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napoleon solo has never seen a cow in his life ([info]outlawthief) wrote in [info]toboldlyrpg,
@ 2017-12-17 09:56:00

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Entry tags:illya kuryakin | man from uncle, napoleon solo | man from uncle

WHO: Illya Kuryakin & Napoleon Solo
WHEN: 226412.17, afternoon
WHERE: Enterprise: Training Room
SUMMARY: Napoleon + Illya + Sambo = ???
WARNINGS: None

They were back on the Enterprise after the shore leave to Risa - something that Napoleon had enjoyed immensely despite the awkwardness of his last evening out with Gaby. The evening itself had been amazing and they had loosened up to the point where the unspoken tension between them that had been festering for the last few months had become comfortable, welcoming, inviting. Inviting enough to the point where Napoleon had thought a kiss would be welcomed.

And it had been. It had been unbearably good and when Napoleon had reluctantly pulled it away before they got carried away, the barriers that they usually had up to maintain a perfectly innocent friendship came crashing back into place. And it had turned awkward. But he pushed the rest of their night out of mind for later thought and process, as he walked in workout clothes to a training room onboard. Just minutes before he had dressed down and sent a message to Illya to meet him in the gym. All the weird tension from the encounter with Gaby had left Napoleon feeling wired and he needed some kind of outlet. And while finding a willing partner had been a brief option, he decided to perhaps calm down that part of his life until he figured out what was going on between him and his partners before adding complications to his life.

So the work out would have to do. And since Illya was so looking forward to throwing him around under the guise of training him, this was a good alternative. Especially since Napoleon was always looking forward to spending more time with the other man, whatever the circumstances. Not that he would ever admit that. That would be revealing too much.

Being first to the training room, he started in on his stretching and pre-workout routine before Illya arrived.


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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 06:08 pm UTC (link)
Napoleon's qualifications lied more along subterfuge through thieving, lying, and seduction. And he was more than qualified for that. He could hold his own in a fight pretty well, but was much better with being on the defensive and using weapons. This spar would probably teach him a lot about himself in regards to how well he could fight.

He already came into this sparring session with an idea about how he was going to have his ass handed to him - Illya was a Sambo champion and Judo 4th Dan according his file - and he had seen the sheer power he was capable of personally, but he didn't know exactly how right he was about that.

This would end in pain.

"Can we add no face punches as well? Because I like how this," here, Napoleon gestured to his face, "looks the way it does right now." He was vain and he had never denied this.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-17 06:17 pm UTC (link)
That was why they were such a good team. They each had strengths that the other one lacked. Illya would never admit that out loud, but he knew that it was true.

He rolled his eyes at Napoleon's request to spare his face. "But your face is very... how do you say? Punchable, Cowboy." Illya smirked. He wouldn't hit Napoleon in the face, as much as he might have liked to. Illya honestly was going to go easy on him. He certainly wanted to smack him around a bit, but he didn't want to actually hurt him.

As he finished stretching, he stood up. "Okay. Show me your defensive stance, the one you would use in boxing, and then try to hit me." Illya crouched a bit, his hands in loose fists in front of him.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 06:43 pm UTC (link)
There was a weird modesty to Napoleon where he was very honest about what he wasn't capable of. He was, relatively, blessed when it came to looks and other skills, that he never felt a deficiency whenever he couldn't do something. The lack of ego in that regard was more do to the fact that Napoleon didn't like wasting time and energy on pretending he was more than he was.

So he knew he was about to get his ass kicked, but he knew he would be learning something from it too. As long as he didn't end up with a black eye, he'd call it a win.

Placing his feet in the appropriate stance and fists and arms coming up into his boxing stance, he explained with a smirk, "I know my face inspires intense emotions in people, but do please try to restrain yourself, Peril." And without much ado, he jabbed out toward Illya, trying to get a feel for how the other man moved.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-17 07:08 pm UTC (link)
Illya was already a few steps ahead of him. He'd worked long enough with Solo that he had already analyzed the man's movements, knew where he would go. The punch towards his chest came as no surprise. Illya dodged it expertly, then reached out and grabbed the other man. They spun and Illya put one of his legs between his, tripping both of them up. They landed on the mat, Illya on top of Solo, holding him in a leg lock that he probably wouldn't be able to get out of unless Illya let up.

"Fighting, it is like chess," he panted. "You must anticipate how your opponent will think, then make plans to beat him before he makes moves."

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 07:22 pm UTC (link)
They had fought each other exactly once before, upon their first official meeting, before they had been told by their superiors that they would be working together on a mission. That fight had been in a men's urinals and definitely not the ideal spot for the fight. Napoleon had been sore and aching from how many toilets and wooden dividers they had crashed through and, unsurprisingly, he had ended up in a hold that would have killed him if Illya hadn't been ordered to let go.

So, yeah, it was obvious he wasn't going to get too many hits in himself, but he was hoping for a few. Held down in the leg lock with his back to the mattress, he struggled, bucking up to dislodge the hold. He tried to snake a free arm under the leg that Illya had stretched over him and attempted to break the hold that way, but he couldn't quite get the leverage with one of his trapped legs to make the move work.

Grunting, Napoleon laid back and tapped the floor in a clear indication that Illya had won and had him pinned. "Alright, how do you propose I get out from this position?" There were many, many dirty innuendos he could make, but, at the moment, his pride was at stake and he wanted to know how to get out of this more than anything else.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-17 07:34 pm UTC (link)
Illya let go of his arms, though he didn't release him from the leg lock yet. "First, I want you to be able to pin me. Come, I will let you, so you can feel what it is like." He moved his leg so that Napoleon could get up again.

After the two men were on their feet, Illya moved closer to him in order to give him instructions. "Grab me here," he said, indicating his side, "then trip me with your leg between mine. When we fall, you need to hold my thigh between yours and twist your leg around so that I cannot get up."

If this sounded erotic, Illya was not picking up on it at all.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 07:50 pm UTC (link)
Frustrated that he hadn't been able to get out of the hold on his own, he got back onto his feet after Illya released him from his hold. Shaking his arms out and then nodding as he listened closely for the Russian's instructions, his gaze was starting to get a little intense as he reached for Illya's side, gripping him how it had been indicated.

Moving his leg smoothly between Illya's legs, he pushed the other man off balance as he tightened his thighs and squeezed Illya's trapped leg and shifted his foot to where it needed to be to place the lock. Throwing the other man down onto the mat, he moved his arms so he was pinning down Illya's chest.

His face went from intense to delighted, as his face lit up at his small victory. Sure, Illya let it happen, but he was still taking it. "How'd I do?" He asked, not realizing how close the distance between their faces was.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-17 07:58 pm UTC (link)
Being pinned was an odd experience, probably because it didn't happen too often. Napoleon's victorious face was irritating, but Illya let it slide for the moment. "Good," he said. "Technique needs some work, but that will come. Another thing to remember, when you are taking someone down is that you must also control their hands, because otherwise..."

Illya reached up and hit Napoleon hard in the shoulder, causing both of them to flip over so that Napoleon was on his back with Illya on top of him, even if their legs were still intertwined. Illya pinned his hands to the mat.

"...your opponent can still beat you."

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 08:05 pm UTC (link)
The wind had been knocked out of Napoleon with that move, otherwise the curse that was on the tip of his tongue would have come out. As it was, he swallowed it down and let out an annoyed noise. "You know, normally when I'm on my back, I'm usually having a lot more fun." Bucking up, he yet again couldn't get Illya to budge because, first, Illya was a giant and weighed a ton. And secondly, his legs were too tangled to get enough leverage to make the other man move off him.

"This," he said, trying to move his hands out of Illya's grip, "isn't," another buck of his hips, "fun." He was huffing. This was annoying.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-17 08:12 pm UTC (link)
Illya chuckled. "You do not enjoy being on top, Cowboy?" he asked, his tone quizzical. Then he let go of the other man's hands and extricated himself from the leg lock.

"Okay," he said, getting back up. "Let us try again. Now, you try to take me down. Anticipate where I will go."

Once they were in position again and ready, Illya lunged for Napoleon, trying to knock him over without having to outright tackle him.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 11:14 pm UTC (link)
A little confused by whether Illya was implying something else with the question, he kept his answer vague enough that it could be taken either way. "I love being on top. Now if you'd just let me get on top, that would be fantastic"

Quickly jumping to his feet and determined to get some kind of victory over the Russian without being given a break, they quickly passed the time grappling and trying to best each other. Illya was strong, better skilled in this fighting form, and had more experience in it, so it wasn't a surprise that Napoleon found himself thrown and on his back more times than he cared to count.

After yet another round and another loss, where Napoleon found himself face first in the mat, he finally realized he would have to be a dirty, rotten, cheater to get anywhere in this sparring session.

This time, he dropped his boxer's stance a little lower and gestured for Illya to come directly at him. And when he did, he let Illya grip him and throw him down on the ground. But this time, he watched for Illya's hands and dodged them so he was able to keep his own hands free. And before the other man knew what was happening, he gripped him by the shirt and pulled him forward for a quick kiss. It was brief and lasted for all of two seconds, but it was just enough to stun Illya into stillness.

And using that moment of hesitation, he was able to leverage his leg out from between Illya's and break the hold. Quickly scrambling around, he threw himself at the other man and reversed the pin, making sure that this time, he had Illya's hands locked down with his own.

The beaming smile that erupted on his face was one of victory. "Got you!"

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-17 11:31 pm UTC (link)
Illya actually had been trying to make a dirty joke, though not necessarily about the two of them. He was at least getting used to the innuendo between them at this point.

They went a few more rounds, Illya trying to give Napoleon pointers, even as he was pinned time and time again. He had broken into a sweat, the sign of a good workout, even if getting Napoleon down on the ground was too easy.

On this last tackle, Illya was actually proud of him for keeping his hands free, until the other man grabbed his shirt and pulled him in close. The kiss was brief but it left him completely stunned. Before he knew it, he was being flipped over and locked into place against the mat. He squirmed, but Napoleon actually had him good.

The Russian scowled up at him. "That.. that is cheating!" he sputtered, not even sure what else to say at the moment. He was still trying to process if that had actually just happened.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-17 11:48 pm UTC (link)
Oh the smugness was going to be unbearable. Still beaming like he had won some great important contest, his eyes crinkled at the corners as Napoleon grinned even wider. "Wasn't it you that said," and here he adopted a faux Russian accent, voice pitched low like Illya's, "'That is the goal, to take your opponent down.'" He couldn't help but throw the words from earlier in the session back in Illya's face.

This moment couldn't be topped by anything, not yet anyway. Napoleon made a move to get up from where he was on top of Illya, smoothly disengaging from the hold and offering Illya a hand up. "You're a good teacher, but we both know that you were going to have me beat each time, unless I put some of my own skills to use. You have to admit, it did work."

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-18 12:32 am UTC (link)
Illya took the hand somewhat reluctantly, still glowering at him. Yes, Solo had used his skills. It had actually been quite clever and it had worked, but that didn't mean Illya had to be happy about it.

"You are a sore winner, Cowboy," he said, moving off to grab a towel. His hand was shaking as he reached out for it and he wondered why. Despite the fact that Solo had kissed him, he wasn't nearly as pissed about it as he probably should have been. And quite frankly, that scared him.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-18 12:37 am UTC (link)
"Depending on the situation, being a sore winner is a good thing," and again, he could have gone dirtier with the comment, but his jovial mood was starting to die down because he had just noticed the tremors of Illya's hand.

Shit. Napoleon thought, carefully stepping toward Illya. He moved within his eyeline, knowing that sneaking up on the other man could be a very dangerous move for him at the moment. He hadn't meant anything by the kiss, hadn't even give it more than a second's thought because it had been a ploy, not something he had meant.

Had he pushed it too far? Had he triggered that terrifying rage Illya was capable of when a line was crossed. "Illya," he said, gently, stepping closer, but staying out of Illya's considerably long reach. "Are we okay?" He knew if he didn't behave accordingly, things could go very, very badly for him.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-18 12:44 am UTC (link)
Illya knew that his hand shaking normally meant that he was about to lose it, but... he wasn't. He didn't feel that blinding rage that often made him forget where he was or what he was doing.

He dabbed at his face with the towel before looking up at Napoleon, who looked like he was trying to approach a lion without drawing its attention.

"Why did you do that?" He asked quietly, his tone not angry but curious.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-18 12:54 am UTC (link)
"I knew it would throw you off your game because you wouldn't expect it. It'd allow me an advantage to take you down," Napoleon explained, a little bit confused, but relieved, when he realized that Illya wasn't going to rip off his head. He knew what to do when Illya was about to lose it. He didn't know what to do with this strange calmness.

Stepping closer, he asked again, "Are we okay?"

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-18 01:09 am UTC (link)
Illya nodded, breathing slowly through his nose. That was normally a calm down strategy for him, but for whatever reason he felt quite calm. Just... confused. Fortunately, Napoleon’s explanation was exactly what he had expected and that helped to put him at ease. Of course that was why he had done it.

“It was good diversion,” he agreed, and when he met the other man’s eyes again there was a bit of sharpness in his. “Do not do that again.” Because if he kept doing it Illya might actually lose it and lash out. It was so much easier for him to feel anger than for him to feel fear.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-18 01:23 am UTC (link)
And it was in that moment that Napoleon realized that he had actually kissed Illya. That Illya had been shocked. And that, he had expected. He had also expected anger, but this strange calmness, the sharpness of the warning of never to do it again...it felt a little like being rejected.

And that wasn't something he was not used to. Not when it counted. And while he knew there was no way in hell that Illya would ever look at him, like the way he was looking at the blond, the confirmation stung. He clenched his jaw, a sudden burst of emotion welling up in him. He swallowed it down to the best of his ability and nodded.

"Understood," he replied, voice thick with something he couldn't quite explain and looking away. He turned toward a nearby bench where he had left his towel and water bottle, picking up both. "Never again," he confirmed, looking for a quick exit. Clearing his voice, he tried putting on a more jovial tone and said, "Thank you for the lesson, Peril, but I think I should go shower."

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-18 01:37 am UTC (link)
Was... was Solo about to get choked up? What the hell was going on? Maybe Illya should have just thrown a bench against the wall or something. At least they both knew how to deal with that.

Because what Illya was afraid of was that he might actually come to like the way Napoleon kissed him, and he had no idea at all how to deal with that.

Part of him wanted to make a joke about the shower being a cold one, but it felt cruel. “I am not mad, Napoleon,” he said, “But you... cannot cheat.”

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-18 01:42 am UTC (link)
Waving his hand, like he was waving off any concerns Illya might have, he said, "Quit worrying, it's all fine. No more cheating, no more nothing. I'm going to go, I'm still starting to smell and I have an image to uphold." He wouldn't quite look directly at Illya, afraid of revealing more than he had.

Fake it until you make it. It was a saying he had heard a few times since coming to the Enterprise and that's exactly the advice he was taking as he tried to sound upbeat. "I'm still counting this as a win, cheating or not."

He made a move to brush past Illya to leave, still looking away from him.

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-18 01:55 am UTC (link)
As if this whole thing hadn’t been uncharacteristic, Illya did something else uncharacteristic for him and reached out to grab Napoleon’s arm as he walked by. He waited until the other man at least looked up before speaking. “Sambo is about self defense, about getting out alive by any means necessary. You can count the win, because you caught me unaware and beat me.” In real life, cheating didn’t really matter if one person lived and the other died.

Illya’s words were his way of trying to convey to his partner that it was alright - and that he hadn’t meant to hurt him by telling him not to kiss him again. If Illya was actually being honest with himself, it was much more about him than it was about Napoleon.

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[info]outlawthief
2017-12-18 02:39 am UTC (link)
Unfortunately for the both of them, neither of them were good at reading between the lines, trying to understand what exactly was being conveyed to them. Someone really needed to sit them down and explain feelings to them.

"You don't have to worry about me counting that as a win. I already do." Some of the smugness from earlier returned, along with it some normalcy. It still hurt, being shut down like he had, but he was already gearing toward ignoring what happened and doing his best to not think of Illya that way again. Because as innocent as the kiss had been, one born from annoyance of not winning and knowing it would give him the upperhand, it had shown that Illya would probably never feel the way Napoleon did.

And so, there was no point in letting his feelings get the best of him. He would shut them away out of necessity, in order to save the friendship that had developed between the two.

"Alright, I'm fine," Napoleon said, patting Illya's hand and then pulling away from it. "And you're fine. How about we go about our day now, yes?"

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[info]redperilous
2017-12-19 12:55 am UTC (link)
Illya nodded and gave a deep sigh before wiping his face with the towel. Why did it always seem like they struggled to have normal interactions? Just when they were getting along, something would happen that would throw it off completely. Honestly, Illya just wanted them to be ok with each other, to be friends if they could be. Solo was one of only a few people here that he actually trusted. Having normal friendships seemed to be difficult for him though.

Illya followed Solo out, intending to go back to his room and shower as well.

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