Who: Ianto and Jack What: A Break When: Afternoon, 2010-09-17 Where: On the Dock in front of the Tourist Shop Rating: PG-13ish?
Ianto leaned against the stone wall outside the Hub, working on his second cigarette in a row and staring out over the water. He'd just dropped off a bunch of reports to Jack's office, and the tension of just being in the empty room had threatened to give him a migraine. He didn't see his boss around much, even less than he used to. He knew Jack was upset about losing his lover and that Ianto himself was fresh from the most hellish part of their relationship, but it didn't make it any easier to be around the Captain. Ianto could deal with being ignored, but being unwanted.... that was harder. A lot harder. He'd had to lock away the other Ianto's diary to quit reading it, and since then had been working on pushing all thought of his leader out of his mind except in a professional manner.
Still didn't mean he liked to go in the office, though. Even Jack's presence seemed to create a tension for Ianto, thick enough to cut with a knife.
Jack strolled down the docks, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his greatcoat. Just another routine Weevil pick up, so it hadn't taken much time at all. And since it was only just the one, he hadn't even bothered to take Gwen, Martha, or Ianto with him.
And speak of the devil, he thought to himself, spotting the doppleganger leaning against the wall near the Tourist Office. And... smoking?
He had to admit, there were differences between his Ianto and the one currently living in Cardiff and taking his place on the team. Jack hadn't been cruel to the other young man, but he hadn't gone out of his way to be friendly either. Just looking at him hurt and it reminded Jack on a daily basis that his own Ianto was out there someplace, possibly lost or even hurt. He didn't want to even consider the possibility that Ianto was dead.
Ianto leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, exhaling deeply before the sound of approaching footsteps reached him. He opened his eyes, then blinked when he saw Jack approaching and quickly put out the cigarette against the wall, then tossed it into the trash can nearby. He didn't know why, but he didn't want Jack to see him smoking. Maybe because his other self had effectively quit after joining Torchwood One and Ianto had been slipping back into the habit lately. Maybe because he really hated the "those things will kill you" lecture that people often gave with just a glance.
"Sir," he said, standing up and glancing at him before looking away. "Fresh reports about the last few weevil incidents on your desk. Nothing of real interest, though." His hands were in his own pockets, each wrapping around the pack of smokes and lighter respectively, already to pull out a fresh stick and light it once Jack breezed by.
Jack nodded as he listened and continued walking. Ad he placed his hand on the door, he paused in midstep and turned, looking over at Ianto. "So things are pretty light at the moment?"
Walking back towards the other man, Jack stopped in front of him and held out a hand. "Cigarettes," was all he said.
"Of course, sir. Wouldn't be out here if they weren't," Ianto said, and it was true. Tension or not, if something had to be done Ianto would do it before taking a break. Especially a smoke break.
He stared for a moment when Jack held out his hand, and couldn't help the little twinge of annoyance from reaching his face. "Didn't realize they were against company policy," he said, almost pouting as he pulled out the half full box and put them in Jack's hand.
"They're not... just my own personal one." Once they were in his hand, Jack turned slightly and proptly tossed them into a nearby trash can.
"Come on," he said, starting to walk back up the boardwalk and towards the Plass. "I think we need to talk."
"I'll make sure not to bring them to work again," Ianto said, and suddenly regretted not telling Jack that he actually had loads of work to get done, but it was too late for that now. Hand returning to his pocket he followed the older man and put his face into a completely neutral expression, speeding up till he was walking next to him and wondering what the man was going to say. All he knew is it wouldn't be some glib comment about the weather.
Jack turned and began walking beneath the pathway that led back towards the Plass and the Water Tower. He nodded, knowing it wasn't really his place to tell Ianto to smoke or not. Sitting down on the steps, he patted the one beside himself.
"You can relax... I didn't mean talk to you in the sense that I wanted to yell at you. I just wanted to know how you were settling in."
Ianto followed, discreetly popping a breath mint as he did so he wouldn't completely reek of cigarettes, then sat and looked out over the water, wondering what was going on. Perhaps Gwen had put Jack up to this. Pestered him into talking to the new kid. It sounded like her, and this certainly didn't sound like Jack.
"I'm fine," he said. "A few things are different, but it's not hard to adjust. Got the latest iPhone, that's pretty cool." He was going to keep this as casual as possible because he really wasn't comfortable. He had no idea how to read Jack at the most normal, calm times back in his world. He didn't think he'd even try to guess what this one was thinking. "It's not like this job changes much over time, either."
Jack nodded and leaned forward, clasping his hands together. He watched the water streaming down the Water Tower for several minutes, then nodded and looked over at the young man.
He hated this... every time he tried to talk to Ianto, he felt awkward and didn't know what to say to him. Jack didn't know how to even begin reacting to him. Going through this part of time with his own Ianto had been difficult enough. He was just the boss... the monster who (along with the team) had killed Lisa.
And now even after working through all of that, becoming closer and even becoming a couple, now he felt like he was back at square one. The worst part of it all was not knowing what had happened to Ianto. If Jack got close to this one, he felt like he'd be betraying the 'real' one... especially if things started developing like last time. But at the same time, it wasn't fair to purposely distance himself from Ianto 2. The guy hadn't asked to be brought here and Jack certainly hadn't gone out of his way to welcome him.
The Captain sighed quietly and finally murmured, "I'm sorry..."
Ianto looked at Jack for a long time, then nodded once and turned to look at the water tower himself. This was the sort of situation that had scared him as much as any other he could picture being in with the Captain. One of the things he'd always admired about the Captain was how well he bottled everything up and got over his pain and disappointment. It was something Ianto had been trying to learn since he was a child; how to let go of his anger and hurt and just keep existing. He was still working on the letting go part.
"Yeah. Me too," he responded. After all, he hadn't really lost anything. Maybe a couple years and the chance at a relationship, but that was all it had been. A chance he hadn't even known about till after he'd lost it. Lisa was still dead here, he was still remote from his family (they hadn't even realized he was any different when he'd talked to them). His coworkers had changed, but he hadn't been close to them anyway. There was really no reason to be upset at all. Not really. Not like his other self, or Jack.
He clenched his jaw, then leaned back against the steps, trying to decide what to say next. What could he say? "He's probably fine, you know. The Rift switches people all the time without hurting them, and I didn't even know it'd happened."
"The Rift also drops people into terrible places and does things to them that most people could never imagine possible," Jack pointed out, thinking about Flat Holm island and the 'residents' living there under Torchwood's care.
"Yeah," Ianto said, leaning back. "But you've got to think the best. There's nothing you can do anyway." He was trying to be practical, that was all that kept him sane sometimes. He glanced over at Jack, then looked away again. This was awkward; there were lots of things running through his head that he thought he should say and nothing that he could phrase properly enough to actually express. He felt he should express something, especially since Jack had a tendency to walk away when things got too uncomfortable, but he felt like he was clawing at the air working out what words would make a difference.
Jack nodded again and hoped the young man was right. "I just hope he's okay, wherever he is. It was hard enough losing Tosh and Owen. But if I found out he was dead too..."
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to put the thought out of his head. Jack unclasped his hands, rubbed them together, then clasped them again. "After some of what I've seen and done over the years, it's not easy to always think the best," he admitted.
Ianto was more than understanding about that view of the world. "It makes sense for a simple switch, that's all I'm saying. That he and I would just fall through the same tear in time and end up in each other's place. He's probably doing brilliantly over there." An older, wiser, more open Ianto stepping in after his younger self's greatest failure. Managing some of the aftermath with a clearer head and perhaps helping to make sure certain events didn't occur. Like the deaths of Toshiko and Owen. Ianto wondered just what kind of affect that would have on the turn of events there, and likewise what him being here meant for this world.
"His boss is probably pretty happy about the new help, anyway," he said finally. This Jack might be stuck with a man he didn't remember fondly, but the other Jack was getting an Ianto who'd long ago moved on and who was eager to be with him. That didn't sound like something any Captain Harkness would have too much trouble adjusting to.
Jack's eyes showed the pain of his loss. But just as quickly, he slammed down that guard on his emotions. "So how much have you learned about the Ianto here and his life?" he asked casually.
"Found his diary. Read it," he grunted. So, everything. He was meticulous about his diary, even now, though he'd started a new one in order to separate himself from the Ianto who'd been here before. It just felt wrong to write in somebody else's journal, even if it was probably just a future him.
"My Jack and I had never... expressed anything. So. You don't have to worry about me... you know," he grunted. Though the relationship had sounded nice it didn't seem like it would be something he'd get to experience, and he wasn't going to push Jack while the man was emotional, whether or not he'd show it.
"I'd wondered where that had disappeared to. He was always writing in that thing. And considering what point in time you come from, I know that you and your Jack were probably barely talking. It wasn't until much later that things changed with me and Ianto. Not until after the incident with Suzie coming back."
Jack looked over at him, but didn't say anything else.
"It was where I always keep it," Ianto shrugged. He didn't change much over time. Not habit-wise, anyway. He wondered if he shouldn't offer the thing to Jack, but he knew he wouldn't ever want the other to read his own, so he was reluctant to offer it. He hoped his other self had the same consideration. "I've just put it away for now. I'm not writing in his book." And he wasn't going to fill in his shoes. He knew he wasn't welcome there and he wasn't a man to behave that way anyway. Even if it was technically himself.
"Still...." He leaned back. "I'd rather not mess about with the tension and whatnot regarding... history though. If you've gotten past it then I certainly can have." He still missed Lisa, but now that she was gone he realized he'd been grieving for her since she'd been turned, and had known that was when he'd truly lost her, too. Besides, that was a different life, now, he had to worry more about making a place, any place, here before he could reflect on the past.
"I see... nice to know you're not still in the Jack's a monster phase then," he commented dryly. That period of time had been hell for most of the team, but mostly for Jack. Everything had been 'sir', and short answers to questions, or Ianto avoiding him whenever possible.
"I don't expect you to be him. You're two different people," Jack said. "Even if you've read his diary, it's not a set of instructions. Be yourself. And the rest of us will just have to adapt."
"I was. But it seems pointless, now," Ianto leaned back and looked up at the sky with a small shrug. "And when you've read lectures about it all written by your future self.... well, it tends to clear up faster, I suppose." It was the more sensible, and in a way the more thoughtful, side of him arguing from an outside source for letting the anger go. It was his habit to do his best to let go of emotions anyway, hearing that he was better for it in mind and heart just made it that much easier to do.
The other comment just made him smile slightly. "I don't know. He described a few good moves I've already tucked away for personal use," he said, then rubbed the back of his neck. "But no. I'm not him. However as long as everybody remembers that I don't really see too many giant problems....." He trailed off and looked over at Jack, just the little bit hopeful that the other man would agree.
Jack wasn't quite sure how to answer that, without saying something that could potentially be taken the wrong way. He knew that the team wouldn't forget that this was a different Ianto. At least, Jack knew he certainly wouldn't.
"Yeah. Things will sort themselves out I suppose." He stood up and adjusted his coat, looking upwards at the top of the Water Tower.
There. He'd lost him. Ianto looked up at him for a moment, then took a deep breath.
"Still," he said, a bit quickly since he needed a second or two after to sort his thoughts. "I would... I would rather learn to be more thought of as... as similar to who he was, than as monster phase. That.... that isn't who I am." He didn't want to be the 'bad' Ianto. The messed up one they got stuck with all over again. The Ianto he'd replaced had been valued and wanted, and seeing that made Ianto want to feel like that as well.
Jack nodded and looked over at him. "Good... I suppose we'll just take things a day at a time and see how it all goes then."
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his greatcoat, a slight breeze from the Bay ruffling his hair. "Just have to get to know each other I suppose."