InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "A week's like a long time."

- (idontsleep) wrote in undertherainbow,
@ 2008-07-21 18:09:00

Entry tags:

alternaverse plot, danny mccoy, mary connell

It is amazing how many people park in handicapped places without a handicapped tag. Or with a tag, but without the handicapped person with them.

[OOC: Danny's AU is that he was wounded in Iraq, and is confined to a wheelchair, both his legs blown off below the knee.]

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	robyngraves 2008-07-21 10:32 pm UTC (link)
	Well then learn to walk from the back of the lot like the rest of us, gimpy. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	idontsleep 2008-07-21 10:50 pm UTC (link)
	I'll be sure to do that, once I get fitted for the prosthetics on both my legs. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robyngraves 2008-07-21 10:55 pm UTC (link)
	Peg legs. Guess it beats getting pulled around in a wagon like a dead cat. You could be a pirate. They seriously let guys like you drive? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	idontsleep 2008-07-21 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	My car is adapted for me, yes. I can still drive. I'm not an invalid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robyngraves 2008-07-21 11:08 pm UTC (link)
	Man, I couldn't deal with that shit, even with a custom car. I'd shoot myself in the head. ...No offense. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	idontsleep 2008-07-21 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	Don't think I haven't thought about it. Every fucking day since I woke up and knew what happened. Every night when I go to sleep, I hope I don't wake up. Just sleep through it, and never wake up. And every day I wake up and start all over again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robyngraves 2008-07-21 11:22 pm UTC (link)
	What keeps you going, then? Everyone dies. What's the point to continuing something that's just going to make you miserable until the ultimate and unavoidable end? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

idontsleep
2008-07-21 11:29 pm UTC (link)

The instinct to survive. I should have died, and I wish I had. The whole time I was in hospital I kept thinking, I just have to get home to her, like I promised.

She didn't keep her end of the bargain. She married someone else. There's no reason I should keep going on day after day. But I'm alive, and I'm not a coward. I'm not going to kill myself just because it's hard.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

robyngraves
2008-07-21 11:39 pm UTC (link)

Ah, macho bravado. To tell you the truth I think it takes more strength to snuff out your own life than to stick it out. Hell, I've tried it myself a couple times but never managed it. Which is good I guess, since it gets better for me, because I can always make it better.

I used to say that I could have absolutely everything taken away, but as long as my mind was my own I'm still free. But on second thought, if I couldn't run, well.. That would be the end. Are your prosthetics going to let you run?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

idontsleep
2008-07-21 11:48 pm UTC (link)

I think you can make a case for it both ways, but killing yourself is a moment of strength, and it's a cop out. Sticking around means fighting every day. and you have to be strong to manage that.

I miss running. I used to jog, five miles, every morning. Hell, I'd give my balls just to be able to walk to the bathroom, now. A lot depends on my balance once I get the prosthetics.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

robyngraves
2008-07-21 11:59 pm UTC (link)

I guess I just don't get the point of fighting when the situation isn't going to improve. Sometimes there's nothing left but the white flag.

And the girl? Did you two ever get closure? Or does she continue every day to feel like shit knowing you're alive and she fucked up? Does she ever truly get to move on like that?

I love to run, to go until every part of me feels like I'm going to collapse, until my heart feels like it's going to explode. It's freedom.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

idontsleep
2008-07-22 12:07 am UTC (link)

And I don't see the point in giving up just because it's a little harder to get through the day. I'm not ready to die, I still have hope. And it's possible, when I get my prosthetics, I might be able to run again. Not like I used to, but running, just the same.

She...She doesn't know I'm home. I don't want to come between her and her husband. She's happy. She's in love. She's moved on.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robyngraves 2008-07-22 12:18 am UTC (link)
	Hope for what, exactly? What could possibly get better? Oh I know, maybe they'll someday develop robot legs that work like yours used to. Then you'd be a cyborg instead of a pirate. That'd be swell. Yeah, but that sure leaves you in the shitter, doesn't it? Well I guess there's always the amputee "Devotees" for your next relationship, if you ever get to move on. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	futuremrsmccoy 2008-07-22 03:21 pm UTC (link)
	D... D... Danny? Wh... wh... ho... ho... wh... ~~Oh God...~~ (Reply to this) (Thread)