InsaneJournal

When Lucifer first read Kate's post, he was seriously concerned that something had happened with her pregnancy. Then he realized that news wasn't yet public so it was doubtful she'd write something about it. And worst day of the year suggested more of an anniversary rather than current events.

At least he hoped.

Deciding that the best way to get an answer would be to talk to Kate directly, Lucifer left the lounge and headed for her room, hoping once he arrived that she would let him in.
She'd been there for him, after all. It was his turn.

When she had written that it was the worst day of the year, Kate had meant it. It didn’t matter that she was a couple hundred years into the future, because there were some things and some experiences that you could just never shake.

For her, it was her mother’s murder and today - at least it she were at home and in her own time - would mark 18 years since she and her father had returned home from dinner to find a detective waiting. It’d gotten marginally easier for her since they had arrested the man responsible, Kate could at least observe the day with the knowledge that she had gotten justice and answers. But, this year, it stung a little bit more, undoubtedly because in a few months there would be a grandchild that her mother would never meet.

But she had done what she always did in the days surrounding the anniversary, turning inward, withdrawing from everyone and just keeping to herself. As usual, Castle had understood, saying nothing to her when he’d woken to find her curled on the couch with red eyes and wet cheeks, but merely holding out his hand, leading her back to bed and tucking her in against his chest.

And it had helped. It had helped more than she could ever adequately tell him, which was why, a few hours later, Kate was still in that same position, cuddled under blankets against her sleeping husband, tablet discarded on her bedside table and her intention entirely to ignore Lucifer, even knowing that he was coming over and would want to talk.

Lucifer decided on knocking on the door, softly at first, but then louder when Kate didn't immediately answer. If Castle had fallen back asleep, he didn't want to wake the man. But Kate was awake, and after a moment Lucifer called out softly, "Kate! I know you're there."

Yeah, she was there, but she wanted him to go away and for several minutes Kate didn’t move. It was irrational, but if she didn’t move, Lucifer would eventually get the hint and go away.
But the knocking kept on, and she was pretty sure that it would only be a matter of seconds before the yelling started because, really, it was Lucifer. If he wanted to know something, he wasn’t going to leave until he got an answer. She also wouldn’t put it past him to try and sneak into her apartment outright if she didn’t open the door. And that was really the only reason she crawled out of bed, taking the time to shut the door to the bedroom behind her to lessen the chance they would wake Castle up with their talking and, finally, a short detour to flip on the coffee maker that she had insisted they buy during their Earth shore leave because the replicator never got it right.

“Lucifer, what is it?” she asked once she pressed the button to unlock the door and activate the motion sensors. She probably looked ridiculous wearing one of Castle’s too large t-shirts and a pair of sleep shorts, but she also didn’t care that much.

"You," Lucifer replied, as if that answer was obvious. "It's you." He cast a glance at Kate, paying very little attention to what she was wearing and instead. "What's going on?" Despite saying he wouldn't be paying any attention to her responses, he held up his PADD as if to point out that she'd brought him there. And frankly, that was remarkable in and of itself, but that was the nature of his friendship with Kate. It had grown into something where he genuinely cared about her and he was definitely stubborn enough to not allow her cryptic comments to go unnoticed.

Stepping into the room, he asked quietly, "What's today?"

It was weird to realize that Lucifer didn’t know. At home, the few people who she would ever open up to about her feelings regarding her mother’s murder knew the date and understood if she went quiet. But now Kate realized that though Lucifer knew the story, he didn’t know the date.

“Coffee,” she told him, pointing towards the tiny kitchen just a few steps away, as well as the coffee maker that was brewing a full pot and filling up the room with the smell of roasted coffee beans. It wasn’t the latte with a layer of foam and a design drawn into it like what Castle so regularly made for her, but it was enough to take the edge off.

Well, not really. The small cup that she was allowed to drink a day while pregnant didn’t do much but make Kate less irritable in the morning, which was great until the afternoon rolled around and she wanted another cup that she couldn’t have.

Taking down a cup from the cabinet, Kate poured her allotted amount when the coffee finished brewing and took a slow sip. And then she took another before raising her head to look at him. “Today is the day that my mom died - 18 years ago. Well, at home. 266 years ago if we use current stardates.”

Right. Coffee. Could she even drink coffee? Lucifer let that question linger unanswered because there were more pressing issues at hand, and even as he waited as patiently as he could for her to explain herself to him, he noted the cup she took was rather small. That seemed to alleviate one possibility.

One sip. And then another.

And then she told him.

Oh. Of course. He hadn't known the date but there wasn't anything else that it could have been, he realized too late.

"Oh," he said quietly, still fixated on Kate. He was at a loss momentarily, uncertain of how to respond. He couldn't actually. There wasn't anything he could think of to say that didn't sound ridiculous, even for him. So for a moment he just did nothing, letting her sip at her coffee.

(It wasn't often the devil felt awkward, but he certainly did now.)

And then finally he crossed over to her and took the cup from her, setting it down on the counter. "Come here, Kate," he said softly, pulling her into an embrace. The gesture was decidedly less awkward than the silence.

In all of their friendship, in all the talks they had about various things, Lucifer had only initiated a hug with Kate on one other occasion, just before Castle had arrived and when she had been so full of guilt and regret for some of the decisions she had made before arriving on the Enterprise. That time had been to make her feel better, and it had helped but this time…….well, this time she knew Lucifer was hugging her because he didn’t know what else to do and, more importantly, that he felt how devastated she still was by losing her mother.

The gasp of surprise was genuine, but it didn’t last long. She accepted the hug just like she had accepted Castle’s silent care hours before. And just like earlier in the morning, Kate felt the wetness of tears as they spilled over her eyes and moved down her cheeks. “It’s okay,” she told Lucifer, even though she was still hugging him and even though she was crying. “I’ll be fine, I just…..it’s hard today. Harder than I think it’s been in several years.”

"Right," Lucifer replied, catching on this time, or at least thinking he understood. "Because you're going to be a mother?" He didn't release his hold on Kate, letting her stay there as long as she needed while noting that he didn't actually feel uncomfortable in the moment. This was definitely new, but even the realization was less important to him than his concern for Kate. Also new, but that passed unnoted.

“Yeah,” Kate replied softly, maintaining their hug for a few moments more before she pulled away and gave him a tight, sad smile. “Don’t get me wrong, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss her or wish she were here, but there have been some things in my life where it just sucker punches me and it’s rarely anything so obvious, you know?”

She was pretty sure Lucifer didn’t know, his parents were both deities that couldn’t die and his relationship with them was complicated to say the least, but he had still lost some people in his life. That was enough to get the gist, if not the outright grief of a child for a parent. “My college graduation? It didn’t upset me that she wasn’t there. I got upset a month later when I found out I was entering the police academy and I couldn’t call her on the phone to talk about it. When Castle and I got engaged? I was fine, until I tried on a wedding dress.”

“It’s weird how it gets you at the strangest times,” she added, briefly reaching up to brush at her cheeks.

Lucifer shrugged, saying, "I mean it did cross my mind that maybe when I opened up the void and sent my mum off to create a new universe she could have created this one," he offered, not at all realizing how mental that sounded. Still, it was his only point of comparison. Even losing Uriel didn't seem to compare.

But he did understand enough to know that her tone in her journal had led him to believe she shouldn't be alone, and it seemed he was right. "That's what friends are for though, right?" he asked. "For when you get sucker punched?"

The look she gave to his comment about his mother hopefully conveyed how insane he sounded, though the majority of Kate’s reaction was based on the fact that she couldn’t begin to imagine such a thing. Living in this universe had forced her to adapt, to accept that things she inherently knew and believed to be false were actually true here. That was really the only way she had ended up best friends with the devil.

“It’s a nice thought,” she offered after a moment, picking up her coffee and taking another sip. “It’s insane, but it’s nice.”

Still, she nodded at his question, thinking about all the times that Castle, Lanie or the boys had done just exactly this. Cajoling and pushing her not to shut down completely, not to give in to grief and hopelessness. Usually they would go out for dinner, maybe watch a movie or something, but none of those options were really viable. Castle would probably suggest laser tag or building a fort out of blankets and bedsheets, something so childish that she’d roll her eyes at him until he convinced her to try it and she ended up having a blast. “No, that’s definitely what they are for,” Kate agreed, tapping her fingers lightly against the ceramic of her mug.

“Did I tell you that the man who killed my mom was killed in prison a couple of years into his life sentence?” she thought she had, but Kate knew she hadn’t said the next part. “When I found out, I was angry at first. He deserved a life in jail, cut off from his money and his connections, all his power taken away. I thought it was better that he suffer, wasting away in a prison. But then, a few days later, I remember thinking that I was happy because he was finally gone, and if there was a hell, he was surely in it and that’d be enough. That it would have to be.”

“Oh he’s in hell,” Lucifer assured her. There wasn’t another possible fate for the man.

As to this being the universe his mum could have created it was only a thought. He was fairly certain her handiwork would have been far more chaotic than this. But he let that train of thought pass and instead asked, “So what are your plans for the rest of this terrible day?”

“I’d say that I hope Maze is torturing him, but he’d probably enjoy it,” Kate replied with a scowl. “The worst punishment you could give that man would be the loss of his power and prestige.” She was just happy she’d never voted for him, the very idea made her skin crawl.

At Lucifer’s question, Kate shrugged her shoulders, briefly glancing towards the closed door to her bedroom. She was assuming that Castle was still sleeping, though she didn’t think that’d be the case much longer. He wasn’t the type to sleep the day away unless he had been up late writing or he was sick. “I’d prefer to crawl back in bed and sleep, but I don’t think that’ll happen.” For one, she was standing here drinking coffee and that caffeine jolt was going to keep her awake, but even if she hadn’t, pregnancy would. It was unreal how uncomfortable she could find herself these days, even while lying in a bed that had never bothered her before.

She couldn’t imagine what it’d be like when the kid was playing soccer with her internal organs.

"No one enjoys hell," Lucifer replied easily. He didn't really want to discuss his former home but her mother's killer would not be having a pleasant time, to say the very least.

Nodding at her lack of concrete plans, he added, "Well, you know where to find me. And if you need me for anything, I'm available." He knew Castle was the preferred choice there, which made sense and was somewhat of a relief given that he didn't really know what to do with a sad, pregnant woman. But all the same Lucifer was willing to ignore his own discomfort for Kate.

"You know, just in case."

Right. He was still awkward in these situations.

“I do,” Kate agreed, thinking about the lounge, which was probably where Lucifer had come from and where he’d go back to when he left. “But I appreciate you coming to check on me, that was very sweet,” she told him with a small smile. “You’re a good friend, Lucifer.”

"Yeah, well don't let that get around," he said, smiling back in return. "Reputation and all…"

Not that his reputation here was anything like it had been back on earth. He wasn't even sure he minded that.

Kate’s smile only widened at that, though she hid it behind her coffee cup before she lifted the rim between her lips and took the final sip from her mug. “Your secret is safe with me,” she replied, placing the cup back onto the countertop. “You want to stay here for a bit?”

It wasn’t like she had any plans, after all. But she also wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to leave. She was hormonal anyway, and today was only making it worse.

"Sure," Lucifer said, wandering over toward a couch and sitting down, immediately making himself at home. His only plans involved playing piano at the lounge, and he could do that anytime. For now, he could hang out with Kate, at least until Castle woke back up.