I'll get you a sandwich and a heating pad, the ones that stick right on. Plus, I'll grab some Hershey bars and shortbread cookies and make you some tea, possibly provide a backrub if needed.
Then I will slink away, into the night, because it would be bad for Batman to blow his macho cover and let the world know he's had experience with PMS-ing girls.
Poor Che. Wish there was more I could do to help you.