|Miniver Cheevy (miniver) wrote in undertherainbow,|
@ 2009-07-03 00:20:00
|Entry tags:||brenda annn, lilo pelekai, miniver cheevy|
has anyone heard from the kids lately? are they okay?
[Locked to friends & family] Teague and Bren... I'm really sorry I've been kind of leeching off your place since I got out. I know you're gonna tell me I'm not that much trouble cuz I don't leave my room unless someone tells me to but dude you got kids, you don't need to be dealing with me. so thanks. as soon as that doctor i go to tells me i can be like... not codependent on someone all the time... i'll get outta your hair.
[Private; hackable by probably just about anybody who tries :P] I don't like being someone's burden. It's weird thinking sober like this but maybe I have been for years. I hate thinking that someone has to babysit me. I don't know anyone who I have any right to ask that of. My brother DOES because he's a minor superhero or something but it still aint fair, he's got baby Cassie and Lilo to look after and they both got as many problems as I do except they actually need someone to help them, they're kids. kids need people, i guess.
I miss Bill and Jack. Especially Bill. And I miss my husband. I'm going home for a while as soon as I can, but we've been apart before for tours and shit and i know i have him and he knows why i can't come home yet... but Bill's... not anywhere anymore. Not anywhere i can reach anyway. i guess the kids, Cass and Soren and maybe Henn, that's hard for them... and I hope they got each other but...
how do you mourn someone who aint dead, when you got no one who wants to listen to why it makes you wanna scream and tear the walls down that they're gone?
i'm still waiting for the part where getting dumped into rehab ultimately makes anything BETTER... cuz from where I'm sitting now, it feels like I went in there and lost more than I ever lost because I drank. Whiskey never lost me three homes... with Bill's place not Bill's anymore and the Wolfpack leaving theirs and Sable giving up the shop... and drinking never made me lose someone i loved like that. and here I am just as useless to everyone as i was before, only feeling less alive.
god damn this.