stupid. The stupidest thing I’d ever done. I was going mad.” She murmured. It made sense to her now why he hadn’t turned her in. He did love her. She’d pushed him to the brink and he hadn’t known what to do. Really, this was the best option from what he’d had and she could see that. "I don't know either. Where are we now? Is it safe?" | |
Tavish swallowed and nodded a little shakily. "Yes, it is safe-" he hesitated, biting his lip and looking at her. "Katie, it's not so easy to just trust that everything is what I want it to be. I don't know how to keep you safe and myself." It was honest. She could be angry and pull away but at least he was being honest. He didn't know how to make this decision. | |
Hurt flickered across Katie's face. She felt like a fist had closed around her throat. He wouldn't tell her where they were. She didn't pull away, but she stiffened. Swallowing hard, she nodded mutely and took a step back, her hands falling to his sides as her eyes shone with tears again. "I don't either." Wasn't she the one not supposed to be trusting him? He'd locked her up, after all. Left her alone in a cell for days on end. | |
Tavish hated that look, the pain in her eyes, the tears filling them. It didn't take long before he was stepping back in, pulling her close again. "Please don't be angry," he pleaded. "I'm trying. You're free, do you understand? If you will let me I just want to help keep you safe." He felt ill again, his head swimming. His life seemed to be nothing but a series of hard desicions to make. | |
Katie nodded, reaching up as she wiped at her tears. She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, enjoying his warmth despite the anxiety rushing through her. She wanted to kiss him again, wanted to pretend that the world outside didn't exist. That the pain that she faced, that he faced, on the outside wasn't real. "I'll let you, but...I don't want to stay down here. This place...it's a prison. I don't feel safe in a prison." | |
Tavish held her close, his hand reaching up to dry her cheek. He nodded. "I know." This was it. Either he trusted her or he didn't. He had the letter from her but of course if this was another mission from the Order then she could just as easily have been ordered to fabricate that along with her feelings. They didn't feel fabricated though. Her words about him being bad at telling when she was lying was true enough and stabbed at him now. At the end of the day- he didn't want to be a monster and that was all he could rely on now. "We aren't alone here. But if they knew you were here, you could be in danger. Do you understand? We have to stay quiet. You are welcome to leave whenever you want but please don't let them know anyone is here," he told her, his tone serious so that she understood what was at stake. If his father knew he was keeping her here, he'd turn her in in no time. He'd already sold his son to the Death Eaters without a second thought. | |
She tried to think about where they could be and it struck her. "We're at Craigston?" she asked, her voice soft. "Your parents." Nodding, she understood. His father was dedicated to the order of things. She was in danger if they found her out. How Tavish had managed to conceal her she had no clue. Perhaps there was a wing of the house that wasn't being used. | |
Some of the color drained out of his face at her guess. He smiled, if a little forced, and nodded. "Cleverer than you look Bell," he teased as lightly as he could. Internally, he was terrified. "My father would sell you to the Dark Lord without hesitation. He's already done it to me. Just stay quiet and don't leave the rooms I'm taking you to. No one bothers them." Motioning again to keep her quiet he took her out of the dungeons and up the back staircase to his suites. They entered a series of rooms that were richly decorated but in an understated manner. These were Tavish's rooms. Craigston wasn't huge but this wing was unused in general and his suites were never disturbed. There was a sitting room, an office, a loo, and a bedroom. The office had books, a desk, the usual things. The sitting room a bar, a fireplace, and plenty of comfortable furniture. The bedroom boasted a four poster oversized king bed. The plush design of his rooms spoke more to who Tavish truly was but provided a stark contrast to the flat he loved above Pure. This looked as if it belonged in Aberdeenshire, not London. Here were signs of his scottish heritage and the country that would always be in him in some way. It was warm, plush, and comfortable. Despite the richness that was apparent in the detail, it did not speak of ostentatiousness. | |
"You'd never know it by the way I've been acting." she chuckled, feeling the tension in the teasing. She nodded, pressing her lips together as she followed him up the stairs. Her legs ached from disuse as she took the stairs and she stepped into his bedroom with widened eyes. His rooms were beautiful and so completely unlike his flat. She looked around, her eyes taking in the lavish surroundings. He grew up here. It suited him. "It's beautiful." she breathed. She already felt warmer. She looked around, her eyes lighting on the lush four poster bed. It certainly looked more comfortable than a cot. | |
Something felt oddly raw about letting her see these rooms. He never brought people here, he rarely shared it with others. School fellows had visited of course, Adrian in particular, but it had been years ago. In so many ways his flat in London had become who he wanted others to see while he kept these rooms hidden. "Thank you," he responded with an uncharacteristic bashfulness. As his eyes followed hers to the bed he gave a small smile, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "You can use it. Make yourself at home," his lips brushed her neck but wasn't overtly sexual. He just wanted to share this moment with her. "The bathroom is through there," he pointed to the door. She hadn't been allowed a shower or proper loo since he'd taken her and the bathroom was as lush as the rest of the suites, marble, browns and golds throughout, a sunken marble jaccuzzi tub and seperate shower. | |
She knew that he'd made a choice by bringing her in here, to see these rooms. This wasn't just an act of contrition, something he'd done because he'd felt badly about how he'd treated her and wanted to make it up to her. Nor was it because he'd had nowhere else to bring her. He'd opened himself up to her by showing her this and she wasn't going to let him down. Feeling his lips brush her neck, she turned her head towards him and slid her hands over his, smiling softly. "Thank you, love." Looking towards the bathroom, she was suddenly aware of just how much she needed to use the loo and how much she wanted a bath or a shower. She felt filthy. Gently unwinding herself from him, she moved towards the bathroom. "I'll just be a minute." she promised, stepping in to use the loo. Once she was finished, she washed her hands and then glanced at the bath again. She lingered and then stripped off the sweater she was wearing, setting it aside on the sink before she started to run the hot water into the bath. She couldn't resist it. | |
Tavish moved to the bathroom door when he hadn't heard from her in a few moments. He was paranoid but as he heard the sound of the bath he smiled smally. He would need to call on his parents soon, it had been too long and this would be too dangerous without any contact at all. In the meantime he called for Yellow, ordered her again to keep his secrets, before requesting a meal for the two of them. He didn't leave specifics but something that was both hearty and easy on the stomach. He still worried for Katie. | |
Katie walked to the door and opened it, jumping a little to see Tavish standing there. She gave him a small, almost abashed smile. "I need a bath. You don't mind, do you?" She hadn't had a shower in days and she felt grimy, disgusting. Her muscles and joints ached from being in the cell too, and his tub seemed too tempting. Turning from the door, she stripped off the rest of her clothing and slid into the bath, wincing at the heat of the water. She wasn't even thinking about food right now. She was nearly giddy with the thought of a bath and it showed. | |
Tavish laughed slightly when she opened the door. "I was just beginning to worry is all. No I don't mind." As she began to strip off he had a hard time not watching her. He tried not to leer but her body was beautiful, even grimy as it was. "Would you like your privacy?" he asked as she slid down into the water. | |
"I know I told you I'd be out in a minute, but...look at that damned tub." she laughed, glancing at the marble bathtub. She didn't mind as he watched her, offering him a small smile. It wasn't a direct invitation, but of course she didn't stop him. "No. I don't want to be alone again. I've had enough of my own thoughts. Sit with me?" | |
He chuckled. "I've seen it," he promised. The tub hadn't been there the whole time he was growing but was part of a gift to him when he'd made the Slytherin quidditch team, short-lived though it was. With a little smirk, he moved closer. "Of course, Gorgeous. Do you want bubbles?" Of course he didn't keep bubble bath. It just happened to be there. | |
She smiled then, and the smile went to her eyes, the expression warm. She felt like a weight had been lifted off of her. The water was hot as she sank down into it to her shoulders, draping her arms over the edges as she sighed and leaned back. "Bubbles?" she asked, blinking as she looked over and then laughed. "You have bubbles?" He didn't seem like the bubble type. "I'm alright. Promise." she felt her eyes closing as the water ran around her. She hadn't even turned on the jets. She was just happy being warm. | |
Tavish chuckled and scratched the back of his head as he sank down to the floor next to her. "No. Not me. They are just here. We... stock them." His manliness was seriously in question and he knew it. Luckily for him, the bubble-less water meant he could see everything below the surface as well. "Would you like the jets?" | |
"Mhm." She grinned as he sank down next to her, still taller than her as he sat level with the bathtub. Her eyes moved over his features. There was only one way to describe him. No, there were many ways to describe him, but her favorite was handsome. He looked like he was chiseled from marble. She smiled and shook her head, reaching out to run her fingertips along his cheek. "Maybe next time?" | |
Tavish smirked and it quickly grew into a smile. He loved the idea of a next time, the implication that she would be here long enough for there to be a next time. "Of course," he turned his face the kiss her fingers, his arms wrapping around his legs. "I've ordered dinner for us. Only speak to Yellow, okay? She is bound to me and I believe loyal." He sighed slowly before smiling at her. "This seems like a dream." | |
The smile that he was giving her made her feel lighter, somehow bouyant. She hummed softly, her fingertips playing over his lips as she returned the smile. Hers was tired and she knew she looked dreadful. She stroked his cheek again, echoing his sigh and then his smile. "Alright. I will only speak with her. She's been kind. She seemed very concerned when I wasn't eating." Lifting her eyes to the ceiling, she looked around and then nodded. "It does, doesn't it? A good dream now. One I don't want to wake up from." | |
Tavish grinned back. "She's a great elf. She is my personal one. She knows how much you mean to me." Tavish let his hand dip into the hot bath water. "Me too. We don't have to. Not yet." | |
Katie's fingers move to brush against Tavish's beneath the water, teasing as she chuckled softly. "Good. Reality is waiting and I don't want it. I want to be selfish. Stay in the dream." her voice was a whisper, the only other sound she made the slosh of the water as she shifted beneath it. She glanced around for the soap, finding it before she took the liquid and lathered it in her hands. Smirking at him, she began to lather her skin, wanting to wash away the grime and dirt (and memory) of the cell she'd just been in. | |
Tavish smirked, running his fingertips against her arm below the water. "To hell with reality," he told her with a smirk. "If I've learned anything its that stolen moments are precious.". He shook off his hand as he took it out of the water and yawned into his arm. |