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Richard Castle ([info]writeswrongs) wrote in [info]toboldlyrpg,
@ 2017-08-13 19:04:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:! fornax, ^ log, kate beckett | castle, richard castle | castle

WHO: Richard Castle and Kate Beckett
WHEN: 226408.13
WHERE: A bar on Fornax, post pod-race.
SUMMARY: Caskett enjoy some drinks after a successful race.
WARNINGS: Probably none


Castle walked into the bar after the race with his arms raised high in victory. No, he hadn't won. He was somewhere in the middle of their pack of racers, but that wasn't what mattered. The important thing was that he'd beaten Kate. By like one foot, but, again, didn't matter. It was the principle of it.

When Castle learned that he had the opportunity to race one of the pods that he had seen at the track, there was absolutely no way he was letting that offer pass him by. He'd driven a lot of fact cars in his time and had even raced a few, but that was nothing compared to these pods. They seemed to zip around the track faster than the eye could even see them. He was so ready to get in the driver's seat.

Kate wanted to race too, which of course meant that they had to make it into a mini competition. The two of them always tended to lean in that direction when they played a game. Even though they were racing other people as well, Castle wanted to make beating her a priority.

And now post-race, he was celebrating his victory at a bar, where he let everyone know that Kate was buying because he had beaten her. He leaned back a bit on his bar stool, savoring his win. "That? Was awesome," he said, and that time he was talking about more than just beating her.

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-26 06:13 pm UTC (link)
Castle laughed slightly. "I did read it for the class, though I didn't get any standing O. The kids thought it was funny though. Kind of solidified my place as class clown."

He had embraced that role with glee. Better to have other kids laugh at the stuff you did then at who you were.

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[info]katebex
2017-08-26 11:14 pm UTC (link)
Oh, she could picture that well enough. Castle had plenty of his mother in him, with a flair for the dramatic and a certain theatricality to practically everything. Kate was pretty sure that if he had chosen to follow Martha's lead and go after a career on the stage, he would have been very successful with his looks, his charm, and the innate performance style that he could turn on and off almost at will.

"You were a mischevious thing," she said in reply, not really asking a question because she was fairly sure that she was correct with the statement. What Kare knew of Castle's childhood revolved around a boy that struggled with fitting in and finding his confidence, but it also was usually followed up by her husband finding himself in trouble, or causing a bit of it.

Becoming an adult hadn't changed much in that vein, Rick was forever getting himself into situations that she had to bail him out of and she could just imagine what it would be like if he ever had another child that could be roped in. The likelihood of another Alexis was slim. "God help me if we ever have kids," she said, well aware that was a subject that was still a bit dicey given her reservations about it. "I won't stand a chance."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-27 12:49 am UTC (link)
She was absolutely right and he would not dispute that at all. Castle had no problem admitting what he was like as a child - and how glad he was that karma hadn't come back to bite him with Alexis.

He took a long drink of his beer before answering her. "Kate, you would be an amazing mother." He said that with complete and total confidence in her. A kid like him would never get away with anything with her. Honestly, any kid of his probably needed a mother like that.

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[info]katebex
2017-08-27 01:23 am UTC (link)
"I always use to worry about juggling work and being a mom at home," she told him, a little crease forming between her eyebrows as they drew together. "How would I have time for both? Could I do my job as it needed to be done and know that I was putting myself at risk when I had a kid at home..."

Kate have a shrug, swiping her finger through the condensation on her glass. "It always drew me up short because I had lost my mom and knew what that was like and couldn't imagine doing that to my child. But I also couldn't stomach the idea of giving up police work, either. And I took that as a sign that I just wasn't ready for it all."

There had been other reasons, too, but Castle knew them all already.

"But I have realized that doing what I do here, I don't have to be concerned about all that anymore, but for some reason I'm still not ready. And I don't know exactly why."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-27 10:46 pm UTC (link)
Castle nodded seriously, understanding all of her reasons. Honestly, he didn't have to justify it to him. He understood what all of her hang ups about it were.

"This place feels... transient, you know?" he said. "People come and go. It'd be hard to raise a child if one of us could up and leave on any given day."

Part of him thought they should grab their happiness while they still could, but he knew it would be tough to have a baby with one of them absent.

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[info]katebex
2017-08-27 11:10 pm UTC (link)
"It is transient," she replied, heaving a long sigh. "Most of the time, I can ignore that part of it but then I will think about what we are going to be doing in a year, or two, or five and there it is."

Castle hadn't said it out loud exactly, but Kate wasn't usually as tactful about certain things. Chalk it up to her cop training and lack of tolerance for bullshit. "I mean, how do you make plans if you know that one day you might not be here anymore?"

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-28 12:23 am UTC (link)
"And yet..." Castle continued, playing devil's advocate, "back home we really never truly know if we're going to see another tomorrow. Obviously we all hope for the best, but things happen."

That didn't stop people from falling in love, getting married, having kids. Loss was an unfortunate part of life everywhere. Why did it seem so much more serious here?

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[info]katebex
2017-08-28 12:34 am UTC (link)
Whatever the stuff in the bowl at her elbow was, Kate suspected it was Fornax's answer to the peanuts that you'd find in a bar on Earth. She wasn't going to eat one and find out what it tasted like, but it didn't stop her from dipping her hand in, picking up one of the kernel sized things, and flicking it across the table at her husband.

She knew what he was doing, tossing the opposite side of the situation at her. "You aren't helping with that kind of talk," she said, even as her lips twitched with the hint of a smile. "But you're right." How many years of her life had she spent working cases about people who had thought they'd have all the time in the world and it was suddenly cut short? How many times had she been put into situations with no promise that she would get another day? She had scars on her body and memories in her mind that would never, ever let her forget the truth of what Castle was saying.

"If we were home, we'd have a kid by now," Kate told him seriously, all too aware that there, much like here, Rick was just waiting on her to tell him she wanted a child. "Even if I had taken a test and it had been negative, I would have wanted to start trying."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-28 10:55 pm UTC (link)
Castle exhaled slowly. "There are still pros and cons, I know. I honestly think we have less of a chance of dying here, though one of us could disappear at any second. If we did have a child here, they'd be brought up on the Enterprise, and we'd discussed the fact that having grass and fresh air would be at a premium for them."

He obviously really wanted a child with Kate, but he also wanted to make sure that they had fully hashed out everything and come to the best decision that they could make.

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[info]katebex
2017-08-28 11:19 pm UTC (link)
"But isn't that the thing?" she asked with a certain level of plaintiveness in her voice. "We could be sitting here five years from now and arguing about the same pros and cons. It's the sort of discussion that doesn't seem to get us anywhere."

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Kate leaned back in her chair, frowning slightly at him from across the table. "Maybe I'm just scared?" She wasn't really sure if she was asking the question hypothetically or not. "Logically, I know that there isn't ever going to be a perfect time. There will always be a reason that we should hold off, living on a spaceship being chief among them, but I also know that if I really wanted it then there wouldn't be much that I'd let get in the way."

Biting down on her bottom lip, her eyebrows drew back together. this time born out of the concentration she was applying to the jumble of thoughts in her head. "So maybe it's not really any of this stuff that's holding me back. Maybe it's just that I'm scared or, somewhere deep down, that I just don't think I'll ever be ready for it."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-29 12:29 am UTC (link)
Castle reached out and took her hand, waiting until she looked up at him before speaking again.

"I love you and I know that you would make an amazing mother, but you have to believe that. I don't want us to have a baby until you're ready because... I wouldn't want you to regret it." He hoped she would never regret any child of theirs, but if she wasn't ready then who knew how she would feel.

"Do you know what it is you're scared of? The whole process or something specific?"

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[info]katebex
2017-08-29 12:53 am UTC (link)
"Rick, no," she said quickly. leaning across to place the hand he wasn't holding against his cheek. "I could never regret having a baby with you."

And on that Kate was certain. Having a baby with Castle would be one of the best experiences of her life. Planning a nursery, picking a name, swapping out nightly feedings and rocking a kid to sleep. They would be in it together, the first kid for her, the first time he had a partner to help carry the load.

"I think it's just.....change," she said, running her thumb along the line of his jaw before Kate dropped her hand back to her lap. "I had been by myself for so long and then it was just you and me. And the idea of being responsible for someone else? For being responsible for them and teaching them how the world works?"

"I could stare down a murder suspect or dangerous criminals and it wouldn't bother me, but raising a kid?" she gave a half-laugh. "Scariest thing in the world, I think."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-08-30 09:54 pm UTC (link)
That was relieving to hear, though he didn't doubt that her hesitance had nothing to do with him. Change was a scary thing, and he could acknowledge that this would be a huge change for both of them. It wasn't a decision that either of them could make on a whim.

"You don't have to decide this second," Castle said. "Take some time and think about it. We can talk about it again later."

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[info]katebex
2017-08-31 12:46 am UTC (link)
"I know," she said automatically, that line forming between her eyebrows again as they drew together. "But here's the thing, this isn't just about me. It's about us."

And that was maybe the most important point of it all. Castle was essentially waiting on her to be ready, meanwhile he was nearly a decade older than her. In everything else between the two of them, age didn't matter and it wasn't even a subject that they broached most of the time, but what if she waited another five years? She would be 41, Castle would be 51 and that meant that when any child was 18, he would be pushing 70 and Kate would be closing in on 60.

Even with the medical advancements that came with being in the future, getting older was something that couldn't be prevented. She wanted to be able to keep up with her kids, and for Castle to do all the things with them that he had done with Alexis.

"If it were up to you, if you had to decide right now, what would you want to do? Leaving me out of it completely."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-09-01 10:16 pm UTC (link)
Castle exhaled slowly before answering. "If I'm being honest, Kate, if we never had children... I would be alright with that. I did get my chance to be a dad with Alexis and she was a wonderful kid - an experience that probably won't be repeated because even I'm not that lucky. Do I want to have kids with you? Yes, if that's what you want. Am I going to be devastated if we don't?" Here he shrugged. "Honestly, no. I love you and I'll be happy for our time together."

He did agree that she would have to make her decision soon. He'd rather not be 80 and still chasing a teenager around. Realistically, Castle knew that the burden of a child would fall more upon Kate as the mother. She would have to carry the baby for nine months, breastfeed, etc. It's not that he wouldn't help her in every possible way, but a mother was always so much larger than life to a child as compared to the father. Castle wanted her to be comfortable with and ready for that.

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[info]katebex
2017-09-02 02:07 am UTC (link)
It was odd how a few words could just sum everything up. Knowing that Castle would be alright no matter what - which was really something she already knew - was a relief, but there was also something very definite and determined that had sparked to life somewhere inside of her.

Usually, when talking about having kids, it was a matter of if though, inexplicably, that if was always hand in hand with when. And when was just some hypothetical date that she'd always get around to when the time was right.

And by right, Kate actually meant perfect, which was a paradox all its own.

But that was the thing, wasn't it? When it came down to it all, Kate wanted to have kids with Rick. Better yet, she wanted to see him as a father, letting a baby sleep on his chest, or answering all the questions that little kids tended to have about everything. And even if she was scared to death, she would never consider keeping something from Castle that he wanted.

Blowing out a long breath, Kate lifted her head to meet his eyes, opening her mouth to do something that she so rarely did in life - throwing caution to the wind. "Okay," she said quickly, feeling a little quiver of nerves shoot through her body even when all the pressure and anxiety seemed to lift from her shoulders. "Let's do it, Castle."

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[info]writeswrongs
2017-09-03 10:50 pm UTC (link)
That had really not been what Castle had expected her to say. His anticipation was that after he told her it didn't matter if they had a baby or not, she would determine that she did not actually want one. Instead, he was taken a little bit aback by her answer.

"Really?" he asked. "You're sure? On the ship and everything?"

He just wanted to make damn sure, even though he couldn't hide the smile that was starting to form on his face.

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[info]katebex
2017-09-06 05:16 pm UTC (link)
"Oh, I'm not sure of anything," she said with a half laugh, "Except that I do want kids with you, even if it scares me, and it's not like we can wait forever. I'd prefer you didn't break a hip trying to play in the floor with a toddler." And even if there was a measure of truth to the last part, Kate said it lightly, obviously teasing him.

"The ship is....." she shrugged a bit, "It is what it is. There doesn't seem to be a chance to leave long term or I think we'd have already been offered it, so it's just making the best of the situation."

"But yeah, regardless of all that, I think we should do this," Kate added, leaning over the table to press a quick kiss against his map.

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